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The Critic's 2 cents

Page: 7 of 24
 Darth Sadis
06-11-2006, 5:39 PM
#301
Thank you for your review Mach. As I said before you have reinspired my writing streak.
 machievelli
06-12-2006, 1:06 AM
#302
Thank you for your review Mach. As I said before you have reinspired my writing streak.

If you have read the reviews, you will know that our friend Darth Sadis has spent most of his time over at the Galactic senate.

I'm glad I convinced him to try again.
 John Skywalker
06-12-2006, 6:55 PM
#303
Mach i was wondering when you have the time can you review Philosophy of the force?
 Hallucination
06-12-2006, 7:48 PM
#304
Click me or Mach's head will explode! (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=164811)
 machievelli
06-13-2006, 12:10 AM
#305
Mach i was wondering when you have the time can you review Philosophy of the force?
Can't guarantee how soon. Everyone who has asked in the last month, I am sorry. I have been deep in the second of the Faerie novels, and I have barely updated Republic Dawn.

I said I would get to it, and I will. John, send it to me via e-mail.

Click me or Mach's head will explode! (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=164811)


That comment reminds me of one Bloom county where Bill the Cat had become a tele evangelist and said 'send me 80 million dollars, and I'll have god call all of the other big name TEs home'.

Oh BTW, Anyone who is interested in buying copies of my non-Star Wars stuff, I have them posted on a website. Downloads are 2 bucks each, books cost more. E-mail me for the address.
 machievelli
06-16-2006, 12:23 PM
#306
16 June

Coruscant Entertainment Center (http://www.lucasforums.com/forumdisplay.php?f=640)

The Dark Apprentice (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=164845)
MacLeodCorp

After the destruction of the Star Forge The Sith apprentice Bastila remembers the final moments of the station.

The only complaint I have is technical, MLC. The life support system should be giving a warning not about the level of oxygen remaining in a sealed system. Rather it should be giving a measure of the CO2 level or a timer instead.

Let me know when you post the follow on piece, I’d like to read it. It’s pretty good so far.

Dantooine's students. (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=163911)
Master Kan-Maz

After the rebuilding of the Dantooine Academy: New students are greeted by their master.

The one comment made by Jedi master 12 pretty much covers the first comment I would make, that the author needed to be more descriptive. We know little or nothing about the characters beyond they are there. The style could use some work, specifically quotation marks and some checking for spelling and grammar.

If this is a ‘choose your own’ story, there is no reason for it to lay fallow because the original author has let it sit. I am going to post a suggestion to it that maybe we have some ask another author to add to it, and rotate who is in the barrel for it.


Jedi Forces - Shadows Of War (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=163835)
Potsie


One year after the events of Jedi Academy; Jan Ors and her new partner are captured by the Imperial Remnant, forcing the Jedi to lend assistance.

First the technical points. The briefing given by Mon Motha was too precise. If she had known what was happening below, she would have sent a larger team. All you had to do is give the name of the ship. Saying it is called by a specific name is redundant. The work needs editing especially of wording and some grammar checking.

On the whole an interesting scenario. Keep it up.

Galactic Senate Coruscant Theater (89b1940052b58e3abf46886012c6c24a&showforum=27&prune_day=100&sort_by=Z-A&sort_key=last_post&topicfilter=all&st=125)

Invasion of Coruscant (http://www.galacticsenate.com/index.php?showtopic=14450)
Darth AJ

Alternate universe. The Republic attacks Coruscant in the climatic battle instead of Endor.

The piece needs editing, grammar and spelling checking, and some rewording. He is rather vague from the start and it gets worse when the battle scene starts. Nothing that can’t be corrected however.

Since he is not on the Lucasforums site, I really can’t ding him too bad about a poorly written battle scene. In fact part of the problem is something I hadn’t addressed. First, if this were following the movies except for the second Death Star, Luke is only in his mid to late 20s. He had never lead troops in combat that we know of. While during the Clone wars you had kids being given the rank of Commander and General, you have a 16-year gap when political reliability and merit were reasons.

So the scene is the equivalent of a Marine Corps butter-bar second lieutenant telling the Admiral where the troops would be placed is rather bizarre. If he was the commander of the assault, he should have already had an Airhead (The airborne equivalent of a beachhead) set. If he were the ground force commander, however, he would be able to make such changes. Since Luke’s expertise was as a pilot, I would have accepted a Squadron commander instead.

The author also ignored the fact that a home fleet (The one assigned to protect your homeland) is as large as any other. If I had been building the entire Fleet the Empire used in the movies, the one at Endor would have been only a a good sized (maybe 25%) of the force at his disposal while the Rebels were going for an all or nothing attack.

He is also ignoring the reality of an invasion. You would have to fight through that fleet before landing. All the enemy has to do is destroy the three ships carrying your invasion force to win. A trained Admiral would not have suggested this attack. Too much is being risked literally on a throw of the dice.

Yoda's Grammar Lessons, (http://www.galacticsenate.com/index.php?showtopic=15351)
Sanae

Obi-wan has an interesting day trying to correct Yoda’s grammar.

It is light, amusing, and enjoyable. The style well thought out and executed.

If I were studying the Jedi as a whole, I would say this was more a test of Obi-wan’s patience. Yoda, as a friend of mine pointed out, speak like a Welshman learning English for the first time. Since he’s over 800 at this point, having the equivalent of a child teach him how to speak is amusing.

republic commando: out gunned, a story of beta squad commandos (http://www.galacticsenate.com/index.php?showtopic=15806)
Darth Sithus

After the battle of Geonosis, a Clone officer takes command of a new unit.

The basics are good, but the work needs editing in regards to grammar, language usage and spelling, and definitely needs conversation breaks and quotation marks.

It is a well-done slice of a soldier’s life.


kotorfanmedia (http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?cat=6&paged=16)

New Beginnings (http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=1537)
Darth pernicious

Assumed to be start of KOTOR II: Carth as drill instructor.

I didn’t say much above about this because there isn’t a lot to review. If the author writes more, I will look at it.

Snapshot: A Nekkid Proposal (http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=1711)
Rawtooth

In the interim between KOTOR and KOTOR II: A slice of a rather messy life.

The start of the piece is marred by only one thing; the author expends too much energy describing the room. I would have just said that it looked like a bomb had gone off it the closet, and only the bed was missed. Does need some editing beyond that but not as much as might be anticipated.

The subject matter is not something the author is comfortable with by the disclaimer at the start, but it is an interesting look at their lives.

Friendly Competition (http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=1690)
Dinah Lance

During the voyage to Kashyyyk, Ana (Revan) gets a chance at comparison shopping...

As one of the 67 thumbs up and 31 comments said; Boys will be boys. The scene is still in my mind as I write this, and I can only say this:

Great work!
 RC-1162
06-16-2006, 1:32 PM
#307
Galactic Conquest I is finished, Mach, just to let you know
 Diego Varen
06-16-2006, 2:25 PM
#308
Thanks for the Review Mach. Anyway, I don't mean to sound rude, but I thought I PM'd you to say not to review Jedi Forces until I did the Trilogy. Now I'm no longer working on the Jedi Forces Trilogy, so if it is possible, could you remove this Review and all my ones before it. The other Fics you can review from mine are The Sith Lord and it's Sequel, An Officer's Last Stand.
 RC-1162
06-22-2006, 7:49 AM
#309
just a quick question. since im too lazy (like the others here) to check for myself, ill jst ask. did you review Mace Windu: Jedi Master Reborn and Galactic Conquest: Rise of the Imps? just curious, cuz of what i searched, i cant find it.
 machievelli
06-22-2006, 10:27 AM
#310
just a quick question. since im too lazy (like the others here) to check for myself, ill jst ask. did you review Mace Windu: Jedi Master Reborn and Galactic Conquest: Rise of the Imps? just curious, cuz of what i searched, i cant find it.


Mace Windu review posted 20 January Have not reviewed Galactic Conquest yet.
 RC-1162
06-22-2006, 10:40 AM
#311
right. thanks, Mach.
 machievelli
06-23-2006, 1:33 PM
#312
Coruscant Entertainment Center (http://www.lucasforums.com/forumdisplay.php?f=640)

The Minefield of Battle (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=165041)
Jedi Knight 707

Probably directly before the events of KOTOR; A pair of our favorite Jedi fight.

The piece needs re-read and rewrite. It was good but seemed to need tweaking. It didn’t flow as well as it could. I can’t explain it better than that.

I have to agree with RC1162s comment for only one reason. Swordsmen like writers, like boxers like actors, get used to doing things the same way. If you had actually fought someone, it is likely you would recognize his quirks. If the fight had lasted as long as it did here, both should have recognized the other’s style. I know a sword master at fair who read a scene like this in a book I was writing and spent hours complaining afterward for this very reason.

Knights of the Old Republic 3 (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=165267)
Darth Raum

At the beginning of KOTOR 3, the new Dark Lord gathers forces to pursue Revan.

The work needs a serious reread because there are a number of places where the wrong word is used. as an example, it is ‘lose’ and ally, not loose him. It could flow better, and part of that is the same problem a lot of new kids have, trying to push the story rather than having it flow.

Your comment that the story began because you had played the game too much was amusing. How do you think I came up with my KOTOR novel?

All in all good work.

Broken Wounds Heal (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=163517)
Jedi Master 12

During the Clone Wars: Two Jedi say goodbye to a fallen comrade in their own ways.

Damn, nothing bad to say... JM12 has turned out his regular good work.

Galactic Senate Coruscant Theater
(http://www.galacticsenate.com/index.php?showforum=27&prune_day=100&sort_by=Z-A&sort_key=last_post&topicfilter=all&st=50)

Revenge of Amidala (http://www.galacticsenate.com/index.php?showtopic=15702)
Empress Amidala

Amidala is resurrected by Vader and the Emperor with surprising results

The style is hurried and needs revision. Go back, reread, and ask yourself if you would pay to read this. That is what I do all the time.

I have to agree with the one comment that even if she had been resurrected, where did she suddenly become proficient enough to defeat Vader?

Legacy's Heir (http://www.galacticsenate.com/index.php?showtopic=15837)
Darth Solo

The son of one of Jango Fett’s clones plots to kill Boba.

The story flows pretty well, and the idea is intriguing. The byplay between the main characters is excellent, and well thought out. Unlike a lot of people who get into writing in someone else's universe, the author comes up with his own insults which most do not (A pet peeve of mine).

Jacen's Fate, Warning Spoilers for The Unseen Queen (http://www.galacticsenate.com/index.php?showtopic=15881)
Jediwan

Set directly before the Unseen Queen. Jacen Solo meets his child.

The piece is a bit hurried, and needs a reread and edit. Other than that, it is fine.

kotorfanmedia (http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?cat=6&paged=16)


Parting Shot (http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=1687)
Tim Radley

No specific time given. Possible after KOTOR II: Revan assigns missions as she struggles to deal with her treatment by Republic Intelligence.

The piece is dark, worrisome, and made me angry. Not at the author or the characters, but because of the treatment of the main character. We look at war in our time as something reprehensible, that is to be avoided, but sometimes necessary. The savagery of war is always something the other guys do. Here we have the Republic portrayed as bad as if not worse than the Sith.

The reason it pisses me off, is I know the ‘good guys’ are just as capable of all that barbaric treatment. This merely highlights it.

Excellent work. Keep it up.

Happy ‘R’ (http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=249)
rose07

Set I believe in the interim between KOTOR I and II. Revan and Carth try to make up after a long confrontation.

This is Rose07’s seventh review in my column, and she has turned out yet another quality piece here. You can understand clearly exactly what caused the argument that preceded it, and where they both stand and why. Excellent work yet again.

Into Darkness (http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=1577)
Jayd

During the confrontation in the Rakatan Temple in KOTOR I: Revan takes a middle road not offered in the game.

Well written, intriguing suggestions. Worth a second glance.

The problem with a game such as KOTOR is that you are faced with what are essentially binary solutions. If you do this, you slide toward the dark side, if you do this instead, you slide toward the light. Real life is more like what Jayd portrays.

That is what bothers me. Back in the 60s, a lot of people compared the Lord of the Rings to the Second World War, which was raging when Tolkien wrote it. When asked Tolkien replied that the attitude of the ‘ends justifies the means’ would have had someone putting on the ring to defeat Sauron, then someone else would have had to kill this new terror quickly.

His last comment was the most telling. ‘To be the good guy means refusing to take that easy road‘.
 Hallucination
06-23-2006, 6:45 PM
#313
:lol: Mach, you really stop assuming everyone here is guy. ;)JM12 is a girl
 JediMaster12
06-24-2006, 5:12 AM
#314
Thanks for the defense Hallucination. Still I appreciate the review for that story that is still a WIP.
 machievelli
06-24-2006, 12:04 PM
#315
With my jedi senses, I failed to detect the fact that 'Bushida' is the female for of Bushido.

Didn't i make the same mistake about five months ago?
 JediMaster12
06-24-2006, 3:33 PM
#316
If you did, I forgot already because I am concentrating on finishing one of my fics that's older than Broken Wounds Heal. Don't worry about it. :)
 JediKnight707
06-30-2006, 4:11 AM
#317
Hmmm. You said that they would have recognized each other quirks. Probably, but it is a story.
 machievelli
06-30-2006, 11:14 AM
#318
Hmmm. You said that they would have recognized each other quirks. Probably, but it is a story.

To misquote Shakespeare, a story is supposed to hold a mirror up to nature. If you had practiced together off and on for about ten years, or watched each other at practice for that time, you would know the quirks of your opponent, and would recognize them. Like writers, swordsmen tend to fall into patterns.
 machievelli
06-30-2006, 11:22 AM
#319
Coruscant Entertainment Center (http://www.lucasforums.com/forumdisplay.php?f=640)

The Gremlins (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=165396)
)
Mace_MacLeod

During the Imperial Era: A couple of boys have some fun with Imperial ship design.

A well written little piece, and it would explain a lot about the tendency to have deep pits that seem to have no purpose. I have to agree with him about form following function, though an Ohio class submarine does have enough room for a 60 by 60 by 80 ballroom if you remove the missile deck.

But that would interfere with the golf course...

A Warrior's Exile (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=165303)

Darth Nox

1000 years after KOTOR: An exiled Jedi goes on a series of adventures.

DN is trying to hurry the story along, and it shows. This is usually caused by an author who has the idea, and is running with it. It is corrected by paying attention, and actually slowing down.

The combat scenes are based on RPG game play and it shows. To clean up the combat scenes requires some study, because no one would set off a plasma grenade as close as his character does. Or at least, not and expect to get away unscathed. He also blends things that don’t go together. Assuming the Droideka rolling battle droid is based on an actual lifeform makes sense, but having them running around 3,000 years earlier than the movies does not.

You will notice if you have read my stuff that I do this occasionally as well. In fact it is one of my worst habits.

With some work this can be good. Just slow down, spread the combat a little so that every action is not in the same paragraph, and you’ll do fine.

Exiled (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=165558)
Rain128

Scenes from the Mandalorian Wars.

There isn’t much to work with here, but I can tell the kid has some moves. The problem I had was two different battles, one a ground action, the other ship combat, connected only by the person with no explanation as to who what and why.

Rain asked us to come up with a better title, but without more that I have seen I would have to say ‘untitled work in progress’.


Galactic Senate Coruscant Theater
(http://www.galacticsenate.com/index.php?showforum=27&prune_day=100&sort_by=Z-A&sort_key=last_post&topicfilter=all&st=50)

Rebirth Of The Empire (http://www.galacticsenate.com/index.php?showtopic=14911)
Cassus Fett

A century after the formation of the New Republic, a new Emperor arises.

What I want you to do kid, is close your eyes, take a deep cleansing breath, then
go back and look at what you’ve written. It needs to be smoothed out a good amount, and you have to check your grammar and usage. There are words that don’t make sense in the context you are using.

This is called rereading and rewriting. Every writer no matter how famous does it.

The problem is that the author explains too much, and retraces his steps more than occasionally. If a squadron of fighters comes around a planet and takes a position between the enemy and his escape route, it is pretty much assumed that their purpose is interdiction. There is no need to repeat it.

The ways of the force., An alternate Episode I. (http://www.galacticsenate.com/index.php?showtopic=16196)
Marko Ragnos

An Alternate Universe. An untrained man named Ben Kenobi goes to Tatooine and rescues Anakin Skywalker


More of a synopsis than a story,
By definition an alternate universe is just that, however there must be a specific reason for that alteration. An alternate universe where Washington was defeated at Trenton NJ or where Washington is actually the commanding officer of the Trenton garrison at the time of the battle still has the Rebels fighting the English.

The piece ignores a lot of the fundamental precepts of the genre.

First, Kenobi is not taken as a child, rather he is inducted into the order as a full grown man. Remember that the initial rejection used by Yoda for both Anakin (9) and Luke (Mid 20s) later was their age. Second, the Mandalorians, who are considered to an extinct society by the time of the Phantom Menace are the primary aggressors. This is actually the most acceptable premise the author uses.

Ar'krai, Events between TUF and TJK (http://www.galacticsenate.com/index.php?showtopic=15937)
DarthSolo

Events between The Unifying Force and the Unseen Queen;


The third time Darth Solo has graced these pages. The work needs editing, but beyond that there is no real problems with it.

The basic premise, that the Bothans were not going to let go of their holy war makes perfect sense.

The problem with a series such as Star Wars when it goes into books is that there are continuity problems. I began an unauthorized encyclopedia of Star Trek and discovered there were seven different version of what Lt Uhura’s father did and three of what Kirk’s father did for example. As an even more extreme example and more readily apparent to those that enjoyed that series; the Next Generation technical manual (An approved work) states that transporters were developed in the 23rd century, but the series Enterprise set in the 22nd century has one.

There is usually no oversight .in these works, and for a purist such as myself it is sad.


kotorfanmedia (http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?cat=6&paged=16)

Destiny (Chapter One: Escape) (http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=1587)
Revans Pet Duck

The events on the Endar Spire in KOTOR I

This flowed well, and I wish I honestly had time to read everything RPD had written. There are changes from the original script, but none that are glaringly improper.


Carth’s Worst Fear (AKA Revan’s Suicide) (http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=1803)
sithangel 77

The view of a suicide’s mind as Revan give in to her sadness.

I have to agree with the ones who said this is a logical progression. Over at Lucasforums where I am a critic (You think I do comments in this manner all the time? Well, since October, yes...) if you read my entire KOTOR novel, I have my Revan going through all of the angst too. She even decides on suicide. In fact the only reason she survives is Sasha, who I made a continuing character.

There is commentary about using the word slice over and over, and while it is noted, the Author’s comment that it is her own mind cutting herself again and again is perfectly acceptable to me.

Great work.

Nightmares, Dreams and Medpacs
(http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=1874)
The Luggage

Two young people share their nightmares and gain strength from the sharing.

There has not been a lot of work done so far that I have seen on what the younger members went through. Like most of you, I concentrated on the adults, but Mission and Dustil here remind us that these characters deserve the attention.

Excellent..
 Mace MacLeod
06-30-2006, 11:38 PM
#320
Uh, thanks for the review mach, but I'm not MacLeodCorp. :compcry:
Yeah.
 Mace MacLeod
07-01-2006, 10:53 AM
#321
Hello admins? Mach's got MacLeodCorp down as the author of The Gremlins instead of me both in here and on the Star Wars Knights main page. Can somebody please fix that?
 Jae Onasi
07-01-2006, 11:34 AM
#322
Mach's good about editting, but he's not on quite as often as we are. Those of us who read here know who you are. :)
 machievelli
07-01-2006, 2:23 PM
#323
Hello admins? Mach's got MacLeodCorp down as the author of The Gremlins instead of me both in here and on the Star Wars Knights main page. Can somebody please fix that?

done here. Not sure i can fix it on SWK.

As I said in the private, sorry. Mea Culpa
 Mace MacLeod
07-01-2006, 3:22 PM
#324
*takes deep breath*

Thanks. That was driving me nuts.

It's fixed on the main page too.
 machievelli
07-01-2006, 6:12 PM
#325
*takes deep breath*

Thanks. That was driving me nuts.

It's fixed on the main page too.

Yes, I didn't know how easy it would be to correct.

As for being driven nuts, I could tell you my last name and the odds were it would not be spelled correctly by you. In almost 53 years exactly three people have.

No worries.
 Jae Onasi
07-01-2006, 8:02 PM
#326
Whenever I have to read a name on a chart and I can't figure out the pronunciation and my staff doesn't know, I'll usually call the person by their first name and just ask them how they pronounce it. Then I make sure to write the phonetic version on the chart for future reference. :)
 JediKnight707
07-01-2006, 11:16 PM
#327
Well, my last names pretty damn confusing. You would not believe how many telemarketers have called and misprounced the name so badly that I just hang up on them :)
My philosophy: If you can say the name right, then I'll let you talk. Misprounce the name, its a hang up.
 Jae Onasi
07-01-2006, 11:24 PM
#328
I just hang up on them. I don't want to talk to any of them. :)
 machievelli
07-01-2006, 11:55 PM
#329
first, a lot of the people are too flipping stupid to wonder why I get upset. I agree about telelmarketers, expecially when the look at it and 'assume' that it is spanish so they try to pronounce it 'correctly'.

I wasn't talking about pronunciation I was referring to spelling, but pronunciation is number 2 of the list.

That's why I understand why Mace was ticked off. I made an invalid assumption.
 Hallucination
07-02-2006, 12:26 PM
#330
^I wish people would assume my name was spanish (which it is), but they all think it's Dutch.

@Jae: You aren't supposed to hang up on them, you have to toy with them, like so:

Telemarketer: Hello Mr. X, do you have a moment?
Me: I'm a little busy. Hey, do you know how to get large blood stains out of a carpet?
T: No...
M: Could you look it up, I'm in a bit of a rush.
T: I'm not supposed to...
M: F*ck! They're here! (hang up)
 machievelli
07-03-2006, 1:02 AM
#331
^I wish people would assume my name was spanish (which it is), but they all think it's Dutch.

@Jae: You aren't supposed to hang up on them, you have to toy with them, like so:

Telemarketer: Hello Mr. X, do you have a moment?
Me: I'm a little busy. Hey, do you know how to get large blood stains out of a carpet?
T: No...
M: Could you look it up, I'm in a bit of a rush.
T: I'm not supposed to...
M: F*ck! They're here! (hang up)

Another way is to pretend you're about eighty years old and start a long drawn out description of what it was like 'when I was a boy'. That kinda thing.
 Jae Onasi
07-03-2006, 1:31 AM
#332
One of my favorites: Effecting a hopelessly ridiculous 'French Romantic Guy a la Pepe Le Pew' and saying to them, "Allo my darleeng, I've been waiteeng fohr you call." Even better since I'm a soprano. Or I just pull out something weird that Murdoch did on the A-Team. :D
I now return the thread to its original purpose.... :)
 Sabretooth
07-05-2006, 10:49 AM
#333
TADA! Finally finished Victim of Betrayal, after 7 and a half arduous months. Machie, can you give me a bit of review for it? Not sure whether this is the right way to ask and all, considering the special protocol detailed in "Why haven't you reviewed me??". If it isn't let me know. I have a linky of the fic in my sig.
 machievelli
07-05-2006, 11:23 AM
#334
TADA! Finally finished Victim of Betrayal, after 7 and a half arduous months. Machie, can you give me a bit of review for it? Not sure whether this is the right way to ask and all, considering the special protocol detailed in "Why haven't you reviewed me??". If it isn't let me know. I have a linky of the fic in my sig.

Just e-mail it to me, ST. If there is no e-mail in the listing (Or try pushing the send mai) let me know. I can't write and read everything on the net I want to simultaneously.
 Sabretooth
07-06-2006, 4:52 AM
#335
Just e-mail it to me, ST. If there is no e-mail in the listing (Or try pushing the send mai) let me know. I can't write and read everything on the net I want to simultaneously.

It says that you don't allow receiving e-mail from users. Tell you what, shoot me a PM with your e-mail address and I'll send over the fic. That'll be an attachment in .txt/.rtf/.doc?
 machievelli
07-07-2006, 1:10 PM
#336
Coruscant Entertainment Center (http://www.lucasforums.com/forumdisplay.php?f=640)

master naskin (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=165496)
anakin34

No era set

The piece is not long enough for me to make a whole lot of comments, kid. The primary ones are trying to combine too many eras. There were no dark Jedi (At least that we know of that were trained) during the Imperial era, yet you have master Windu with a mechanical arm, suggesting he is Mace Windu.

Remember the scene in the Karate Kid when he is taught Bonsai. Now, deep breath, picture where you want your story to go, pick an era, and begin again. I think you can do it.


Betrayal and Retribution: Percieved Reality (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=162706)
stingerhs

Set in the interim between The Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones, events begin to spiral out of control.

Like a lot of the writers here, Stingerhs was writing pretty much flow of thought at the start. Every mistake I saw was the kind editing will correct, and since that has not been done yet, I see no reason to harp on it.

It looks like a great story, but I honestly don’t have the time to stay online and read it all.

Graduation Day
(http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=165365)
Mace MacLeod

A recruit goes through Imperial Special Forces training.

All right, what can I say bad about it?

If anyone has an answer, let me know. Awesome!


Galactic Senate Coruscant Theater
(http://www.galacticsenate.com/index.php?showforum=27&prune_day=100&sort_by=Z-A&sort_key=last_post&topicfilter=all&st=50)

A Greivous Encounter (http://www.galacticsenate.com/index.php?showtopic=16136)


vesper

General Grievous vs two Jedi.

There isn’t a lot to work with here kid, but you do good work. Keep it up!

Events after Revenge of Sith and Before A New Hope, The series (http://www.galacticsenate.com/index.php?showtopic=16212)
IamWhoIAm

Title gives time period.

The basics are good, and all of the complaints I can see are technical. First, if the man knew he’d be spying he should have been more careful with his weapon, though having him walk into what was obviously an ambush is a great touch.

Second, the interrogation scene with Gee doesn’t ring true. An interrogator would try not to put himself in a position to be overcome, and there was no explanation for how the man could be able to get into position to strangle him. You needed something to distract him, which failed to occur.

Third, the way you are going with the end section implies to me that he is still in the Imperial chamber, the Emperor and Vader merely making him think he has escaped so that he can lead them to the rebel force he is with.

On the whole, pretty good.


The Gray Jedi (http://www.galacticsenate.com/index.php?showtopic=14327)
Queso

‘not necessarily following the Star Wars Expanded Universe timeline.’

A fight between a student of Luke Skywalker and a dark Jedi

The scene was well played, the battle not only believable, but easily visualized. The ‘cheese lady’ as she calls herself deserves a look.


kotorfanmedia (http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?cat=6&paged=16)

Knights of the Old Republic III: Revenge of the Writers (http://www.lucasforums.com/forumdisplay.php?f=640)

JediDWH

It’s bad enough dealing with life, but when the writer’s are not on your side...

I didn’t look at the author for this piece when I started. A pity, because I would have known what to expect as this is the third time the author has been reviewed.

JediDWH like to mess with the story, but has outside influences do it. I had to agree with his Revan at the end. Nothing can screw up a story more efficiently than a bad writer. The typos are perfect, and Revan getting ticked because they are changing her own creations are just icing on the cake.

30 readers gave this a thumbs up, I give it two!

Collision, Part 1 (http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=1684)
LordRevan

Set in an alternate universe of KOTOR I Four different version of Revan hash out their differences.

I was confused for a moment when the author set up first one, then another Revan. But the instant he got to the fourth, it all clicked. A lot of choices are based on gender reactions, and there are always choice that will not or cannot be taken. By having a balance of four, the choices become clear.

Those of us who created female Revans can see our characters in there, as can those who had Male ones.

Here is yet another writer I wish I had time to read from start to finish. This is starting out very well.

Prelude to Chaos (http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=1704)

Dark Lord of the Bith

The girl who will later be the Exile goes into her first battle.

The biggest problem with RPGs in comparison to books and stories is there’s a lot of back story that never gets told. Our friend DLotB covers an important point in the life of the main character of TSL, and does it well. The character is well fleshed out, and some of the background is excellent. The comment about her using a force choke on an enemy troop attacking an animal tells you more about her than most even try.

This is the second person I reviewed this week that makes me wish I had the time to read all of their works.
 Mace MacLeod
07-07-2006, 4:55 PM
#337
Wow. Thanks, mach! :cheers: :waive1: :thmbup1: :clap2: :worship:

*Crosses fingers in hopes "The Droid and the Lightsaber" makes an appearance next week*
 machievelli
07-14-2006, 1:52 PM
#338
Coruscant Entertainment Center (http://www.lucasforums.com/forumdisplay.php?f=640)

The Missions of the Old Knights Part One. (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=165637)
ExileRevan

Set shortly after KOTOR I: A pair of unlikely companions meet and flee a Sith attack.

You’re trying to hurry the story too much. You commented that you cut it from 3 pages. Why? The work needs to be edited and rewritten longer. When you could have expanded the characters (As an example, what do they look like? You never told us) you glossed it over. You went from meeting to attack without a pause, which would have been good except that you hurried it along. Think of a roller coaster. They got in the cars, the cars jumped forward, did three loops, and stopped again.

Remember, this is not a movie. Your reader cannot merely leap from point to point. You must sometimes drag them, I will admit. But if done correctly, they don’t even notice because they are being entertained.

The Droid and the Lightsaber (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=165528)

Mace MacLeod

Set at the end of The Empire Strikes back: A droid is damaged by Luke’s falling lightsaber and begins a riotous rampage.

Mace, all you really needed here was editing and rewriting. The piece was good, and the steady dissolution of the droid was funny. The reaction of droids, thieves, Stormtroopers all made it a silly romp. My only disagreement if with the word ‘Jovian’. Jupiter has a gravity of 2.5. If Luke had fallen out of the Cloud city as he did in the movie into a 2.5 Gravity field he wouldn’t have been able to stop himself. Before you ask, it wouldn’t make sense to protect every spec of the station from that gravity field, so he would have entered it when he dropped from the chute.

However Saturn has a gravity of 1.2, so it would have been possible there. The pull of gravity under each condition is 9.88 Meters per second on Earth, 11.856 meters per second on Saturn, and 24.7 MPS on Jupiter.

Since both are gas giants, it is of importance only in retrospect.

The Geonosian War (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=158555)

steven

There is serious need for a spellchecker here, kid. The one time you did question your own spelling was after a serous misspelling in the previous paragraph, and another in the same paragraph. The story is generic, the dialogue haphazard, (Both rewriting problems) and the only real problem I saw was in the battle scene.

It is highly unlikely that a planet using century old weapons and tactics would at the same time come up with a ship of radically superior capability in armor. It would be like the USS Monitor of the civil war sailing out to take on the British fleet of the 1970s, and the fleet suddenly discovering that the guns and missiles have no effect on the antique.

Galactic Senate Coruscant Theater
(http://www.galacticsenate.com/index.php?showforum=27&prune_day=100&sort_by=Z-A&sort_key=last_post&topicfilter=all&st=50)

Struggle of the Heart, The continueing story of Oola (http://www.galacticsenate.com/index.php?showtopic=5362)
one with many names

The Twi-lek girl fed to the Rancor lives on...

There is serious need for a spellchecker here, kid. More than that, the story needs serious revision. The style is haphazard, and the denouement of who and what the ‘angels’ are was too late to keep me from being confused and frustrated. You are flashing back in the wrong places, actually detracting from that the story is about.

I will accept as possible the idea that a group that occupied Jabba’s palace before his arrival could still be hiding within it. I will even accept the idea that the Force has it’s own version of angels. But the idea that the group could move around freely in the criminal sections is stretching it to the breaking point.

NJO: Heroes (http://www.galacticsenate.com/index.php?showtopic=16117)

Jediwan

Two months after the Fall of Coruscant during the Yuuzhan Vong war. A fierce battle sees a brave man captured.

The writing is pretty good, but Jediwan needs to slow down a bit. The battle scenes need revision. An Admiral would not rattle off names or types of ships to make an attack unless he had a specific attack planned. In real life the man is far too busy to say ‘send this and this, and oh yeah, this’ unless he is dealing with completely incompetent captains. While there are control freaks in commands, they are not usually the type as you have described able to rally their men with a few choice words.

While there are units of several different species and different ages, they should have been broken into divisions and squadrons. What he should do is point at the target area, and say ‘Hit them here‘. It is a minor flaw in a really good battle scene.

The Insurgents-Part 1, (http://www.galacticsenate.com/index.php?showtopic=16479)

jedijason91

Set in the future of SW: A renegade Jedi attacks the Galactic Alliance.

The style needs work, and the story serious editing. The battle scenes are haphazard, and the people shooting a little too accurate to be believed. Let’s face it, assuming living beings are using the weapons, and a thousand of them are aimed at one target, the odds that everyone will hit the exact same 6”x8” area from varied ranges and angles is pushing believability right off the cliff.

The worst thing about the battle scenes is the constant problem new writers have of having the enemy talk to each other in the middle of it. Face to face, yes, shouting at each other at longer ranges, yes. Screaming over what has to be secure communications, no.

kotorfanmedia (http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?cat=6&paged=16)

Family Ties (http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=1720)
mcfinnigan

Set in the interim between KOTOR I and II: What if the memories of Revan from KOTOR were really hers, just sanitized and rewritten?

The small blurb at the start hooked me and the story flowed on from there. Excellent work!

Cartharsis 1 (http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=1754)
)
Annaf3

After the destruction of the Star Forge. Told in flashbacks with present events as the background; the Jedi don’t react as anticipated when our heroes return to Coruscant..

The only problem I saw with this was the write obviously didn’t research beyond the game. The idea that a medpac is just an injector that you shoot into someone as often as needed fits the game but not real life or a story. According to the Essential Guide to Weapons and Technology, it is, as I anticipated, the futuristic equivalent of a first aid kit with a number of times that would not be expended simultaneously. Since this is the case, it should not have been difficult to get specific components rather than using ‘medpac after medpac‘.

However that one flaw does not stop this from being an excellent read.

Knights, Chapter One. (http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=1769)
taris

The events aboard Endar Spire in KOTOR I

The character has a lot of internal dialogue which is fun to read. The story could use fleshing out, and the irritated Carth lambasting her because she is moving so slowly, and threatening to throw her in the lifepod is an excellent touch. People tend to be too polite in these games, even when they are furious. Worth a second glance.
 Rain128
07-14-2006, 2:12 PM
#339
[QUOTE=machievelli Exiled (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=165558)
Rain128

Scenes from the Mandalorian Wars.

There isn’t much to work with here, but I can tell the kid has some moves. The problem I had was two different battles, one a ground action, the other ship combat, connected only by the person with no explanation as to who what and why.

Rain asked us to come up with a better title, but without more that I have seen I would have to say ‘untitled work in progress’....[/QUOTE]


Thanks Mach, i was really scared to actualy post something.. =/
As for the battle scene's they were supposed to be dream Sequences, and I wasnt sure how to put them across...

but i have another in the works, hopefully ill put out soon heh :)
 Mace MacLeod
07-16-2006, 8:36 AM
#340
Once again, thanks for the review, mach! :D

There are actually some minor differences between that story as it appears here and the copy I emailed you, mainly just some cosmetic stuff in the grammar and a slightly longer passage when the befuddled C3PD is on the bridge of the Opal Rising, and I've been a bit lazy in updating. I have continued to tinker with it, though.

And I used the word "Jovian" just because Bespin is supposed to be a gas giant planet. I'm not sure if its size or gravity level has even been specified, but when Luke fell out of the chute, he landed on the weathervane-thingie projecting from the underside of Cloud City, so apart from some serious bruises on the backs of his thighs, he would've been okay either way.

Now you got me curious, so I checked on wookieepedia:

Bespin's diameter: approx 118,000 km.
Saturn's diameter: 120,536 km equatorial, 108, 728 km polar.

*edit* I can't find a listing for the word Jovian in the online dictionary. Wikipedia only lists a Roman Emperor by that name in the late 300's. Does it refer to Jupiter specifically? Can't remember...
 machievelli
07-16-2006, 5:36 PM
#341
Once again, thanks for the review, mach! :D

There are actually some minor differences between that story as it appears here and the copy I emailed you, mainly just some cosmetic stuff in the grammar and a slightly longer passage when the befuddled C3PD is on the bridge of the Opal Rising, and I've been a bit lazy in updating. I have continued to tinker with it, though.

And I used the word "Jovian" just because Bespin is supposed to be a gas giant planet. I'm not sure if its size or gravity level has even been specified, but when Luke fell out of the chute, he landed on the weathervane-thingie projecting from the underside of Cloud City, so apart from some serious bruises on the backs of his thighs, he would've been okay either way.

Now you got me curious, so I checked on wookieepedia:

Bespin's diameter: approx 118,000 km.
Saturn's diameter: 120,536 km equatorial, 108, 728 km polar.

*edit* I can't find a listing for the word Jovian in the online dictionary. Wikipedia only lists a Roman Emperor by that name in the late 300's. Does it refer to Jupiter specifically? Can't remember...

In my Websters' new International unabridged dictionary it is defined as 'relating to Jove or Jupiter, either the god or the planet. The same term for Saturn is Saturnian.

The gravitational difference is that for every ten feet he falls in an Earth grafity, he is falling the equvilant of 12 in Saturn's gravity and 25 in Jupiter's. At 25 falling flat on your back you're talking broken bones.
 Jae Onasi
07-16-2006, 7:41 PM
#342
The gravitational difference is that for every ten feet he falls in an Earth grafity, he is falling the equvilant of 12 in Saturn's gravity and 25 in Jupiter's. At 25 falling flat on your back you're talking broken bones.

At 10 feet, falling on your back may break bones, too. 25 feet will definitely cause some significant damage.
 machievelli
07-16-2006, 11:25 PM
#343
At 10 feet, falling on your back may break bones, too. 25 feet will definitely cause some significant damage.


That is why, without knowing Bespin's base gravity, I compared it to Saturn rather than Jupiter.
 machievelli
07-21-2006, 11:39 AM
#344
The Galactic Senate is closed due to security problems, so the review this week is short.

Coruscant Entertainment Center (http://www.lucasforums.com/forumdisplay.php?f=640)

Knights of the old Republic III, The Unknown Regions (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=166026)
TheExileReturns

Set after KOTOR II: T3 and HK return from the unknown regions.

There are spelling problems, and you tend to forget conversation breaks, but other than that it isn’t too bad a start.

But I would like to see more before I decide.

the jedi in the east
(http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=165948)
anakin34

No specific era given: conversation between a master and his student.

I think just about every negative that can be said was made in the commentary by others on this site. My only additional comment is that it is too short to really get reviewed properly. Let me know when you have edited, corrected spelling grammar and paragraph breaks, and added about three pages.

The second appearance by the author here.

Star Wars: Gamma Squad (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=165717)
Alkonium

Set in a future after ROTJ. A clone team is sent on a mission.

First, I don’t know if there is still contact with the Kamino in this period. Is it possible? Yes. So I will reserve judgment. Also, by making as you call them ‘composite’ clones, you no longer have a clone per se, they are now ‘genetic constructs’. Interesting idea when well done, but making them composites also blurs the legal lines. I.E. If they ever make a human clone, they will argue as to whether they have the rights a human has, and it will probably end up as yes. However a genetic construct by definition was created, not merely duplicated, and they might have a harder time of it.

The animosity between the team members would bother me some, but like the idea so far. Keep it up, and let’s see where it goes.
kotorfanmedia (http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?cat=6&paged=16)

Sacrifice (KOTOR version) (http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=1829)
sithangel77

In an Alternate Universe: A fight to the death.

The style is a bit confusing because you aren’t really sure who is speaking to whom. Nothing that an edit wouldn’t correct. The style is harsh and dark, but so is the subject matter.

The piece is short, but poignant and I commend the author on the portrayal.


Chapter One - Snap Shots from the Past (http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=1872)
Wintera

Prelude to KOTOR: The events from before finding the Star Map to the direct confrontation with Mandalore.

An excellent work. The author had my attention from the first. My only problem is ‘who’ is the master she spends time with at the start? Unfortunately, I do not have time to read all of the other postings.

Message in a Datapad (http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=1909)
Darth Meatbag

Set during KOTOR II: The Exile gets a message from her lost love.

The style is good, the story well done, the subject matter excellent.
 Diego Varen
07-24-2006, 12:55 PM
#345
If The Galactic Senate is closed, maybe you could do twice the amount of CEC Fics to review. Anyway, I'm still waiting for a review of my first finished Fic (I'd never thought I'd see the day). It is called The Sith Lord and it is in my Sig.
 machievelli
07-24-2006, 3:34 PM
#346
If The Galactic Senate is closed, maybe you could do twice the amount of CEC Fics to review. Anyway, I'm still waiting for a review of my first finished Fic (I'd never thought I'd see the day). It is called The Sith Lord and it is in my Sig.


I cut all the websites slack, Pottsie. They are back up and running, they just weren't when I checked last week.
 machievelli
07-28-2006, 12:15 PM
#347
Coruscant Entertainment Center (http://www.lucasforums.com/forumdisplay.php?f=640)

it isn't finished yet, but you can read what I have so far. (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=166285)
raven Onasi

Based on KOTOR: The incidents aboard Endar Spire and first arrival on Taris;

I could find nothing wrong with this work. The style needs some work, but that is practice editing and rewriting.

One of the people commented that I had already done the entire book, and while true, any writer can find more to write on the subject. R-O has already had her character uncomfortable because she shares a room with a man, had her decide ‘why does she need help’ with Bastila, and added the ‘keep sequestered from the Jedi’ comment in the service record that my character never saw.

I agree with another commentator that there is a lot we do not see that can be developed on. I found things, so will R-O. I’d like to see more.

Galactic Conquest: The Rise of the Imperials (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=158419)
RC1162

A battle during the Rebellion. Specific times not set.

All of the problems with this are military technical and timeline. Nothing that disparages the work.

First, a squadron is between 12 and 24 aircraft. Any larger formation is a Wing, so it should have been Gray Wing and Blue Wing.

Second, you have the empire expanding too slowly. If Palpatine had done his job, there would be scattered pockets or resistance, not the equivalent of an invasion force pushing on. We don’t have an idea how many planets actually tried to break away, and taking only 7 in one year is deadly slow.

As an example here Kashyyyk already had an occupation force in place, so why are they invading? Think of the times when coups fail or don’t succeed readily. The Russian revolution which was a spasm that lasted almost 4 years is a perfect example.

In timeline, you have both Yoda and Kenobi on the bridge, but unless it is an alternate timeline, this could not occur. Kenobi could be there, but Yoda hid out on Dagobah almost immediately. Both would be sensed by Vader, so there should be an immediate ‘aha!’ when the Rebel ships arrive. If it were early in the Imperial period, the X-wing would not be in use yet but might be on the drawing board. Remember, 22 years between The Revenge of the Sith and a New Hope.

Also, Wedge looked to be about mid 20s in the movies. He was competent but not genius in A New Hope. If it had been a WWII fighter combat movie I would have tagged him as a 1st lieutenant. He would have made captain by the time of The Empire Strikes back, and maybe colonel for Return of the Jedi. If you made this Wedge’s father, or older brother it would make more sense.

RC1162’s fourth appearance and still quality work.

The crystal of life.
(http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=157648)
Renegade Puma

The story is well done but needs editing and rewriting.

The idea that the midichlorians might be sentient was suggested in KOTOR but I don’t agree that they would have a opinion on the whole on how they were used. If they did there would never have been a Star Wars because there is just one small step from repugnance to censure. The Emperor would have suddenly found himself unable to do anything, and Vader would have had the same problem.

I used the idea in my own work when I suggested that the Rakata of KOTOR were deprived of their ability to use the force by the force itself, but that was an entire race and took a millennia or more for it to be noticed. But in reflection if my example had been true the Sith, both as a race and as a group would have suddenly been struck in the same manner.



http://www.galacticsenate.com/forumdisplay.php?f=28&page=3&order=desc)


The Essence Conflict (http://www.galacticsenate.com/showthread.php?t=10465)
Miasmo


Between The Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones. A man who always wins finds that he can lose.

There are spelling and grammar problems, but nothing that can’t be fixed readily. The premise is excellent and the method used to portray it superb.

The main character is a little unsettling, but since I have created characters like them, it doesn’t bother me that much.

The Second Oath (http://www.galacticsenate.com/showthread.php?t=10688)
Sniper Gelgok

A scene aboard Ebon Hawk, with no specific part of the KOTOR universe given.

The story is honestly too short for me to make much of a determination. There are no specific flaws to point out.

Knowing the Void: Oppressed (http://www.galacticsenate.com/showthread.php?t=10682)
DarthSolo

A look at the history of the Yuuzhan Vong race. One of a series of five;

An excellent work. As much as people look at an enemy and see a heartless monster, as often as they are in truth monsters, it is rare that they begin that way.

DarthSolo took one of the most vicious races in the Star Wars Universe, and gave them a heart, made us see what set them on the path. The work is worth more than the glance I was able to give it.

DarthSolo’s fifth appearance in these pages

http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?cat=6&paged=15)

The Angel of Death (http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=1938)
Old Wolf

Set within Revan’s mind at the confrontation between her and Bastila aboard Revan’s Flagship before the start of KOTOR I.

When it comes to angst, Old Wolf outdoes every scene I have ever written. The Female Revan appears to have already reached burnout before Bastila confronted her. Death would have been a mercy. My question OW, is did you do the entire book? How did Revan react when she found out who she was aboard Leviathan?

A Rude Awakening (http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=1982)
mcfinnegan

After the destruction of the Star Forge, the Republic Troops have a blast to be remembered. Both Bastila and Alana however would rather forget it.

The piece started with four disclaimers, ending with one that meant the author really expected flak.

O-Kay.

Then I read it.

After I was done laughing, I decided, what could I say? First, having two of the characters end up in bed didn’t disturb me as much as it did them. Mission’s reaction was choice and brought even more laughter. Juhani’s was icing on the cake.

My complaints are to the other reviewers. First, I have had too much to drink before, so I understand waking up in bed with someone and not being at all sure what might have happened. While one appears to have been nude, and the other topless, that doesn’t mean anything happened. (I know, you’re all sitting out there saying ‘A the Critic protests too much methinks!’ but it is true. Mission’s reaction is what I would expect from a girl her age. Juhani’s was taken as a lesbian offer, but think about it? The principles don’t remember what happened, the only existing picture is of them SLEEPING. She was just saying doing what every person who has ever caught a friend in such a position would have done, teased them unmercifully. Ask me about the hole in the bedroom floor sometime.


Against All Odds (http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=1996)
kattalez

As Ebon Hawk leave at the start of KOTOR II, Carth pours out his own angst.

I have been bombarded with people asking me what I thought about a game I didn’t even own since I began this column last October.

A friend bought me a copy of The Sith Lords on the 26th, the day after my birthday, but I have yet to load it. I don‘t know if I have enough room on my hard drive.

But this one piece, with Carth watching his love go into danger without him makes up for everything I have yet to do in that new game.

I immediately recognized ’Take a look at me now’ by Phil Collins, and the music fit the situation better than it did in the movie that used it. I can feel the angst Carth is feeling. Worth not only a second look, but a third and fourth one as well.
 Jae Onasi
07-28-2006, 12:32 PM
#348
So, what caused the hole in the bedroom floor? :D

I'm glad you're posting reviews on fics from different sites, btw. I've been learning different things from the writers who post in these places. Each place has a different approach. Of course, the more I learn, the more I realize there's a whole lot more to learn. :)

P.S. Happy Belated Birthday! :bday2:

Hope you didn't see too many :elephant: :D
 RC-1162
07-28-2006, 1:04 PM
#349
whoop! i really should do my research next time. ah well, you gave an honest review. thanks a lot Mach! :)

also: Happy (belated) Birthday!
 Darth333
07-28-2006, 2:51 PM
#350
Thanks for the reviews Mach...and Happy Birthday! :gift:
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