I'm working on chapter XII right now. I should be able to post it in the next day or two.

Yay! Suppose you have a lot of plot things to work out in it, so don't rush it though. (Still, can't wait to read it when it's done!)

holy cr@p!! awesome twist, RB!!! this is one of the greatest stories ive read. now if only i can get rid of that block. good work again.

You know I am waiting to hear from Hallucination. He said that he would post here this year :) I want to know what ya think so far man :)
More than eleven months left and you make it sound like I'm late :tsk:. Good job, keep i up! :D

Chapter XII


John Onasi stopped dead in his tracks. He had never expected to hear the word “Dad” ever again. The expression on his face went from that of anger to surprise and horror.

Linduu saw the change of emotion on the Sith’s face and with hope gleaming from her eyes asked, “Dad is it really you?”

John searched for the words to say and stuttered, “Linduu? Is that you? Are you really my baby girl?”

“Yes daddy it’s me! How are you still alive? I was told that you were killed.” Linduu said with tears running down her face.

John felt the eyes of Vandar upon him and quickly reverted back to his anger and rage.

“It is of no matter to me who you are woman, I shall kill you just as I have been ordered to.” John said with hatred and contempt in his voice. He raised his lightsaber to deal the killing blow to Linduu as she lay helpless on the ground. The sound of a saber being ignited resonated throughout the building as Jor-el got back to his feet and leaped towards Linduu, blocking John’s slash at her neck. Confused and stunned Linduu could only lay there and watch as Jor-el and her father fought each other.

“Dad you have to stop this now!” Linduu screamed in desperation. John was again caught off guard by those words and momentarily froze up. Jor-el wasted no time and stretched out with his thoughts trying to take control of John’s actions. The Sith resisted at first, but Jor-el won the battle of wills after only a few seconds. He forced John to deactivate his saber and place it on a nearby table. He then made John sit down in a chair between Linduu and himself and released his mind. When John realized what had just happened he stretched his hands outward creating a massive force wave. Jor-el and Linduu were knocked up against the walls and fell to the ground unconscious. John stood up and walked over to the table to retrieve his lightsaber and after that he simply left the cantina. His feelings were conflicted about having to kill his own daughter, despite the anger and rage that now dwelled inside of him.

“Why are you leaving Lord Onasi, accomplished yet your task is not.” Came the voice of Vandar in John’s head.

“I am returning to you my lord, I have a bone to pick with you, a few things that we need to discuss about certain, lies.” John said with purpose in his voice.

“Turn around you must, finish your task you will. If my orders you obey not, then kill you myself I will.”

“No my lord, my feelings are conflicted in this matter, I will fail if I return to try and kill them. I can not use my anger to fuel my power when the feeling of compassion starts to take control of my heart. She is my daughter, and trying to kill her is bringing forth emotions I had long forgotten.”

“Turn around now Lord Onasi, or my wrath you shall feel.”

“Then I shall stand before you and your wrath my lord, none the less, I am returning to see you.”

With that John Onasi made his way to his personal starfighter. He left the planet and docked with the battle cruiser in orbit.

“Captain Valreem.”

“Yes Lord Onasi?”

“Set a course for Korriban, we are going to see Lord Vandar.”

“Yes Lord Onasi, we shall leave immediately.”

With that the Sith battle cruiser turned away from the planet and entered hyperspace.


2 months passed by and Jor-el and Linduu were still on Tatooine. They had spent the time there recuperating and preparing themselves for what lay before them. They found a local administrator and got married and also talked about Linduu’s father, and what they should do about him.

Jor-el opened his eyes, it was early morning and the hum of speeders could be heard over head. He rolled over and saw his new wife lying next to him.

“Good morning love, how are you feeling today?” He said with tenderness in his voice.

“I’m good Jor-el, how are you?” Linduu replied with nervousness in her voice.

“Love I’m fine, is something wrong? You seem tense.”

Linduu looked away, then back at Jor-el. “There is something I have wanted to tell you for about a week now, but I haven’t been sure how to say it, or how you would react. So I am just going to come right out with it.” She got up out of bed and walked to the window of the apartment they had been staying in. Looking outside and breathing in the morning air she said, “Jor-el, love, I’m pregnant.”

Jor-el jumped up out of bed. “What? Are you serious Lin?” He said with excitement in his voice.
Linduu turned back to face him. “Yes, I am positive, we are going to have a baby.”

Jor-el pulled her close to him and held her in his arms. “Linduu this is amazing, this is wonderful, I can’t believe it. I am going to be a father!”

Linduu sighed in relief. “Oh Jor-el, I am so glad that you are not angry or disappointed. I know the timing is not good for this to happen right now, I am just so glad you are as happy as I am.”

“Here Lin, you get back in bed and rest, I am going to make you some breakfast ok?”

“Oh Jor-el its ok, I can make breakfast.” Linduu said.

“No! I insist, I want you to rest love, I will make the food, now do as I say alright?” Jor-el said with a stern tone in his voice.

Linduu shrugged her shoulders. “Ok, if you are so determined to make me breakfast, I will not object.”

Jor-el went into the kitchen to prepare the food. As he was working he talked loudly so that Linduu could hear him in the other room.

“You know I have been thinking about why the Sith haven’t returned to attack us again. I think that Vandar is unsure of the power we possess now and wants us to make the next move.”

Linduu stepped into the kitchen doorway. “I have felt the same thing in my meditating. But the one thing that I still don’t have a clear picture on is my father. I mean after all this time to learn that he is alive, but that he has joined the Sith and become a dark Jedi. I just don’t know what to do or how to feel.”

Jor-el thought for a moment. “You know he is not the same man you once knew Lin, He may physically be your father, but his soul and mind are different now.”

“I know love, but there was still a part of my dad in him, I could see it in his eyes, I could feel it. That has to be why he wouldn’t finish killing us. I mean we were unconscious, he could have easily finished us both. No, no I have to find him again, I have to try and talk some sense into him.”

“Linduu, knowing that he is alive but has joined the Sith must be torturing you. And I am certain that our paths will cross again soon. But he is evil, he will not listen to you. If you hesitate when we confront him again, it could mean the end of your life, my life, and now our baby’s life.”

Linduu sighed. “I know you are right Jor-el, but I just can’t help to want and try to help him. I mean he is my father, I love him. The pain he must be in on the inside, it hurts me to think about it. And when the time comes, I just don’t know if I can kill my own father. I hope it doesn’t come to that, but I know it is going to.”

At that moment T-4 came rushing into the apartment!

“Beep beep twoo beep!!”

“What’s going on Jor-el? What’s he saying?”

“Oh no, T-4 says that the ship just blew up into flames! Quickly, let’s get down to the docking port, maybe we can still save it!”

Jor-el and Linduu put on their boots and ran to the port where their ship was, with T-4 behind them trying to keep up. Once they arrived what they saw was horrible. The Ethon star was completely ablaze and shattered to pieces. What was once a beautiful freighter was now nothing more than mounds of burning metal.

Jor-el stood in shock. “I can’t believe it, my ship! Who did this?”

“I did.” Came the sound of a gruff voice behind them.

Jor-el and Linduu turned around to see a figure in a dark robe emerge from the shadows, a red lightsaber in his hand.

Jor-el ignited his saber. “Who are you? What do you want?

“I’m here to finish what I started back on Dantooine 5 years ago, when the end of my lightsaber sticking through your chest should have killed you.”

Wow! Great work, as always. Keep it up, Renegade!

You've got a very, very nice flow going on with this story! Excellent work--the story justs gets better and better! :) I like how you've integrated the dialogue with the descriptions and actions, too. Again, it makes the story flow that much better. And yet again you leave us readers in suspense!! (Ah, but poor Jor-el! Not only has his ship been burned, but most likely so has his breakfast! :) ) Looking forward to the next installment--and the identity of the blast-from-the-past Sith that has just appeared on the scene!

Thanks Jasra :) I appreciate the praise :) In fact I thrive on recognition, so if people stopped posting their thoughts, I would simply fall over and die :( So keep letting me know what ya think :)

Hey all. I just got a new puppy as a early B-day present from my family. She has been taking up most of my time recently. So I am finding it hard to make time to write. But not to worry, I should hopefully have the next chapter up soon.

cool! good work on your 12th chap, man. youre damn good. i didnt figure out who was the sithy from dant though

BTW: what breed is your puppy? :)

She is a black and silver standard poodle. I named her Jazmyn. You can see a picture or two of her by clicking on my myspace link in my sig :)

cool! good work on your 12th chap, man. youre damn good. i didnt figure out who was the sithy from dant though

BTW: what breed is your puppy? :)

If you go back and read the first chapter you will see who the sith is from dantooine. :)

Chapter XIII


“Oh I don’t think so, not this time. You shall not best me again.” Jor-el said with a hint of anger in his voice.

The Sith stood up straight from his battle stance in surprise. “What’s this? Is that anger I detect in your voice Kenobi? You don’t even want to know how your pathetic master managed to save you, but not kill me in the process?”

A look of rage formed on Jor-el’s face. “No I don’t want to know anything. I just want to separate your worthless head from your pathetic body.”

Linduu looked at her love in horror. “Jor-el, how can you say such things? Are we not supposed to run from our anger, our rage? Do they not lead to the dark side?”

“I don’t have to explain myself to anyone!” Jor-el shouted. “Now get out of my way!”

The Sith assassin looked on in amazement as Jor-el used the force to knock Linduu across the docking port. She hit the wall with a loud thud, knocking her unconscious.

“Why Kenobi, I didn’t think you had it in you. I can feel your anger, it is running through my very being.”

Jor-el raised his weapon, “The only thing that is going to be running through you is my lightsaber!”

Jor-el screamed at the top of his lungs and ran at the Sith, his saber pointing straight out in front of him. His attack was met with a block and he barely ducked the Sith’s counter slash at his head. Jor-el stood back up and released a flurry of slashes and jabs. The Sith easily knocked every attempt aside. As they battled on and on Jor-el began to lose his focus in the river of his rage. He made one final swipe at the assassin’s head that left him open for attack. The Sith recognized the opportunity and raised his hand in the air creating a massive force wave. Jor-el was knocked 20 feet backward and landed in the middle of a burning pile of wreckage from the Ethon star. His saber had slipped from his hand during the trip through the air and now rested on the other side of the burning ball of fire that used to be his ship. Jor-el pulled himself out of the fire and rolled on the ground to put out the flames on his robes.

“Nothing has changed Kenobi, you were weak on Dantooine and you are even weaker now.” The Sith said as he walked over towards Jor-el. The assassin put his lightsaber to Jor-el’s neck. “You are a pathetic excuse for a Jedi.” He then kicked Jor-el in the face, taking any strength he had left to resist. “And now Kenobi, you are going to watch me kill the one thing you have left in this world that you care about. And once again you will be all alone.” The Sith let out a maniacal laugh as he walked over to where Linduu lay on the ground unconscious.
Jor-el was at a loss. He had no strength left to do anything, let alone get back to his feet. The Assassin was raising his saber to swing down onto Linduu’s neck and kill her when Jor-el closed his eyes. It seemed as if all time stopped and Jor-el was living in a moment. He began to remember the battle on Dantooine. This very Sith’s lightsaber sticking through his chest as he passed out from the pain. He remembered how his master had fallen at the hands of the Sith. That for the last 5 years he had been drifting in space alone and pointlessly all because of the Sith. He then began to dwell on his feelings for Linduu, the love she had brought into his life. The companionship, the joy, the laughter, and a soon to be born child. He never wanted to feel lonely again, he did not want to lose Linduu. He began to feel hatred, anger, and rage towards the Sith. And at the very moment when the feelings were at their peak, he grabbed onto them, fed on them, and became them.

Jor-el opened his eyes, everything seemed to be moving in slow motion. He jumped to his feet and stretched his hands towards the sky. He screamed from the bottom of his lungs a cry of anger. He then used the force to call his lightsaber to him. Upon touching his hand the beautiful silver glowing weapon turned a chilling shade of blood red. It was the deepest yet most radiant shade of red you could imagine. The saber seemed to be overloading as sparks began to fly from the center of it, almost as if it were electrically charged.

The Sith turned around as he sensed the disturbance in the force. Only to see a surge of blinding force lightning coming from the end of Jor-el’s lightsaber right towards his eyes. The Lightning hit, sending him flying backwards and to the ground. His eyes were now nothing more than smoldering holes on his face.

He cried out in pain. “What have you done? What manner of trickery is this? Jedi do not possess such power.”

“Silence!” Jor-el said with a deep and disturbing tone in his voice. He then raised his hand and force lifted the Sith into the air, tossing him across the port like a rag doll. He hit on the other side and Jor-el kept him there, 20 feet off the ground and stuck to the wall.

Jor-el looked up at the Sith, his eyes were blood red now as well. “Now, you will die!”

Jor-el then threw his lightsaber towards the Sith, guiding it with the force. It lodged itself into the helpless assassin’s chest.

“I will show no mercy towards you” Jor-el said with an emotionless voice.

He then clenched his hand into fist, causing lightning to emanate from his saber and electrocute the Sith to death. The Assassin now dead Jor-el let the charred, lifeless body fall to the ground and recalled his lightsaber to his hand.

Linduu finally awoke from her unconscious state. She sat up only to feel a strong dark side presence in the force behind her. She slowly turned around and saw Jor-el standing there looking down on her. His face looked like the most evil thing she had ever seen. His eyes were blood red and his lightsaber matched.

Shivers went up and down her spine. “Jor-el, is that you?” Linduu said with a quiver in her voice.

With that Jor-el’s facial features seemed to return to normal. His eyes turned back to their normal shade of blue and his saber back to its shimmering silver.

“Linduu, I…. I….” Were all the words Jor-el could mutter before he fell to the ground in a heap.

excellent job RB, you portayed the fight scene very well, but saber blades dont change colour according to the user's feelings.

well for all we know there could be a crystal that CAN do that. I thought that was very creative cause not everything has to be according to what we already know.

Good chapter once again, RB! Didn't see that coming at all! It was well worth the wait. ;)

And @RC, if the Midichlorians were involved when Jor-el was training, couldn't they have 'enhanced' his lightsaber crystal to enable it to change colours? Just a thought. :)

Thanks all :) I am glad that you are enjoying my story, and that it doesn't stink. :) Yay!

And RC :) In my story the saber blade DID change its color to match Jor-el's emotion. I don't have to hold exactly to everything in the SW universe. I mean come on, has anyone ever heard of the Midichlorians talking? You didn't complain about that ;) But thank you for the criticism, I need it to fuel more Ideas :) Jasra was pretty much right with her answer on the crystal. I will explain it more in later chapters.

ok, sorry bout that. good work once again.

ok, sorry bout that. good work once again.


No problem bro. No need to apologize. You didn't do anything wrong :) All is good in RB and RC land :noel:

^^^
:D thanks man. cant wait for the update

Just thought Yall would like to know. I will be updating with a new chapter within the next 12 hours or so.

Well here it is. My longest chapter yet.

Chapter XIV


Jor-el opened his eyes to the rays of sunlight that were filtering their way into the room through the window. His body was aching and his head felt like a Boma beast had stepped on it. He attempted to sit up only to fall back down to his pillow in pain. He then felt the soothing touch of Linduu’s hand upon his forehead.

“Easy there big guy, you had quite a day yesterday.” Linduu said in a caring voice.

“Linduu what happened? Where are we?”

“We are back in the apartment love, now rest, you need to let your body recuperate.”

Jor-el looked up at Linduu with curiosity and fear in his eyes. “Lin what happened? The last thing I remember was laying on the ground and that Sith was walking towards you and was about to dismember your head from your body. After that I blacked out, I can’t remember anything else.”

Linduu looked away from Jor-el and down at the floor. “All I know is that when I woke up from being unconscious, you were standing behind me. You looked like the most evil creature I had ever laid eyes on. Your face was contorted, your eyes were red, and your lightsaber was blood red as well.”

Jor-el was filled with horror on the inside, and it showed on his face. “I didn’t hurt you did I?”

“No my love, you didn’t touch me at all.”

Letting out a sigh of relief Jor-el asked, “You said that my eyes and saber were red?”

“Yes they were, it was one of the most horrifying moments of my life, but,” Linduu paused and looked into Jor-el’s eyes. “But when I spoke your name everything changed back to normal. Your face, eyes, saber, all of it, then you fell to the ground unconscious. Please Jor-el, I was so scared, please promise me that the whole evil transformation thing will never happen again.”

“I don’t know what happened love, and I don’t know how. But I promise that I will try my best to never let that happen again. And I promise that I will never ever hurt you.”

A few tears fell from Linduu’s eyes. “Okay, I will trust you.”

“And what happened to the Sith?” Jorel asked.

“All I know,” Linduu said. “Is that the assassin’s body was lying on the ground lifeless and burned. It appeared as if a lightsaber had been shoved through his chest. As for the burns, I don’t know. It’s possible that some of the fire from the ship got a hold of him.”

Jor-el thought for a moment. “I guess it is possible that I blacked out because of all the emotion that was running through me. Maybe it was me who killed the Sith. Perhaps I fed upon those feelings and became what I needed to become in order to save you. My master always told me that I had one of the strongest connections to the force that he had ever seen. But this might be a bit beyond that. What do you think?”

Linduu laid down beside Jor-el. “It is very likely that being trained by the Midichlorians themselves has caused us to become closer to the force than anyone ever thought possible. I mean some of the powers and abilities that we possess, you said no Jedi or Sith has ever been recorded as having them right?”

“Yes,” Jor-el said. “I guess that could explain a few things, what you are suggesting is possible. But as for my lightsaber changing colors, that is something that has never happened in the history of the order, at least not that I am aware of.”

Linduu had a revelation. “Wait, we took the crystals from the Midichlorian cave for our sabers right?”

“Yes we did” Jor-el replied.

“Well then what if these crystals are bonded to us? And since they are the same type of crystal that the Midichlorians speak through, then perhaps they possess special abilities as well. It is possible that the crystals change to reflect our mood, situation, or even our alignment with the force, ala light side or dark side.”

Jor-el smiled proudly. “Wow Lin, I think you are really on to something there, in fact I think you are absolutely right. That would sure explain a lot.”

Linduu pulled herself closer to Jor-el and kissed him on the cheek. “Well thank you love, I couldn’t have come to this conclusion without your help though.”

“I guess we will have to ask the Midichlorians about all this should we survive all that is to come. Hopefully we will be able to find our way back to their planet. But for now we must assume that all of our theories are correct.” Jor-el said.

Linduu got up out of bed and headed for the kitchen. “Are you hungry?”

“Yes Lin, I am starving.”

“What would you like me to make you?”

Jor-el smiled, “How about a brand new ship?”

“Ha ha, very funny sithy pants.” Linduu said as she poked her head around the corner, “How about some Gizka eggs and Drylek strips?”

“Yeah that will be fine.” Jor-el said as he managed to slowly pull himself to a sitting position on the edge of the bed. “You know that does present a whole new problem for us.”

“What are you talking about love?”

“Our ship, now that it has been destroyed we have no way off this rock.” Jor-el replied as he winced in pain standing to his feet, “Which means that we are sitting targets.”

“Yes I suppose you are right, which means that we need to figure something out fast.” Linduu came walking back into the room with the food. “What are you doing out of bed?”

“Bah, I can’t stand to be still when I have so much running through my head.” Jor-el said as he walked over to the window.

Linduu sighed, “Always on the move.”

Jor-el looked out over the city as the morning sun was hitting the tops of the buildings. “Hmm,” Jor-el thought aloud.

Linduu walked over to him and placed her hands on his shoulder. “What are you thinking Mr. Kenobi?” She began to gently massage his neck.

“That assassin had to come here by ship. Perhaps there is a way to find out which port it is in and steal it, I mean, borrow it temporarily. Lin where is T-4?”

“Oh he is in the front room standing guard.” She replied.

Jor-el turned around and looked at her inquisitively. “Standing guard?”

Linduu let out a chuckle, “Yes, I told him to use his shock arm on the first thing or person that came through the door and then to alert us.”

Jor-el yelled out to the front room. “T-4, come here please.”

“Beep beep dwoo.” The little droid responded as it came into the room.

Jor-el knelt down in front of it. “T-4, I need you to go find a computer port and try to hack into the docking control mainframe. Look for any records of a Sith raider or unregistered ship arriving in the last 3 days or so.”

“Dwoo.”

“Alright then off you go, make it as quick as possible.” Jor-el patted the little droid on the top of its metal head. T-4 turned around and exited the apartment complex.

Linduu helped Jor-el back to his feet. “That was really good thinking, let’s hope he finds something.”

30 minutes later T-4 returned to the apartment.

“Beep beep.”

Jor-el got up out from the table as he was just finishing his meal. “Great job T-4, I knew you could do it.”

Linduu came into the room from the back. “I take it he found what we are looking for?”

“Yes, he found a record of a Sith raider that landed 36 hours ago and tracked it down to dock C bay 7.”

“Then we will check it out in the morning.” Linduu said.

Jor-el put his cloak on. “No, we need to go now. Besides I have been out cold all night, so my body doesn’t need anymore rest.”

“Okay, if you say so fearless leader.” Linduu said with a hesitant tone in her voice.

“T-4 I want you to go to the raider now, we will meet you there in a few minutes. We just have to gather a few things first.” Jor-el instructed.

“Beep dwoo.” T-4 replied as he exited the complex.

5 minutes later Jor-el and Linduu were on their way to dock C. They found bay 7 where T-4 was sitting outside the door waiting for them to arrive.

“Okay T-4, do your stuff.”

T-4 plugged his arm into the computer port on the wall and began hacking away. Within seconds he had unlocked the bay door and they went inside. The raider was not much different from a Jedi fighter in design. It was slightly larger, having two seats in it instead of just one.

“Well looks like it’s time for us to get off this planet.” Jor-el said as he climbed into the cockpit. Linduu followed and sat in the seat right behind him. T-4 made his way over to underneath the wing, two mechanical arms came down and pulled him up into the droid holding compartment.

Jor-el studied the controls. “Let’s see now, how do we operate this thing. Ah there, looks like this thing is activated by that handprint device.” He said as he placed the palm of his hand on the sensor. Immediately upon touching it the ship’s cockpit closed itself and locked on top of them.

“Well this can’t be good.” Linduu said as she tried to push it open.

A pleasant female voice came through the ships computer. “Hand print I.D. not recognized. This ship will now return to the emergency location as a result of attempted theft.” With that the raider’s engines fired up.

“Jor-el, do something!” Linduu shouted as she buckled her safety harness.

“I’m trying, but nothing is responding! T-4 can you access the computer and stop this program?”

“Beep beep beep!”

“T-4 says that he is locked out of every system, looks like we are along for the ride Lin.”

“Well that’s just great now isn’t it Jor-el.” Linduu replied with a bit of anger in her voice.

The landing bay doors above them opened and the ship lifted off the ground. Upon clearing the atmosphere it began to power up its hyper-space engine.

“Jor-el it’s powering up for a hyper-space jump!”

“Yes, I know love. I am trying to stop it, could you please be quiet? You’re not helping things at the moment.”

Linduu folded her arms. “Humph.”

“Oh no, no no no!” Jor-el exclaimed. “This isn’t happening.”

“What now?” Linduu asked.

“The computer has set a course for Korriban!” Jor-el blurted out. “And I can’t stop it!”

With that the Sith raider entered hyper-space and disappeared from Tatooine.

Oooh! The whole remote control ship thing is kind of scary! And once again...you leave us hanging. :) Good job!

EXCELLENT!
great work man, i loved the remote starfighter thing. you did damn great. though, you could change the "sitting targets" to a more appropriate "sitting ducks", just my 2 cents

You know I thought about that as I was writing it RC. And then I thought to myself, "Are there ducks in the SW universe?" I personally have never seen a duck in SW. So I chose to stick with targets. But thanks for the advice, nice to see we had the same thought.

actually, in the novelisation of ANH, obi wan mentions a duck in front of luke and luke asks him "what is a duck?" and obi wan replies "never mind" so i guess there are ducks and i you see the data bank of AOTC on the original site, in the creatures tab, there is a link named "duck"

great chapther

Yay I am almost to 1,000 views! Not bad so far, at least not for my first fanfic. :)

Chapter XV


Jor-el, Linduu and T-4 were powerless to do anything. The Sith raider had seemingly hijacked them and was racing towards Korriban at faster than light speeds.

“Jor-el is there nothing you can do to stop this infernal ship?” Linduu was breathing rapidly and on the verge of having a nervous breakdown.

“Calm yourself Linduu, be mindful of your feelings. There is nothing to fear at the moment and getting overly excited isn’t going to make things any better.” Jor-el reached his hand back behind his head for Linduu to hold, hoping it would bring her some comfort and calm her down. “It appears that we are headed for Korriban and that our fates are in the hands of the force.”

She grabbed his hand and gripped it tightly. “Jor-el what is on Korriban? I have never been there. All I know about it is the stories that I used to hear when I was a child. All I know is that it is said to be a place of great evil.”

Jor-el winced at the massive understatement of her words. “Great evil indeed my love, Korriban used to be the home of the Sith. But after the Mandalorian wars, and after the Sith civil war, it became nothing more than dust and ashes. It is now just a graveyard of death. Many Sith lords now rest in tombs on the planet’s surface, and because of their fallen state their souls have not been able to become one with the force. They still linger, thus creating a strong dark side presence on Korriban for as long as it remains.”

Jor-el’s words sent shivers up Linduu’s spine. “Sounds like somewhere I don’t want to go, although it looks as if we don’t have a choice.”

Jor-el smiled. “Don’t worry my love, I am sure we will find nothing more than rubble and ruins once we get there.”

“Are you sure Jor-el? Why would this raider be programmed to take us there if nothing remained anymore?”

Jor-el thought for a moment. “It’s probably just an old program from back in the day, hidden away in its computer core all this time. Still you make a good point. We should be on our guard just in case.”

The raider lurched forward as it slowed down to exit hyperspace. Upon exiting the group was face to face with a huge armada of Sith cruisers and destroyers. They were orbiting the planet just as a pack of Kath hounds would their prey.

Jor-el felt a knot in the pit of his stomach. “Well looks like this place isn’t abandoned after all. I can’t believe the size of this fleet!”

“T-4 could you please scan the sector and report the number of ships?” Linduu asked.

“Beep beep woo.”

Jor-el’s mouth dropped wide open. “50 cruisers and 200 destroyers, how is that possible? Where are they getting the resources to build such a fleet?”

“Well remember Jor-el, the Sith are running the galaxy now. There is nothing to stop them from ravaging entire planets just for production’s sake.” Linduu replied as she shook her head in disbelief. “Why are they not hailing us?”

“Do I need to remind you that we are in a Sith raider my love? There is no need for them to police their own ships.”

“Right, I knew that.” Linduu replied, her cheeks a little red from the embarrassment of asking such a stupid question.

The ship continued it’s decent towards the planet’s surface. It entered the atmosphere and began heading straight for a massive spaceport.

Jor-el’s eyes were wide in amazement. “Will you look at this city it must be twice the size of Mos Eisly. How could they have built and developed so much in only 5 years?”

Linduu looked down on the buildings. “Yes it appears as if their resolve matches their unlimited resources.”

Beyond the city they could see the tombs of the Sith as well as the ruins of an old academy. The skyline above them was dark and foreboding. Lightning seemed to be a constant thing as well, for it filled the sky endlessly.

“This place gives me the creeps Jor-el, it really is evil.” Linduu said with a quivering voice.

“Hold on Lin, looks as if we are coming in for a landing.”

The raider slowed to a stop and hovered in mid air above an open docking space. It slowly descended and finally came to rest on the ground. Jor-el and Linduu exited the ship’s cockpit. T-4 started to leave the ship with them but Jor-el stopped him.

“No T-4, I need you to stay here. Now that the auto program has run its course I want you to see if you can rewrite the ship’s programming to fit our needs.”

“Beep beep”

“Very well then, I will keep in contact with you on our personal communicators.”

The two Jedi made their way out onto what appeared to be one of the main streets of the city. There were carts containing various things being pulled by Bomas as well as human slaves up and down the path. The street still unpaved threw dust in every direction, making it hard to breathe. There were buildings of all sizes all around them, cantinas, marketplaces, speeder shops, and even the occasional junkyard here and there. Many of the people began to notice the clothing on Jor-el and Linduu.

“Lin I think it would be a good idea if we got rid of these Jedi robes and found some more appropriate, shall I say plain attire.”

“Yes love, I think you are right.” Linduu replied.

They made their way to a clothing hut not more than two blocks away. Ten minutes later they emerged from the shop with new clothing.

Linduu studied their surroundings. “So what do we do now big guy?”

Jor-el noticed a few dark Jedi walking by. “Well we need to stay under the radar for now, at least until we can come up with a plan on what to do. We should probably find a place of lodging to stay at. After than we need to find out as much as we can about what’s going on around here. Also we need to see if we can pick up on a trail that might lead us to Vandar.”

Linduu rubbed her hand over her stomach in a circular motion. “Yeah I also wouldn’t mind getting some food, that wasn’t the shortest trip I have ever had.”

Jor-el nodded in agreement and they made their way to the nearest cantina. Once inside they took a seat near the back and ordered their food.

**************************************************

The two dark Jedi were going about their patrol of the spaceport when a masked figure in a dark cloak appeared before them.

“My lord, where did you come from? We did not sense your presence.” The two Sith said as they knelt on the ground.

The masked figure raised its hand for them to be silent. “A raider landed about 20 minutes ago.” It said with a low feminine voice. “Lord Vandar sensed that the two Jedi we have been hunting were in it.”

One of the patrol guards interrupted. “Are you sure my Lord? The Jedi, here?”

The cloaked figure raised her hand and lifted the one who interrupted her into the air. “You shall never interrupt me again.” She said as she choked him to death with the force. She let the body fall to the ground and looked at the other patrol guard. “Find the Jedi, and find them now or your death won’t be so quick.”

The dark Jedi bowed down to the ground. “Yes lord Lantill, it shall be done immediately.” With that he ran off into the city to find Jor-el and Linduu.

A moment later Lantill’s communicator began to buzz. She opened it up in the palm of her hand and a hologram appeared.

“Jasra have you found the two Jedi yet?” The figure in the image asked.

“No my lord Onasi, but they shall not remain hidden for long.” She replied with determination in her voice.

“Good, see to it personally that they are not allowed to leave the planet. Lord Vandar has seen through the force that my daughter is pregnant with Kenobi’s baby. He has special plans in mind for the child.”

Jasra smiled at the thought of what devious plans lord Vandar might have in mind. “Yes lord Onasi, I shall contact you as soon as I know where they are.”

**************************************************

John Onasi entered into Vandar’s palace. He walked into the throne room and knelt down on one knee before the dark lord. “My lord, they are on Korriban, we shall take them prisoner very soon.”

Vandar removed the dark hood from his head. “Good, good my faithful apprentice. Done well you have. The girl alive I want, but kill Kenobi you must.”

“Yes my lord, it shall be as you command.” John replied. With that he exited the throne room and made his way to his personal raider. It was a hybrid, a mix between a Naboo star fighter and a Clone trooper X-wing. He climbed inside the cockpit and strapped himself in. “Computer set a course for Korriban.”

“Course plot completed, engaging engines.” The computer replied.

John Onasi prepared himself for the 12 hour journey. His ship climbed into the air and exited the atmosphere.

The computer spoke once again. “Engaging hyper drive.”

The raider disappeared from Onderon’s orbit, John Onasi was on his way to kill Jor-el Kenobi.

excellent chapther .......but why isen't lord vandar at korriban its the strongest dark side place

You will find out :) As far as you know it is the strongest darkside place. Remember this is 1,000 years after KOTOR II ended, some things change ;) Just be patient.

heheh ok

Aaah! I didn't know I had such an evil streak in me! :giggle1: You're too kind. ;)

Very interesting chapter! Like your idea of the new Sith city on Korriban, and can't wait to see another conflict between John and Jor-el!

Jor-el, isn't that the name a of certain superheroe's father..."SUPERMAN". maybe you should come up with something unique.

Hey now, his is spelled Jorel. Mine is Jor-el. Besides I borrowed the Kenobi name and no one has complained :( I just liked the name Jor-el Kenobi, I can't help it. Sorry if it bothers you.

Great so far, when is the next Chapter coming.

PS: Please check out any of my Fanfics.

Yay I've reached the 1,000 view mark!!! It's time to celebrate!! A cake for everyone!!

Yay I've reached the 1,000 view mark!!! It's time to celebrate!! A cake for everyone!!

Congrats!!
:sbdance :cowdance :band1 :cheers: :emodanc:
And here's a party to go with your cake! ;)

Nice work, Renegade :D Good story you've got going here. And congrats on the 1,000 views, I noticed that the last time I stopped by to finish up reading the last few chapters. The only other thing I have to say is that I should probably start watching my back...:lol:

Nice work, Renegade :D Good story you've got going here. And congrats on the 1,000 views, I noticed that the last time I stopped by to finish up reading the last few chapters. The only other thing I have to say is that I should probably start watching my back...:lol:

Um... thanks for the props FF :) But looking over your back? Lol.... Yeah when elephants fly. You will never have to look over your back to worry about anyone as far as your writing goes.

Also I am starting work on chapter XVI now :) I should have it posted around 3 or 4 A.M. Wednesday morning.

Okay so I lied. I sat down for an hour and a half and here is the new chapter. :) It's not short, but it's not long either. Hope you all enjoy it. Leave me feedback :)


Chapter XVI



The deafening silence of the night sent shivers up Linduu’s spine. It was pitch black outside and there was a feeling of eeriness in the air. She walked over to the window of the room that she and Jor-el had found at an Inn for the night. She placed her hands on the window seal and peered out into the night. “How a place this big becomes so quiet is beyond my understanding. This place really gives me the creeps.”

Jor-el walked up behind Linduu and placed his hands on her shoulders. “It should give you the creeps my love. Korriban is filled with the dark side. In fact some say that Korriban came into existence as a result of the dark side of the force.” Jor-el said. “None the less, we have nothing to fear as long as we are together. As long as we focus our thoughts and watch each others backs, then we will make it through whatever this planet throws at us.”

“I hope you are right Jor-el. All I know is that I am glad I’m not here alone.” Linduu said. “So what did you find out at the central information hub?”

Jor-el turned around and sat down on the bed. “That this city is the only one on Korriban at the moment. It is the first of many that are planned as part of a restoration project.” Jor-el took a deep breath before he continued on. “And it appears as if Vandar is looking for something.”

“Looking for something? What do you mean?” Linduu asked.

“It seems that he is hiring as many archeologists as he can get his hands on.” Jor-el replied.

Linduu looked at Jor-el quizzically. “What is he looking for J?”

“Well the information hub didn’t have that stored in its database, and I expected that it wouldn’t. So I went back to the cantina and did some eavesdropping on some of the local’s conversations.”

Linduu sat down beside Jor-el. “And what did you find out?”

Jor-el got up from the bed and began pacing around the room.

“My Jor-el this must be serious. What is it? Come on and tell me already.” Linduu said.

Jor-el took a deep breath. “It seems that there is an ancient and powerful Sith artifact buried here on the planet in one of the tombs.” Jor-el paused for a moment. “One that if found will increase Vandar’s power ten fold.”

Linduu threw her hands up into the air. “Well this just keeps getting better and better now doesn’t it.”

“That’s not all.” Jor-el said. “I have sensed the presence of an old friend here on Korriban.”

“An old friend you say? Well that can’t be all bad can it?” Linduu asked.

Jor-el continued his pacing. “Yes it is actually. This friend of mine trained side by side with me during my early days at the Jedi academy. She was very wise and powerful for her young age. In fact I would say that she was leaps and bounds ahead of me in many aspects.”

Linduu noticed Jor-el’s facial expressions begin to drop. “What is it Jor-el? What happened?”

“She fell to the dark side and joined the Sith during the last war. Since I have sensed her presence here I fear that she has sensed mine as well. She poses a great threat to us, I don’t think we should stay here very long if we can help it.” Jor-el replied.

“What is her name J?” Linduu asked.

“Her name was Jasra Lantill, though I don’t know what she is called now. You know with how the Sith seem obsessed about changing their names to such meaningless things like, Darth booger, or Lord goober.” Jor-el replied.

“Ah I see.” Linduu said. “I see that you find the Sith changing their names to be quite pointless, even funny.”

Jor-el smiled. “Yeah I really never have understood why they do it, but that’s not the important thing right now. For the moment I think we need to concentrate on getting to this ancient artifact before the Sith do.”

“Any ideas on how we should go about doing that?” Linduu asked.

“Earlier in the cantina I overheard one of the Sith archeologist telling his companions that he had found the tomb where the artifact is said to be. Supposedly this tomb has not yet been discovered by anyone else.” A small smirk made its way onto Jor-el’s face. “I took the liberty of placing a tracking device into the cargo on one of the Banthas in their caravan. We should be able to follow them right to it.”

Linduu smiled at Jor-el’s resourcefulness. “Well done my love. Now what about numbers, how many of them are there going to be waiting for us at the tomb when we arrive?”

“I counted four of them in the cantina, and I figure a few of Vandar’s elite assassins will probably accompany them. After all, he wants this artifact really bad and wouldn’t risk the chance of an archeologist messing this whole thing up for him.” Jor-el replied.

“When are they setting out after the tomb?” Linduu asked.

“They have most likely already left my love. We should probably get going after them right away. All we have to do is follow the tracking device.” Jor-el replied.

“Sounds like a good plan, let’s make sure to keep our thoughts focused and centered.” Linduu said.

Jor-el put his arm around Linduu’s shoulders. “Of course my love, why wouldn’t we.” He said with a smile.

Jor-el and Linduu set out into the eerie night after the caravan. Making sure to stay out of sight and be as quiet as possible.

************************************************

John Onasi’s raider exited hyperspace and began its decent towards Korriban. He pushed a button and opened up a communications channel with Jasra.

“Lord Lantill, have you made any progress in detaining the two Jedi?”

“Yes my lord, all is going according as planned. We are tracking their every movement. At the moment they are headed out into the ruins. They are following the archeologist that claims to know where the tomb and artifact are located.” Jasra replied.

“Good, good, very well done Jasra. I will be on the planet’s surface in a few minutes. We will meet up then and head out after them. If they find the tomb then it will be much easier for us to kill Kenobi and capture the female once they are inside.” John said.

“Very well my lord, I shall be awaiting your arrival.” Jasra replied.

Jasra closed the communications channel and walked to the edge of the roof on top of the building on which she was standing. “Good.” She thought to herself. “Neither Vandar nor Onasi suspect anything. It appears as if though my plan is going to succeed after all.” She let out an evil, maniacal laugh as she peered out over the city.

great chapter

I'm evil and devious? ;) Good chapter! And less than two hours to write it? I'm definitely impressed! Go, RB, go! :sbdance

i like it. but some of your sentences are awkward, not that many.
Good stuff dude.

Thanks for the props all :) It gives me the encouragement to keep writing ;)

Sorry this one's not very long guys. I haven't had a lot of time lately to write. But I wanted to get some more posted, so here it is.

Chapter XVII


“Where are they now?” John Onasi asked.

“By now I would imagine that they have uncovered the entrance to the tomb and are probably inside.” Jasra Lantill replied as she knelt before her lord.

“You may rise.” John said. “We should probably make our way to the cave now if we are to have any chance of trapping the girl.”

Jasra rose to her feet. “My Lord, shall I order these assassins to accompany us?” She asked as she pointed to the cloaked figures behind her.

“No, we can handle this on our own.” John replied. “Lord Vandar gave me strict instructions to handle this alone, with the exception of you. He was very angry after I returned empty handed from my first battle with Kenobi. I won’t give him a second chance to berate me.”

“Very well my Lord.” Jasra said as she and John turned to face the ruins. “I promise you my master. Jor-el Kenobi will not make it through this night alive.”

John turned and faced her. “He had better not. Otherwise I am going to separate your head from your body.” He waved his hand towards the ruins. “Now let us depart.”

They started off with a slow jog and worked their way up to a brisk run as they headed towards the tomb.

“No my master, it is your head which will be removed on this night.” Jasra thought to herself as she ran stride for stride with him.

******************************************

Jor-el and Linduu were standing at the tomb entrance looking inside.

“Do we have to go in there?” Linduu asked. “This place really gives me the creeps.”

Jor-el smiled at her comment. “I will admit that this place isn’t exactly the hottest vacation spot.” He looked back down into the dark tomb entrance. “None the less, we have to go in. If we wait any longer then we risk having the archeologist find the artifact.”

“Well why can’t we just wait out here and jump them when they come out?” Linduu asked.

“Because if one of those assassins that escorted them in there comes out holding the artifact, well, let’s just say that I think he would be more than a match for us. Of course that is assuming the stories that I heard about this thing are true.” Jor-el replied.

Linduu raised one of her eyebrows. “So what, we wait for them to find it, but take care of them before they can grab it?”

Jor-el smiled. “Now you’re getting the idea. It’s about time you started learning to think strategically.”

Linduu shot one of those icy female glances over at Jor-el. “What are you trying to say? That I didn’t know how to do so before?” Linduu walked over to Jor-el and cupped his face in her hands. “Give me a little more credit than that love. I got you to fall in love with me didn’t I?”

“Oh now you’ve gone from strategic, to smart aleck.” Jor-el replied with a smile on his face. “Come on then, let’s get inside and do what we came here for.”

They stepped inside the tomb entrance and began sneaking closer and closer towards where the archeologist was searching. They followed the sounds of the voices up ahead of them that echoed through the catacombs of the tomb.

“There they are. Quick, hide!” Linduu whispered as she ducked down behind a rock formation.

Jor-el hid behind some boxes of equipment that the Sith had brought with them. “Be on your guard now, there’s no telling what might happen from this point on.” He whispered.

“Wait, I think I’ve found it!” yelled the archeologist. “Wait, never mind. It’s just an old depleted lightsaber emitter.”

Linduu looked around the big room and noticed something odd. “Something’s not right here.”

Jor-el glanced over at her. “What do you mean?”

“There aren’t any markings or writings describing who this tomb belongs to.” She replied.

Jor-el looked down at the ground with a frown. “You’re right.” He said still whispering. “But why would there be no writings? I mean if even the artifacts left behind by this Sith are so powerful, then surely he was a great Sith lord of much renown.”

“Perhaps I can answer that question.” A female voice said from behind them as Jasra and John stepped out of the darkness and into the light of the torches that hung from the wall.

************************************************
(6 hours ago.)


“My lord will you keep the artifact for yourself?” The young assassin asked.

“How can I keep something that doesn’t exist?” Jasra replied.

“What do you mean my lord?” The assassin asked her.

“The artifact, the tomb, it is all just a lie.” Jasra replied.

The young assassin looked puzzled. “A lie, what do you mean? Why would you lie about such a thing?

“You have so much to learn, and my patience is growing very thin with you.” Jasra replied with anger in her voice. “It is all a part of my plan to kill Lord Onasi and take his place as Vandar’s second in command.” Jasra was now looking up into the sky with her arms outstretched towards the clouds. “And then I shall kill Vandar and become the new ruler of the Sith!”

“So the tomb and the artifact don’t exist?” The young Sith asked.

“Well the artifact doesn’t, but the tomb does in a way.” Jasra replied. “I found an empty cave network about 3 months ago. So I decided to use it to aid me in my plan of killing Lord Onasi.” Jasra had a proud smirk on her face now. “So I did a few things to make the inside of the cave look like a tomb. Then I spread the rumors about the powerful artifact in hopes that Lord Vandar would send his second in command here to search for it. Now I will admit things haven’t quite worked out like I planned. But none the less Lord Onasi is on his way here as we speak. Once I get him alone he is a dead man.”

“But my lord, don’t you fear that he or Vandar will sense your plot through the force?” The assassin asked.

Jasra ignited her red double bladed lightsaber and pressed it up very close to the young Sith’s throat. “That is the last time that you ever question me again, do I make myself clear?” The young Sith nodded in acknowledgement. “Good, remain loyal to me and I will make you a ruler of many worlds. Neither Vandar nor Onasi will find out about what I am planning. I can shield my thoughts from them just as easily as I can walk across the street.”
********************************************
(Back to the present.)


Jasra looked over at the assassins which were guarding the archeologist. “It seems we have some intruders over here that need to be taught a lesson.”
The four assassins walked over towards where Jor-el and Linduu were now standing.

“Capture the girl, leave the male to us.” Jasra commanded as she and John ignited their lightsabers.

The assassins ignited their sabers as well and began to move towards Linduu. Jor-el and Linduu gave each other a look that said, “I love you, no matter what happens, I love you.”

Linduu ignited her pink double blade and dropped into a defensive position. The four Assassins leaped towards her and began their attack. Jor-el ignited his silver lightsaber and instantly went on the offensive. Slashing, thrusting, ducking and countering every attack that Jasra and John made.

Jor-el and Linduu were in for the fight of their lives.

A great Chapter. Will Jor-el and Linduu survive? I can't wait to find out.

I've had the opportunity to look over the thread, and I find your story quite interesting. You have a nice ability to suddenly change the plot in unexpected ways, and your cliffhangers keep us all hanging on for the next installment.
I would recommend a couple things to make this even better. First, double check the grammar before posting--you need some more commas in your sentences. There are a number of style guides with all those retentive punctuation rules. They're not fun to read through, but good grammar really does help the reader understand your thoughts better. Consider reading it out loud to yourself or someone else--I've found that I pick up some more grammar errors that way besides just re-reading it. Second, because of the length of your fic, you're probably at the point where you do need to develop some kind of outline (instead of writing on the fly) to prevent continuity errors. In one chapter you mention Jor-el has a pure heart, but in the next chapter we see him doing a mind control technique and forcing Lin to draw a moustache on herself. Even though you meant to incorporate it as humor, the act itself is pretty darkside if you think about it. Since he was making fun of her in that scene, I also had a little trouble believing he had feelings for her after that. Later in the battle near the destroyed Ethon Star, he throws his pregnant wife against a wall (which is also a pretty dark act), but in the next chapter, he asks her if he hurt her, and she says he didn't touch her.
That being said, I loved the idea of a Midichlorian planet, and the color-changing saber crystal is very cool. The sub-story with Jasra plotting against her masters is so very Sith--you captured that one well. You've given your main characters enough depth for me to start to care about them and what happens to them. There is excitement in your action sequences. In some of them, I really do wonder if Jor-El's going to bite the dust, which of course makes me want to read further. Each chapter you write is better than the one before, and I encourage you to keep writing. We all have to find out what happens to Jor-El and Linduu! :) Keep it up.

Thanks for the advice Jae. :) I do have an outline, but it is in my head. The story is probably going to be over within 5 chapters or so, "or some where around there." :( And the gramar thing, yeah I have always had problems with my gramar. I am trying really hard to make it all correct, but I will always miss some. :( And to answer your pure heart question about Jor-el, it's true that he does have a pure heart, much like Anakin Skywalker had a pure heart. But like Anakin, Jor-el was overcome by his emotions at the moment, and made the wrong choice on how to handle them. He does love Linduu, and does have a pure heart. In the moment where he force pushed her across the room, he was already overcome by anger towards the Sith, and didn't remember doing that. And Linduu was telling the truth, he didn't physically touch her. ;) But as you have pointed out, I am sure that I do have a few continuinity errors in my story overall, just bare with me through those. :) Once again, thanks for taking the time to read through all of my story up to this point.

I can't wait to read the next chapter of your Fic. :)

I hear you on the grammar thing. I can't tell you how many sentences I've diagrammed in my life. Blech. I appreciate you taking my comments the way they were meant, which is just to suggest things to keep and things that can help you make your story even better. :)

I'm glad you explained those plot points--I understand better where you're going with it now. As for continuity issues--I didn't see any others.

It's finished in just a few more chapters? You're going to make a lot of readers very sad that you're finishing so soon. ;)

Very kind of you to include my little story in your sig. Thanks!

Well, it's tentative, perhaps 5 chapters or so. But it might stretch out to 10 knowing me. I have one more big part of this story, and it is going to take some long writing and description. Not to mention I have to start work on the next chapter to finish this fight. And all I have to says is, "You are all going to hate Jasra after the next chapter."