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unfortunately, this story may end up being much longer than i had originally intended. Humor mode on: A longer fic for us to enjoy--aw, darn. :giggle1:... [Read More]
I'm enjoying this fic. I could feel the sweep of events that you're trying to portray. I liked that you touched on the political scene on Coruscant, and I could begin to see some of Palpatine's machinations in just a few sentences of conversation. Wh... [Read More]
The spell-checker does a pretty good job of finding mistakes, but can still miss some things. It determines if the word's spelled correctly but doesn't detect if the word is actually being used correctly in a particular sentence, such as substituting... [Read More]
Your command of English is quite good. I found the hardest thing to learn in a language is a. idioms and b. the subjunctive, and English has plenty of idiomatic speech. I'm enjoying your characterization of Obi-wan and I look forward to more stories.... [Read More]
Silly Carth. :D At least the romance mod really works well! We'll give it a whirl later tonight to see how that goes, but I wouldn't be surprised if it's that. His game crashes at pretty much the same spot Princess Artems' did, and I'm pretty sure... [Read More]
Thanks for the link--that worked (although now it's going to drive me nuts til I can figure out how to make this command prompt route work. :) ). Edit: Lordy, I hope this isn't too long for everyone. And thanks again for the help, everyone! We do ap... [Read More]
Hello! Since JF66 is at work and I'm at home on the computer, I thought I'd try to to get this done for him. However, I've only been able to create a completely blank content file at the moment, so I suspect I'm doing something not quite right with t... [Read More]
^ I don't have as much free time as I'd like to do a ton of writing, sigh. However, Jolee, being 'old, darnit', has plenty more stories to share. ;)... [Read More]
Yeah, I had mixed the moon of Endor thing in with Yavin IV accidentally. I love the edit feature--makes it an easy fix. I like that new avatar, too. JF66 and I found the image, and he was sweet and cropped/resized/uploaded it while I was working on... [Read More]
Chapter 3: Jolee’s First Mission We had been hiking in the nature preserve for our exercise that day when Jolee stopped short. “Did you feel that?” he asked quietly. “I feel the creatures around me, and I can feel a small disturbance, b... [Read More]
Great Chapter. I like how you described the training. I didn't think the Jedi had a shooting range. (snipped) Can you space your Paragraphs. It makes it easier to read. I don't know for sure if the Jedi have a shooting range either, but it never hu... [Read More]
Chapter 2: The Story of Apprentice Sitor The violet blade of Jolee’s lightsaber hummed perilously close to my right ear. I barely ducked out of the way as we battled through our fourth practice run. We both had shields on, but that didn’t alter... [Read More]
I like the setup of the hyperdrive chapter. You did a nice job of making Sogor a thoroughly reprehensible creature. I caught a sentence or 2 where the construction might be a bit awkward, but I didn't find that terribly distracting from the scenes yo... [Read More]
I have to tell you, when Kyle gave his answer on what it was like to be a Jedi, I just never expected Heather to respond, "Must suck...." :) Since I work in the medical field, I noticed the technical details of the plague right away, and th... [Read More]
JK707's picking up on comma usage and punctuation. So, where you have "Yes master", it should be "Yes, master," groaned the robot... and for other quotes, the technically correct version would be "I do not understand, master.... [Read More]
I just read your posts again. Do people get successful by being kind? Even though I may like someone, I am going to fire them (or break a buisness relationship with them) for not doing the job at A+ quality regardless about the deadline. I submit t... [Read More]
The computer field has certainly made tremendous strides, and that's allowed companies to increase productivity simply because the computer can do more of the work. I remember watching Phil Vischer describe how the changes in technology affected the... [Read More]
I find the concept of this fic very interesting, and I'll enjoy following your story as it develops. Your 2nd and 3rd chapters are better and more descriptive than the first. While I could follow chapter one well enough, a few commas to cut down on t... [Read More]
This is quite the adventure. I had a little trouble following the Vong references because I haven't read those particular EU books. I caught a few spelling/grammar things, but nothing overly distracting. One of my favorite themes in the SW stories i... [Read More]
Nice job on the battle scenes. I really felt like I was in the middle of some of those dogfights. If you want Wedge to have a naval rank instead of the Army/Air Force rank of Colonel, the equivalent rank in the Navy is Captain. I'm really looking fo... [Read More]
I hear you on the grammar thing. I can't tell you how many sentences I've diagrammed in my life. Blech. I appreciate you taking my comments the way they were meant, which is just to suggest things to keep and things that can help you make your story... [Read More]
I've had the opportunity to look over the thread, and I find your story quite interesting. You have a nice ability to suddenly change the plot in unexpected ways, and your cliffhangers keep us all hanging on for the next installment. I would recomme... [Read More]
Nicely done there. I'm enjoying the adventure. Your cliffhangers leave your fans wanting more.... :) If I have a fairly large post, I've learned to write it in Word (I'm sure any word processing program would work fine) and then copy and paste it in... [Read More]
All I can say is, wow! This is an interesting and fun story, and my jaw dropped when I saw your age.... I've read stuff by people in college that couldn't hold a candle to what you have here. Your ability to paint pictures with words/conversations i... [Read More]