Coruscant Entertainment Center (
http://www.lucasforums.com/forumdisplay.php?f=640)
Historical Revelation (
http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=168389)
The Doctor
One of a series of three stories so far covering vignettes within and before KOTOR.
The style is good as always. Finding things to complain about can sometimes be really hard with him.
But I did find something (Pats self on back) When Malak orders Revan taken alive, he forgets Calo’s comments when he finds them, which is that only Bastila was to be returned. A minor little thing, but it made me happy.
Farewells (
http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=168533)
Pottsie
His take on Revan leaving for the unknown regions.
Actually, Pottsie, I’d define this as a short-short. Pretty well done.
Oh and Hallucination asked to borrow your muse;
Muse: One of the nine sister goddess born of Zeus and Menosyne. The Greek Gods of the arts.
(No name yet)...somewhat revised (
http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=168696)
Bruin86
Very short vignette, unfinished. No specific era given.
Pottsie hit you pretty hard already, so all I have to suggest is this;
Get a dictionary, and use it if your word processor doesn’t have a spell checker. You don’t have to sit with it every second, but use it before you post. Grammar needs work, but again, that is something you will learn in time, so don’t sweat it too much just yet kid.
Remember old guys like me used to do this on paper with typewriters, and the only ‘spell check’ we had was in our heads. Give it some time, and if you want to continue, do so.
The Jedi Archives
(
http://www.lucasforums.com/forumdisplay.php?f=684)
Ease of Darkness
(
http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=168355)
The Doctor
Another short piece set in KOTOR: Juhani’s initial fall.
Only two things. It is ‘hole’ instead of whole and quiet rather than quite.
The piece is excellent, and the adaptation of the Jedi code using different phrasing makes it perfect. As much as the Jedi seem stultified, we always have to remember that the teaching must be adapted to people from a lot of different racial and societal backgrounds, and Doc did it very well here.
Galactic Senate Coruscant Theater (
http://www.galacticsenate.com/forumdisplay.php?f=28&page=3&order=desc)
A Rogue's Environment (
http://www.galacticsenate.com/showthread.php?t=11169)
Admiral Daala
A round Robin story with the above author, TuskenRaider1, Vodo, and Jeianni adding their own sections. No specific era given, though inference is in the New Republic.
Like any such story, the strength of it is in the one directing the work. The primary downside is that like too many cooks, it can go very bad. But this one is actually quite good.
TSC: Fubar
(
http://www.galacticsenate.com/showthread.php?t=11615)
Jarhead43
During the Imperial Period: A battle from both the bridge of the ship, and the Marines boarding parties.
Great! The only complaints I have are purely technical.
The era suggests that the Jedi had not been annihilated, and the ‘Rebels’ have gotten off the ground too quickly. Any rebellion starts small and spread out, then gets bigger. They might have a ‘fleet’ but it would have to be small and spread out, because the Empire has a lot more force to project. As an example, the US Navy in the American Revolution was less than a dozen ships, none of which were large enough to take on a frigate unless commanded by an excellent officer. Only one British Frigate (HMS Serapis) was taken during that war.
Second, the Nebulon B has enough cubage for 24 fighters, and that is two squadrons, not four.
The Stormtrooper Chronicles: FUBAR (cont'd) (
http://www.galacticsenate.com/showthread.php?t=11616)
Jarhead43
As the title states, continuation of FUBAR
The style is choppy, but since you’re fighting a boarding action, it is excellent. The author knows a good amount about combat from that point of view, and there is nothing I can say bad about it. Very well done.
kotorfanmedia (
http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?cat=6&paged=14)
Last week I went to kotorfanmedia and found an entire series of stories in a pirate motif. What I didn’t know until afterward was that some of the people there were celebrating a ‘pirate’s day’ and they had used pirate style program which changed the stories. After lambasting the authors pretty bad, I was informed of this and apologized. But these next three stories require a proper review:
Last to the Battle (
http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=2406)
Grimrabbit
The events after KOTOR
The author has captured the biggest problem I foresaw for Revan. You were the worst monster in history, you slaughtered everyone like a malevolent child (GR’s own phrase) and now you’re not sure if you will ever be accepted. Extremely well done.
Easy Decisions, Harder Consequences (
http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=2583)
iisemily
The events after KOTOR: Revan decides the order is not for her.
This is an excellent work. The anger at the order because of her relationship with Carth is understated but that makes it even better. Her reaction, and the that of her crew is perfect, and the last scene is poignant. Very well done.
Prelude to Darkness (
http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=2435)
Grimrabbit
The events after KOTOR: On the outs with the Jedi, Revan starts her own Academy.
There were some problems, leaving out words, but that is something I do on occasion as well, so I can’t complain too much. You also stated the same thing two different ways (That they saved they bailed them out) which looks more like an accidental failure to remove it. Again no biggie.
The challenge here is to understand why this has occurred. The best suggestion historically I can come up with is the schism that broke the Sunni and Shi’a into different sects. Unlike the original break away which formed the Sith, this appeared to be an attempt to allow the members more lee-way in their emotional growth.
The discussion of love is reminiscent of my own commentary with Jolee talking instead of Revan as here. The Jedi’s ‘love everybody and no body’ has always been one of my biggest stumbling blocks.
Viva Bastila (
http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=2455)
mcfinnegan
Bastila faces her mother’s death.
The style is good, the scenes clean and crisp. As another reviewer above commented, it took a lot to break through the cool reserve the character always showed in the game, and this is well worth the read.
Revan in Xanadu (
http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=2471)
Joysweeper
An interesting convention...
The scenes are well done, and the switch from kids cosplaying to the real thing was abrupt enough that you are also caught unawares. The automatic melding of characters to the best possible link makes it perfect.
Definitely worth the read.
Chapter 1 - Crash (
http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=2496)
iisemily
The Battle of the Endar Spire and it’s aftermath with a twist. Trask lives.
The idea that Trask is only there to keep you going bothered me in the original story, just as all the faceless characters you lead into battle just sort of drop away as you go on. By concentrating on an ancillary character, and having it be from his view, makes the other regular characters reactions more understandable.