Granted, it ends up that the Kwan Dao was a mystical flower from space....and it's net worth is nothing, so here's your flower!!:D

I wish Ebay was more reliable.:D

Granted, but now it's too reliable.

I wish I could have come up with something better.

Granted, but better is relative...

I wish I were openly trisexual.

Granted, but your attraction to the third sex is wasted since you can't find anyone who fits that description, so to avoid sounding like an idiot, you describe yourself as bisexual.

I wish I was more openly bisexual.

Granted. But due to a lack of vocabulary prowess, you really wish you were more of a bicycle.

I wish I could engineer a banana that makes monkeys evolve at the rate of 100,000 years per banana. Meaning that in a few weeks, monkeys will develop warp capability and telekinetic poop throwing.

mtfbwya

Granted, but they soon discover the ability of betrayal and toos you off a cliff.

I wish I had an army of sophisticated apes who made nuclear weapons.

Granted, but they ask you to hand inspect every one of them. And they're very unstable.


I wish I had a giant cardboard cake that contained a living 700-pound gorilla who obeyed my every command.

Granted. But your commands are muffled out by the momentous mounds of poop you become ensnared in. Without these commands, the 700 pound gorilla destroys the fabric of space-time.

I wish I could make a unicorn whose horn was a refueling station

mtfbwya

Granted, but it crashes, and it's filled with gasoline, so....you know what happens.

I wish I could make a grenade launcher out of pie.

Granted, but it doesn't work.

I wish my one exam was sooner so I could enjoy more Winter-een-mas.

Granted, it's at this moment, and you're totally unprepared for it:D

I wish I knew the exact location of the Ark of the Covenant.

Granted, but you forget to close your eyes.

I wish for blindingly bright eyes and a compulsion to say "BURN WITH ME"

Granted. But your bright eyes affect hearing, and people believe you say "BURP WITH ME". Belching ensues.

I wish the tops of peoples heads were transperent, so you could see when they were 'going crazy' and hence avoid them like the plague

mtfbwya

Granted, but people just act indifferent because transparent heads become normal.

I wish to find myself in this situation (http://egscomics.com/d/20020606.html) (as either one of them)

Granted. But unfortunately you find neither them nor yourself as the page 404'd

I wish I could find a buyer for my childrens toy design: "The Ass Eating Ape"

mtfbwya

Granted, but it's not marketed as a children's toy.

I wish for mercenaries that demanded payment in dirt.

Granted, but there's a reason they're cheap as dirt.


I wish I owned the world's most successful strudelhaus, which earned its position by serving awesome strudels and for having exceptionally attractive waitresses.

Granted, but the strudels are so awesome because they're laced with LSD.

I wish for an Element to be named Boxygen.

Granted. But its hard to get hold of because Mike Tyson bit off its ear

I wish my toy design, "Ass Eating Ape" was less popular with the gay community, and less feared by the Donkey community

mtfbwya

Granted, but now it doesn't sell at all.

I wish I knew why Astrotoy7 was trying to market that thing in the first place.

Granted, but now Astro has to kill you.

I wish I had the HOLY GRAIL!!! BWAHAHAHAAH!

Granted, but I don't know what you'd want with a two millennia old corpse.

I wish to find myself in a situation where I can ask about being enemies with benefits.

Granted, you find yourself in the situation soon and the benefits are as followed:

Fight, and die slowly

Don't fight, and die quickly

Your enemy is loving:D


I wish I found myself in a situation to find extra-terrestrial thingys.

Granted. They're the Daleks.

I wish for Canada to have an equivalent of the fictional Torchwood Institute.

Granted, it does, but at the price that it must be top secret to all but one person...me:D


I wish I had could have my very own nuclear silo!

Granted, but you have nothing nuclear to put in it.

I wish for a superhero with realistic origins.

Granted, but Batman doesn't like someone taking over his place and..."knocks this other hero off the line."

I wish I had Batman's awesome car.

Granted, but Batman beats the crap out of you for taking it.

I wish for a chainsaw that doubles as a flamethrower.

Granted, but the saw touches the gasoline tank that fuels the flamethrower and you explode.

I wish I had a motor that fired like a machine gun.

Granted, but it doesn't work as a motor.

I wish BioWare would make mobile sized TOR Wallpapers

Granted. But you don't know where to dowload them

I wish I had a cuddly Dalek to hug that had it's Dalek gun removed

Granted, but it can still sucker you to death.

I wish to know what DVDs the Doctor's message is on.

Granted But you can't find any of the DVDs

I wish I could Travel to Donna's world and keep their earth safe

Granted, but you're still there when it ceases to exist.

I wish to go to Pete's World and lounge around in a Zeppelin.

Granted, but you become obese while lounging.

I wish I could win any argument using Monty Python quotes.

Granted, but then someone says Ni to you several times.

I wish to lead the Knights Who Say Ni!

Granted. But after becoming bored with your tactics, they revert to drug use, and are henceoforth called 'The Knights Who Stay High' ; Notwithstanding, they are crap in battle, and you are all promptly decimated by a horde of rabid chimpanzees

I wish posts in here counted towards my home loan repayments

mtfbwya

Granted, but the cheques all bounce.

I wish I could get that exam done with well.

Granted, you do complete the exam with someone named "Well," and you both fail.

I wish I had a dancing chimpanzee who was very smart and had an army of dangerous orangutangs so I could conquer the world.

Granted, but they're more inclined to listen to the chimp than you.

I wish for the word "meatbag" to be considered a compliment.

Granted, but vegetarian is quickly considered a racial slurr afterward....and you are blamed for it.

I wish I had a nunchuckspear gun.

Granted, but I then shoot you with my chainsawspeargunchuks for your idea being too similar to mine.

I wish for an army of Cybermen.

Granted, but you drop a magnet and they all disappear.

I wish I had an army of angry nerds.

Granted, but you're the one they're angry at.

I wish to have greater power of suggestion.

Granted, but your suggestions are limited, the few you have are great, but in your current situation, they are not....therefore.....


I wish I had a powerful sense of persuasion.

Granted, but it's really easy to beat the crap out of you.

I wish I could be better described as Chaotic Good.

Granted, you are. But more chaotic than good, so your neighbors decide to take action...and...Save the Imperium!...quickly ending your status as chaotic good.

I wish I had a totally awesome Kalashinikov 47 submachine gun with armor-piercing rounds and a bayonet attached to a grenade launcher that launches nun-chucks.

Granted, but someone else kills you with an even more awesome gun.

I wish for a gun even more awesome than that.

Granted, but I get one that's awesomenerr.

I wish I had a gun that was the most awesome of all!

Granted, but it jams easily.

I wish Earth were an Ecumenopolis.