Granted, but then a tiny wormhole opens up and SUCKS THEM BOTH INTO THE FIFTH DIMENSION!!!!!!!


I wish I had my moose.

Granted you have a moose and its all dead and bloated and smells horrible.


I wish a cannibal would make a meal out of Johnny Knoxville all over a carpet and then hang the carpet up as an art display in front of a major electronics store.

Granted, but it's the one you frequent the most.

I wish this (http://www.moddb.com/mods/morrowind-stargate) was available in English.

Granted, unfortunately it sucks and you're going to have to wait longer for a better one.

I wish Tripping the Rift was back on TV and made another movie.

Granted, but only in Canada.

I wish Stargate Universe was renewed for a third season.

Granted, but after one episode they get sued and are forced to stop.

I wish I could sleep at night.

Granted, somebody cures your insomnia. Unfortunately that cure involved an (incredibly hot) orgy with a few of the others carrying STDs, and it it only lasts one night. On top of being back to insomnia now having added pleasure of scabies, crabs, and gonorrhea, your lover finds out and decidedly becomes the jealous type and leaves you in the most humiliating way you can think of.

I wish I had a funny alarm clock that played a custom made mp3 sound file of the "sparta raid ventrillo" video and played it so loud everyone in the neighborhood could hear it. It goes like this: Lloyd: "Hey...Wanna hear the most annoying sound in the world?" Leonidas: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHHHH!"

Granted, but everybody who lives a mile away from you, hears it too. So they all come and break down your door, find you, then commence beating the living crap out of you; including their pets, yours too............also the rooster who feels you took away his lively hood from crowing in the morning because he only gets to do that once everyday goddamnit and it's ALL BECAUSE OF YOU! YOU! ONLY HE DOESN'T BEAT YOU UP LIKE REST HE JUST PECKS YOU TO THE FRIGGIN BONE PAAAAAAALLL! YEAH! HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT! HUH? HUH?
Naw dude I'm just joking.....no seriously the rooster would really be pissed man! I mean really pissed off!







I wish GTA didn't make me do that. :devsmoke:

Granted, but then that great dark void in your head sucks you into oblivion for lack of anything better to do.

I wish this thread would end with this post.

Granted, but then someone comes and decides to be a dictator and the thread is re-opened within seconds.

Granted, somebody cures your insomnia. Unfortunately that cure involved an (incredibly hot) orgy with a few of the others carrying STDs, and it it only lasts one night. On top of being back to insomnia now having added pleasure of scabies, crabs, and gonorrhea, your lover finds out and decidedly becomes the jealous type and leaves you in the most humiliating way you can think of.

Too bad I've been single for over a year now, so I don't have a lover. :xp:

I wish this freaking computer mouse would be more responsive.

Granted, but now you have spybots that have stolen all of your personal information and some serious memory leaks.


Too bad I've been single for over a year now, so I don't have a lover. :xp:


Hm, four months ago you sure were bragging about your love life in my new years thread. :smirk2:

I wish for the entire world to have it rain dead animals.

Hm, four months ago you sure were bragging about your love life in my new years thread. :smirk2:
Ah, right... I forgot about him... but 'twas an internet relationship... so that didn't count really. :xp:

I wish for the entire world to have it rain dead animals.

Granted, but the corruption from dead animals causes all crops to fail miserably and so everyone kills you and then stuffs your coffin with most of the dead animals.

I wish the sky was green and the grass was blue...

Granted, but now you are a cartoon.








I wish we were all cartoons like in Roger Rabbit.

Granted, unfortunately you're the cartoon gerbil who went into a mysterious paper towel cardboard tube into a verrrrrrry dark place that smells like...patrick swayze... :iceburn:


I wish LA would quit rehashing Vader through so many other villains.

Granted, now they're rehashing Jar Jar Binks.

I wish the people at people at Bethesda could figure out an airtight way to get user made mods onto the Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3 versions of Skyrim.

Granted: unfortunately some very pissed off hackers in russia crack PSN and XBL and infect all consoles worldwide with viruses and a new chapter in world war 3: nuclear war.

I wish the Dragon Quest/Warrior series would have more female bosses, especially antagonists.

Granted, but they all look like Leona Helmsley. :devburn:

I wish Duke Nukem fought sexier looking alien bosses.

Granted, but every one of them now have male reproductive organs.








I wish I'd seen the light.

Granted, but it's just the light from an ordinary flashlight.

I wish Mass Effect 3 included this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DHseWNr7iKk) in the end credits.

Granted. Unfortunately due to chronic head-up-ass corporate politics there is a rift in the company EA, because somehow it managed to also include some copyrighted material they did not have permission for or license to use. The resulting legal catastrophe ends up killing the company, and it causes a bloody riot that ends up demolishing your house.

@Totenkopf: *NOT* bad, actually that's probably a LOT more apt for such a role than what I had in mind. Ironically, in King Of Fighters, a character named Leona Heidern is characterized by her mean streak. I don't know if that's a coincidence or not.

I wish a new VaLvE game were created in similar vein to half life, l4d, TF, and portal.

Granted, but it's so much in the vein of Portal that looking at the boxart drives you insane.

I wish for Dragon Age III to allow players to play as more than just humans.

Granted, however, they still replace Jennifer Hale with an obnoxious voice acrtess, and in turn you are blamed. When upset customers get together they decide to bury EA in S***, literally. You just so happen to be in the building at the same time this goes on. The building and the business both implode.

I wish to see a polar bear violently dismembered and its parts (along with a video recording of the incident) shipped and delivered to a peta convention.

Granted, however, PETA's true colours show and they love it.

@GTA: Good thing BioWare's head office isn't even in the same country as EA's then!

I wish for PETA to rename themselves PUTA (basically swap ethical for unethical).

Granted, unfortunately the similarity to the mexican word for "bitch" gives them an unexpected massive boost to popularity and EA's offices worldwide are $***-bombed.

I wish I could meet Tourettes Guy.

Granted. You do everytime you look at yourself in the mirror. :iceburn:

I wish Red would boot Beavis and Buttheads in the @ss, sending them to Jupiter or Pluto.

Granted, but the wormhole necessary for something like that to happen won't close again.

I wish for the perfect opportunity to say "Where is your god now?".

Granted, The whole world got nuked, but you died before you could utter the words

I wish I had a Portal gun.

Granted, however you accident pop a portal on yourself, and it rips you apart.

I wish I had a pair of chainsaw spear gunchucks.

Granted, but in an unfortunate case of "butterfingers", you die in a bloody mess while demonstrating, ironically, how not to use them.

I wish that youth lasted longer.

Granted. You can no longer give consent, have a beer, watch decent movies on the internet, drive a car, or vote. You can still be drafted into the military, though...

I wish I had at least eleven more wishes.

Granted, but now you have Twenty Two bad things befall you as interest for granting all your extra wishes in advance instead of one at a time. :dev11:

Granted. You do everytime you look at yourself in the mirror. :iceburn:

Allright then. You asked for it. :devsmoke:
F*** YOU! F*** YOU! F*** YOU IN THE @$$, Colonel Cluster F***!
http://i3.tinypic.com/6cg65uc.jpg)

Since I'm now Tourettes guy, I wish the garbage disposer sounded like Chewbacca taking a $***.

Granted, but now your garbage disposal smells like it too and when you turn it on... wookie caca all over the kitchen. Enjoy. :dev9:

I wish I'd let someone else answer this post.

Allright then. You asked for it. :devsmoke:

So.....is that guy behind Bush the Tourettes guy?

Granted. This is hockeygoalie35's friend.


He wishes that he had a blender.

Granted, he does, but he breaks the glass part and uses that and the spinning blade thing to maim unfortunate bastards all over your bedroom. I hope you like blood red for a paint job...along with bits and chunks of scalp and organs shred to ribbons.

I wish I made a lathe for metal out of a vacuum cleaner motor and several junk parts laying around and an audience with some beautiful women to watch my first demonstration of such an awesome makeshift device.

Granted, but it explodes, embeding itself into your ribcage.


I wish I had this on video.

^^^You get it on video, but are convicted later for negligence failure to assist in an emergency. While you avoid prison, you spend the next 50 years on probation and my family and friends come after you for the video.

I wish I had Lloyd Christmas and Harry Dunn as neighbors.

Granted, and you live happily ever after.

I wish I never asked for the video

Granted, unfortunately this time around when the thing comes apart the piece meant for me merely knocks me over and breaks several ribs, and from that it is redirected and shatters both of your kneecaps. Now you have to deal with your legs and choose between being paraplegic or being in debt for titanium replacement knees after waiting 10 years anyways--from which you'll be in debt probably the rest of your life. Lots of luck!


I wish someone would drive a dumptruck into my friend's apartment since he hates that place.

Granted, but unfortunately now that his apartment has been destroyed, he has to live in the dump truck because he has nowhere else to go.





I wish there was a wishing well to wish upon.

Granted, but you realise that inside the well is just a text-to-speech synthesizer linked to this thread.

I wish I could teleport instantly to the location of my favourite author at any given moment of time.

Granted, but you can only teleport to them when they are on the toilet, and you teleport directly below them.

I wish i had some combustible lemons.

Granted, but you accidently get blown up with that lemony smell and the
Pine-Sol woman appears out of nowhere and says: "That's the power of Pine-Sol, baby." ;)







I wish HG35 had chosen less combustible fruit instead.

Granted, unfortunately, it's 85 metric tons of rotten fruit all dumped on your house. :D

Granted, but unfortunately now that his apartment has been destroyed, he has to live in the dump truck because he has nowhere else to go. You have no idea of the hell just unleashed.


I wish Alan Grayson and Ed Schultz would team up and fight Bill Goldberg, so I can bet all my favorite dead horasiez on the guys. :D

Granted, but you accidentally place your bets in favor of schultz/grayson b/c of a distraction courtesy of your neighbors Lloyd and Harry. When Goldberg finds out, he destroys you like he did the other two pansies. Fortunately for you, you die a happy man knowing he got them first.

I wish I bought a bunch of gold back in the 90s when it was still around $300/oz.

Granted, but you sold it at its lowest point.


I wish I remembered what I wanted to wish for...

Granted, you remember what it was and wish for it and get it unfortunately you also remember why you wanted to forget it and forget to wish for it in the first place.

I wish the whole Vice City thing were real.

Granted, but you're one of Tommy Vercetti's first victims. He even takes you out by crossing genres and hiring Red Foreman to put a boot up your @ss before putting it through your head. Say g'night, Gracie.

I wish LF would close down and get itself fixed properly instead of having all those continuous "minor" issues.

Granted, but it takes 5 years to completely be fixed.

I wish I had a bread slicer.

Granted, but you have no bread to slice with it.

I wish humans had a viable form of FTL travel.

Granted: They do but it has a 75% likelihood the travelers will die.

I wish Mayor Bloomberg would puke all over himself and go die in someone's locker.