02 Mar
That flood of creative juices wasn’t a once off people. I can’t guarantee how quickly they will come, but a last book in the trilogy entitled Birth of the Republic will be out for you to look at soon and I have all of the pieces of a fourth book on Faerie including a jaunt on the Space shuttle and Marie Celeste mystery on the International space station.
Coruscant Entertainment Center
Stories of Order 66 (
http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=174836)
Darth Aida
Set during the clone war assault on Kashyyk: Order 66 is given
Some spelling and grammar problems nothing editing can’t fix. The story tends to drag a bit
Technical note, since the clones are literally copies of one man, they would not need constant direction or pinpoint orders. Think of the Star Trek Klingon langauge with two forms, normal, and clipped where you use less words. So instead of saying ‘trooper xyz shoot the tanks’, he would know who has the anti- tank weapon and say something like ‘target: tanks’. Even if he didn’t know which trooper carried it, this order would be sufficient unless he wanted say the third tank from the left killed. By the same token, all Palpatine said was ‘execute order 66’ and when they heard that the clones immediately began killing Jedi.
Star Wars: The Fight is Over (
http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=175098)
Darth Saruman
Alternate Universe: As Emperor Vader consolidates, he send his new apprentice to capture his wife and children
Every negative that can be said has been by the posters that followed. Except for my usual rant of reread edit, rewrite.
Statement on the new 6 degrees of Star Wars Canon (
http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=174805)
Jae Onasi
All right, I’m not going to critique it except for one plaint
You mean only three of mine are fifth degree and none higher? Whine!
The Exile’s Path (
http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=174215)
Darth SINner
Before KOTOR: The first battles from the Exile’s point of view.
All right, first, remember conversation breaks. You have everything crammed together and it gets confusing. Second, don’t shift from past to present tense, it is also confusing. Edit it carefully. You have ship that ‘to’ damage when it should have said they ‘took’ damage. Slow down, think of what you’re writing, and write it clearly.
Not bad for the first I’ve seen from you kid. All of the points I made I have problems with sometimes which is why I said edit.
Jedi Reflexes (
http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=175181)
Aurora Starfire
No specific era given: Just a usual day at the swoop bike track
The style is good, though a bit clipped. All of the others have commented on the aspects of the race all ready so I will not cover them again.
Brothers United: The Beginning (
http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=170926)
RaV
Clone Wars: Part of the war from someone not part of either alliance as two clans clash in a fight to see which side they will join...
The style is a bit confusing, due to the lack or proper punctuation in some sections, so you have long convoluted sentences. Your intro into the characters is more like the intro in the movie Dune that sounded like there had been a book that preceded it when there wasn’t, also confusing. Dividing them and making one a better leader but at the same time one dimensional helped a bit. Work on characterization. When you’re working with someone else’s characters (Putting Luke Skywalker or Atton Rand through his paces) everyone already knows 90 percent of what they will do. But when they are your own, you have to give them more depth. I would have used maybe blasphemy or infamy instead of monstrosity.
All in all pretty good.
Amongst the Ruins (
http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=164927)
Niner777
Clone Wars Based on scene from BattleFront 2 game; One of the 501st mission ops
Not too bad, a little excess chatter I wouldn’t expect from clones, but having someone comment ‘well it’s your life story too’ was a good line. Scenes well laid out, and flow correctly.
Technical note: Except for some fidgeting, most troopers will have completed their weapons checks long before they board the transport. Watch the scene in the movie Aliens where the Marines are prepping. They do all of the fancy equipment checks before their board the shuttle, and are ready to rock and roll when they hit the ground. Also, I would consider the ride of an laat as like a huey, so no one in his right mind would lean his rifle against a wall.
The Jedi Archives
The Sera Tana Saga (
http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=175330)
Topsite
PreKOTOR- interim between KOTOR and TSL: Short pieces linked to an as yet unfinished five part Saga.
Topsite has been reviewed before and has been handled harshly at times, but bounces back. There are wording problems ‘waited’ instead of waiting, but everything I saw was something that could be corrected by merely editing and polishing. Those who might have read my first excerpt posting from my off-SW Mirror of My love will note that Jae told me I had used you’re instead of your, and it took me a week to find it even knowing where it was!
Good work.
kotorfanmedia
Expecting just the normal quiet run through kotorfanmedia, I suddenly ran full tilt into the edges of a storm caused by a dueling circle challenge. It seems to be character’s being drunk week here.
Not that I’m complaining...
Touching Humanity (
http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=3346)
Chemist Owns
In the interim between KOTOR and TSL: Revan faces her greatest challenge, love
The piece had me confused at the start because while the author labeled it as pre TSL, there were elements that suggested being post. This was explained at the end, but I was a bit confused before I got there.
I would have changed some of the wording, ‘you are no monster to me.’ with the reply ‘and that is where I make sense’ for example. I would have replied with ‘and there is where you stop making sense’ but that is looking at it and mentally rewriting it, which every author does when they see lines that don’t in their minds fit.
The style is excellent, the scenes clear and well defined, the emotions almost like a Rembrandt painting. Excellent work.
Whatever Can Go Wrong… Can Be Made Right! (
http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=3383)
Walruseater
KOTOR: When a fan author gets a little rough, Revan decides to have a talk with him...
I was reading this and suddenly the character took what Robert Burns would call the Road Less Traveled with extremely amusing results. I felt the desperate need to chuckle or even roll on the floor and laugh but I resisted that impulse till I got to the end. I can say nothing bad about this piece, it is merely too choice.
If you have never seen this kind of thing before, try At Swims Two Birds by Turlough O’Brien where his characters get together and agree to assassinate him, or my own Dramatis Personae posted in the lucasforum Outer Rim where fictional characters come to our world to rescue their author from an evil publishing company. Neither is as much fun, but it gives me a chance for a shameless plug.
Tribune Of Hearts (
http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=3360)
CyberCat
At the end of TSL: As Malachor falls apart around him, the Exile must choose between loyalty and love.
Some spelling problems, but nothing major. The story line itself links in a way with the game, because one option is to leave, but that option was unsatisfying to me, so while I liked the story a great deal as I have all of CC’s work, I couldn’t get into it. I had problems when the poem or song segments began.
What You Can Get (
http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=3585)
Rose07
After KOTOR: Carth tries to recaptures some of the things he missed with his son.
The style is pure Rose, meaning that like everything I have reviewed, it is like a brilliantly cut and polished gem. As a military man, I know the feelings going through Carth. As a man who has been a loner and missed a lot of my family’s life, I feel it just as well.
But rarely do you see it laid out on a piece of velvet and displayed so well. The ending snuck up on me, cut like that polished stone you get from the amphorous lump you started with, it’s worth it. In Amadeus, Mozart explains his way of making music saying ‘you put in the right amount of notes, and then stop’. Way to go Rose Amadeus
23 thumbs up. Worth every minute
Pink Banthas (
http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=3445)
Co-authored by Lady Revan and Ocelott
During KOTOR: HK has a slight problem...
First: A very important safety point when you decide to read this. Under no circumstances drink anything while you do!
I knew when I saw the authors who wrote this that it would be a good piece. Neither of them has disappointed me so far.
What I did not expect was blowing coffee all over my monitor and keyboard because I took a sip! It was right after HK makes a comment about Revan sleeping...
But I am not going to ruin your fun. This work got 55 thumbs up and had 44 people willing to comment. I can’t praise it enough.
Stimmed Up Zaalbar! (
http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=3427)
Walruseater
During KOTOR: Never give a wookiee a stim shot...
The piece is short, sweet, but not only puts the idea across, but does it in a lightly amusing way. Worth a read.