Coruscant Entertainment Center

Whole lotta loss (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=199477)
Vanir

No specific era given: A rescue mission encounters horror

It’s console (Panel) not consol (Give comfort).

The basics were good, the action well done. Having the creature be a vampire (As in blood sucking type) stretched it a bit. Also as something that sucked life, the bio systems (Lighting on the derelict ship and the biometric capacitors on his own ship) would have been drained as well. There is no explanation as to why mechanical devices should be affected by drainage and these systems would not. Nor how he could set up a self destruct without thinking of it.

Technical note: You keep thinking of a ship as a building. You gave dimensions in both stories and the proper keel and beam lengths, the correct term is draught. It would be a deck plan, not a floor plan. I see there is yet another article for the resource center here.

Loss (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=199487)
Alkonium

Set in Alkonium’s AU: The main character remembers the events that led up to the present.

The piece is well done, albeit short. It is more a prologue than a story Al.

exodus is created (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=199756)
Exoduz

Many years before KOTOR: A Jedi kills what he loves.

The piece is too short and abrupt to judge. You went from one fight scene to another with little between, leaving me unsatisfied as to why anything was happening. You also killed one character long before his time.

The New Sith Empire (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=200157)
Ashnan Corri

The Battle of Endor: What if Luke had fallen to the Dark Side here?

The writing is pretty good AC, but the sheer logistics of what you portray don’t measure up. First, the only Republic troops on Endor were the team Han and Leia brought, so there were no ‘countless waves’ to confront. As for the space battle the fleet they faced was large enough to smash the Rebel alliance fleet if as Shakespeare had commented ‘any order may be found’.

As was shown on Jabba’s Sail barge, Luke was good, but not so good he could protect himself against a number of people at the same time. If the Rebels had concentrated their fire on him the battle would have ended there.

I can’t see Leia and the others merely knuckling under either. Han had too much experience fighting against the Empire to merely cave in so readily, and Leia would have hated her brother for doing what he had done to betray their cause. Like a lot of ‘the good guy goes bad’ stories, everything went too well for the bad guys.


Over at kotorfanmedia I have just finished off the Light Side Male Revan category, and will start on the Light Side Male Exile next.

Light Side Male Revan

The Sub Nazi (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/8434)
Elwin Ransom

KOTOR On Manaan: The greatest warriors in the galaxy lost to them?

I brought this up and began reading. The reason I used Canderous’ line above is simply because I didn’t believe they had lost to them either. Having Canderous admit to being a romance writer was a riot, and the entire ‘Sub-Nazi’ sub plot was outrageous. Too ridiculous for words, but a lot of fun.

Pick of the Week

Psychotic Man Slayers (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/8469)
Triple E

KOTOR Aboard Ebon Hawk: Trapped in hyperspace with three women at that time of the month…

Being in my fifties, I have seen every stage of PMS they portrayed here, and I wanted to roll on the floor and laugh. Jolee’s reaction was perfect, Canderous dives for cover, Dryan (Revan) gets drenched and Carth was the unwitting target. Just delightful.

Pick of the Week

Knight of the Old Republic, Chapter 1 : The Endar Spire (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/8507)
Taryn

KOTOR aboard the Endar Spire: The frantic rush to escape.

The piece was good if a bit generic. Having the main character be rattled by the idea of combat and surviving more by luck than anything else was a good bit.

My view when I did the same scene with my own LSF Revan was that there were too many muscle memories to avoid, so mine was a soldier believing herself a sergeant, so efficiency would be the norm.

There were no major problems with it, just polishing, which is good. One of the better retellings of this scene.

Hangover (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/8666)
Lord Zeuss

KOTOR on Dantooine: Starting your training with a headache and needing to make an apology is not a good thing

From the title I fully expected the headache to be a hangover, but was pleasantly surprised. The interplay from Belaya walking by to see him in the nude to Bastila being upset that he had apologized first was very well done. If the game had shown such a lackluster beginning, we would have despaired of him ever learning the force.

Evanescent Part 1 (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/8076)
Lord Zeuss

Six months PostKOTOR: Torn by visions, Revan must journey into Unknown space. Bue he will not be going alone.

This sentence; ‘comprehension without understanding’ confused me, because the definition of comprehension is perception or understanding. I understand what you mean, knowing what and how to fit in without understanding the method of it, but some might stumble over the phrase before they get it.

The piece is well wrought, the fact that both suffer from regrets for what they had done well established. The vision, as visions do, tell little, but give us a sense of foreboding. This looks like one of those I am going to wish I could read all the way through.

Pick of the Week

Of Love (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/8795)
TehRyder

KOTOR After Leviathan: Carth can have his revenge… If he denies his heart.

Except for the last few paragraphs, you would not even know this is a slash story. The hatred Carth must feel for the one he believes is the author of his pain is perfectly portrayed. Revan’s reply when asked, that he can’t think of a reason why Carth should not kill him perfect in the weariness of someone who has just been told he is the most hated man in the universe. Even without the ending, it would have worked, as none of us could see Carth as a cold blooded killer.

Pick of the week

The Collectors, Part 1 (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/8981)
Ryl00

KOTOR enroute to Tatooine: An unexpected delay has the crew deciding to do some exploring.

The interplay between the characters at the Pazaak table is humorous, Jolee coming across as not too bright, but as one who has dealt with card sharps before, I found it amusing. Too short to get an accurate feel for it.

Missing Pieces: Chapter 1 (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/8695)
Back In Blaque

PostKOTOR: Sequel to Too Many Justins, a failed spy finds only one way out.

Without reading the entire story (Which I have not done; I have too much going on in my life to read everything that appeals to me) I was a bit lost. I did work out what was happening, but as another reviewer said, not knowing who most of the characters were slowed me down. The angst and decision were well done.

The Collectors, Part 1 (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/8981)
Ryl00

KOTOR enroute to Tatooine: An unexpected delay has the crew deciding to do some exploring.

The interplay between the characters at the Pazaak table is humorous, Jolee coming across as not too bright, but as one who has dealt with card sharps before, I found it amusing. Too short to get an accurate feel for it.


Thanks for the review! I meant for Jolee to come across as teasing Mission by intentionally 'acting his age' (older person frustrates younger person trying to teach him/her something), but obviously it wasn't clear.

My fic Loss wasn't supposed to be a standalone story, more an in-character retrospective on events in The Sith Resurrection Part V.

Thanks for the review! I meant for Jolee to come across as teasing Mission by intentionally 'acting his age' (older person frustrates younger person trying to teach him/her something), but obviously it wasn't clear.

On Star Trek the Next Generation they had an episode where someone asked Commander Riker if he knew Poker, and he replied, 'I've heard of the game' which implied as Jolee did that he didn't know the game...

That is what I meant about cardsharps, kid.

Coruscant Entertainment Center

Storytelling (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=200285)
Darth Betrayal

No era given: The children of the Wookiee listen to stories.

The setting is interesting, but I for one would have wished to hear the professional just to see the balance. Good work.

Reality Show 2012: Skeletons in my Closet (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=200324)
Tysyacha

NonSW Fiction: A new reality show is revealed

The piece sounds interesting. I for one loathe reality shows. My usual sarcastic comment is that if you want a real reality show, grab a bunch of Amish and dump them in Las Vegas, or a tribe of Kalahari bushmen dumped in any big city.

The modern reality show puts them in tough situations, but nothing really life threatening.

2112 (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=200105)
Alkonium

This piece was reviewed previously, and this is a requested second review.

The biggest problem Alkonium is that musicals are not really my thing; The last musical I saw that I enjoyed was 1776.

The plot is good, like any where a utopian society faces some grit in the gears. Remember that the word Utopia if translated directly from the original Greek meant ‘no place’. Such societies are always static because change would cause disruption. But as the Norse gods found out, a static society leads to Ragnarok.

I, Avenian (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=199311)
Lord of Hunger

This piece was reviewed previously, and this is a requested second review.

Technical comment: Ordering that no prisoners would be taken is not only a violation of the Jedi mindset, it is a war crime. Units have done so in history, the First Special Service Force from WWII comes to mind, but if you are trying to break the morale of an enemy, it is not a way to do it. The only thing that would come of it is the enemy would use the same attitude. The problem you would have is everyone who was sick of fighting would keep fighting all the harder, and any of your men already captured would now be at risk. Worse yet, if there were honest trials afterward, your actions would be considered the cause of the enemy’s action, so the guilt of all of those unnecessary deaths would be yours to shoulder.

Remember, the rallying cry of the Texas War of Independence was to remember the Alamo and Goliad, both places where captured prisoners were killed out of hand.

One question; was the Mando’a woman killed protecting Cathar civilians supposed to be any relation to my Merissa, as in her daughter Tirith?

kotorfanmedia

Light Side Female Revan

Sleepless Nights (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/9100)
NyghtRaven

Starting two months PostKOTOR: As memories emerge, Revan must go to the Unknown Region, leaving her love behind

The piece is interesting, primarily because of the vague nature of her memories. The scene on the planet at the end, her cursing her ship and threatening the local wildlife was choice.

The Reunion (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/9101)
NyghtRaven

Ten years PostKOTOR: A badly batter Revan is returned to the Republic, and Carth can only undertake a vigil at her side.

If this is supposed to be a sequel for sleepless nights, then Revan appears to have slipped her leash again. The vigil, and HK’s reaction was well done.

Light Side Male Revan

New Dawn Fades, Prelude (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/9061)
Ryl00

KOTOR Aboard Star Forge: Revan has only one choice, and even as he acts, he regrets it.

The piece was poignant. The scene is etched in your mind as you picture it, and while you know what he must do, you regret it almost as much as he does.

Pick of the Week

Carth's Blaster, Part 1 (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/9076)
Ryl00

KOTOR on Manaan: Bastila and Mission team up to retrieve Carth’s blaster… The fact that Mission is the one who lost it in a pazaak game is purely incidental…

The piece was amusing, primarily in Mission’s constant attempts to make it ‘their’ problem rather than her own, and twisting Bastila around her finger like a cheap dime store ring. It’s a pity I won’t have the time to follow up on it. With this as an example, I’m seriously bummed.

Pick of the Week

Light Side Male Exile

Hunter Chronicles (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/149)
Darth Hunter

Possibly Post TSL: A Sith lord begins hunting the Ebon Hawk’s crew.

The piece flowed well, but the battle was confusing. The main reason is with seven light saber wielding people fighting, there isn’t a compartment aboard the Ebon Hawk large enough for the battle you describe. Also, it would have been more logical for him to disable the ship first rather than board. The scene cutting through the blast door is reminiscent of Phantom Menace, but a ship as small as the Ebon Hawk would not have redundant blast doors; there isn’t enough space in the deck plan to hold them.

That Old, Familiar Feeling (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/311)
WraithFighter

PostTSL: One way to get him to talk is get him drunk

The piece flowed very well, and as much as Bastila denigrated it, delaying the inevitable is a good choice if you’re overmatched. The scene in the bar was perfect, and I had not anticipated that the waitress would be Mission. I understood Atton’s fear, as we all do (The scene usually happens on Nar Shaddaa) so moving it to here after the game is a well thought out tactic.

The Wayside, Chapter One (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/321)
gan xinqba

Originally posted 13 January 2006 Original review below;

Set in KOTOR II I believe. An intelligence agent and an ex-Jedi apprentice investigate the suspicious deaths of several Jedi masters.

Written in a journalistic style, the author leads you gently into the story with a bit about the main character, setting the scene and characters, and draws you into his created world. Very well done.

Reprise Pick of the Week

Stray Shot (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/324)
Skypilot

TSL after Nar Shaddaa: A dream reveals some reality

The basics are good. The dream segueing into the present with Mira finally recognizing the person in it smoothly done. The idea that the Exile needed to be redeemed from the dark side and her actions then had done so well done.

Pick of the Week

My fic isn't over yet. I'm going to do the professional story too. Thanks for the review. :D

My fic isn't over yet. I'm going to do the professional story too. Thanks for the review. :D

As I would expect and anticipate.

Coruscant Entertainment Center

Astor Kaine (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=200399)
Conspiracy

Coruscant after the formation of the new Republic: A police officer is caught up in a web of intrigue.

The basic story is pretty good, AK, but there are some procedural problems in the last scenes. There is an old Dragnet TV show (All episodes based on factual events) that springs to mind. Sergeant Friday is walking into a Laundromat, and catches a man slip wiring a coin machine. When he shouts he is a police officer, the man draws a gun and fires at him. Friday shoots the man. In the episode the investigation turned ugly when there is no sign of the bullet the assailant had fired. At that point Friday was relieved of duty pending investigation.

First: A street cop is not going to arrest a sergeant at this point. The facts may not be in, but he is still a police officer. He would have been held at the scene while other specialist officers arrived. Among them would be homicide, Internal Affairs (Due to an officer involved shooting) and forensics. Only after these had arrived would anything be done about him specifically. Homicide would determine what they could, and IA would have escorted him down town, still uncuffed. At that time, he would be suspended for the duration of investigation, and his sidearm taken. He would still not be arrested or detained.

Second, it is a common stance under law enforcement that flight implies guilt. While the kid trying to make the bust is overstepping his authority, the sergeant is now believed to be the murderer, because logically an innocent man would not flee.

The Rise of Darth Scorcher (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=200437)
onebaddude

After formation of the New Republic: A new menace arises.

The basics are good, but we know nothing of any note about the main character.

As I have said before, things go a little too well for the bad guy. He hides his fall, takes control of the Imperial remnant (Which has been tried by other ascending Darths who failed miserably) then sits like a spider waiting for a new Jedi to come along and become his apprentice.

Also if there was a replacement for Palpatine there should be more about him recorded. How he fought the Rebel Alliance for example, and how he died. You have added him as your non-canon character, but there is less about him than about the main one.

Not bad for a first attempt. Welcome to the forum.

Alternate history: U.S.A. vs. France (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=200498)
Ping

Not much yet. However there are some glaring flaws in the logic.

New Orleans was ceded to the Spanish in the Treaty of 1763, and the city did not return to French rule until 1801. Then in 1803 the city was ceded to the US along with the Louisiana purchase. So your French government would have to be fighting two wars; one against the Spanish, and also with the US. Fighting Spain would be no biggie, the Spanish Empire started crumbling not long after the Armada.

Napoleon was only a general in 1798; he would not hold his coup d’etat until a year later, and would not become Emperor until 1804. Part of the reason Napoleon as First Consul sold the Louisiana purchase to the US was because of staggering debts caused by the Monarchy and the first Republic.

Welcome to the forum

Over at kotorfanmedia Satiar sent me an email asking that I review this work. If the blurb isn’t what you wanted, kid; let me know.

kotorfanmedia

Not Always Made to Last (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/8299)
Satiar

KOTOR After the Star Forge: The relationship ends gently, and both feel a bit relieved.

The piece is wonderful work. The sadness of a relationship ending, but friendship even at a distance remains for both. Poignant is the best way to describe it.

Pick of the Week

Light Side Female Revan

Into Darkness Chapter One (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/9117)
Jayd

Originally reviewed 23 June 06. That review is below.
During the confrontation in the Rakatan Temple in KOTOR I: Revan takes a middle road not offered in the game.

Well written, intriguing suggestions. Worth a second glance.

The problem with a game such as KOTOR is that you are faced with what are essentially binary solutions. If you do this, you slide toward the dark side, if you do this instead, you slide toward the light. Real life is more like what Jayd portrays.

That is what bothers me. Back in the 60s, a lot of people compared the Lord of the Rings to the Second World War, which was raging when Tolkien wrote it. When asked Tolkien replied that the attitude of the ‘ends justifies the means’ would have had someone putting on the ring to defeat Sauron, then someone else would have had to kill this new terror quickly.

His last comment was the most telling. ‘To be the good guy means refusing to take that easy road‘.

As Jayd asked, I read it and the rewrite is as powerful as the original. All I can say is…

Reprise Pick of the Week

Light Side Male Revan

SW KOTOR: Fall (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/9124)
Darth Zether

PreMandalorian Wars: A vision of the future sets what will later be KOTOR in motion.

It wasn’t until I found out about Alek that I figured out who the main character was. It was interesting and the only thing that bothered me about the KOTOR universe in that the Dark Side version still had the same name since everyone else seems to have some ludicrous name assigned.

Leaving that aside the piece is well wrought, and the call to arms very strong. I have always thought that standing aside showed not restraint but cowardice on the part of the council I honestly believe if they had explained their reasoning, the Jedi might not have gone to war and fallen.

Light Side Male Exile

Chapter I: Awaken (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/66)
Green Dragon

TSL on Peragus: The Exile begins his mission.
The telling is generic, though the asides to himself were interesting.

Hiding (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/476)
Attonrand

TSL enroute to Telos: Atton may be hiding something new.

The piece started out pretty generic, but changed abruptly. The change surprised and delighted me. Very well done.

Pick of the Week

Spam Wars (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/522)
AngryFan

TSL Aboard Ebon Hawk bound for Nar Shaddaa: The Sith and Jedi hostility is nothing compared to mods and forumites…

An amusing little piece. It started out a bit generic, Atton and the Exile playing pazaak, then the skifter hit’s the table. From there it went off at a tangent, and never really came back. It was fun.

Not-So-Pure Pazaak (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/547)
Attonrand

TSL Aboard Ebon Hawk: Well at least they’re not fighting…

The piece was a lot of fun. The pair did everything but fight. And the ending as Atton would say, was pure pazaak.

Pick of the Week

Not So Epic Endings (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/759)
DarthRevanrlz

TSL on Malachor V: This would have been a better ending.

Dialogue only works sometimes, and it did in this case. As another reviewer commented, I could hear the raised voices, flailing arms, and angry faces in my head. The back and forth became amusing, even arguing over what to call Kreia-Traya caused me to smile. Being hung up on admitting she is his mother even making him search his feelings over and over made me laugh.

This would have been a better script for the end, of course most of us would agree that anything might have been better.

Pick of the Week

Exile vs. Sion (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/1027)
Revan The White

TSL on Malachor V: The fight between Sion and the Exile takes several weird turns.

The piece was light and amusing. Interrupting a saber duel so Sion can take a voice call from Atris was choice.

Pick of the Week

Thanks for the review, although honestly I'm not tempted to continue the series since I haven't had much feedback other than yours, but still, thanks.

Thanks for the review, although honestly I'm not tempted to continue the series since I haven't had much feedback other than yours, but still, thanks.

if you look at my more recent stuff you will see few comments. It's like pulling teeth sometimes. So don't let that deter you

kotorfanmedia

Light Side Female Exile

They Break in the Head (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/9127)
Inuki

TSL Aboard the Ebon Hawk: Atton explains where one of his injuries came from

An interesting blending of Star Wars and Asimov’s Three Laws of Robotics. We see too many droids killing people to really accept it, though the theory makes sense for a civilian populace.

Light Side Male Revan

The Altar of Judgment - 1: Cornered (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/8738)
Bobgens001

PostKOTOR: Revan and Bastila go on a mission that doesn’t start smoothly

The work is well done, the situation laid out smoothly, even the humor fit well. Fearing what you were and what you might become again is a constant in the Star Wars universe spicing it just a little.

Pick of the Week

Light Side Male Exile

Heart of the Huntress (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/1243)
Bakhu

TSL on Malachor V: Mira has to tell him how she feels… just not yet.

The interplay between Mira’s emotions and the events going on around them is a fun read. Having as much competition as she does is no help to the emotions she wants to express. The last line is perfect, a logical unemotional reason to remain.

And as Doctor McCoy said at another such rational pint, in a pig’s eye.

Pick of the week.

From One Exile to Another Chapter 1: I Looked Upon him with Love
(http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/1224)
DarthGriz98

TSL On Telos: The handmaiden carries out her part of Kreia’s plan, and discovers that she does love the Exile.

The piece was interesting albeit short. The flow could have been better, and the fight scenes were too abbreviated. Nothing that polishing would not cure.

Chapter One - Snap Shots from the Past (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/1434)
Wintera

Originally reviewed 21 July 2006. Review below

Prelude to KOTOR: The events from before finding the Star Map to the direct confrontation with Mandalore.

An excellent work. The author had my attention from the first. My only problem is ‘who’ is the master she spends time with at the start? Unfortunately, I do not have time to read all of the other postings.

Reprise Pick of the Week

The Bounty Hunter and the Scoundrel, Chapter 1 (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/1766)
Kandon Kuuson

PostTSL: With the Exile now off to find Revan the characters miss specific people.

As an introduction this was outstanding. Having the male and female characters paired off, yet unsure if the other returns their affections is well done. Especially that bit of jealousy from Brianna at the end…

Pick of the Week

The Horn Mystery (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/1948)
Kandon Kuuson

Post Yuuzan Vong wars: Corran Horn learns more about his elusive ancestor.

Forgetting words, ‘He looked at tool of information” Which should have been ‘He looked at the tool of information’ and ‘While I bring up the necessary information’ which should have been Wait while I bring up the necessary information’. Don’t feel too bad. It’s something I do when a story is flowing well.

As another noted, Keiran Halcyon was from only four centuries previous, not 4 millennia. But not a bad idea.

The General Returns to War (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/2074)
Ocelott

Originally posted 22 Dec 2006, that review is below;

Set after TSL: The exile finally meets Revan again.

The scenes are well laid out, the story flows smoothly.

The self denigrating way Danna (Revan) speaks is instantly appealing. My favorite line is Revan’s ‘Go figure. You create an evil empire, kill a few million people, and you start to get a bad rep.”

Reprise pick of the week

Dear Diary (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/2328)
Evil Shall Giggle

TSL After Telos: Atris rereads her diary

The piece was cute because even in her diary, Atris is too bluntly honest with herself. She imagines what could have happened, then what actually did. Each time stepping a little further away from the Exile, then mourning his departure alone rather than admit it.

Nice to see our favorite ice maiden had a a heart after all.

When We Say Good Bye (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/2336)
Shara

PreTSL: After being sentenced to Exile, he had to say goodbye

The piece is excellent in a number of ways. As another commented, it was curious to see Atris jealous of a female Revan for taking away ‘her’ man. Another excellent work.

Pick of the Week

Live a little (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/2451)
Shara

PreTSL: With a little effort, friendship will grow.

An interesting view, especially taken with the story by the same author above. We see here what might be the beginning of a relationship between Atris and the Exile. Perhaps all someone had to do was really give her the attention she unwittingly craved.

Pick of the Week

Burning Heart (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/2035)
Darkness and Light

Post TSL: The Exile didn’t know what he would give up to find Revan

The piece is all dialogue, and heartrending. I was bothered that the author never revealed who was supposed to be his wife. But we know he misses her deeply.

Welcome to the forum

Heh, thanks. I didn't expect to have a review with praise or anything, but still, what you pointed out is good to help me write a better story :). This just means I'll have to do my research more carefully ;).

Heh, thanks. I didn't expect to have a review with praise or anything, but still, what you pointed out is good to help me write a better story :). This just means I'll have to do my research more carefully ;).

The thing to remember about alternate history is to use something that could easily happen because of events. As an example, Harry Harrison wrote Stars and Stripes forever which started out as a good premise (England going to war with us because of the Trent Affair) but then had the South reconciling too easily after the battle of Shiloh (And an attack on Confederate Mobile by the Brits) to fight the British invaders.

From what I've seen of the Southern commanders, I would have sat back and waited for the North to either be defeated, or kick into high gear so that they face a war on two fronts, not reconcile and fight together.

In fact, if I could find out more about the Sweetcomb&Long Land battery, I would be able to proceed with my own alternate history of that period. The device mentioned above was the first attempt at what we call a tank.

The period you picked would not have made Napoleon's job easier, as the Nile Campaign might have.

Coruscant Entertainment Center

Music of the Force (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=200661)
Writer

Submission to the Getting the Crystals contest.

During AOTC: A young Jedi goes in search of her own crystal, and faces her dark self.

I know when Writer is posting, it is usually good and I wasn’t disappointed. The piece flows well, and seeing the brash young girl go off and end up stranded was perfect. Her travails both mental and physical were reduced, but remembering how much ‘fun’ it was to do a multiple posting for the contests I could understand that.

The idea that Sith hunters would be around still was a bit confusing. Since the Sith had been reduced in numbers by the rule of two, it would be like building a palisade around a modern city to stop Indian attacks. But having that person as a foil at the start helped the story along.

If I voted this would get one.

Pick of the week

T'katlu (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=200686)
Endorenna

Submission to the Getting the Crystals contest.

During the Mandalorian wars: A prisoner is released by Malek to pursue her destiny at his command.

The story is good, it flows well, and the gaining of the stones is well done. Turning it’s own spines against it was a good move, though it could have been immune to the poison as most venomous things are.

Another I would have voted for.

The Brush and Palette For Words That Are Gone Unsaid (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=200767)
Mr BFA

NonSW fiction: A dissertation on obsession.

The piece is good in a very disturbing way. The main character is obsessed with this young girl, and the scene stark as it is, revolves around her and the feelings she creates in the viewer.

Star Wars: The Ides of Fall (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=200790)
JediMaster12

KOTOR on Endar Spire: Revan fights through the escape

Except for one point, calling the weapon a melee blade, the piece is well done. The flashes of déjà vu were the most interesting part, along with the impetus of a light saber slicing through the last door to get them moving.

kotorfanmedia

Light Side Female Revan

Tao Fel: Chapter 1 - The Smuggler (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/9143)
Sonn4Jam3s

KOTOR aboard Endar Spire: Our hero makes it to the escape pods and off the ship.

A generic retelling, though having her be a heavy drinker obsessed with Trask’s touchy (The word is tushy actually) was amusing. She goes from teasing Trask to now noticing Carth’s looks without a pause. Fun read.

Light Side Female Exile

The way the universe ends part I (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/9138)
ThePicPic

TSL after Malachor V: For the first time in seven years, the Exile feels Revan’s presence, and must go to his aid.

The writing is good if a bit rushed. You ran across the deaths in both adventures as if flipping through a set of pictures, Bastila, Bao Dur, Michal, all gone but not telling us how they died.

On the technical side, considering the Star Forge could churn out ships like an assembly line, how had the Sith without the same technology created something that would create an even larger fleet in that short a time? If you read my post
The economics and lag time of ship building. Post #145 (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=164363&page=4) ) you will see that using normal building methods, it would take three to four years per ship of the Frigate or cruiser classes while the Star Forge was building them in days.

Dark Side Male Revan

The Galaxies War:Ch.1: Aftermath (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/2636)
Darth Raelic

PostKOTOR and present: As Revan plots his return to power, Darth Sidious tells Vader of what had occurred in the past.

The piece was disjointed, making the reader jump from premise to premise. This is a flow problem, easily corrected by polishing. Beyond that it was an intriguing read.

Technical 1: Concerning ‘It was a weapon that the Sith used often.’. Working against booby traps (Or IEDs as they have taken to calling them) The first few usually will take out the man disarming them. However if the Sith use the technique often, the Ordinance people would have found a way to avoid or negate them. Watch a series named UXB from the BBC where they cover the evolution of the timed detonation bombs during WWII, and you will see what I mean. After all the Republic has fought the Sith before, and have been at it this time for over two years.

Technical 2: Since the Chancellor doesn’t have any authority over the Jedi, how could he have been the one to order Revan’s reprogramming?

Light Side Male Exile

A Hero Rises Ch.1-Struggle (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/2840)
Lord Revan 107

TSL aboard Ravager: The confrontation between Nihilus and the Exile.

The piece was interesting though the battle scene was a bit forced. I did like the idea of a Visas/Exile romance.

Exile's Journal, Chapter 1 (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/1510)
Mantle of the Force

TSL on Peragus: The Exile begins his journey in a rather amusing manner.

Amidst a generic retelling of the first events, there is humor. Having the newly freed Exile run straight into the first door was cute, then screaming ‘Ah Zombie!” when Kreia sat up. A pity I don’t have time to read the follow on pieces with a beginning like that.

Ambush (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/2703)
Johnny

During the Mandalorian wars on Dxun: In the nick of time, the Jedi appears.

The piece had it’s good points, the setting of the scene, the sudden arrival of the Jedi, but it had some that confused me. As a simple military example, why is the loss of one recon unit of half a dozen men going to cause a full retreat from the planet?

Black Onyx (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/3187)
Katara Ironarm

PostKOTOR on Korriban: Revan plots her return to glory

The piece grabbed hold of you and dragged you through the events. Having Carth be Lord Sion after killing Bastila was choice. Describing Revan’s emotions as she plots not only against the Republic but also her new apprentice was just icing on the cake.

Pick of the week

Coruscant Entertainment Center

Music of the Force (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=200661)
Writer

Submission to the Getting the Crystals contest.

During AOTC: A young Jedi goes in search of her own crystal, and faces her dark self.

I know when Writer is posting, it is usually good and I wasn’t disappointed. The piece flows well, and seeing the brash young girl go off and end up stranded was perfect. Her travails both mental and physical were reduced, but remembering how much ‘fun’ it was to do a multiple posting for the contests I could understand that.

The idea that Sith hunters would be around still was a bit confusing. Since the Sith had been reduced in numbers by the rule of two, it would be like building a palisade around a modern city to stop Indian attacks. But having that person as a foil at the start helped the story along.


First off, thanks for the positive review! :)

I don't fault you for not understanding the presence of the Sith Hunters. If I had a lot of my other writing concerning them up and around, you may have better understood. At this point in history (roughly the start of the Clone Wars), Reibe is the only known surviving Sith Hunter. Furthermore, she was thought to be dead until shortly before 'The Phantom Menace'.

At present, Reibe's 'function' in the greater scheme of galactic happenings is that she's sort of presented herself as a 'Force-wielding thug' for the Republic to throw around. She occasionally takes missions from the Jedi, but she primarily acts as a Republic covert operative. In the Clone Wars, she did much the same, though her operations dealt more with the Seperatists than with commonplace thugs.

Essentially, she's around and most Jedi know her by name (and don't trust her as far as they could reach). But they don't know why she's suddenly back in action after having been missing for five hundred years, and her appearance combined with the fact that the Sith are in the process of making a comeback understandably concerns them.


One final thing I wanted to point out here: this story marks the first time that Reibe's foresight was dead wrong. That was fun :)

Thanks mach for your words of critique. I for one just decided out of the blue to write this fic and hopefully get me back on track with some others after a long hiatus of grad school taking over my life.

Coruscant Entertainment Center

The Brush and Palette For Words That Are Gone Unsaid (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=200767)
Mr BFA

NonSW fiction: A dissertation on obsession.

The piece is good in a very disturbing way. The main character is obsessed with this young girl, and the scene stark as it is, revolves around her and the feelings she creates in the viewer.

Thanks for the review Mach, but I don't think I put across the idea as well as I could have...

The main character isn't obsessed with the young girl (cause let's face it, that'd be just creepy and weird) .. He's obsessed with this gothic woman who reminds him of the painting of the young girl in the room. What the idea of the painting represents: darkness, being alone ... you know .. all that jazz.

The woman reminds him of that painting and he combines the two, per se, and tries to understand what he's feeling for the gothic woman and to understand why she is the way she is... if that makes any sense what so ever.

Thanks again for the review :)

T'katlu (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=200686)
Endorenna

Submission to the Getting the Crystals contest.

During the Mandalorian wars: A prisoner is released by Malek to pursue her destiny at his command.

The story is good, it flows well, and the gaining of the stones is well done. Turning it’s own spines against it was a good move, though it could have been immune to the poison as most venomous things are.

Another I would have voted for.

Thank you. :) I thought about the critter being immune to its own poison, so I had her thrown the spine in a way that pierced its brain. You're right, though--I should've made it clearer. >_<

Oh, well. That's what I get for finishing things at three in the morning. :lol:

Thank you. :) I thought about the critter being immune to its own poison, so I had her thrown the spine in a way that pierced its brain. You're right, though--I should've made it clearer. >_<

Oh, well. That's what I get for finishing things at three in the morning. :lol:

Don't worry; how many people who read your stuff are critics?

Coruscant Entertainment Center

Alora's Salvation (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=200835)
Shuttle Atlantis

Set in Jedi Academy II: Having been defeated yet again, Alora contemplates changing her future

Considering how most of the Dark, Jedi, Sith, Reborn whatever act, this is a refreshing change. To consider that maybe you had wasted your life and needed to find another path is something you expect of a Jedi or any real person.

Good work, and welcome to the forum.

kotorfanmedia

Light Side Male Exile

War Stories (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/9165)
Inuki

TSL Aboard Ebon Hawk en route to Korriban: A sleepless night draws out the reason for it.

The piece is soft, gentle, almost loving in it’s treatment of nightmares caused by a war. We always knew the Exile and Bao Dur had them, but it’s surprising to discover that Atton had been in the same hell at Malachor, and has as many nightmares as the others.

Pick of the Week

Heavenly Rewards (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/3150)
Elena

TSL after Malachor V: Fleeting glimpses of Mira’s life after the mission

The piece is a little too sad for me. Mira drifts through it as if she is still in a coma until the end, going through the motions of life rather than having one.

En Media Res (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/3224)
DarkSpiral

TSL on Nar Shaddaa: The crew takes the Ebon Hawk back from the slavers

The fight scene was brisk and well laid out. The snippy attitude of Brianna a bit much, but her reaction to Visas is perfect for a jealous woman.

A Gathering Storm, Chapter 1 (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/3261)
Calan Qel Droma

PostTSL aboard Ebon Hawk after Malachor V: The Exile gives his last orders

The piece flowed well, the orders succinct and specific. The possibility of Brianna being the love interest was unrequited, but we understand as he speaks with Visas. Nicely done.

A Wound in the Force, Chapter 1 (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/3322)
KingZephiel

PreMandalorian war: A parting as one goes to war

The basics are good, the argument more for form than anything else. The primary reason I hated the way the Jedi Council reacted to the war was after teaching for years that a Jedi’s duty is to the people, the council wasn’t willing to protect them.

Dissolve (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/3431)
Jen

PreKOTOR: With Revan Dead, the Exile sees life ahead and can’t stand it.

Several others have commented, and Freesourceful over at KFM did a basic review of it, yet still I have to comment…

You did great. The angst over the different treatment between the two is heartrending. Revan might be what parents scare their children with in later years, the Exile was merely erased from history, and that makes it even worse. Male or female, it doesn’t matter, to see someone you had followed to war vilified while you don’t even get a footnote can be painful.

Pick of the Week

Scars of Fate: Ch. 1 (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/3388)
Lord Revan 107

TSL Aboard Ebon Hawk at Dxun: The battle from Visas’ view

The piece rolls right over you, as Visas did to her opponents. The idea of using the other person’s sight was interesting, seeing herself from the Exile’s view gave the author a chance to describe not only him but Visas as well.

Pick of the Week

'Exile's Revenge' Chapter 1: Mical (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/3668)
DarthNemesis2

PostTSL: Mical trains to rejoin the Exile

The piece is interesting in that unlike a lot of us, DN2 allows time to pass. It isn’t the few hurried weeks of Revan’s retraining or Luke’s on Dagobah. A year and a half is allowed to pass.

What I enoyed most was the idea that Vandar makes the same mistake Yoda warned against in TESB. To think the council, at his advice, sat out the Mandalorian Wars and it’s aftermath because he misread a vision. A vision not of the wars that had been fought, but a conflict beyond them both.

Technical: according to canon the Capital of Corellia is Cornet

The True War, The Search for Revan Act 1,Prologule (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/3536)
Xavier Timor

PostTSL: The Exile give his final orders before setting out to find Revan

Word usage problems, fith instead of fifth, most instead of must. This is an editing problem, nothing more.

The piece is bittersweet as you might expect. A parting that may end in death between a man and his comrades. The idea that a Jedi can be also a Mandalorian has not been used often. One person claimed they were diametrically opposite so it is impossible, but I for one like the idea.

Death of a God (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/3675)
WinterOnasi

TSL Aboard Ravager: Manda’lor tells the Exile the truth of his past.

The piece flows well and I liked not only a Mandalorian Jedi, but a Visas/Exile relationship as well. But when WinterOnasi writes something, it’s like a fine cook. It’s all good.

Technical point: The prow is another word for bow of a ship, the front. The bridge appears to be in the superstructure, not in the prow.

Pick of the Week

Pazaak Problems (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/4133)
Percules

TSL on Nar Shaddaa: A friendly little game ends up as a full fledged brawl

This has been exhaustively reviewed by Hekata, so I see no reason to belabor the point. The basics are good if a bit trite. The ending scene was a bit over the top in cuteness. As a first work it was pretty good.

Path of the Exile: The Gift (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/4598)
A.R.Minion

TSL Aboard Ebon Hawk enroute to Dxun: A small gift heals so many wounds.

Improper word usage. It is encumberance, not cumberance. Conceit should be replaced with perhaps acceptance. These are but a few of those I noticed.

The basics and the very idea are good. The interplay between Visas and her emotions set the scene very well. A simple act of kindness spreading to affect so much more.

Pick of the Week

Alora's Salvation (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=200835)
Shuttle Atlantis

Set in Jedi Academy II: Having been defeated yet again, Alora contemplates changing her future

Considering how most of the Dark, Jedi, Sith, Reborn whatever act, this is a refreshing change. To consider that maybe you had wasted your life and needed to find another path is something you expect of a Jedi or any real person.

Good work, and welcome to the forum.

This story has been retitled 'Imperfect Destiny' I REALLY don't know how to change the title of a thread here. Someone please help.

I actually wasn’t trying to make Alora much different from other dark Jedi. I’ve seen a number of characters who go out and become monsters, realize what they’ve done, and then come crawling back with regret. In the game, Alora shows nothing to indicate she might want to become a Jedi. She’s arrogant, self absorbed, and ruthless.

I’ve changed the plot, but I want to keep the character the same. She is going back to help the Jedi, but she does not intend to join them. She helps them because their interests cooincide. Another element of the plot I’ve changed is that the Jedi do not know that Tavion intends to revive Ragnos until Alora tells them.

To reflect the title, I'm having Alora meet with several plot-changers which don't end up as she anticipated. For the next chapter, she'll rest easy at the end only to have an unfortunate complication in the next chapter lead to an unfortunate turn of events. Some of these 'imperfect' destinies may be for better or for worse.

Thanks for the review.

This story has been retitled 'Imperfect Destiny' I REALLY don't know how to change the title of a thread here. Someone please help.
Users can't change the title of a thread, you'll have to ask a moderator/s-mod/administrator to do it.

kotorfanmedia

Light Side Female Exile

For What It Was Worth (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/9167)
Chronokinetic

TSL after Malachor V: The Exile looks back on her recent life

The piece is nice and introspective. As she meditates, she sees her opponents, and considers their ends. Oddly enough the only one she shows feeling for, Sion, is primarily because he had lived too long, and pities him.

Dark Side Male Revan

Hope and Regret (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/9173)
Nyghtraven

PreKOTOR: Revan is warned by a vision, and makes plans to stop himself from being captured.

Remember to fill in sentences. You forgot The in ‘possibility that Revan knew of their planned trap unnerved her greatly, but Master Vandar had convinced her that they had to go ahead with the plan and hope (it) worked‘. An editing problem easily corrected next time.

Technical note: While someone might have a bridge station, it is rare to refer to them just as that station. If you did, you would still use the, of it would be the Navigation officer for example.

The piece flows well, and Revan struts his stuff as a tactician. Having the self destruct go off is a bit of an overkill, but it ends the threat nicely. One of those I wish I could read all the way through.

Pick of the Week

Light Side Male Revan

The Truth (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/9183)
Chronokinetic

KOTOR after Leviathan: Is it the truth or what you believe that is more important?

The piece drags you down into Revan’s darkness as he finds out who he really is and shatters everything else. Terri Pratchett in a satirical aside at the ‘freedom’ of the press commented that it is the freedom to dump gasoline on a fire. Here we have the two most important things our hero must consider; as horrible as he might have been, can he really be the hero? Or is it the care and support of his friends that will help him achieve this goal?

Thought provoking.

Pick of the Week

Knights of the Old Republic: Dark Forces, Chapter One (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/4683)
Malpense The Dark

TSL just after Malachor V: The crew deals with the pain of victory

The piece is soft and smooth as you read it. Another reviewer waxed poetic. You get to see the carnage that makes me remember Wellington’s quote; the only thing worse than a battlefield lost, is a battlefield won.

Pick of the Week

Light Side Male Exile

From the ashes, Chapter 1 (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/4786)
TheKickback

Alternate Universe: The Exile awakens on Peragus

The piece is interesting in that Kreia is replaced by Nomi Sunrider. The premise as explained in the after word does make sense, and should make interesting reading from here on.

Confiding in a Creature Not So Often Loved... (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/4953)
RevanRand16

PostTSL: Revan returns from the Unknown Region, and needs someone to talk to

The story is sweet primarily because the main character is still pensive about what has happened i the recent past. The ending is good if a bit generic.

The Exiles (one-shot) (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/5073)
Zuraffo

PostTSL: When the Exile vanishes again after Malachor V, Atton finds him

The piece is interesting in that it shows what sometimes happens after the adventure. The hero instead of riding off into the sunset sometimes is unwilling to accept the accolades he doesn’t feel he deserves. Atton is a perfect foil, because he let go, but wasn’t willing to let go of everything.

All Left Unsaid (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/5132)
TKA001

TSL aboard Ravager: The battle with Nihilus costs too much

The piece is stark in it’s chiaroscuro way, and having Visas die by her own hand to kill the Dark Lord is a shock.

How Long Will You Wait? (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/5270)
Trillian4210

PostTSL: As the years pass, Carth Onasi and Brianna hold to their loves, but it is hard work

The piece is excellent in it’s detail of the emotions being felt by the two lovers who wait. The attraction each feels for the other starts as this shared burden, but could have blossomed into more as each pulls against that restraint. It ended at just the right time; too soon for them to have fallen completely, but so close that it was a Wellington commented on Waterloo, a near run thing.

Pick of the Week

Identity (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/5358)
Katara Ironarm

TSL on Telos: The Handmaiden meets the Exile, then joins the crew

It is a bit hurried to me, though what it does in great detail is sketch in her sisters and their reactions. Brianna’s reaction to the Exile is good be cause he goes from some twit to something else smoothly.

Knights of the Old Republic III: The True Sith, Chapter 1 (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/5525)
Master Chef 505

PostTSL: The partings of both the Revan and the Exile and the aftermath

I was torn as were a number of the previous reviewers. For the length, little of substance was given to the reader, yet there was detail. Seeing Mission get drunk was cute, considering what she’s like in the story I can see her as a nasty drunk. The pain felt by Visas was little explored, but the pain in both Bastila and Brianna in their loss was an excellent counterpoint.

KOTOR III: The Hidden Threat, Chap. 1 The Beginning (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/5367)
Darth Nicho

From the Mandalorian wars to post TSL: Another characters is called to service

The comment regarding battle scenes was well done; Another possible option for understanding it would be the movies of Akira Kurosawa, where the Samurai are the main warriors. A battle scene in real life is like snapshots from hell, and as I commented in one of my own works, all a soldier in this situation sees is what is directly in front of him.

Using game terms detracts because the reader immediately knows what you have done and feels a bit cheated. Even mentioning styles (You didn’t) do the same because all the styles mentioned are is a way to describe different strikes and blocks and giving the character additional pluses for specific actions. As an example, watch the sword fighting scene in the Princess Bride between the masked man and Inigo where both are commenting on the different styles they are using as they fight.

Coruscant Entertainment Center

The Next Crusade (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=201101)
SirBoomstick91

Seven Years after KOTOR: Revan finally returns

The piece is a bit rough, needing some editing. The primary problem was forgetting words in sentences, something I tend to do when I am letting it flow.

I like the reunion primarily because of Bastila’s reactions. Slapping him was generic and trite, yet fit perfectly.

Welcome Back.

Light Side Female Revan

Gone For Good Chapter 1; Stir (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/9175)
PhoenixGate

Beginning of KOTOR: A team of room mates escapes from the Endar Spire

Avoid using game terms. For an example, Do you know what difference there is between light, medium and heavy armor? As much as the game just assigns a different point value to them, each is comprised of specific material and in some cases components. Most would merely call it armor and leave it at that.

Te writing style is relatively good, and the idea of having a team of characters from the outset interesting. Each of the three women is different enough that it has you wondering which one is the main character. It also gives Carth’s paranoia bone a bit of a twist too.

Light Side Male Exile

Her (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/5783)
VargasTheBeast

TSL On Telos: The Exile is sure it can’t be her…

The piece is really too short to get a grip on it. The thing that bothered me a little is that even after several years, this version of the Exile can’t understand why he was punished by the council.

Trials of the Jedi, Prologue (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/5915)
MakeriasChild

TSL at Malachor V: A last minute rescue

The piece is a bit stilted, the light side Exile coming off a bit darker than I would have anticipated.

Dying (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/6118)
Revan Sama

TSL no specific section given: Brianna tries to hold onto her love

The biggest question has yet to be answered. When is this happening, and why is he dying?

The Unknown Regions, Chapter 1- I brought him back (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/5544)
Iceman99

Post TSL: The Exile begins his journey into the Unknown Region

The story began a little odd, going to Dantooine and ending up on Coruscant instead. The scenes were disjointed, and hurried. Try to smooth it out a bit.

Republic in Arms, Chapter 1 (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/6533)
Demicus

TSL At Onderon: The Ebon Hawk arrives, causing a battle

Technical note: A military vessel is paid for and maintained by the government, not her captain. While extra weapons, shielding etc can be installed, again it is done at government sanction, not because the captain wants it. Also, remember that no matter how much you over engine a craft, it is never going to outfly smaller vessels unless there has been a radical engine technology used. As an example the Dreadnought; going from reciprocating engines to turbines gave the ship a 5 knot advantage compared with other ships of her design, which allowed two battle cruisers to outrun the German armored cruisers Scharnhorst and Gneisenau at the Battle of the Falklands.

The piece is disturbing because what you have done is caused an escalation from what the game showed in the political situation. Having a Republic fleet in a standoff would have been a perfect time for Valku to have his coup because it is proof of his contentions that the Republic would force Onderon to remain in the Republic; and would rally his people to support him.

In a little remembered bit of history, the Communists were able to use the invasion by English and American troops in early 1918 to bolster their own bid for power in Russia, claiming it was an attempt to return the Czarists to power. It caused people who had no feeling either way to choose.

Impression, Force (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/6658)
Tankygirl

TSL on Dxun: Visas confronts the Exile

The piece feels like it was a free flow when you wrote it. Yo0u made the same kind of mistakes I do when that occurs;

Remember to finish words. Destroy(ing) and fool(ish), remember tense, so you have someone slid not slides. Be sure of word usage, there were odd words like rocks in a stream disrupting the flow.

The basics are good, only needing polishing.

Reunion (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/7307)
The Tygre

Eight years PostTSL: The Exile and Revan finally return from the Unknown Regions

The piece had some problems, not finishing words, forgetting conversation breaks, that kind of thing. Editing problems, nothing more.

The scene is well portrayed, the reunion a bit stiff, but flowing well into settling into a normal life.

Pick of the Week

Silence (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/7305)
The Tygre

TSL on Malachor V: Kreia sees the future

The piece as others have commented, is inconsistent. The voice as one commented is not her because she’s speaking in a manner inconsistent with that character.

The basics are good, the idea interesting.

Love and Redemption: Hero's Return Part 1 (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/7374)
Forgotten Honor

One plus years postTSL: With Revan’s return the two teams are reunited to prepare for the True Sith.

The piece is short, but every character gets their chance in the limelight. The preparations look simple, but having mission, a child running around setting up resistance movements seemed a bit much.

Blue Light (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/7578)
MoonMythology

TSL: Visas goes over her life, and the sight within the Force that she uses

The piece is interesting primarily because it is odd for a woman that is blind to describe by colors.

Thanks for the review, I'll try to watch out for that kind of stuff in the future, but I only have one complaint about the whole thing:

Light Side Female Revan

Excuse me?

:ugh:

lol

Thanks for the review, I'll try to watch out for that kind of stuff in the future, but I only have one complaint about the whole thing:



Excuse me?

:ugh:

lol

I forgot to post the kotorfanmedia link. The first story in that section was from the Light Side Female Revan category

Oh... I see. For a little bit, you had me going.

Coruscant Entertainment Center

Dark Legacy: Death Watch (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=201192)
Te Mirdala Mand'alor

Modern day: A Mandalorian declares war on a secret society

We’re already three postings into the story, and we have yet to know much about our hero. His parents are explained, even his friendship with a Yuuzhan Vong, but that is background, nothing more.

The basics are good except for one glaring technical problem. The Basilisk was explained adequately, having someone build a modernized version .just shows a love of history.

Technical: The ship is called both a dreadnought and a battle cruiser. Taking on a Mando’a fighter and some coral skippers as well reinforces the idea that it is a powerful warship. Either ship type suggests a massive vessel yet it appears to have only one crewman. Automation will do a lot of things, but with the technology we have seen so far in Star Wars running a ship that large with only one person or even a small core crew is not one of them . How large is the ship in question?

kotorfanmedia

Light Side Male Revan

Vignettes (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/9211)
TheJediSentinel

KOTOR aboard Ebon Hawk after departing Dantooine: The crew expresses itself

The beginning was a bit slow, with Carth berating Bastila, but then it picked up and I was alternately smiling and snickering. Mission’s way of dealing with the little tiff caused me to laugh out loud, and the interplay between Bastila and Revan was amusing on too many levels to count.

Pick of the Week

This week completes the Light Side Male Exile section. Going on to Dark Side Female Revan

Parrot (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/7624)
Moonmythology

PostTSL: The Exile says to himself what he could never bring himself to say to her…

The piece is good work. We needed more of a time line though. Is he still off with Revan? Has he returned to find her gone?

Pick of the Week

Trials of the Jedi, Part I (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/7718)
Imatach

A decade PreKOTOR: The young Jedi get on with an average life.

Some misspelling errors. Gatting instead of getting, the instead of they garuntee instead of guarantee.

Some technical notes. First, if you are going to have them practice without light sabers, why use vibroblades? Shoving aside an activated vibroblade would be like shoving aside a running chainsaw. Second, the Jedi are priests and monks of a religion. Because of that they would not have private quarters large enough for a party and kitchenette. You have them living in the equivalent of a modern college dorm.

Nothing (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/7710)
Jaina Solo

TSL Aboard Ebon Hawk: The Exile wrestles with his past, and Kreia’s mystery

It was an interesting take on his memories, seeing the battlefield aftermath before the Mass Shadow Generator went off. More interesting was the idea that Kreia would tell him the truth, if only to erase it from his memory as soon as she was done.

A Jedi's Pet, Part I (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/7685)
Imatach

TSL on Peragus: Two extra characters… just for spice.

The piece is fun, though I would like an explanation as to why you have bodies inside the room (Maybe the gas leak) but the Tach and Sysha survived. The sarcastic comments were cute, and having both Kreia and the Exile able to hear them was amusing. A pity I can’t read it all.


Distorted (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/7995)
TKA001

TSL on Korriban: A look at the tomb of

You probably did this in a free flow as it came down, because after the meeting with Dustil, you began to miss conversation breaks. No biggie, I do it all the time. An editing problem nothing more.

The piece is nicely dark and disturbing even though only two incidents in the tomb are covered.

Youngling (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/8022)
Chemist

Several years PreKOTOR: A young Mical meets the heroes and villains of the wars to come.

The piece was interesting and others have already criticized it, so I will only comment on style.

First, in a monastic setting those who join an order are not stripped of everything. Wealth, something that would set them apart and cause jealousy, yes. But since the Force is such a personal thing, everyone reaching and achieving on a different curve, stripping them of identity is insulting. This does not mean calling them by title or merely boy or girl would not happen, just that it would not be a ‘you are youngling, and he is apprentice’ caste structure.

Second, all we see these younglings doing is playing like a bunch of average kids. Perhaps like a modern day elementary school there are recess periods which would make more sense but a modern school has to balance the energy of someone not used to sitting around for hours at a time so that they learn but don’t start causing problems in class. But even that, considering the things they could be learning in a possible Jedi training atmosphere would more likely channel that energy more efficiently than a simple recess.

I do like that you made the Disciple a person rather than a cardboard cut out.

In Five Hundred Words or Less . . . (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/8157)
AdlynJ

PreKOTOR: A teenaged Exile is questioned about his essay.

The piece is dark and serious there for a while, but perfect in that the phrase did give him the right to use only four words. His arguments were well reasoned and cogent, his statement that you have to see both sides of the equation reasonable.

I especially loved his explanation as to why he spent time with the younglings because it is the one part most writers ignore, or carry too far, suggesting they are taken as babies in one published book. Take a child from everything he’s known and dump him into another completely different, and the comment about fight or flight fits perfectly.

Pick of the Week

The Weight of Glory: Prologue (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/8488)
Elwin Ransom

TSL on Malachor V: The remnants of our heroes try to escape

The piece is comma heavy as the author admitted. As much as you hate editing, it’s a necessary part of the craft, kid.

It’s more interesting in that in most of the works you read only a few or none die. This is a stark realistic version of what could happen, the few shattered remnants escaping with their lives. Turning Atton from the follower to a take charge guy was a brilliant move, since you don’t see him doing that much.

Another I wish I could read from cover to cover.

Pick of the Week

Stay (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/8704)
Princess Jaden

Aboard Ebon Hawk after Dantooine: Visas expresses her emotions

The idea of the Exile being something other than human is a twist not usually used. An interesting choice as well. It was really too short to get a feel for it, but what I did see was good.

The Stow Away: PILOT (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/9125)
LauraMuffin

TSL on Telos: A new character joins the crew in a secretive manner.

It’s expletive(an interjectory word or expression, frequently profane) rather than explicative(Explanatory word). The writing is smooth, so no complaints there.

The only part that bothered me is that this resonates with Sasha from KOTOR. There is no rhyme nor reason for the Telos Academy to start running what looks more and more like a prison, so how and why did she end up there? Hopefully you will explain that eventually.

Thanks for the review machievelli. :D
Hmmm, perhaps I should have added more detail about the living aspects of the ship. They were supposed to take the place of a crew (along with a few droids).
The ship itself is a medium sized ship (about one third the size of a Star Destroyer), and is covered in weapons and powerful shields. Since canonically, no Dreadnaughts are seen or mentioned during the legacy era comics, I'm free to design it as I wish. :p

Thanks for the review machievelli. :D
Hmmm, perhaps I should have added more detail about the living aspects of the ship. They were supposed to take the place of a crew (along with a few droids).
The ship itself is a medium sized ship (about one third the size of a Star Destroyer), and is covered in weapons and powerful shields. Since canonically, no Dreadnaughts are seen or mentioned during the legacy era comics, I'm free to design it as I wish. :p

Remember finances as well when you go into that detail. A ship the size od the Millenium Falcon would cost about $1,000 a month to operate not taking into major repairs from battle damage. That does include preventative maintenance fuel and dockling fees. The ship you describe would cost around 5-10,000

Early next month I am going to take a week hiatus to go back to California. My daughter, whom I have not seen in 20 years contacted me last month, and both of us are anxious about this. Just giving you all general information.

Coruscant Entertainment Center

The Descent (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=201277)
Marius Fett

KOTOR On Taris: Bastila is thrown into danger by her escape

The piece is an excellent little opener. The scene is one usually ignored, so it’s interesting to see this take.

kotorfanmedia

Light Side Female Revan
Walking in Shadows: Prologue (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/9221)
Windswept

Three years postTSL: Carth is kidnapped, and Dustil is sent to find him

The scene was clean cut and some of the comments were perfect, the idea that the Jedi had assigned it to Dustil only because he had left to go there before receiving orders was a nice touch.

The only jarring part was the stealth generators. While they are canon for the game, they are not canon for the universe, if you get my drift. But it was a small thing.

Light Side Male Revan

Unspoken: Part 1 (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/9224)
MoonMythology

PreKOTOR: Bastila remembers another day, and her regrets.

The piece is soft and gentle, and the scene of Revan and her before his mind was erased is poignant. Her own emotions come through strongly, and you know that she wishes she could tell him.

Pick of the Week

Dark Side Female Revan

Hindsight Chapter 1/url]
Arrow

Originally posted 27 Oct 2006. That review is below:

Set in KOTOR II: A look into The Exile’s past

The story flows smoothly, the subject matter well defined and delivered. The idea of a Jedi trying to explain how he made an engine explode accidentally was choice.

Too often, even in my own work, we see the characters as stolid adults either trying to right the wrongs they have committed, or saving the Galaxy from another. We tend to forget that these were kids at one time or another.

Reprise Pick of the Week

[Url=http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/50]) Twin Exile (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/40)
Slave 1

TSL on Peragus: The twin Jedi awaken

Except for there being two of them, the opening here is generic. The bickering is classic sibling.

Memory / Chapter 1 / Journeys (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/64)
Kosiah

PostKOTOR: The Ebon Hawk flees, with a badly wounded crew aboard

The piece started out as you might expect the flight home to be, but shortly you see things that feel odd. I was halfway through it before I realized why. It is a blending of the dark side and light side endings, and a well done one at that. Revan’s struggles with realizing what she had done, and looking at the few that survived is chilling.

Pick of the Week

Discipline (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/71)
Icey Cold

Originally reviewed 3 Nov 2006 Original review below:

Time period not set, though probably during KOTOR I: The disciple and Exile talk about the inner workings of the Order.

The style is good, the byplay excellent.

It is not often that people looked under the surface of the order itself, and little has been done on the interim between the Mandalorian wars and the Exile’s return. This work is definitely worth the read.

Reprise Pick of the Week

Betrayal of Hearts (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/67)
Firera

TSL on Malachor V: Things are not all they seem…

The piece has so many plot turns, I’m surprised seat belts are not required. By the end the one thing you’re sure of is it has been one hell of a ride.

Pick of the Week

The Nar Shaddaa Massacre, Chapter 1 (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/101)
Icey Cold

TSL on Nar Shaddaa: The team decides to check the Red light district

The piece had it’s moments when you think the Exile is two different people. Her jealousy that the Red light District is Atton’s second home, sitting on the Disciple’s lap to touch up his hair, forgetting that she has to leave her light saber aboard the ship. She is a swirl of conflicting reactions, and her actions make you wonder which of the two men will be her love interest. The end is good because she gentles Disciple like a frightened horse.

Pick of the Week

The Darkness Descends, Chapter 1 - The End Is Only The Beginning (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/211)
Firera

2 years PostKOTOR: As Carth, now an admiral remembers a last parting…

The piece is well done, Carth’s somber mood is explained in the flash back that reveals his final parting from Revan. The idea that she still has feelings for him, that it was those feelings that made her try to kill him when he refused her offer even more intriguing. It is a pity I do not have time to read all of it because this is choice.

Pick of the Week

Drenched: Chapter I (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/265)
Shike77

TSL Aboard Ebon Hawk bound for Nar Shaddaa: The Exile tries to keep both of her men at arm’s length

The piece is interesting in revealing more of the Disciple than most do, yet doesn’t treat him too shabbily. Having him act like a stalker is bad but not as bad as some have treated him. Her standoffishness is explained very well in the last paragraphs, placing Atton, he realizes, in the same boat.

Lessons (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/309)
Schmoopy

This story was co-written by Delerius_Jedi and schmoopy,

TSL Aboard Ebon Hawk: The Exile reveals a not so shiny part of her past

The piece reached out and grabbed you. Her dependence on the force, being unwilling to make a decision, and the discovery that she had been completely wrong because of it was excellent. The reaction of the locals was even better because so many legal systems work exactly like that.

Pick of the Week

Coruscant Entertainment Center

Blade (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=201469)

Canderis

NonSW: A boy begins to find out about his father’s real job

Mainly you need polishing and more description. There is no mention of hair color, eye color, or even the difference in ages between the siblings. The thread of mystery from the father’s job to the ‘men in black’ from work is good. Hopefully we’ll get more explanation as time goes on.

kotorfanmedia

Dark Side Female Revan

A Second Chance (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/363)
Eji

PostKOTOR: A nightmare of what could have been…

The piece flows well, the scene striking. Carth’s stand, Revan’s eventual reaction coming too late to save them. Knowing it was a dream was just icing on the cake.

Pick of the Week

Promise (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/398)
Mellyna

Originally reviewed 6 January 2006 That review is below:

Set during KOTOR II: A short scene between A female Revan and another unnamed woman.

It is only a short piece, barely a page long. But it immediately caught my interest. Mellyna has two more stories she has written, and I almost went up the chain to find them before going on.
However I am sticking to my methodology. Well done!

Reprise Pick of the Week

The Necklace (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/509)
Ivory Chopstick

TSL on Nar Shaddaa: Atton remembers his childhood, and his sister.

The story is an aside, but a welcome one. We get to see a younger, not yet hardened Atton as not only a boy but one who loved his sister. His comment, that at eight he was almost an adult would fit any kid at that age, and his life is stark with the beginnings of degradation. You can see the man he later becomes in this.

Pick of the Week

Parallax (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/566)
Palmetto

Originally posted 1 Dec 2006, original review below:

Set in TSL: A brief interlude aboard the Ebon Hawk

The story is like a good beer, refreshing going down, a smooth finish, and leaving you wanting another. Very well done! 33 people gave this a thumbs up.

Reprise Pick of the Week

No Return (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/652)
Jedi Valius

PreKOTOR: The act that completed her fall

Improper word usage; relinquish means give up, not relieve which would have been a better choice, rapped (Issuing orders quickly) rather than rapt (awe). You also forgot a word (The) same stubborness. You have Tyria saying too much in that the dialogue was stilted, almost as if you didn’t know what to say. Try saying the line out loud, and you will see what I mean.

The piece was interesting as you see Revan finally falling, not because of some grand scheme, but almost with a whimper.

Release (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/609)
Gekkeiju

TSL on Malachor V: The Exile finally realizes…

Initially posted 8 Dec 2006 Review below:

The author grabs you by the throat and drags you along in this piece. My only real complaint is that it is so short. 20 people gave this a thumbs up, and I agree.

Reprise Pick of the Week

Myths of the Mandalorians -Chapter 1- (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/839)
The Grey Jedi

TSL on Peragus: Two of the miners fight back

The primary problem I had with the piece was having the mining droid talk as if it were one of the HKs. A silent menace advancing would have been more straining on the nerves.

Minor technical note; you described the docking bay as being big enough to hold an E wing. But the E wing is first a single person fighter; rather small, and would not be around for 4,000 more years. It would be like a hero of a Greek legend facing an enormous dragon and thinking that the cave it lived in would allow a F16 Falcon to park there.

Seeds of Shadow - Prologue (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/946)
Doublehex

Spanning KOTOR and TSL: A monologue about another Exile

The piece is a good exposition on the theme of war, but reduces that hideous pass time to the mundane.

Intercession (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/982)
Dinah Lance

PreKOTOR: The Republic tries to reenlist an old soldier

The piece has all of the finesse I expect from Dinah. One advantage of starting at the beginning of each category is finding these gems. It is short, sweet, and well portrays the weariness you would expect, especially in the case of any of the Jedi that survived.

You see, except for the rare man who shoots up the ladder, Most Generals spend twenty plus years honing their craft. From butter bar (Second lieutenant) through the ranks between. So you get used to death in microcosm when it’s just your platoon long before you wield divisions. The Jedi obviously get a crash course, and such an accelerated learning curve means more would fall by the wayside.

But more importantly, it would be something that they would be more willing to give up. Her sudden reflections caused by ‘please general’ go through the mind of every senior officer that has ever served, and not wanting to return stronger in those forced to fight rather than relishing it.

Pick of the Week

Defluo: Nyx (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/1009)
Shike77

Alternate beginning to TSL: On Citadel Station, three of our cast are getting together.

The piece is interesting, and I can always say that about Shike. The take on Atton is true to type, and the Exile is an interesting character right off the bat here. Her own interplay, arguing about what she ‘should’ be doing and what she is doing is very well wrought.

Pick of the Week

Wild Guess (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/983)
Kitome

PreKOTOR: The name says it all when it comes to love

Quite a nice bit of work. The characters looking at each other and seeing things the other never realizes. Having the Exile sort of nudge them together is cute.

Pick of the Week

Hey, machievelli? Did I say something wrong in my poetry? I need help...

Hey, machievelli? Did I say something wrong in my poetry? I need help...

Since my poetry is uniformly bad, I do not see my self as qualified to judge how good other people's poetry is. JM12 did start briefly another thread on this site for those instances. All of you poets all get together and try to get her to pick it up again

Since my poetry is uniformly bad, I do not see my self as qualified to judge how good other people's poetry is. JM12 did start briefly another thread on this site for those instances. All of you poets all get together and try to get her to pick it up again

Oh. Thank you, machievelli. :)

kotorfanmedia

Light Side Female Revan

Smoke and Mirrors (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/9264)
Dinah Lance and Prisoner24601

KOTOR after Korriban: Bastila give advice… But will she take her own?

The piece is well done, the argument sliding from professional, the code they must live by, to personal, their own feelings as such conversations sometimes do. It was fun because the relationships, Revan and Canderous, Bastila and Carth are clearly defined even if we know little of them yet. The last paragraph, Bastila rationalizing why she has to go to the cockpit at that moment is just too perfect.

Pick of the Week

Dark Side Female Revan

Warmth (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/1152)
Arrow

TSL on Telos: Atris remembers her past with the Exile, but not the way you think

A very interesting take on the time when Atris and the Exile were at the Academy. Her actions are now well defined in the game. Her anger at the Exile the flare of a woman betrayed by the girl she saw as her daughter, and her other actions, keeping the light saber after her Exile falls neatly into place. Very well done.

Pick of the Week

Gifts (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/1137)
Kosiah

PreKOTOR: An old memory finally fades.

This is such a delightful insight into Malak and Revan. The idea that when she went to war, still the bright shiny Jedi ready to save the galaxy, she had carried along that one book. Each has given up so much to stand where they do now, and you can sense both the regret and the denial of that regret in each of them.

Pick of the Week

Atonement (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/1100)
Exile Starrcast

Originally reviewed 2 June, 06, Original review below:

After the destruction of the Star Forge, Revan leaves the others. But not without some grief.

The style is clear, draws you in gently, and keeps you there. I have been saying this a lot in the last two or three months. Maybe it’s because I have hit a deep rift of first time writers, but here it goes.

If this is the first, Why did you wait so long? More!

Reprise Pick of the Week

Traitor (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/1349)
Revan’s Pet Duck

KOTOR on the Star Forge: A newly resurgent dark lord still wants that one man. And she’ll have him…

The method was a little brute force for me. Knowledge of modern brainwashing techniques would have made this a lot less violent, but that is just the part of me that has such knowledge. All in all a good read.

Torture (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/1360)
Exile Starrcast

PostKOTOR: Revan breaks Carth to her hand

The piece is well done, but again I am disappointed by the methods used. Maybe I just have too much knowledge of how to do such things without Jedi skills.

Sacrifice (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/1398)
SithAngel77

Originally posted 21 July 2006,that review is below:

In an Alternate Universe: A fight to the death.

The style is a bit confusing because you aren’t really sure who is speaking to whom. Nothing that an edit wouldn’t correct. The style is harsh and dark, but so is the subject matter.

The piece is short, but poignant and I commend the author on the portrayal.

Reprise Pick of the Week

Pazaak: Juma Rules - Bonus Chapters (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/1400)
Qt314159

TSL Aboard Ebon Hawk: So like a dance…

The piece flows very well, the relationship flourishing as both begin to play ‘the game’ as the Exile sees it.

Message in a data pad (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/1465)
Darth Meatbag

Originally posted 21 July 2006,that review is below:

Set during KOTOR II: The Exile gets a message from her lost love.

The style is good, the story well done, the subject matter excellent.

Reprise Pick of the Week

Twisted, part 1 (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/1494)
Dark Jedi Princess

PostKOTOR: Revan works at breaking Carth

The story is good if a bit generic. The idea that Carth was force sensitive an intriguing one.

Daughters... (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/1750)
Rawtooth

TSL on Telos: After Kreia’s revelation to her Atris must take action

The piece is a work of art. Atris is crumbling before your eyes, and the links between the Exile and the handmaidens is well portrayed. The author worried that it would be difficult to follow, but there is no difficulty.

Pick of the Week

Angels fall First (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/1613)
Turtle

PreKOTOR: The ravages of war seen in another’s eyes

Second person is hard to write in, yet Turtle did so very well. The slow changes wrought by time lovingly portrayed, the lies from both sides, the horror at what Revan is becoming, and the narrator’s assistance in that. It paints the Jedi Council in a new sinister light.

Pick of the Week

What I Wish You (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/1597)
Exile Ainne

TSL Aboard Ebon Hawk enroute to Dantooine: The Exile has her own list

The poem is interesting in that it asks that the person not only learn to enjoy life but grow in the learning.

Dark Legacy: Death Watch (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=201192)
Te Mirdala Mand'alor

Re-review requested. Original review below

Modern day: A Mandalorian declares war on a secret society

Reread as asked, and the battle scene in chapter 4 wasn’t too bad, but you ignored a glaring problem. A Star Destroyer carries a crew of around 35,000, yet you sent 6. Like having an army corps, yet sending a squad to subdue a possible 6,000 (Crew of a Dreadnought). Even if you had scanner readings that told you there was only one person, on a ship that large it would have made more sense to bring over a company, about 109 people.

The escape was a bit strained as well. Go watch the Battle of Endor in ROTJ again, and watch the larger ships. They do not move as fast or smoothly as the fighters and assuming no attempt at pursuit, your ship would have been within range of the enemy for maybe half an hour before moving far enough away to hyper out again. With a pursuit including fighters, you would not get that half an hour.

The tale of Jebord Esio (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=201593)
JebusJM

No era given: A pair of Jedi defeat a Sith master… But will they defeat gravity?

There isn’t a whole lot to this yet, so I will have to withhold any comments on style. The battle was short and sweet, the last question; was there a survival plan, was cute. A nice cliff hanger here. One thing, setting a timer does not need the words ‘from then’. Activating it begins the countdown.

All right kid, show us what you can do, and welcome to the forum.

Dark Side Female Revan

Laundry Day (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/1723)
Noneko

TSL enroute to Onderon: Well it was his own fault…

I could picture Brianna’s fury, Visas’ dismay, and you have to admit, the Exile had it coming. Short but so funny.

Pick of the Week

The Box (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/1810)
Revan’s Pet Duck

20 years before PM: A young Obi Wan meets Revan

The piece is intriguing in that we never really hear what Revan told the young boy. Yoda’s reaction was interesting to me because it makes me wonder if as a young boy he also succeeded; and how many others might have.

Pick of the Week

Path to war (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/1846)
skypilot

PreKOTOR: Aboard a ship fleeing the Rim, two unlikely passengers join forces

The writing needs editing and polishing. You are also making statements that are not logical. If the ship’s hyper drive is damaged beyond repair, they are fleeing in normal space, so going anywhere would be a pain. Try several millennia from the rim to Coruscant. You have the feeling in this ship that you just tossed people in willy nilly. There is no sense of refugees except for the two main characters. It is sort of like the Japanese Anime xxxHolic, where everyone not related to the story is just a white outline walking by.

A Lot to Forgive (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/1874)
Amber Penglass

TSL at the tomb of Freedon Nadd: A glimpse into Atton’s past with a few twists…

The piece does hearken back to the Exile in the tomb, and in it’s own way is more so because while he can watch what happens, he cannot stop it. His own reactions to what he once was and what he had become were crystal clear.

Pick of the Week

I Know (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/1875)
Amber Penglass

TSL on Korriban: After the Exile escapes the tomb, she and Atton share the same types of memories.

The companion piece to A Lot to Forgive, the same story from different sides. Both suffered the same type of vision, and draw strength from each other.

One technical point; Freedon Nadd’s tomb is on Dxun, not Korriban

Pick of the Week

A Scoundrel's Company (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/1876)
Amber Penglass

TSL on Peragus: Getting Atton out of the lockdown was a little more difficult than anticipated…

Rewriting the scene with a little more problems than the original was fun. The backbiting comments as they try to escape was choice.

Pick of the Week

Orphic Verboten Chapter I (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/1872)
Amber Penglass

PreTSL: A meeting that never happened, but it would have been fun…

The scenes are well laid out, the fights were fun, even the make out scene. The only thing I would wonder about is why they didn’t remember each other later.

Glimpse (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/1877)
Amber Penglass

TSL before Malachor V: A vision from the past is recounted.

The piece is excellent work, linking the man Atton had been to what he is now. The soft almost gentle recitation comes through in his voice, letting us know the effect in had on him.

Pick of the Week

Lesson Number One (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/1878)
Amber Penglass

TSL on Nar Shaddaa: Well it is a form of dance…

The piece was funny because with the fluidity of movement you see in Jedi fighting, you would expect one to dance divinely. Having her admit she didn’t know how was funny enough, but having Atton end up being her teacher, and in the bathroom yet, was just too funny for words.

Pick of the Week

Goddess (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/1970)
Lana Revan Star

PreKOTOR: Love turns to hate

An interesting view of the relationship between Malak and Revan.

I am taking a week’s hiatus to spend time with my daughter. I haven’t seen her in twenty years, and the last time I was this nervous, was the night she was born. Wish me luck.

Coruscant Entertainment Center

Artful Dodger (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=201627)
LordOfTheFish

NonSW: The tale of a different character

Improper word usage, flower (Plant) instead of flour (Milled grain), to instead of too

The intro set the stage, but you immediately stepped from it in the first chapter. Year 1705, about 200 years before the internal combustion engine. You then have a truck with a hood to step on. Also, most working class poor of that time made only about five pounds a year, yet you have these men carrying wallets. They would more likely have only coins, for paper money was still a rarity. Also you have him meet an American, when as a country, America will not exist for almost eighty years. At that time he would have merely been a Colonial from which ever state.

kotorfanmedia

Dark Side Female Revan

The Woes of a Dark Lord (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/2060)
AnimeAngel

KOTOR aboard the Star Forge: If that was all it took…

It was cutesy in it’s own way. Bastila’s ‘side effect’ of Battle meditation caught me unawares. Carth going over to the dark side for something so simple. And Revan’s reply to Bastila’s whining, all choice.

Murderer (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/2082)
Revan’s Pet Duck

TSL on Nar Shaddaa: Atton’s revelation

Remember conversation breaks. There are extra words at some point as if you were going one way then doubled back. An editing problem, nothing more.

The piece is good because while possible, the end was totally unexpected. You know Atton’s past, you know what he has done, and might do. To go from might to will is a short step.

Pick of the week

Absolute Power (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/1973)
GrimRabbit

PostTSL: Revan conquers the galaxy, with a twist.

The piece was excellent because my version of the Dark Lord was so close. Maybe an iron hand, but an iron hand that is doing it for the common good. I for one never accepted that every dark lord had to be a sociopath.

Pick of the Week

Exile's Quandary (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/2195)
MariusTook

TSL on Malachor V: Standing at the end of the battle, the Exile thinks of what is to come.

The piece is mainly flashbacks, but you understand why the Exile will now chose. What he does choose is not yet decided, but we know it will be soon.

Beyond the Outer Rim, Chapter 1 (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/2263)
Graceful

PostTSL: Stopping in the cantina after arrival is not always the best thing to do…

Improper word usage. It’s waded (As in wading in water) not wadded as in compressed into a wad and stared (past tense of stare) instead of starred as in starring in a movie.

The piece is interesting in that the pieces are set, the game is afoot, but it’s only a tease for more. Enough to give you a taste but not a full glass. I may have to read more if I ever find the time.

The Duel (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/2282)
CyberCat

PreKOTOR: Revan and Malak fight on Mustafar

The piece flowed, but it was so obviously the fight scene from ROTS that I was not able to suspend disbelief.

Even In Death (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/2385)
Joysweeper

PostKOTOR: A voice from the grave…

The piece is poignant, Carth, even in death, doing what he can to save the woman he had fallen in love with.

Pick of the Week

You're the Only One Who Knows (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/2389)
Lillianjoy

PostKOTOR: Carth remembers…

The piece is gentle in it’s portrayal. The pain of waiting, wondering if she will return or not. The last lines from TSL fit the mood.

Sacrifice For Naught (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/2415)
Animeangel

KOTOR approaching Star Forge: Looking back, Revan regrets what she has done

The piece is short, but chilling. Wondering if you can ever forgive yourself for what you have done.

Through the Shadow- Part One (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/2393)
Shara

TSL At Telos Academy: Brianna faces her fate

An interesting bit, putting the two scenes, Briana facing Atris at the same time that Kreia does her spiel. The only problem I have with it it the same I had in ROTS when Anakin faces Obi Wan and the Emperor decides to leave to find him right in the middle of the fight. It works in a movies (Though not well for the astute) because you are paying attention to the media before you rather than logic.

You have them moving halfway across the galaxy to stop something happening now.

Shattered (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/2544)
Delerius_Jedi and Prisoner24601

TSL on Malachor V: The Dark Exile crushes Mical’s hopes.

The piece is nice and eerie. Having her spare Mical’s life only because she wants him to live with the defeat suitably sadistic.

Pick of the Week

Coruscant Entertainment Center

A World Overturned (http://lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=201671)
Writer

KOTOR After Leviathan: The revelation of her identity unsettles the crew

A good albeit generic retelling of the scene. The angst of the discovery is clearly drawn, and the scene was as good if not better than the one used in the game.

untitled (http://lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=201704)

Salzella

TSL, no specifics given: a brief interlude after a comedy of errors

The piece was a bit disjointed because of the flashbacks. The colony they stopped at was interesting, and the problem easily corrected.

kotorfanmedia
Dark Side Female Revan

A Kotor Carol: A Gift for Revan (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/2485)
RevanGoddess

Originally posted 2 Feb 2007. That review is below:

A year after Darth Revan regains her title: The revelations from A Christmas Carol ala KOTOR

What can I say that 16 thumbs up hasn’t already?

You did what I tell people to do with a seasonal story; you left out all of the Christmas references and still told one hell of a story!

Reprise Pick of the Week

Return To Sender (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/2452)
Joysweeper

PostKOTOR continuation of Even in Death: Revan finds a reason to smile again

The piece was interesting; the aftermath of a defeat and frantic retreat, the main character still trying to revel in being the person she has become, but that new life losing it’s luster. Unlike the first story, this letter from the grave still has hope in it, and perhaps his hope will bring her some.

Pick of the Week

Storm Warnings (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/2476)
CyberCat

Originally posted 9 Feb 2007, that review is below:

During TESB: Darth Vader resurrects his ancestor Revan.

The style is good, the story interesting. Well worth the read.

Technical note: Assuming the Republic had a dating system similar to our modern day one, Revan would have been alive in the 19990s until about 20050. Without a convenient central point (Such as not having a year one in the Christian calendar) pretty much every other dating system works by reigns of monarch, that kind of thing. For example you would mark the battle of Thermoplae as 2592 before the present year rather than 485 BCE.

Canonical note: Han Solo wasn’t made General until ROTJ. During this period he was still merely a smuggler named Captain Solo.

Reprise Pick of the Week

Carth’s Revelation (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/2533)
RevanGoddess

KOTOR on the Rakata World after the Star Forge: Revan finally gets her man

I tended to agree with both Twiklet and Chemist Own that Carth gave in too easily. But I can understand why a man would be torn in this situation. The piece flowed smoothly to a nice clean finish.

Pick of the Week

Lessons (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/2538)
Armilla

PreKOTOR: Who will be the Dark Lord?

The piece flowed well except for the missing word in ‘I grieved (for) my sister for the first time.'

The end was a surprise because I enjoyed the sweet reasonable view Revan had shown up until the moment she struck. The most irritating part of the Dark Side view in my mind is the ‘there can be only one’ attitude.

Pick of the Week

Force Blind -- Section 1 (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/2549)
Princess Artemis

KOTOR on the Star Forge: The Dark Lord returns… But something is not right with the Force.

An interesting piece because something is happening here I have trouble comprehending. In my own full KOTOR novel, I had my Revan contemplating that the Force is not good or bad, but strives for balance, and having someone who is Force-blind suddenly having access to the Force resonates with that. Neither good nor evil can be wholly ascendant, it has to be balanced. This suggests the Force is sentient and I like it.

To Revan's Rescue (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/2561)
Ocelott

PreKOTOR: Just another dull day at the Jedi Temple… Not.

The scene is well laid out, the situation hilarious. I can picture Revan as the practical joker at that age, and aiming at Vrook and Atris, the two more stolid characters, is perfect. I can also see other masters shaking their heads and chuckling when alone at their antics. After all, kids are still kids.

Pick of the Week

To Be An Echani... (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/2644)
tWiNkLeT

PreKOTOR: Training to fight the Mandalorians

The scenes are nicely wrought, and the training well done.

First, while it is called melee combat, the weapons are not called melee weapons. They are hand and edged weapons opposed to projectile or distance weapons. A melee weapon by definition is anything you can use when the enemy is close enough to literally hit with your hand.

Second, when you block using a staff, you have to avoid meeting the edge of the sword. The weight will sometimes be enough to cut through, and if it is sharp it will, usually.

The Source of Darkness (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/2692)
Master of LD and DS

Originally posted 15 Mar 2007 Original review below:

The combined crews from both adventures face the true enemy.

The style and flow starts a bit ragged, but smoothes out quickly. Just from this small portion, I know it would be worth reading a lot more. Pity is, I don’t have the time.

Reprise Pick of the Week

The Corruption of Carth Onasi Part 1 (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/2705)
RevanGoddess

PostKOTOR on the Rakata homeworld: Carth considers his future, and what he might have to do to redeem the woman he loves.

This is all dark angst and confusion. I wonder how many Germans who joined the Nazis before World War II started this way, hoping to change from within?

Pick of the Week

To all my readers, all seven or eight of you, I wish any Holiday joy you wish to celebrate. I myself will be working until 9, and supping on Ramen.

Coruscant Entertainment Center

The Fall of Jolee Bindo (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=201994)
Seth Clearwater

KOTOR on Lehon: Fighting fire with fire.

The basics are good though it needs editing. Remember conversation breaks. This sentence ‘The maniacal shrieks from Bastila screeched‘ has too many adverbs linked directly to the sounds. It would have been better as ‘Bastila screeched maniacally’.

All in all an interesting take on the scene, though having Jolee get stabbed, somehow go to the dark side in the process and heal himself was a bit much.

Revan's Secret Apprentice (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=201959)
Seth Clearwater

KOTOR on Taris: A young boy follows our heroes

The piece needs smoothing out more than anything else. Too short to get a good read on, but it is interesting in what is revealed.

The only negative I have is the stealth belt. I know it’s part of the game but there is no such thing 4,000 years later, so I have to wonder what happened to the concept. Plus having the boy in the room, yet our nascent Jedi does not detect him. It isn’t like Sasha later where she has all of the ducting to hide in.

The Sith Lords - a movie (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=201948)
Visas

TSL: A short film trailer

The piece is good, flowing well, and giving us a number of excellent scenes, though you gave us too much in some ways. A good trailer doesn’t reveal things such as the Jedi masters being killed, or the Ravager blowing up. Look at the HD trailer for Old Republic. All it reveals of what is going to happen is the shattering attack on the Jedi Temple and the fleet investing Coruscant. More than enough action, but unrevealing in the depths of the story.

kotorfanmedia

Light Side Female Revan

Playing with Fire (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/9316)
Prisoner24601 and Dinah Lance.

KOTOR on Manaan: Psychiatric counseling half a mile below the surface?

The piece is well wrought, giving you enough to know how the dynamics of the two couples work. Juhani and Revan have the hardest parts, trying to break through the web of unwilling connections to find the true paths, and giving Carth a chance vent without killing her. The byplay of the ongoing battle fought by Canderous and Juhani is a welcome breath of fresh air in the thick atmosphere.

Pick of the Week

Light Side Female Exile

Conjectures (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/9309)
Moonmythology

TSL on Nar Shaddaa: Why the Exile likes the rain

The piece is good, flowing well. The only jarring note was when Atton kissed her on the rain rather than in it. The ‘Truth Holocron’ was a cute touch, the old Magic 8 ball in a new guise, and helping the story along.

Dark Side Female Revan

Breaking from my Former Masters (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/2725)
Revanreborn225

TSL on Dantooine: The Exile cuts her final ties to the Jedi order-literally

The piece goes from quiet to battle to quiet again smoothly. When she walks away, she is the last standing, and her quest for power will be frightening.

Mandalorian Wars - Tales from Both Sides: An Arm for the Taking (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/2869)
Delasaer Chval

Mandalorian Wars on Eris III: Bao Dur on a mission

The piece has all of the stress and angst you might wish to ask for. Except for stealth and shields (I have my own disagreements with the tech, since you don’t see personal shields until Phantom Menace, and don’t see stealth at all) but discounting that the scenes are crisply drawn.

Pick of the Week

Imitate (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/2895)
Nitesh

TSL on Ebon Hawk: With Bao Dur’s help the Exile builds her new saber.

It’s disdain (A feeling of contempt), not distain(To dye). From word usage I think you meant ‘intentionally or not depend(s)’.

The piece is rich, yet all we see is a person tinkering with equipment, and two people discussing why. This is a very in depth view of the making of a light saber not from the mechanical view, but the spiritual view and as such is very satisfying.

Pick of the Week

Beautiful (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/3029)
Jiara

TSL on Korriban: Sion has his own view of what had happened in the past

A piece almost entirely introspective, it grips you as you witness Sion’s twisted view of what had happened between him and the Exile at Malachor.

Ruin (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/3033)
Alexandra

PreKOTOR: The soon to be Exile comes back to get the one thing she wants, but can’t have

It was an interesting take on the relationship. It was also an interesting take on the Dark side itself. How much of what they do is actually linked to such emotions?

Pick of the Week

Indiscretions, Prologue & Chapter 1 - Izumi, Captured (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/2915)
Dark Jedi Princess

PostTSL: A rescue mission

A blend of SW and Full Metal Alchemist, my biggest problem with it is having never gotten into the Anime. Blending two different genres (And universes) together is not easy, but it was a good effort.

Conditional Chapter I (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/2717)
Darthjess

PostTSL: Revan returns, looking for parts of her old life

Plea would have been better than beseech. Others have commented on other words used in odd manners, so I will forego any others.

The piece is smooth and has the feel of a ragged warrior returning to who knows what. Mission’s comment suggests that the Exile and Carth may now be a couple, as the Exile’s comments suggest she might be willing. But Carth is still tightly focused.

Pick of the Week

Coruscant Entertainment Center

A Christmas Carol: Star Wars edition. (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=202091)
Mrcharlton

SW no specific time given: Anakin ends up playing Scrooge with a little unwilling help from his friends

It’s fazed (Bothered) not phased (changed). Also, remember, he’s a sponge. the lyrics go; absorbent and yellow and porous is he!


Usually I don’t give holiday stories a good review. This one had an interesting touch though; the characters and the author bickering constantly. Anakin can’t seem to remember the word humbug, even minor characters like Ahsoka complaining because she knows she’s going to die in yet another epic, and Lando complaining because he’s not supposed to blink. I enjoyed Boba Fett and Mira as a couple even with the comment that she‘s 4,000 years older than he is.

Now usually when I review that’s it. If I have time I’ll go back. But our author was surprised to discover we had a mean old Critic here when she posted. I posted again to assure her, and she posted that day. Wondering if she was replying, I looked back and caught the next chapter. I wasn’t sure what to think; SpongeBob? Stewie? Outrageous! Keep it up.

A Heroes Welcome (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=202082)
Mrcharlton

KOTOR on Taris: The bar room scene with a twist

You’re pushing the action a bit here, kid. The piece flowed pretty well, that notwithstanding. Unlike the heroes we are used to, these seem to be more locals, though calling one an ex-Jedi would defeat that purpose as well.

Welcome to the forum.

kotorfanmedia

Light Side Female Revan

Getting Burned (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/9320)
Prisoner24601 and Dinah Lance.

TSL Bound for the Star Forge: A lover’s quarrel.

The piece was nice and clean, the characters well honed. The interplay was good. The start of the argument, the fire set to dry his armor was cute because as a smoker I hate over sensitive smoke alarms too.

Pick of the Week

Dark Side Female Revan

My Damnation (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/3046)
Quibby

Prologue to TSL: The Exile remembers Malachor

The piece is well done, introspection and flashback melded to show you the final moments of Malachor V in brutal detail. The Exile’s reaction to what had been done is superb.

Pick of the Week

Betrayal of the Heart (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/3217)
ForceFightWme12

PreKOTOR at Revan‘s capture: The final battle…

Others have commented, and the one thing I agree with is the characters are like cardboard cutouts, real but two dimensional. Malak’s betrayal does follow to quickly on the other scene, and seems a bit rushed.

Still an excellent piece of work.

Kreia's Journal (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/3182)
Cursed One

PreKOTOR during Academy days: A journal is discovered on Dantooine by Mical.

Remember to do a visual edit when you write. You have lead (If pronounced this way it is a metal) instead of led, then quiet instead of quite. Both would pass a spell check, but are improper where they are. The statement ‘She had never a child,’ needs the word ‘been’. In the phrase ‘She had learned and master techniques’ either one of the verbs is redundant. Mastered is the same as learned. You also left out the word difference in ‘the between Sith and Jedi.’. None of these are major problems. When the flow gets good I as bad if not worse. Just remember to edit for content, and you’ll be perfect..

The piece is an excellent look at the girl who would one day be the Dark Lord.

Pick of the Week

Collateral Damage (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/3213)
Prisoner24601 and Dinah Lance.

PostTSL: Revan is back in hiding, and her revenge will be sweet

An interesting continuation of the sections I have read. I’m especially interested in what happened to her followers from the first crew. How about an answer?

Pick of the Week

Idle Offer (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/3523)
Rawtooth

TSL Aboard Ebon Hawk enroute to Nar Shaddaa: An interesting scene between the Handmaiden and Atton

The scene flows well and the only bobble (Mentioned by Bald As Malak) was minor. As had been commented, there are two different ways to take the last line.

Pain and Power (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/3384)
Brandon Ordo

PreTSL on Malachor V: Traya prepares to depart

The piece is dark and foreboding. The last scene, Lord Revan leaving at Kreia’s command sets up so many possibilities.

Padawan Pranks (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/3466)
Nadia

PreKOTOR Academy days: A prank and revenge

This was a riot. It explains why Malak is bald, and the picture of that big hulking brute later in a dress was one I couldn’t keep out of my head. The only part I was unsure about was the hole in the clothes at the end.

Way funny.

Pick of the Week

Dark Decisions (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/3720)
ForceFightWme12

KOTOR on the Star Forge: Pulled in different directions by her nature, Revan reacts

It’s not defiantly (With defiance) but definitely(Assured).

The piece flow well, the reasoning up until the confrontation sound. The argument between Bastila and Carth caused the unreasoning action of Revan, and she regrets it almost immediately.

Pick of the Week

Bastila’s Pawn (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/3702)
Joysweeper

KOTOR aboard the Star Forge: Bastila plans her future

The story rolled well, Bastila gloating over her control, yet there is an undercurrent of worry. I’m reminded of the old Limerick of the woman from Niger…

Coruscant Entertainment Center

the rouge jedi (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=202185)
exoduz

No time frame given: A prologue, but not much of one.

There isn’t enough here to do a real review. When you add to it, let me know.

Wrath of the Sith (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=202194)
Johnathon-Mk II

Two years after TSL: Darth Nihilus returns

Remember to spell check; disapation has two ‘s’, prisinors is spelled prisoners, business is spelled business. Remember dialogue breaks. I can tell you spent a lot of time with Star Trek, using impulse engines, etc. The battle scene needs some work. Everything moved a bit too quickly. Also, with as many alien species we already have in Star Wars finding another one would be a surprise, but not a major one. As for resurrecting Nihilus, that I can accept, but how did you resurrect a destroyed ship?

Your problems are mainly editing and polishing.

Technical note: We don’t see fighters with hyper drives until The Clone Wars, though most still needed an eternal mount. Also there is no mention of a weapon capable of making black holes. If there had been, the Empire would have used it.

Welcome to the forum

Rising From the Ashes of Valour (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=202223)
Lord Spitfire

During Mandalorian wars: During the battle of Isiz, a Republic officer learns about honor

The situation is well described and stark. The battle didn’t make much sense because there were no tactics to it. A massive Banzai charge didn’t make any sense for either side.

kotorfanmedia

Light Side Female Revan

Switch - Part 1: Fish 'n' Ships of Forgotten Memories (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/9318)
Lightbulb

KOTOR at Manaan: The nickname ‘switch’ says it all

It started out pretty bland actually, but seeing a Force power go awry in this manner was really cute. I wish I could read it all.

Pick of the Week

Dark Side Male Revan

Battle Plans (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/9324)
Sefoster

PreTSL: Revan returns to Malachor, and finds himself

The piece is well written, the battle scene at the start smooth. As a first work it is very well done.

Canon Note. The rule of two didn’t come into being until a thousand years before the Empire, three millennia after the scene.

Dark Side Female Revan

The Devils Within the Walls (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/3535)
Katara Ironarm

TSL after Malachor V: The Exile speaks with Revan’s spirit

The scene was interesting in having Revan’s spirit trying to seduce her to the dark side. It makes me wonder about Revan’s death as well.

AU Battle of Rakata Prime (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/3398)
Darkling Angel

AU KOTOR at the Star Forge: Revan faces her twin brother
The piece was well done, the fight a little drab, but I kind of like fight scenes.

Departure (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/3704)
Darth Xio Jade

During the Mandalorian Wars: A bitter parting between Kavar and his apprentice

The biggest problem I had was the lack of conversation breaks. The story itself is good beyond that.

Lifelines, Part I (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/3910)
Trillian4210

TSL Enroute to Nar Shaddaa: Bao-Dur brings back the Exile’s memories

The idea that the Exile had memory loss as well was intriguing. This piece gently teases you with those memories. I just wish I had time to read it all.

Pick of the Week

The New Teacher, Chapter 1 (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/3925)
Evil Shall Giggle

Pre Mandalorian War: A new teacher had predictable problems

The piece is amusing in that we see Atris trying to control an unruly class without her usual perfect reserve. I did agree with the comment about the Jedi being less unruly than an average classroom, but it did give us the idea that Atris has a heart.

Pick of the Week

End of the Line (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/4212)
DarthNemesis2

TSL at Traya Academy: The end of the line
The piece was good in that words were the primary weapon in one fight, and light sabers in the other. A good if generic piece.

Coup d'etat (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/4227)
Revan’s Pet Duck

PreKOTOR: A coup is planned…

The scene is well laid, the attempt credible. The fight flows well, and you can picture the losses right to the end. Revan’s revenge for the attempt perfect.

Pick of the Week

Coruscant Entertainment Center

The Chronicles of Morbius (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=202288)
none223

After the Battle of Yavin: Kyle Katarn is introduced to a Sith Prophesy

The piece is short and abrupt. Except for the revelation of the prophesy nothing much really happened. Kyle Katarn is a clearly defined character, so there is little to add to characterization. My only question is was this set before Kyle gave up his powers the first time or after?

I, Fanficcer (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=202290)
Darth InSidious

KOTOR, sort of: A series of scenes that makes little or no sense.

Considering the piece, I’m not sure I should review it. As a critic I am appalled by the words used incorrectly, not to mention the grammar. As a reader I am stumbling around trying to make sense of it. As a humorist, I did enjoy the noisy sacks.

The Old Man (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=202307)
Canderis

NonSW Horror: An interesting vignette

It’s only your second time in the forum, so perhaps I didn’t suggest earlier that you space the work out so it doesn’t look like a solid block of text. There really isn’t enough of the work to get a proper grasp, and there is no explanation of what is occurring.

The characters are cardboard cutouts two men, one woman, no mention of age or description except for one being very old. When it came to scene description you did much better, a pounding rain, a decrepit hotel.

Dark Light (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=202336)
Endorenna


LOTR/SW Crossover: A young girl finds herself bent on rescue.

The piece flowed well, but considering Endorenna’s usual work that is not surprising. I had never considered a crossover of this sort, but it makes an interesting start.

kotorfanmedia

Light Side Female Revan

Firestorm (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/9353)
Prisoner24601 and Dinah Lance

KOTOR on the Star Forge: The climactic fight.

The piece firmly cements the characters into their relationships. Carth’s refusal to surrender, Canderous refusing to leave the wounded Min (Revan) behind, Bastila and Min beginning the maneuver that gives the Republic it’s chance at victory, all flows together smoothly to the climax.

Pick of the Week

Light Side Female Exile

When This All goes to Hell (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/9339)
DyrraDegan

TSL Aboard Ebon Hawk: The Exile finds the best way to deal with Manda’lor.

The piece is cute and trite in it’s treatment of the relationship between the Exile and the older man. The previous section of dealt with her problems with the other men in her team, and her anxieties as well, worried that Mical and Atton will come to blows over her. It is refreshing for the character to find one man in the crew that doesn’t love her adoringly.

Dark Side Female Revan

Backstory (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/3785)
WinterOnasi

Spanning the Mandalorian Wars and the beginning of the Civil War: Each of them had a life before we met them…

The piece is astounding. It takes each of the characters we know and blends their past seamlessly into the defining moments that made them who we know.

Pick of the Week

The choices we make, the paths we take. (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/4048)
Bastila JediPrincess

Pre Mandalorian Wars: Revan and Bastila go on an undercover mission

The basic writing is good but the premise is a bit odd. I cannot see the Order being the equivalent of a police organization with cops thrown together as if mix and match then going undercover. If I had to imagine a police like them, I would think more of the Texas Rangers; One problem, one ranger.

Return (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/4055)
Evil Shall Giggle

PreKOTOR: The Exile returns after the war, but doesn’t receive the welcome he anticipated

The piece is dark and foreboding. The reactions of Atris seems a bit forced. But a good read.

Understanding Weakness (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/4427)
Faelyn

PostKOTOR: Revan teachers her apprentice about weakness

The piece is delightfully skewed. At first you accept the premise that perhaps it was Carth who failed, not Revan. When you get to the end, however, you see it as mere rationale.

Pick of the Week

The Order of the True Sith, Chapter 1: Meetings and Revelations (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/3289)
Jedi Valius

PostTSL: The truth about Revan’s departure is revealed

The term is alleviated not allieved. You also forgot the letter ‘o’ in open. Don’t worry too much, I almost always spell check because I tend to do the same when in a flurry of creative force.

The basic idea is not only good but very intriguing. Having some of the Jedi and the Republic concealing Revan’s condition while frantically looking for a cure is well done.

Pick of the Week

When You're Taught Through Feelings (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/4337)
Delasaer Chval

PostMandalorian War: The Exile returns to the Jedi to accept her fate

The piece is outstanding in that the Exile is examined here in a harsh pitiless light. She feels her loss, knows and accepts her fate, and while not happy about it, knows what must be done. You can feel her anguish and know that she will go on only because ending it is not the correct reaction.

Canon Note: From the visual display of the ‘trial’ of the Exile, it occurred on Coruscant, not Dantooine.

Pick of the Week

Women (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=202437)
Kado Sunrider

TSL aboard Ebon Hawk: A tense time for the men…

The scene was interesting in that everyone but Atton is acting oddly. When you find out why the women are reacting this way, you understand. The fact of the matter is that when you have a group of women together for a long enough period, the events suggested do occur, but it’s usually not this funny.

A Name Never Known (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=202374)
Kyvios

No specific era or Genre given: A lone survivor records his end

The story was a bit on the bland side, kid. We know it’s supposed to be KOTOR based but there is no way to figure which one beyond the tomb. The survivor is unnamed. However you can feel the anguish at his own actions, and a measure of grief.

kotorfanmedia

Light Side Female Exile

Red Dawn (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/9355)
Lady Tragic

Mandalorian War era: Mical remembers the Exile in the past.

The scene is well laid out, the character clean and new like a brand new blade. Her reason for leaving clear, but like the character in the game, tied again to others, just not the way Vrook might have suggested.

Light Side Male Revan

The Lonely God (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/8708)
Bisted

KOTOR aboard Star Forge: Revan makes on last attempt to set at least part of his life right

The piece is good because you didn’t anticipate what was going to happen at the end. Very well done.

Pick of the Week

Dark Side Female Revan

Of The Lies That I Have Lived | Chapter 1 (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/4350)
Old Wolf

KOTOR aboard the Endar Spire: The main character frantically flees not only the enemy but her own fears.

It’s silhouette, not silohet. Remember to edit, there are places that could use some smoothing out. I agreed with your assessment that the Sith might have at least tried to upload some disrupting software.

An interesting take on the main character compared to everything else. She isn’t the competent or brash unknown, she’s frightened out of her tiny little mind and running on instinct. A welcome change.

Pick of the Week

Vengeance (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/4375)
Noneko

TSL on Onderon: A fallen Exile takes her revenge

Taking a flashback, then reversing the outcome was an interesting touch. Well done.

Arms of an Angel (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/4428)
Lilianjoy

KOTOR No Specific scene: In flashbacks, Revan sees her life and love

As the other reviewer commented, it felt rushed. Longer would have been better.

Anything but Serene (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/4518)
Secondrate

Tsl on Telos: Things happened in the cockpit as the shuttle went down

The byplay between the flight crew is choice and the commentary;

'Then at least manage to get us there in one piece.'

'Well, seeing as our wing is gone and we're losing bits and pieces of wiring every second, we're a long way past one pie--ow! What was that for?' he asked, mentally rubbing his arm where she had hit it.

Made it even funnier. Serenity is one of my favorite movies, and seeing it played out here was fun.

Pick of the Week

Echoes: Chapter 1 (repost) (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/4442)
Moonmythology

No specific era given: A young girl from Tatooine tells of her past

The main problem I had was there was no link to the genre beyond the location. Having the company acting more like a mob protection racket made little sense. Major corporations use lawyers to slice you up, not knives.

A Rand About Peragus (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/4475)
Inicol1990

TSL on Peragus: How did he end up in the cell?

While an interesting take on the scene it doesn’t explain how Atton ended up there especially when he examined his own equipment and nothing should have caused such an official reaction. If someone had slipped a military grade weapon in maybe…

The Master's Apprentice (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/3833)
Mara Nedolo

PreKOTOR: The thoughts that run through their minds as battle is joined…

The piece flows well, but it feels unpolished. Jumping from one person to the other of the trio to examine what is happening is good.

Memories of the Revenant - Chapter I (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/4517)
Akallabeth

PreKOTOR: A woman with no memory wanders the streets of Taris

The piece was interesting in that Taris is seen through new eyes, not as a visitor, but as a resident, even for the short term.

Canon note: Rodians do not have claws, they have suckers on their fingertips.

Coruscant Entertainment Center

Light Side Female Revan

Balm (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/9390)
Prisoner24601 and Dinah Lance

KOTOR after the Star Forge: The four primary characters consider what they must do now.

The piece fits into the work seamlessly. The idea that both Min(Revan) and Bastila might need rescue is only touched upon, but makes for an interesting premise to build on.

Pick of the Week

A Jedi's Love: Chapter 1 (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/9383)
Sonn4Jam3s

PreKOTOR: The story begins as a smuggler settles in on the Endar Spire.

Remember to check homonyms. Hear should have been here, and span will work but normal usage is spun.

The warning wasn’t needed about slash when I read the characters reaction to the men around her. I know a lady like her. She thinks I’m a sweet guy, and confided that maybe I could find her a girl friend. I joked that finding one for myself was hard enough.

Pick of the Week

Light Side Female Exile

Goodbyes at the End of the Galaxy (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/9391)
PersephoneWatching

TSL with flashbacks to PostKOTOR: Canderous gets a second chance to rejoin Revan.

The piece is interesting but has little new. The idea that Revan would seriously injure her companion rather than let him follow any further did not bode well, but we have yet to know why.

A Case for Butttun (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/9326)
Back in Blaque

No specific era given: It seems Revan has found a new job…

An interesting look at the character. The case is interesting primarily because there doesn’t seem to be rhyme nor reason it it at all.

Light Side Female Exile

Special (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/9377)
Obaona

PreTSL: Recently exiled, the exile finds herself in another battle

Technical note. As I have told others before, melee is a type of battle and class of weapon; close quarters where even your teeth can be weapons, but not an adequate description. Instead of using this term when defining drawn weapons, describe them.

The world weariness and wish to be left alone is clearly defined. The reaction to the invasion, the assault is instinctive, an old soldier reacting instead of acting. Very well done.

Pick of the Week

Dark Side Male Revan

Living the Code (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/9382)
TheJediSentinel

PostKOTOR: The evolution of man into husband

It was obvious from the start that it was satire, primarily because of the way this poor man is changed from a great warrior almost into a house husband. Training him into being a proper partner reminds me too much of my own marriages, where neither of them did half as well with me.

Dark Side Female Revan

Fragments of Memories: Prologue (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/4539)
Mayla

PostKOTOR: Bastila give a eulogy for Revan

The piece is gentle and sad, looking at the woman’s death not as the warrior fallen, but as the woman whose memory came back only at her death. The feeling from Bastila is that something precious, her very existence had been stolen when they wiped her memory.

Pick of the Week

Mariah (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/4696)
Inicol1990

PostKOTOR: Daughter goes to join her mother

The piece starts out as the regular angst of a father and daughter not getting along, but doesn’t end that way. The only complaints I had were these; we don’t know beyond teenaged how old the girl is, and it was too blasted short.

Betrayed (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/4536)
JoySweeper

PreKOTOR: The scene where Revan fell, but not as you might anticipate…
The scene is well done, Revan’s thoughts clear on what is occurring, even in the end. The idea that She and Malak had agreed not to waste energy trying to kill each other for the good of the cause, but that subtle trace of worry that it might happen anyway. The method Malak uses is even more elegant than the one portrayed in the game/

Pick of the Week

Marks (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/4742)
Sass Morgan

TSL, no specific time given: Look who’s doing the laundry…

The piece is cute. As he’s cleaning and mending the clothes, Atton is giving a good play by play of the situation. A lot of it is things you would anticipate a wife thinking as she sorts the clothes, right down to thinking he should have Bao-dur take time to build a sewing machine.

Wanderer's Redemption: Esoteric Pilgrim, Chapter 1 (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/4767)
Lady of Arrakis

You forgot to finish words sometimes, widow instead of window, you also used the wrong word several consol(support someone in need of consolation) instead of console(Panel). These are editing problems easily corrected.


The reaction when she saw Kreia sit up made me think I had read it before, but it was just a different version of the same scene from a work I reviewed in October of last year.

It was a delightful romp through the scenes, with Atton too busy measuring her attire, Kreia giving orders like a Sturmbannfuhrer, the Exile making sarcastic comments about everything around her and taking out her frustration on the hapless droids.

Pick of the Week

Choices, part 1: A Battle between Darkness and Light (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/4822)
Darth Mettiz

Unless it is metal, a belt would cling, not clang.

Technical note: a tractor beam is the science fiction equivalent of a tow line, not a method for finding people.

The piece is nice and dark, almost chiaroscuro. Hunting down the leaders is a nice touch, since that is where any possible resistance might form later. Having her contemplating torturing two men for something as trivial as not holding a salute long enough is sick and twisted, which fit’s the scene.

kotorfanmedia

Light Side Female Revan

Revan’s Return 1: Carth Onasi (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/9392)
PersephoneWatching

PostTSL: Revan returns, but what will she find?

An interesting, albeit short post. I wanted more introspection as well, some flashbacks maybe. We know she has scars, one on the face, another on the leg, but what caused them, for example. Her fear that everything will have completely changed is shown when they meet, Her worry that she still might hate her.

Dark Side Female Revan

A Battle between Darkness and Light (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/4852)
Darth Mettiz

Some improper word usage, steep instead of step for example, and using the word tightly twice in the same sentence.

A good generic fighting scene. My only wonder is why she was several days away if she expected a battle?

Life is Like a Boat (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/4935)
Neni

KOTOR on Star Forge: Captured by Malek, Revan feels only the pain of Carth’s death.

The piece is interesting, and linking the lyrics a nice touch. I could have used a little back story, but that’s just me.

Missing (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/4992)
Neni

KOTOR after the unknown planet: Juhani’s thoughts

I have yet to hear the song, but understand where B’sA is coming from. There are songs that just fit one person. I agree Juhani is more into angst than Bastila is, but except for the Disciple, there is no character in either party I cannot stand.

Animal I Have Become (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/5028)
RevanRand16

KOTOR on Star Forge: Revan falls, and continues to fall

The piece dives straight into madness, and the worst part is she’s both appalled and elated by her fall.

Nightmares of Gizka (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/4987)
Mara Nedolo

TSL No specific port given: A nightmare segues into reality

The piece is light with a silly nightmarish feel to it. The ending scene is a laugh as the brave Jedi and her companions flee in terror of… The Gizka.

Pick of the Week

My Immortal (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/5102)
Neni

PreKOTOR: Before the battle, Revan knows she will be betrayed.

The piece is interesting, primarily because you rarely see a Dark Lord Revan becoming war weary. The only thing keeping her going is the love she shares, and even that is tinged by the knowledge that betrayal is just that much closer.

Fortune told (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/5115)
Eisu

TSL on Star Forge in Comic Book format: Kreia told the Exile her fortune, but what if…

When I see it’s a picture, I generally merely drop out and go on. Something about this first set of panels made me take a closer look. It was like the old Lays potato chip commercials; bet you can’t read just one! After I stopped laughing I went on all the way to four. Then I noticed that the author had also done a Male Exile series and I just had to look at them as well. I never stopped laughing, especially with number 8 which I suggest to everyone.

Pick of the Week

Just Another Test (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/5171)
Nadia

PostTSL: Atton considers why he stays with the Dark Exile

The piece is bittersweet, like a dark chocolate truffle. The feelings he has are well portrayed, and her testing him constantly to prove that devotion well conveyed.

Pick of the Week

Après Moi, Le Deluge (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/5236)
Mara Nedolo

PostTSL: A lost fragment of Revan’s journals reveals her own heart as she and the Exile fight to stem the next enemy.

The piece is dark and deep, with her remembering what she had done as Darth Revan to save the Republic, and now does to save it yet again. But the blinders are off, and she wonders even as she fights if the game is worth it. Well done.

Pick of the Week

Twisted Events: Prologue (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/3400)
Soldier

PostKOTOR AU: As a master makes minute changes in the past, Revan sends Bastila on a mission.

The piece is well done albeit a bit confusing. You have Taris still intact, Malak (I assume that is who arrived) not only alive but without his gorget, and Bastila as apprentice to the Dark lord, with no explanation how they got there. One of those I wish I could read all the way through if only to figure out what is happening.

Becoming Broken (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/5449)
Midnight Hawk

TSL at Traya Academy: As he waits for her, Sion remembers how the Exile has made him what he is now

The piece is excellent in the way it is delicately skewed from reality. How he blames every step on the dark path to the one he loved and felt betrayed by. But part of him hopes that she will admit this before she dies.

Pick of the Week

Coruscant Entertainment Center

Doctor Who: Beyond Death (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=202646)
Alkonium

NonSW: When the Doctor dies for the final time, he doesn’t find what he expected.

Remember conversation breaks. It was a bit confusing though I could keep track of who was talking.

DI was correct in that we didn’t find out much. Calling a character cardboard is a bit much because whenever you use someone else’s universe, it is assumed that you know the characters well enough to follow along. How often does a fan fic describe Luke Chewie or Han after all? Part of the reason I limit my fan fic reading because if I don’t follow the show, how am I to know the character?

Mass Effect 2: Second Chance (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=202649)
Tysyacha

NonSW: A hero finds herself resurrected and sent on another mission.

The basics are good Tys, though saying that with your work is like telling an artist they put everything where it belongs. Like I mentioned above I tend to avoid fan fics based on things I don’t know; I am unable to play Mass Effect because my system does not have enough free memory or graphics card, so a lot of the back-story is lost on me, though knowing Shepherd can be either sex made it a bit more interesting. From what I had heard, the commander was male so I wondered if you had done a little gender-bending here…

The primary mission is sound, though a bit confusing as well. Regardless of what Cerberus had done for her, why is she willing to support them when she defines them as terrorists? Still a good read.

kotorfanmedia

Revan's Retribution (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/5262)
Jaina Solo

PreKOTOR: Malak learns pain at Revan’s hand.

You used the wrong word when you used gape (Stare) instead of gap (space between).

Other than that, the piece was excellent. Malak’s belief that he would not be punished severely was quickly disabused and the punishment short and sharp. Her last words were direct and dangerous, and yet I wonder why she didn’t merely kill him after that.

Pick of the Week

Guilt (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/5359)
Tatooine92

PostKOTOR: What can Revan do to atone?

The piece is heart wrenching as the main character destroys what little is left of her life. The ending is enigmatic, and I wonder as well if Revan’s spirit reached out to write that last heartfelt note.

Pick of the Week

Pre-KotOR Journal's - entry 1 - Faline Hart (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/5432)
Exile Faline

PreKOTOR: The Exile gets in trouble

The story is well written, but there are problems with it as other reviewers have commented. I do not throw out psychological tags as heavily as some, but I do think she is hot headed, and that should have been trained out of her after a minimum of eight to ten years.

Sisters (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/5514)
Saphyre

PreKOTOR: Three friends swear an eternal bond

The piece is a bit funny and giddy at the start, three friends sneaking out to spend some time together. Like a lot of secret societies, there is perceived danger, self mutilation, and of course, candles and drinking.

What is especially interesting is who these three became. Their personalities, as the last section shows, all changed from who they had been, and who they were now. That, as the narrator commented, is not always a good thing.

Pick of the Week

A New Line of Work (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/5203)
Sir Boss

PreTSL: After her Exile, she has to find something to do.

You have already been praised for the back story, but I praise the fight scene. Most people just have them start, then it’s over. You set up and followed a flow of movement that made the fight real. With that along with the other things you have been praised for, this is one excellent slice of her life.

The only negatives I can think of is a spelling error, and the need to edit; but as those who have suffered beneath my keyboard before will tell you, everyone, even I or a professional, have to remember that.

On a technical note, however, the comment that only a Jedi could strike behind herself in such a manner is invalid. All people who learn swordsmanship are taught to develop what is a called a sense of the point; knowing where the point of your blade is during a fight. You also learn where not to strike, so you don’t accidentally stick it into yourself. Some people never learn, but those who become good or for long enough do, and after four years of warfare, I would assume she would know that without being a Jedi.

Pick of the week

Not a Very Happy Birthday (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/5665)
Katara Ironarm

PostKOTOR: Not a very happy day for the dark lord

An odd place for the thoughts of so one assumed to be so evil to catch upon. The piece is deep in introspection, and the idea that it was her birthday just pounded the nails deeper. She didn’t think of any happy memories she might have, but on what might have been, and that makes it even darker and more sad.

Pick of the Week

Destroyers (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/5668)
Elena

PreKOTOR: What Malak wants

The piece was curious. Most seven year olds have trouble deciding what kind of cake they want with their ice cream. To want power at that age is a bit adult. The boy is growing up too fast in my view. I was a bit disturbed at the end because of the self mutilation.

Dark Redemption (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/5874)
Ryusui

KOTOR on the Star Forge: She will bend the galaxy to her will to save it.

You used the wrong word or misspelled them naiveté not navity. Lose, not loose. Beyond that all I saw was editing problems.

You followed a slightly different path from the one I did, but having Revan go to the dark side not to destroy the Republic but to save it is what I had done in my own work.

The Game of Jealousy - Part 1 (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/4978)
AkiraLamont

TSL on Dantooine: So who is jealous?

The only thing I didn’t buy was the crash landing, though something close to it would have been just as much fun. Having her throw herself at the Disciple was a cute bit of fluff and aiming him like a missile at Atton looks good.

Why Revan doesn’t Drive (http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/5705)
Joysweeper

PreMandalorian Wars: A simple drive across Coruscant to the Temple. But Revan is driving…

The piece is fun, and the description of the dickering, then yelping during the driving was very good. She reminds me sort of myself behind the wheel; I don’t like it though I can

Coruscant Entertainment Center

Doctor Who: Beyond Death (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=202646)
Alkonium

NonSW: When the Doctor dies for the final time, he doesn’t find what he expected.

Remember conversation breaks. It was a bit confusing though I could keep track of who was talking.

DI was correct in that we didn’t find out much. Calling a character cardboard is a bit much because whenever you use someone else’s universe, it is assumed that you know the characters well enough to follow along. How often does a fan fic describe Luke Chewie or Han after all? Part of the reason I limit my fan fic reading because if I don’t follow the show, how am I to know the character?

All the characters were, in theory, Alkonium's own inventions.

See also:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Regeneration_(Doctor_Who)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Doctor_(Doctor_Who)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Master_(Doctor_Who)

All the characters were, in theory, Alkonium's own inventions.

See also:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Regeneration_(Doctor_Who)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Doctor_(Doctor_Who)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Master_(Doctor_Who)

What I meant DI is having seen perhaps four episodes of the show (And the Seven Doctors as I believe it was called), the show has one man who keeps regenerating (Which helps when the actor wants to leave the seriess) a sidekick who tends to change about twice as fast, and a bad guy worthy of the name.

What I meant DI is having seen perhaps four episodes of the show (And the Seven Doctors as I believe it was called), the show has one man who keeps regenerating (Which helps when the actor wants to leave the seriess) a sidekick who tends to change about twice as fast, and a bad guy worthy of the name.

Well, I can't dispute that. I thought you perhaps thought that the characters described were already established and therefore needed no introduction - my point was simply that they hadn't, and so did. :)