Granted, but in order to use it you disintegrate yourself.

I wish for there to be a prequel to spaceballs.

Granted, but it's terrible.

I wish the Prequel for Star Wars was better.

I wish the Prequel for Star Wars was better.

Granted.

*sends Time Ninja to assasinate Jar Jar*

I wish there were 7 Cats with unimaginable powers, who also had litter trays with disco mirror balls and a dj playing their favourite Cat tunes.

Astro

Granted, but they are right next to a vicious dog's house, he doesn't like loud music.

I wish that Great White Sharks were incredibly smart, therefore forming a civilization rivaling humans.

Granted, then they kill us all.

I wish I was Scottish.

Granted, however on your little journey through Glasgow scottland, someone smacks you upside the grill with a bottle of booze.

I wish I had a bodyguard like that hack benjamin dude that boss Big Baby Sweetz has on the movie Big Money Hustlas.

Also: Before the dog rips them to shreads

I wish there were 7 Cats with unimaginable powers, who also had litter trays with disco mirror balls and a dj playing their favourite Cat tunes.

Go youtube "Yelling at cats". It takes a certain sense of humor to see how it isn't *really* all like it's presented (I think there was a bit of dubbing to be honest), and it gets funnier every time you just listen to it and see it for how retarded it actually is.

Granted, but...uh...ummm...your bodygaurd watches the video on youtube, is disturbed and goes on a killing spree.

I wish I had an army of robotic monkeys who would do my bidding.

Granted. But they hyper evolve and make you take your shirt off like Charlton Heston and dance for their arousal.

I wish Ms Panda could convince Ms Magpie that there they were not wearing the same prom dress

mtfbwya

Granted, the way is......Well, they could get into a cat fight, and then we'd be sure that they knew that their prom dress were not the same...hee hee

I wish that I had the answer to everything.

Granted, but now you forgot the question!

I wish yesterday was tomorrow.

Granted, but in fact, tomorrow is also yesterday. Enjoy the time reversal.

I wish that Seamus the Chaweenie had a loaf of apple bread.

Granted, but he has no teeth so he can't eat it.

I wish I had one of them Jaffa staff weapons.

Granted, but he has no teeth so he can't eat it.

I wish I had one of them Jaffa staff weapons.

Granted, briefly, b/c due to your clumsiness you accidentally put your eye out with it and then have someone put it on ebay.

I wish Al Gore were locked away deep in the bowels of the earth so that he could commune with nature directly.

Granted. I can't really think of a downside to that one, either :D
OK I'll make one up: but now since he's gone we have another idiot we have to wait for to do the same thing.

I wish the next time I barf, it lands on my soon to be ex.

Granted, unfortunately you are lying down and she's looking down at you, so what goes up.......

I wish dumbarses wouldn't mangle cliches.

Granted, but now dumbasses will mangle something else, and I couldn't tell ya what next.

I wish Bam Margera (or is it johnny knoxville?) would quit stapling his scrotum to his leg. It used to be funny but now it's just...stupid.

Alternative: I wish jackass would come up with new ideas. I'm sick of reruns.

Granted. But as they are by definition jackasses, this is unlikely

I wish I could project images of 'The Great Horse & Monkey War of 2322' into the Apocalyptic future, to prevent them making the same mistakes twice

mtfbwya

You manage, but as is the way of all prophetic warnings....it goes unheeded.

I wish humanity had a reset button.

Granted, but some dick is pressing every five minutes and so we're all amoebas.

I wish humanity had a jump button.

Granted, but that same dick pressed it so many times that humanity can now only utter the phrase "how high?"

I wish there were something original to wish for at this point.

Granted, but why would you need that?

I wish that there was such a thing as teleportation so that way I can teleport myself into the White House and declare myself sovereign leader of the World.....and not get tackled by the Secret Service.

Granted. But some other douche bag does the same when you're in the bathroom. And so forth.

Granted, but that same dick pressed it so many times that humanity can now only utter the phrase "how high?"
Joints anyone? :lol:

I wish there were something original to wish for at this point.

I wish Beavis and Butt-Head finally scored with some naive hot chicks.

They do, or think they did. The rufies the try to slip the girls end up in their own glasses and they wake up in bed together the next morning w/sore behinds.

I wish that celebrities would start stalking the paparazzi.

Granted, but now there are less stars, due to the fact that these paparazzi are heavily armed.

I wish I had an army of heavily armed paparazzi.

Granted, but now they all become mercs due to the excessive weaponry they possess from even before when they gunned down their stalker celebs and put themselves out of work. These people are now planning an all out assault on the general populace. They begin to act as a gang for hire and now organized crime is back on the streets.

=======================
They do, or think they did. The rufies the try to slip the girls end up in their own glasses and they wake up in bed together the next morning w/sore behinds.
WHAAAAAAAT?!
:argh:

Well, that wasn't a problem for either of them:
Butt-Head got cavity searched on Do America.
Beavis got a barbeque lighter gun kicked up his behind trying to light one off in front of Butt-Head in a separate incident and had to have it surgically removed.
=======================


EDIT: ok since I killed it, let me revise: I wish a monkey would fling doodie and hit a cop in the face and it was all on national television.

Unfortunately that cop ends up being you and you choke to death on national tv as the "monkey" turns out to be Caesar the chimp.

I wish that the polar bears would tell Al Gore to chill.

Granted, but he sues them.

I wish I had a gazillion dollars from which to buy my own personal supply of....Marshmallow peeps....:D

You do and prompty morph into the Stay Puff Marshmellow Man.

I wish Christmas came 2x a year.

Granted, but now...just like the song, the world is covered in snow...for a very....very White Christmas....forever.

I wish that I could rewind my life backwards and fast forward so I can replay and do a whole bunch of stuff over and over again.

Granted, however you don't get any younger even if your body does. So you end up dying in the middle of your favorite walk in the park. Your corpse stays there for weeks and months...and squirrels decide you are a nice couch to procreate on, amongst other things with other creatues.

I wish I could find out the name of that show on PBS featuring some old man who built rockets out of trash cans. Then I shall attempt to do the same.

You do, but due to a sudden fit of dsylexia, you connect the wrong wires and......pow...right to the moon (alice).

I wish there were fewer arseholes in the world.

Well, okay, granted. But now the fewer that are left really seem to get noticed and you're one of them. They pass laws all over the world catering to pacifism so now every little thing anyone does do risks getting a fine.

I wish a polar bear would rape and eat those old hags on 'the view'--except for that one lady that always gets ganged up on, she's sick that day.

Surpise, surpise, surprise....Jim Nabors (aka Gomer Pyle) transforms into a polar bear on the View and slaughters the rest of the cast after the fat red(?) headed shrew makes a b*tchy comment about his singing (apparently thought she was Simon Cowell or somesuch). Spontaneous and wild applause breaks out in the studio audience. Unfortunately, it soon becomes known that Elizabeth Hasselback paid him and she gets in much trouble.

I wish lawyers would stick to suing each other and leaving everyone else alone.

Granted but it destabilizes everything and just like the '80s it spirals out of control as jackings, ripoffs, cons, and retribution crimes skyrocket.

I wish that backstory of Darth Sion were more complete.

Granted, unfortunately it seems that Darth Sion was your mom before getting a sex change operation.

I wish that TSL hadn't been rushed to market before it was completely finished/fleshed out.

Granted, but now, they have created 7 sequels, forever dooming Star Wars...because they were prequels as well.

I wish I had the ability to make any game I wanted...and be a success.

Granted. Unfortunately you make a disgusting game about doin' business on the john that ends up be your claim to fame.

I wish there was a documentary on rodent porn and its profound implications of societal impact.

Granted, but it's a flop. And since you were making it, you're out of work.

I wish I had the eye of a director and were capable of making the best films in history.

Granted, but now you have all the jealous wannabees all over you 24/7. You find nothing worth watching at the movies anymore because you made it all.

I wish someone would croak carrot top.

Granted, but then he haunts your dreams (and with a mug like that....... :D ).

I wish The View was cancelled.

Granted, it is, but now there is no reason for The Balcony, and you fall a long ways.

I wish I climbed Mount Everest 100 times!

You did, but fell to your death after the final ascent. Damn good for nothing sherpa guide...

I wish Coke tasted better.

Granted, but now there is cocaine in it, and you have been charged with illegal consumption.

I wish Root Beer tasted better, not that it doesn't, but better...

Granted, but cream soda soon overthrows it as best tasting because it too tastes better.
(uhh haven't you checked out BAWLZ G33k B33r? It has caffeine!)

BTW, uhh yea...must be the phosphor in the coke that highway patrol uses to clean up blood with and glows in the blacklight.

I wish there were footage of green critters from outer space giving Tom Green a rectal probing.

There is now. After you went to the courthose and changed your name to Tom Green, a couple of Vulcan extras from a Star Trek convention decide to ram a broom up your sphincter after a night of hard drinking, filming it with their "tricorder".

I wish you hadn't set yourself up like that. :D

Granted! now, YOU are the one who went to the courthose and changed your name to Tom Green, a couple of Vulcan extras from a Star Trek convention decide to ram a broom up your sphincter after a night of hard drinking, filming it with their "tricorder".

I wish I were a leader of a great nation in the 20th century, absolute ruler in which i can never get voted out, my own symbol, unique arm salute and phrase and had a beutiful blond woman for my mistress.

Granted. Unfortunately, your security service...staffed by two guys named Zed and the Gimp--stage a quiet coup and dispose of you in the basement, where they proceed to handcuff you and emasculate you to death in front of their new girlfriend, your former mistress.

I wish you were actually funny.

Granted, I'm absolutley hilarious. But all the jokes are based on you.

I wish I were absolutley funny.

Granted, but now all the jokes are about your mother.

I wish filet mingon were as cheap as a hamburger, but tasted as good as it always has.

Granted, but now, weight problems are 100 times larger, and more of the population is suffering, and they are blaming you.

I wish I could have as much steak as I wanted for free.