How..rediculous? I guess there must be some 'active' rule in order to get a review..

No such thing. I do them in sequence from bottom to top, RaV.

Personally, I enjoy these review posts whether or not I got reviewed in them because they have links to great FICs I probably would have otherwise missed. The first two in the most recent review from KotOR fan media promted me to play as a female PC for the first time ever... the romance options are just plain hilarious lol.

Coruscant Entertainment Center (http://www.lucasforums.com/forumdisplay.php?f=640)

Beauty and the Scoundrel (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=170866)
JediMaster12

After TSL: Sometimes the best way to get people together is with a little force...

There are some words usage issues, but nothing major. The basic idea as one of the characters said is as old as time, but that doesn’t mean it can’t work.

The True Teachings III: Slumbering Army (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=169575)

igyman

97 years after the Yuuzhan Vong war in the time of the second empire: Ralik
sets out to activate the star forge created by another conquering race.

The basics of the story are well done, thought the work needs polishing and editing.

The idea that the Rakata had actually borrowed (Make that stolen) another’s technology is interesting. My biggest problem with the ‘HK in the modern world’ syndrome is as I mentioned to others is that a droid from 4,000 years ago would have to be rebuilt from scratch.

Darth Revan - Return of the Dark Lord (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=170870)
pottsie

Alternate Universe at the end of KOTOR: Revan moves to prepare for the final assault as the survivors of the Ebon Hawk prepare to resist.

The style is improved, but the work needs polish and embellishment. The style at present is dry.

The Lost of the Jedi (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=170520)
Dark Lady

A short fic, no specific time given: Sometimes the Jedi isn’t perfect...

An excellent piece. The author ended it and wonders if she should continue. I say, yes!

Imperial Commando Tie-In Story (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=170477)
Jackisonfire

First language usage. It isn’t ‘us’ commandos it’s ‘we’. The work is abrupt, but considering who is speaking, that doesn’t not surprise me.

My one complaint is technical. This looks like the trooper’s eye view of the running fight scene in ANH. The problem I have with this is there is no verifiable canon to support a continued supply of clones after the Revenge of the Sith 20 odd years earlier. Kamino was supposedly razed, and the facility on Weyland from the Admiral Thrawn Chronicles won’t be found for several years. Could someone find out?


The Jedi Archives
(http://www.lucasforums.com/forumdisplay.php?f=684)

Survival of the Bombardment (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=169286)
Maverick5770

The bombardment of Taris by the Sith from the survivors point of view.

The scene was not set as well as might have liked, a failing I have on occasion which is why I suggest rereading and polishing.

Technical note: the Star Wars universe doesn’t use shells for projectiles that I have noticed so far. Missiles and plasma bursts mainly. Of course this is 4,000 years in the past for the Canon, so it might be acceptable.

Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic III: The Second Sith War (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=170595)
Master Jimmy

The work starts and stays abrupt. This is a polishing and editing problem. One minor note. Correct language usage would be ‘Malak, Jaden, Bastila and I were found’.

Technical note: Marko Ragnos has been dead for 2000 years. Wouldn’t that make Gan a descendant rather than grandson? After all, an average human generation is only 25 years.

STAR WARS The War of the Dead (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=170924)
Darth Grivis

Follow on to the other works.

The style is still a bit stilted, and you’re trying to force the story along. Let it flow. That way your reader is pulled along, not shoved.

Technical note. I really don’t think a three or four bladed lightsaber would work, primarily because you would have more problems assuring it isn’t your parts that fall on the floor. With a blade between half a meter and a meter long, you would not have the reach to use it without personal danger. As a throwing weapon with delayed activation possibly, but you only had the character throw the Y blade.

There is no emotion... (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=171052)
RC1162

Alternate Universe: Anakin assists the Jedi in removing Palpatine

The style is pure RC, and the story a bit abrupt but still good.

Technical note: Even under martial law or extreme power, there is always someone who would have taken over. As an example if Hitler had died in an accident in 1940, he would have been replaced by Rudolph Hess, and if he died during the bomb plot of 1944 he would have been replaced by Hermann Goering. Both had been named successors. There is no reason for Yoda to have to take command.

The Way of Darth Vorges (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=171307)
Darth Grivis

30 years after the War of the Dead: Darth Grivis’ son joins his father.

Again the style is too abrupt. The fight scene was well done, but there is no explanation as to why the ship caught fire.


Galactic Senate Coruscant Theater (http://www.galacticsenate.com/forumdisplay.php?f=28&page=2&order=desc)

I have reached the last posted story on the Galactic Senate with this review. I will check it periodically (Once a week) and when new stuff is posted I will critique it.

To the edge of night: (http://www.galacticsenate.com/showthread.php?t=13528)
92se-r

Alternate Universe Sequel to "Rise of the Empire": The Organa family goes to Coruscant for Empire day, causing problems for young Leia.


The style and story are excellent, and the work flows.



kotorfanmedia (http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?cat=15&paged=11)

Atton’s Redemption, Chapter 1 (http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=866)
Silvershadow
During TSL: Atton struggles with his feelings for the Exile.

The style is just a bit stilted, but it does flow well, and that is only a polishing problem anyway. Definitely worth a read.

Desanni Mikhail: the wound of the Force, Chapter 1: Malachor’s Aftermath (http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=833)

Jedi Knight Salazar Gothoda

In the aftermath of TSL: The crew begins to relax after their ordeals.

First, avoid really long paragraphs. A paragraph is supposed to cover one subject. Second, the explanations of the three Sith Lords and how the Exile had freed herself were good, and the relaxations of the players as time went on in their return trips were also good, but you seem to lose track of where you wanted the story to go after the second paragraph. This is not a complaint, it was just as a reader you were a bit confusing. These are minor problem fixed by rereading and polishing.

release (http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=825)
gekkeiju

During TSL: The Exile spends Atton’s last moments of life wishing it had been different.

The author grabs you by the throat and drags you along in this piece. My only real complaint is that it is so short. 20 people gave this a thumbs up, and I agree.

In your dreams, Part 1 (http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=924)
gekkeiju

During TSL: The revelations of Atton’s past.

gekkeiju had done another excellent piece here. Alike and different from the above reviewed work. The setting is excellent, the piece sublime in that you fully understand why the characters are arguing, and learn more about them in the telling. Well worth a read.

Need Any Company, Exile? (http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=908)
Despiva Kaioh
At the end of TSL: Atton and the Exile in the Traya Center

The style is a bit choppy, but the scene is well laid out, the interplay interesting.

The interplay is like two old friends, neither of which is really willing to admit their feelings. Atton’s last line is perfect for the character as I visualize him.

weehoo! thanks for the review, Mach.
for the Yoda thing, i always assumed that Yoda was the overall second in command of the army, seeing as how he was the Grand Master and that he and Palpy both had to agree to an operation or mission or campaign. at least on paper. thats why i made him take command.
and about your review of igyman's fic. i will explain how the 4000+ year old droid is still funtioning at that time in the ending of my Assassination Protocols fic. ;)

weehoo! thanks for the review, Mach.
for the Yoda thing, i always assumed that Yoda was the overall second in command of the army, seeing as how he was the Grand Master and that he and Palpy both had to agree to an operation or mission or campaign. at least on paper. thats why i made him take command.

In an actual dictatorship or strongman government, it would make sense. If Saddam had caught a 1000 lb bomb in 1991 the lead general would probably have had to take over. But the situation from what i saw was closer to the US during WWII. George Marshall (Head of the JCS) was not sworn in, Truman his vice president was. The head of JCS is something like number 35 0r 40 in the event of a catastrophic war.

That was why i dinged it on the technical level. I admit he would do the job efficiently, and step down as soon as someone was appointed in his place.


and about your review of igyman's fic. i will explain how the 4000+ year old droid is still funtioning at that time in the ending of my Assassination Protocols fic. ;)


The circumstances of how it was shut down and stored is what I was looking at. If you dumped a droid out of the airlock, and it merely ran out of juice, someone could come by 4 millennia later and power it up again. But if you have atmosphere, there will be corrosion. I don't know enough about electronics but I do know that the circuitry is actually weaker than the outer casings of a robot. When it goes it will corrode. In a couple of decades if we ever get off planet I expect the lunar lander and cart to be almost pristine, but the Viking lander will be toast.

Ah, my third review. And the best one yet, according to mach. W00t!!! Once again, thanks for taking the time mach. One more to go and I am really looking forward to that one, seeing how I invested the most time in that fourth part. After that review is done I might ask you to do a review of my one and only shortie, but all in due time (and over PMs).

Thanks for the review mach and I'm glad to see that you're reviewing more Fics for the Christmas season. Looking foward to more.

Thanks for the review mach. That piece bit me in the rear as I tried to come up with a good story for the unexpected pairings challenge on KFM. That piece actually is supposed to hint at some things for my WIP Heart of Deception at least with a certain redhead and scoundrel. I value your criticism mach and it gives me the confidence to continue writing. Thanks.

I just happened to check and I have three in the top 10 views.

Unfortunately. one of them (The highest ranked at #2) is my critic's column.

(Grumble)

The circumstances of how it was shut down and stored is what I was looking at. If you dumped a droid out of the airlock, and it merely ran out of juice, someone could come by 4 millennia later and power it up again. But if you have atmosphere, there will be corrosion. I don't know enough about electronics but I do know that the circuitry is actually weaker than the outer casings of a robot. When it goes it will corrode. In a couple of decades if we ever get off planet I expect the lunar lander and cart to be almost pristine, but the Viking lander will be toast.
Ah, mach, but I did mention in the chapter of HK's and T3's reactivation that their plating and some of the parts were brand new.
''Will do, Riggs.'' Geordy said, ''As far as my preliminary analysis tells me, there's not much to do with those droids except replace their plating, the current one is a wreck and they wouldn't last long moving aroung with it, in fact the new parts I ordered should have arrived today. If all goes well, those droids will be running around in no time.''
You must have missed that one, but I don't blame you, since you do read quite a few fics within a week and things simply get forgotten. :)

Ah, mach, but I did mention in the chapter of HK's and T3's reactivation that their plating and some of the parts were brand new.

You must have missed that one, but I don't blame you, since you do read quite a few fics within a week and things simply get forgotten. :)


I didn't miss it. However, think of the dry cell battery they think they found in Iraq dating from 2500BCE. Do you think you could plug it in and make it work?

A dry cell battery is a very simple device in comparison to even the first microchip.

Thanks for the reviews Mach, the 4 bladed saber was oringinly made by Sabretooth in Jaden Korr-Darth Qollous

Coruscant Entertainment Center (http://www.lucasforums.com/forumdisplay.php?f=640)

The True Teachings IV: Fate of the Future (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=170512)
igyman

Conclusion to the series

Problems with language usage and spelling (It is shone not shined) but most of what I see wrong is editing and rereading problems. You are pushing the story forward, but at the same time, there are gaps that bother me. Almost as if you are building a false front set, but leaving gaps in it so the audience can see the emptiness beyond. If you’re not sure what I mean, watch a play named Our Town, because it is done in that manner.

A lot of people tend to give their Sith Dark Lords names that have an actual meaning (Note Lucas never did. Sidious rather than Insidious) but at least you have fun with it by having a string of them killed in the same manner their names implied.

Star Wars: Achaicus (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=169240)
The Doctor

No specific time given: Three ships investigate an anomaly.

Well written, some typos and editing problems, but nothing that a reread/rewrite won’t cure.

The style is closer to Star Trek than Star Wars. I think the problem is that we don’t get to see this side of the Star Wars universe that often.

DARTH VADER in "Heads Will Roll!" (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=171107)
Tysyacha

After ANH: A comedic look at Vader after the Death’s star’s destruction

My only problem with this was spelling.

I don’t know what I expected, but this was not it. I started reading, then laughed hard enough to scare the cats that think my desk and computer are their beds. The piece is amusing in a slightly heavy handed manner, but still choice.
Jedi Forces Preview (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=171025)
Pottsie

The style is pretty good, and it flows well.

Considering you tossed in a chunk of II, shouldn’t this be a prequel rather than a prologue? Nice work showing changes and why.

Histories (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=171429)
Darth Terros

set during the interim before TPM: A friendly card game.

There are spelling problems, and some editing needs to be done, but not much.

The story is interesting, however about 30 years ago I sent in a story to a magazine, and the editor lambasted me at that time because of the setting. Like I did you used an ‘inn’ as the setting. As much as he complained though, I couldn’t see why it upset him.

The Jedi Archives
(http://www.lucasforums.com/forumdisplay.php?f=684)

Star Wars: The Way of Corruption and the Rise of Tyber Zann's Empire (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=171488)
Darth Grivis

Set during TESB: In an alternate universe, a crime lord makes a bold move.

The style is starting to firm up, there are spelling and word usage errors (Threw instead of through) but nothing editing would not cure.

The problem I have with this is technical. Very few criminal organizations would spend the time and money necessary to build an entire mercenary fleet and army. The number of actual mercenary fleets I can find historically can be counted on the fingers of one hand with digits left over. Plant maintenance alone (The money necessary to maintain the ships in operational readiness) is extreme, which is why the last such fleet went out of vogue almost 200 years before Ironclads were built. Even mercenary armies were always small for the same reason. The largest one I can recall is the 10,000 from Anabasis, and even that was a coalition of mercenary units, not a fully integrated army.

Plus as much as George Lucas seems to think everything will fall into line once the emperor dies, I have seen too many historical rebellions collapse because of communication delays and sheer bloody-mindedness.

Star Wars: The Way of Bendak Starkiller (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=171604)
Darth Grivis

Set during KOTOR: Bendak Starkiller retires.

The piece was good and flowed well.

The situation is well done except for the audience being close enough to actually interfere. In Star Trek Voyager they had an episode where Seven of Nine was kidnapped and forced into a gladiatorial conflict, and the promoters ran the entire op with the fighting done in an arena with people on screen. having an audience (Especially a betting audience) close enough to interfere would not work. If you don’t believe me, think of a soccer match with an armed audience.

Star Wars: CSI Nar Shaddaa Episode 1 (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=171611)
CSI Nihilus

Set after KOTOR II: A crime drama Star Wars style.

The style is good if a bit bland, but crime dramas usually are.

It’s interesting how you assigned duties.

Alternate universe, Darth Bastila - Power of the Dark Lady (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=171625)
Pottsie

At the end of KOTOR: Bastila make a move to beome the Lord of the Sith.

Mainly the problem with this work is the flow. It sort of limps along. The fight scenes are not choreographed, and read wrong for some reason. It needs editing and polishing.

The basic story is good however.

Drunken Moments-Shortie Fic (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=171672)
JediMaster12

After the battle of Onderon in TSL: A drunk Jedi and her scoundrel.

Except for some word usage problems, the piece is excellent. Before you ask, I am not talking about drunk-talk. Using them wrong there is pretty much standard.

JM12 did the one thing I had never considered with my version of the Exile. Have her so terrified of a relationship that the only way she’d kiss him is drunk. The scene is reminiscent of the one in the Mummy.

kotorfanmedia (http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?cat=6&paged=18)

The Language of Love (http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=636)
Seraterranova

Set approximately a year after the Star Forge: Some in depth look at Telosian society, Revan’s reaction to it, and what really happened.

The work is well done, the in depth look at the character is sublime, and the end a definite giggle. 24 readers gave it a thumbs up, and I understand why

Interludes: Tatooine (http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=629)
Wook

During KOTOR: An irritated Revan let’s Mission fly the ship.

Except for some word usage problems (An editing problem) the piece flows.

Most people concentrate on the sexual and romantic nature of a relationship. This one makes you look at the other sides, such as what happens when you tick that other person off.

Message from the Heart (http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=1937)
Darth Meatbag

After KOTOR II: The reuniting of the exile and Atton.

The piece is a slice of life that tells a great deal not only about the exile, but Carth and Revan as well. Very well done.

The True Sith, Chapter 1: The Hawk Takes Flight (http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=1929)
mrthingyx

At the end of KOTOR II: Atton learns to let hims self go with the force.

The scenes are well laid out, the action fast and furious. Very well done.

Kriea: Revisited (http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=2624)
Darth Ramsis

At the end of KOTOR II: After the climactic battle, the exile discovers a holomessage from Traya.

The style is good, but the work needed some editing. The word usage was jarring, like a rock in a placid river. All in all a good piece.

Ah, the review of the last part. I must admit, I didn't expect the language problem to be that bad in this part, but I guess I missed quite a few stuff when I originally edited the fic. What's done is done and all that's left is to be more careful in the future. Thanks once again, mach, you really did a huge job. Now, I think I'll PM you about reviewing that last fic I wrote (it's a shortie, wooo!!). :)

Thanks for the reviews mach. Both Fics weren't my best ones.

Thank you for the review Mach. It's an honor--or isn't it?

Yes it is an honor CSI.

Thanks mach. It was my intention to use the scene from the Mummy. It is slightly differently from the edition on KFM. I know I had some problems with word usage and didn't think about it. Hey, that's an author's lot: to constantly re-edit their work. Again thanks for the review mach. That was a fun piece to write about.

Yes it is an honor CSI.

Thanks mach. It was my intention to use the scene from the Mummy. It is slightly differently from the edition on KFM. I know I had some problems with word usage and didn't think about it. Hey, that's an author's lot: to constantly re-edit their work. Again thanks for the review mach. That was a fun piece to write about.

I could tell you had fun with it.

I haven't done the same thing primarily because my Revan ended up with Bastila and my Exile bonded with Brianna. I had the Echani as empathic, so you bond with the person you feel most comfortable with. Ask Jae onasi for the scene where my exile scared the bejusus out of Brianna.

Thanks for the reviews Mach. How close our you to be done with all your reviews?

Thanks for the reviews Mach. How close our you to be done with all your reviews?

A year an a month or so ago, I would have said I could keep up. However, consider this:

When I began, the lucasforums CEC was less that two pages long. When I added the Galactic Senate it was five pages long, and the kotorfanmedia 'light side Revan' was 15 pages long.

In the last year look at LF. Now consider that Galacatic Senate is now 11 pages (But I finished it!) and the LS Revan is 27 pages.

Does that answer your question? As the old anthropologist comment states, 'Known observation changes the subject', I'm making more work for myself just standing here!

Dear machievelli,

Thank you for my review! I completely agree with your assessment, although
the intentional spelling errors were meant to satirize people who type about
100 "words" a minute and then forget to do a spell-check before they hit
"Post" or "Submit". ;) As for the Russian word "chetvyortiy" in the story,
I don't have a transliteration program. Rather, I spell the Russian words
phonetically, like I'd pronounce them in English.

Again, thank you, and happy holidays!

Sincerely,
Tysyacha

Do you only review finished story or do you really read every thread of the forum ? Just can't wait untill your reach mine , anywayz this is a treasure cave ! :lol:

Please see the Why Haven't You Reviewed Me (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=164811) sticky for more info on how mach makes the selections for reviews. --Jae

Oh man, I got reviewed and didn't even notice! Sorry. And many thanks for the review.

First, Happy Yule to my fellow Pagans. Merry Christmas to the Christians, Happy Hanukkah to the Jews, Solemn Tet to the Buddhists Happy Boxing Day to Canadians

Coruscant Entertainment Center (http://www.lucasforums.com/forumdisplay.php?f=640)

Jedi Forces Part I - Shadows of War (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=171098)
Pottsie

A Jedi on a mission receives back up.

Some problems with wording and context in the first few paragraphs (Now all he had to do was wait until both him and his apprentice, Rosh Penin to arrive at Coruscant.) starts as past tense, then shifts in mid sentence to present. The story seems to me to be a bit forced at the start, but smoothes out before the end of the first chapter.

Episode 3.2 - Revenge of the Sith Revisited (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=167603)
SamR

Rewrite of the ROTS: Script format.

First, you don’t use expletives in the action portions of a script (After several clever moves) because a script is measured as approximately one page per minute, and every extra word slows that measure down. Be succinct.

As an example, I wrote a script called About Last Knight and my entire comment about an off scene battle (Duration about fifteen seconds) was ‘shouting and screaming. As the camera pans to cover the scene the hero is standing in front of a pile of severed parts too large to be the three men he was facing’.

Jedi Knight: Stories Of Leon (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=171673)
Ali Gelmar

Jaden Korr takes her own apprenctice on a mission.

All right, the work is lacking proper punctuation. There are sentences that don’t read correctly at first glance, and I had to go back and reread to see why.

The rest of the Critique is technical, and it has to do with proper military protocol and operational communications. First, as much as the name sounds good, you don’t have time in combat to use an entire squadron name in every communication. As an example in the Rogue Squadron series the pilots went by numbers and merely call themselves rogue. So Wedge Antilles was Rogue leader, or Rogue one. Second, most combat communications protocols do not connect the sides, so having the bad guy threaten you over your own frequency is not done. If they can listen into your coms, you can listen into theirs. In the midst of a free flowing furball like any dogfight you don’t have time for witty repartee.

Last no Squadron Captain is going to talk to an admiral like you have yours doing. Note that in the Return of the Jedi, Lando is a General, and speaking to an admiral in that manner made sense. But you didn’t see Wedge lambasting him.

The Call To Vengence (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=171674)
darthvixen 06

A Jedi Master plots his revenge

The main thing I see wrong is no conversation breaks. What I would suggest is first editing this section, then adding to it. The scene is flowing too rapidly, and is a bit confusing.

As for the time between joining and posting, how do you expect the kid to just let it flow? It might have taken that long to even take the chance and you guys are jumping down the poor kid’s throat.

Bad readers. Coal in your stockings.

The Legend Of Darth Severence (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=170925)
Jackisonfire


78 years after ROTJ: Two Dark Jedi attack the temple.

The piece is really to short to call, but there is one glaring problem. It is being shoved forward too rapidly to really enjoy.

Since according to canon Luke was 22 at the time of the original Star Wars, it means Luke would be about 100 years old about now. What are the odds (What with the Imperial Rump the Yuuzan Vong and the Killicks) that he would have lived that long?


The Jedi Archives
(http://www.lucasforums.com/forumdisplay.php?f=684)

The Young Jedi Exile (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=172285)
Pottsie

A look at the exile age 15

First, your prologue is confusing. You start with the end of TSL, but then take a sharo turn and say ‘but let’s look fifteen odd years earlier’ when that has as far as I can tell, little to do with the start.

Was cloning common 4,000 years earlier? It’s unlikely that A: the Jedi would allow it, and B: that someone could even afford it. Right now on this planet there are maybe 200 people rich enough to foot the bill for something this complex.

A Box of Lies (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=172473)
JediMaster12

The exile is upset with Atton being himself.

The piece was a bit confusing with it’s flashbacks, but it flowed well, and kept you reading so it works well.

The Early Path of Jaden (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=172742)
Darth Grivis


The story is abrupt and there is almost no action beyond the one fight scene,

I had not heard about the book which was mentioned, and was ready to lambaste you over it. My only real complaint is that Tatooine is the galactic equivalent of Jacksboro Texas where I was born, which was nothing more than a wide spot in the road in 1953. Why does everyone end up there?

Freefall (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=172924)
igyman

Set in the alternate universe of The True Teachings: A young Sith fights against her fate.

The scenes were well done, the story adequate to it’s own needs. The ending was exquisite.

Virgin Sands (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=173177)
Ambrose

A brief romantic vignette between the exile and Visas.

The scene is well laid out, the characters true to their natures. Very well done.


Galactic Senate Coruscant Theater (http://www.galacticsenate.com/forumdisplay.php?f=28&page=2&order=desc)

Consumed (http://www.galacticsenate.com/showthread.php?t=14137)
Emalin

During TSL: Atton and the Disciple face off in one of the many cut scenes.

The constant driving himself to attack makes Atton look not only real, but a little deranged. Very well done.

Return of the Gizka (http://www.galacticsenate.com/showthread.php?t=14189)
Emalin

A slightly comedic confrontation between Atton and the Gizka from hell.

The scene was well set up, and the denouement was totally surprising and at the same time funny. Again, well done.

Converging Fates (http://www.galacticsenate.com/showthread.php?t=14157)

DarthSolo

An alternate version of TPM:

The scenes need fleshing out, the characterization needing fine tuning.

My main hang up is why everything sideslipped four years further along, yet nothing changed. The writer portrays Anakin at 13, by which time he had been a Jedi apprentice for four years, but still a slave on Dantooine, and the ‘Naboo Crisis’ has not yet occurred.

kotorfanmedia (http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?cat=6&paged=43)

The General Returns to War (http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=2698)
ocelott

Set after TSL: The exile finally meets Revan again.

The scenes are well laid out, the story flows smoothly.

The self denigrating way Danna (Revan) speaks is instantly appealing. My favorite line is Revan’s ‘Go figure. You create an evil empire, kill a few million people, and you start to get a bad rep.”

Malak: Before the Downfall (http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=2708)
sikon

A different view of the battle of Malachor:

The scenes are well laid out, and my only complaints are with characterization.

Revan comes off distant, and almost unattached. Malak is a whiny little person complaining that they won’t let him play, and Livia (Exile) comes off as a reincarnation of General Elphinstone. I enjoyed the characters though I couldn’t feel a lot of sympathy for them.

An Unwelcome Recollection (http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=2724)
ocelott

During the interim between KOTOR and TSL: Revan deals with another part of her past.

The work is up to ocelott’s usual standards. The scene in the garden is perfect because Jolee is just himself, but that gives Revan what she needs, a willing ear and someone not too judgmental. All in all an excellent read.

The Last Good Thing (http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=2759)
grimrabbit


Revan’s possible happiness with Carth hits a snag...

The writing is up to the usual quality, the scenes well laid out, the angst very well portrayed.

One thing, I caught all sorts of flak because I was told that Carth’s wife was Morgana. Maybe they were wrong.

Still good work.


What Dreams May Come (http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=2757)
grimrabbit

Set in the interim before KOTOR: Revan’s descent

The writing is excellent, the flow well thought out. The only problem I had with the character of Revan has already been voiced in Family Chapter one. But seeing the character progress does explain a lot.

Wow. I mean... Wow!! See people, it pays off to listen to the advices mach gives in his reviews. Heck, when I asked him to do this review I had no idea I did that good of a job with Freefall. Woot for me! :D And, of course, thank you mach for taking the time (for the fifth time) to do a review for me.

Thanks for the reviews mach. The Young Jedi Exile was supposed to be like the beginning of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. It starts off with the Exile young, before returning to the present when she is older.

Thanks mach for the review. That was one of my more challenging pieces seeing as I was never truly satisfied with how Atton's nature was dealt with in the game by the female Exile. I decided to spread my wings and be a little creative. In so doing, I ended up playing around with dialogue from some of my favorite movies. Again thanks mach. Your critiquing always inspires me to do what I consider fun. Happy Holidays.

Wow! Thank you so much for the reviews! I wasn't expecting it at all, and then to be hit by two... thanks. I'm glad you enjoyed them. :D

Also, kudos for remembering Boxing Day. ;)

As for the time between joining and posting, how do you expect the kid to just let it flow? It might have taken that long to even take the chance and you guys are jumping down the poor kid’s throat.

Bad readers. Coal in your stockings.

I agree with mach--it's the kind of negative criticism that we should not be offering and was entirely unnecessary. If I hadn't been in Memphis that week for an out-of-town meeting, I would have caught it and dealt with it appropriately.

Thanks for the review Mach, The book that is mentioned is in this Book (http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Shadows_of_the_Empire_%28Novel%29)

and in this parogragh on Wookiepedia:

Returning to Tatooine, Luke spent much time at the old residence of Obi-Wan Kenobi, where he constructed a new green lightsaber with the help of a journal prepared by Kenobi, based on the design of his old lightsaber.

Machiavelli, thanks for the review! I'm glad you found my work well-done, though more's the pity in that you found nothing in it that was worth giving advice about. Thanks again, and know that your input on my works are always welcome! :)

Machiavelli, thanks for the review! I'm glad you found my work well-done, though more's the pity in that you found nothing in it that was worth giving advice about. Thanks again, and know that your input on my works are always welcome! :)

I always have a stock of advice, I just usually don't dispense it here beyond the basics.

Thanks for the review Mach, The book that is mentioned is in this Book (http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Shadows_of_the_Empire_%28Novel%29)

and in this parogragh on Wookiepedia:

Returning to Tatooine, Luke spent much time at the old residence of Obi-Wan Kenobi, where he constructed a new green lightsaber with the help of a journal prepared by Kenobi, based on the design of his old lightsaber.


My problem with it is that one of the founding principles is that constructing a lightsaber is complex, and requires the use of the force. If you have ever read the book Crystalsinger by McCaffery, they use crystals that require eidetic memory, perfect pitch, and a 'feel' for the tension of the setting supports for communications. If you happen to read my own work KOTOR Excerpts (Post 45), and go to the chapter 'lightsaber' you see that was the method I used.

I appreciate your reviews, machievelli, and the time you put into reading everyone's work. Thank you so much! :)

My last week has not even remotely been fun. My computer hicoughed and went to an older image deleting the files necessary to access my older reviews, and kept me off the net until just a couple of days ago. The review will be up, just not immediately.

Sorry about that.

My last week has not even remotely been fun. My computer hicoughed and went to an older image deleting the files necessary to access my older reviews, and kept me off the net until just a couple of days ago. The review will be up, just not immediately.

Sorry about that.

No problem mach. Sorry about your previous week and your computer.

No problem mach. Sorry about your previous week and your computer.

The computer was just the icing on the cake, though it was the start. I see no reason to go into everything that went wrong. As a pagan, my holiday (21 Dec, Solstice) was not affected. But my wife, older step daughter Mother and Father in law, and the SD's boyfriend had theirs totally ruined by the younger step daughter and her boyfriend. As the quiet center of the hurricane, I caught most of the flak from all directions.

I finally finished downloading all of my previous critiques, which is necessary for assuring that I don't unintentionally overlap. At this rate the column will be up tonight or tomorrow. Again, sorry about that.

29 December 2006

Lucasforums (http://www.lucasforums.com/forumdisplay.php?f=640&page=3&sort=lastpost&order=&pp=50&daysprune=-1)

Unveiled Hope (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=171775)
The Doctor

3000 years after the book series: What the world would be like without the Jedi.

An interesting slice of life work, unfinished as of yet. I’m waiting for more.

One reviewer commented that it seemed odd using poison set within a thermostat, actually, in the very first Dorsai stories, the Dorsai used nickel shavings dumped in the ground water to poison an enemy occupying force. All that is needed is a poison mixture that is volatile at the temperature you wish to use.

Shadow From The Past (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=171830)
DarthSion 101

40 Years after ROTS: General Grievous strikes again.

The story is trying to flow movie quick, and it doesn’t succeed. The basics are good, it just needs to be smoothed out and tweaked.

For a moment I thought I had read this before, but I was incorrect. The same theme on the Galactic Senate A Greivous Encounter (With no specific time given) had the good mechanical General tearing up a couple of unsuspecting Jedi.

KOTOR III: The True Sith Reckoning (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=170313)
Tysyacha and Machievelli

For obvious reasons, I cannot review this one. Any takers?

star wars return of the mandalorians (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=170260)
Big Daddy

Set after ROTJ: Boba Fett looks into some suspiscious circumstances

Your moving the story too fast, trying to draw the reader along, but instead it feels like I’m being dragged. Slow it down kid, spend some time creating the scene for the reader, especially those who may not know who you’re introducing.

Journeyman (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=172365)
HerbieZ

Set during KOTOR II: A resident of the Refugee sector takes a walk.

The piece is a bit bland, and you’re ‘make them the alien of your choice’ actually helps make it more bland. The character is lackluster and needs something for the reader to be interested.

The idea is good it just needs some work.


The Jedi Archives

star Wars:The Survivors of the Battle ( http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=173209)
Darth Grivis

At the end of the Mandalorian Wars: Revan begins on the dark path, and Canderous betrays Jagi.

The style is a little stilted, trying to cover too much action in too few words. It needs to be smoothed out to be really good.

The biggest problems I saw was the description in the game sounded more like a space battle to me, but that might merely be my own training. The other was that Canderous did not betray Jagi as you showed. Rather he took an opportunity that led to Jagi and his men being left to die. Your version suggests that Canderous did so intentionally.

Final Breath (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=173467)
Ambrose

An interesting rewrite of the fight in the Telos Temple in KOTOR II

The style is smooth and crisp, needing only polishing.

The problem I had with the scene as you portrayed it was the idea that Brianna attacked her sisters, which in the game she did not do. She defended herself. A minor problem after all.

Echoes of Darkness (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=173544)
Pottsie

Set after TSL: The Exile goes in Search of Revan.

The style needs some work, but the basics are good and already there.

I am going to have to comment on communicating into hyperspace. I have never seen anything in the canon that suggests it’s possible, and what I know about physics suggests it is not.

Czerka Public Relations (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=173548)
Jae Onasi

Set during or just previous to TSL: One-Way to get the truth out of a Corporate big wig.

Jae, thank you for brightening my week. A very fun little read.

kotorfanmedia

Insisto Part I (http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=2776)
HeFe

Trapped in a damaged Ebon Hawk: The crew attempts to save themselves.

The piece tended to run every which way, which confused me a bit. The action needs to be smoothed out, but other than that, it was pretty good.

Fighting Spirit
(http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=2819)
)
Alexandra

As some armor is modified, Revan tells Carth of Deralia.

The piece is very well done, and the dialogue flows readily. Worth a read.

Because (http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=2835)
Lilianjoy

Intertwined with a song, Revan deals with her feelings for Malak.

The story needs some polishing editing and rereading.

I was a bit confused. Was Revan in love with Malak? The way it is written I thought it might be the case until the ending scene.

The two Revans? (http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=2851)
Tallboy Dave
A game player is sucked into the game with the expected results.

The style is reminiscent of the more modern take offs on the ‘Connecticut Yankee’ by Twain. The basic idea has been over done (Unidentified Flying Oddball by Disney, etc) but still a good way to play it.

Thanks for the review mach. If it is possible, once I've completed the remaining two parts of the saga, could you review all four of them together? Thanks. Looking foward to more reviews and I'm glad you managed to post the reviews.

Thanks for the review mach. If it is possible, once I've completed the remaining two parts of the saga, could you review all four of them together? Thanks. Looking foward to more reviews and I'm glad you managed to post the reviews.


Let me know when it's done.

Let me know when it's done.

I will. Thanks mach.

Lucasforums (http://www.lucasforums.com/forumdisplay.php?f=640&page=3&sort=lastpost&order=&pp=50&daysprune=-1)

Blood Band Brothers (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=171148)
Dark Lady

Alternate Universe; The crippled and reborn Vader fights alongside the Jedi against the Emperor.

The story works well, and flows smoothly. The action is spaced well enough that it isn’t confusing.

My biggest problem is technical. You have four different types of ship all called Star Destroyer. However ‘Frigate’ and Star Destroyer are two different classes. I have noticed this problem before, not only in Star Wars. In the Authorized Deep Space 9 tech manual half the ships are merely called ‘explorers’, which does not give them a type designation, especially when one is a Galaxy Class Vessel and another is the size of the Voyager Class ships. Read my post in the Expert Forum regarding class versus type.

Star Wars: CSI: Coruscant ( http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=171579)
CSI Nihilus

Second story in the series combing CSI and Star Wars :

The concept actually draws you along, even as you aren’t sure whether you like it or not. Like the first I was more interested in how you assigned duties than the basic story (Which begins as a retelling of an actual 1st season CSI episode).

My question is; Why is Visas the only one that gave a planet and race of origin? And Wasn’t Exar Kun from forty years earlier?

Knights of the Force - Episode I : Shadows of the Force (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=171059)
Jason Skywalker

A year after TSL: Two Jedi are sent on a mission on Coruscant.

All right, you have editing problems. I constantly say ‘reread and rewrite’ and the reason is sometimes your mind is flowing too fast, and the story doesn’t make it completely to your fingertips. There are places where words are left out (Middle of post eight ‘suddenly, lot of species’. Missing ‘a ‘ before lot). The story flows well except for those little hitches. You also need to work on your Characterization and descriptions. You throw out the name Kenobi, and wait over a paragraph to mention his first name, and all we know about the two Padawan is one if male, and the other female. No comments on home worlds, or even basic descriptions. You also list the council but then have someone that wasn’t named speaking (Shan).

The Rodianters-"loked in" ( http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=172342)
TSR

In the interim between ROTS and ANH: A team or Rodians go bounty hunting.

Remember conversation breaks. Otherwise the reader won’t know for sure who is talking. The style needs some polish and the pacing needs to be adjusted slightly. Other than that, pretty good.

The Jedi Archives


The Destruction of Telos ( http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=173555)
Anakin Skywalker

Before the beginning of KOTOR: The planet Telos is attacked

A few minor problems, all with the basic story rather than the work, which only needs polish.

First, you had Karath pretty much repeat what he said in KOTOR before they obliterated Taris. Considering the Sith, and Malak’s reaction there, it’s highly unlikely that he would have protested the same way. Second, I seriously doubt that Karath would have been trusted so completely when he turned his coat. Having him fly down, collect personal prisoners etc suggests that he had free run. Traitors are never trusted immediately.

Third, Telos was pretty much the first attack of the Jedi Civil War. It is not reasonable to assume you have time to bombard the planet, invade it, grab citizens and take the time to torture them all in the same day. From what I know of military ops, the landing by the Sith was probably to grab any intelligence they could use, assure that specific structures were destroyed, or targets that were considered valuable were destroyed etc. As an example Seal teams went in before the US attacked into Kuwait and Iraq during the Gulf War to spot enemy ships that might try to come out.

The Mandalorian Wars ( http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=173787)
Anakin Skywalker

Before the events of KOTOR: The search for the Star Forge begins on Dxun.

The story needs polishing, especially in your scene changes. Things go from place to place too fast.

All right, first, you gave two different names for Revan’s brother (Doshin in the prologue, and Valen later) Second, Carth would have been the equivalent of a first lieutenant when the Jedi entered the war. Most people do not pay attention to an officer of such a junior rank. If you had mentioned him as an aide to Karath, it would have worked better. Last, you are adding the numbers of Jedi as if they are plug and play in a military structure, and they are not. As I mentioned in another review the reason the Jedi were called ‘General’ is so that they could be plugged into an ongoing crisis, but they can’t all show up at the same place enmasse, and be thrown into battle leading troops that have never heard of them. Even the best new CO needs time to talk to his underlings.

Star Wars: Darth Yoda 2: The Dark Civil War ( http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=173803)
Darth Saruman

In an Alternate Universe: Two Dark lords, Yoda and Sidious battle it out for supremacy.

The wording is cumbersome and confusing. You use words that mean something else in the wrong place (Looking at a devise instead of a device that kind of thing) It needs to be reread, edited, and polished.

More important, the knowledge that Padme had children was and should be a secret. If you have read the Harry Potter series, you know that there was a reason Voldemort considered a child a legitimate target.

kotorfanmedia

Bitter Partings Chapter One (http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=2891)
Rinter

After Revan went in search of the Traya Academy, Carth receives her last message.

The style is well done, the work could use some polish, but don’t let that stop you from reading it.


CyberCat

During the Mandaloran Wars: Revan and Malak enter the battle.

Some problems with word usage (Trough instead of truth. Calvery instead of Cavalry) but the style works well enough. It needs editing and polishing. No biggie.

On a technical note, you have battles raging in three different systems, while a commander would have trouble managing just one on the tactical level.

[url=http: http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=2915]) Sacrifice (] Light The Night With Fire
[/url)
Ocelott

Aboard the Endar Spire: The thoughts of Trask during the last moments of his life.

The scene is well done, and the basics of dealing with someone who has had their memories erased well documented.

What I though was interesting was the idea that Trask was actually Revan’s brother. It makes his sacrifice more important.

What happens next? (http: http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=2941)
Mara Jade Skywalker

After the confrontation on Malachor: An interlude between Atton and theExile

The scene flows well, and is amusing in it’s own way. The Exile not sure if she should kill him or kiss him at one point is a nice touch.

No reviews for me, but congratulations to everyone reviewed. Looking foward to the reviews next week. Keep it up mach and will you keep reviewing more Fics, even though Christmas is over.

Wow, another review! Thanks very much, machievelli. Glad you liked it; it's my personal favourite.

Wow, another review! Thanks very much, machievelli. Glad you liked it; it's my personal favourite.

I have no favorites, as the ArchBishop in Lady Hawk said, 'It's my job'. I liked the work, but let's not get too flowery. After all, I have to do it again next week...

I knew there was something I forgot. Happy New Year, may the CEC be filled with many more great Fics and thanks to mach for all his hard work on all the reviews. I enjoy reading them. Just think, mach, you've nearly be reviewing here for two years.

I knew there was something I forgot. Happy New Year, may the CEC be filled with many more great Fics and thanks to mach for all his hard work on all the reviews. I enjoy reading them. Just think, mach, you've nearly be reviewing here for two years.

Fourteen months. Let's be exact here...

Oh a stickler are you mach? Still I think most of us are in agreement that you give splendid reviews and from your selections I have read a few and found them delightful. Congrats to everyone who received a review.

Oh a stickler are you mach? Still I think most of us are in agreement that you give splendid reviews and from your selections I have read a few and found them delightful. Congrats to everyone who received a review.

Let's put it this way: I started watching Star Trek in 1966, when it started. I wrote my first Star Trek story at 20. I watched every series until Enterprise when they threw Canon aside for a story line. When the man making the movies tells you 'to hell with what you have been told is right and proper for thirty years' that is when I stop paying attention to them. There are few writers on that list, but there are some.

If you're tha author, or the one who carries on for them, you stay true to that course. Either you stick to what is right, or you write something else.

Lucasforums (http://www.lucasforums.com/forumdisplay.php?f=640&page=3&sort=lastpost&order=&pp=50&daysprune=-1)

Star Wars: CSI vs. CSI: Pilot Episode (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=172579)
CSI Nihilus

The two story lines collide…

Some misuse of words (Opening a door alarmly?) and you are following the storyline of the episode slavishly, but the idea is good, and keeps you moving.

Technical notes: Blasters use a plasma packet that expends the energy on what it hits. There is little or no penetration seen on any of the SW movies and none reported in the books. With such a projectile, there can be no through and throughs. My suggestion would have been a reading of remaining energy and it’s effects to determine which kind of weapon it is. An example, comment that a random element (say Selenium) was left over after the packet hit. Coruscanti blasters use a pulse variant that for some reason leaves selenium atoms alone. (Before you ask, there is the same percentage of selenium in the human body as there is in seawater; [1 time 10 –4]. Rare but not missing entirely.

Also, .38 is a measurement using what is called English measure, a direct tie to 11th century Europe. Except for two countries (The US and England) it is not common. Even old Brit colonies have gone to metrics. If you have read my SW stories you will notice I have avoided English measurement completely. It would have been better to say; ‘Coruscanti 8.5mm, Twi-Lek 6.5mm (.25 caliber)’.

Admiral Ancete (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=171199)
Sabretooth

Prequel to KOTOR: A bounty hunter has some problems.

The work is crisp, almost abrupt. It needs some polishing. The main character has little or no definition. Except for the helmet and lightsaber he could be any bounty hunter in history.

Your mixing timelines a bit here. First, no one would have been as surprised about the Death Star style of design if it had been done before. Calling it a ship is why I made that comment. Second, a bounty hunter Jedi? Third ‘Mafia’ describes one specific group in organized crime. Like calling Mandalorians Nazis, it has a specific connotation. The American press tends to do this a lot (Calling it the Mexican Mafia and The Russian organizations ‘Mafiya’), which is not accurate.

Remaster: The Reign of Darth Vader ( http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=173750)
Master Jimmy

Good work here, MJ. One thing, if you are in a dead end, or cul de sac, it is pretty obvious that you have to go back the way you came. Extra words not necessary. It’s skewer (pierce) not skew (turn or warp). The sabre battle is well done, but a lot of wrestling terms got thrown in, but that isn’t a major problem. Remember, you are trying to convince the reader to suspend disbelief. You should choose words that mean the same thing when possible but if all else fails, go for it.

Assassination Protocols (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=167913)
RC1162

HK returns three years after Yavin

The style is good and clean, the writing well done.

Does anyone have a copy of the RPG rules to check prices? If Han Solo was willing to risk life and limb for 10,000 credits, and Luke comments that it is almost enough to buy a ship, isn’t 122,465 a bit much for a droid? I know custom work is expensive, but this is a bit much.

The Jedi Archives

Unsatisfied Hunger (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=173962)
Pottsie

Some problems with word usage. (Respect with great interest? Why not say ‘treated him with great respect?) Also some punctuation problems. Nothing that can’t be fixed by editing and polishing.

Hunger of the Force (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=173995)
Darth Saruman

After the Second battle of Telos: Nihilus faces an old foe.

Technical note: A life pod, like a life raft, is short ranged. It has only one purpose, and that is to get someone away from a damaged vessel. Only a fool or desperate man (Say like the epic journey of Captain William Bligh) takes it for a really long trip.

The Battles in the Unknown Regions (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=174091)
Darth Saruman

Set after TSL: Revan and the Exile reunite.

The background confused me more than anything else. You have both the exile and Revan as ‘Darth’ yet have Bastila undefined. Your Sith are bad but more like bickering children than real bad guys. If Grivis is the leader, he’s too lenient with Talarius. I can’t see Vader or Palpatine or even Malak leaving someone they believe that incompetent alive.

The Christmas of the Jedi Exile (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=174180)
Pottsie

Pottsie, didn’t you read my posting at http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=164363&page=3&pp=40) post 118?
Christmas is a holiday tied to one man, celebrated over less than half the planet here, and violates the canonical ‘a long time ago in a galaxy far far away’.

Bad author, bad author.

kotorfanmedia

Solace (http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=2939)
Amber Penglass

KOTOR during mission on Korriban: Trapped in a cave in, Carth and Revan deal with the Leviathan revelation.

The style is good the scenes crisp and well laid out. Some spelling problems (exhilerating is spelled with an A) and you forgot one conversation break. Not enough to really complain about. 19 readers gave it a thumbs up, and it deserved them.

Discarded KOTOR scene #5872 (http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=2994)
Ocelott

Her own comment fit best; ‘Ever been trying to write a scene, and the characters just run away with you?’.
The story is well written, the addition of the author from on high doing a bit of whining herself a cute touch.
I know the feeling she speaks of. I have had scenes run away from my control as if the characters were fractious horses refusing the reins. Seeing it from the characters viewpoint is fun. 22 people gave it a thumbs up.
The Twi’lek and the Wookiee (http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=3013)
tWiNkLet

Zaalbar and Mission tell the story of how they met.

The story flows well, the style jumping as each character speaks, assuring not only continuity but an automatic feel for who is speaking.

The explanation of how Griff was able to leave without Mission rings more true than the claims Mission made in the game concerning Lena, though the version of Mission’s first meeting with Zaalbar does not work as well.

Second Chances (http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=3015)
AWilson

Before KOTOR: A very special smuggler is hired by the Republic.

The writing style is good the story excellent.

The author has done what few of us has, actually put together a period of time very close to the beginning of the game for the Character to remember. I did it with only a few comments, whereas AWilson gives us a full chapter or complete memories. 19 people gave it a thumbs up.

Yes, I've been a bad authour. Thanks for the two reviews mach and I'll be writing the Sera Tana Saga soon and the Christmas Fic wasn't my greatest Shortie ever. I'm looking foward to more reviews soon.