Okay, okay, chill out. Here it is. I blame you!!! :D jkjk Wait...blame you for what?....umm....nvm.
__________________________________________________ __________
---Chapter Ten---
Bastila picked up the datapad from the ground and walked back over to Revan.
“Revan…” she said, at a loss for words. She pulled a chair up next to him, draping her arm over his shoulders. “I…I don’t know what to say…”
“Then say nothing at all.” he replied emotionlessly.
She shrank back slightly. He was really taking this hard.
“Please…I just want to help.”
His anger flaring again, Revan grabbed Bastila’s wrist in a vice-grip and waved the barely-working datapad in her face.
“Do you think that you can help me??” he asked, his grip strengthening with his anger, “In spite of all this, do you believe that somehow you can help me?”
“Revan--”
“Do you??” his voice continuing to rise, his face turning slightly red.
“Revan, you’re hurting me.” Bastila said, shrinking back. Fear shone in her watering eyes.
A stunned, fearful expression formed on Revan’s face. Slowly, he released her wrist, drawing back. He stood, turning away from her.
He walked over to the window once again, placing both palms flat against the glass, almost begging for it to give way beneath him and fall to the ground, taking him with it. A storm had blown in and lightning forked the sky as the rain flattened the grass and wind whipped the trees about. Those four words had sent Revan over the edge.
Bastila feared for him. He was deathly white and his face was set in a mixed expression of fear, disbelief, and self-loathing.
“Revan…” she spoke his name once again, coming over to him and touching his shoulder lightly.
“You…you should leave.”
“No, I won’t leave you. I want to help--”
“Please,” he interrupted, “leave me to my sorrow.”
“Why don’t you see that I would do anything for you?” Bastila asked in a whisper. Revan didn’t respond.
Sighing in resignation, Bastila reached up and gave him a light kiss on the cheek before turning and leaving.
Later that night, as rain pounded against the windows, lightning lit the night sky, and thunder shook the compound, Revan lay thrashing in his bed.
“You’re stronger than I am, and there’s no point telling me otherwise. You will be a great Jedi, I think. I hope.”
He and Bastila stood in a dormitory of the Ebon Hawk.
“In some ways, you make me feel weak, like I am caught up in the wake of our destiny. But at the same time, you make me feel stronger, more alive.” he heard Bastila’s voice explain. He knew this time…all those years ago…
“And I feel more alive when I’m with you.” he heard himself respond.
“But…I realize now that these feelings are part of the bond we share. The Council had surely known this. They knew that my loyalty to the doctrines of our Order would be tested on this mission.
“By facing and overcoming my feelings for you, I have learned a valuable lesson about control and the dangers of emotion. This is an important step to understanding the Force.
“I’m sorry if this is not what you wanted to hear. But I felt it was important that you knew our…infatuation…was nothing more than a result of our powerful bond.”
“You’re rationalizing, Bastila.” Revan heard his own voice echo out again, “You’re just scared to face the truth!”
“You’re the one who can’t face the truth! Malak must be stopped. How can I do that if I let myself be blinded by my feelings for you?”
“I’m going to stop Malak, Bastila, but I want to do it with you at my side.”
“You…You really mean that, don’t you? But how can I be certain you’re not making a mistake? I…I must resist. I have to be strong. For both of us.” Bastila said. But her voice was full of uncertainty…almost…doubtful.
“You know I’m right, Bastila.”
“But I don’t…I mean, I can’t….Malak would…” Bastila was faltering.
“I love you, Bastila,” Revan heard his voice echo out yet again, giving that final push. He stepped closer to her, close enough to touch, “And I know you love me.”
“Okay,” Bastila said passionately, “You’ve made your point. Now shut up and kiss me you fool.”
She fell into his arms, and their lips met in a passionate kiss that lasted several minutes. Bastila grabbed the cloth of his shirt, clinging to him desperately, and he held the side of her head, holding her lips against his.
When they finally broke apart, they were out of breath. Bastila’s hands slipped from his chest, and she backed away slowly, shaking slightly.
“We…we shouldn’t have done that…It was wrong. The Jedi aren’t supposed to fall in love!”
“It didn’t feel wrong to me.” he said defiantly.
“It…It was a moment of weakness…when I kissed you…we shouldn’t have…I’m sorry, no!
“I know we both wanted it, but we shouldn’t have given in to our desire! We’re Jedi! We can’t act like this! Not now, not while we still have to deal with Malak. I’m sorry…I don’t blame you…it was a mistake. I have to get out of here before someone sees us together!”
The scene before him faded…
Revan continued to toss and turn. Why did these memories resurface now?
“You will go on to defeat Malak, and go from the Dark Lord himself to the savior of the galaxy.”
Another scene bloomed before his eyes, this time on the Star Forge.
“But before you do that…” Bastila began. She was clutching her side. Revan shivered as he remember that he was the one who had hurt her. “there is something I must know…
“Will there be a place for me in your future? Do you…” she took a breath, apparently steadying herself before dropping the bomb, “Do you love me?”
Despite himself, he felt a joyous, excited, warm feeling envelope in his chest. A feeling that he had been without for far too long.
“I do love you, Bastila.”
“And I love you, with all my heart.”
“You aren’t afraid to love anymore?”
“After this? There is nothing that would make me feel safer than being loved by you.”
Revan woke. He found his brow covered in cold sweat. For a moment, he just lay there, staring at the stone wall…then the regret and guilt hit him like a hammer blow. He slowly sat up.
Good luck, my love, and may the Force be with you.
Bastila had always been there for him, just as he had always been there for her. They relied on each other…and right now, he was letting Bastila down. He was distancing himself from her, pushing her away. He was doing her a great injustice, and she did not deserve it.
He stood and grabbed his shirt, then proceeded to throw it around his shoulders, not bothering to close up the front.
As he left, he glanced at the clock. Three in the morning. Well, it was better than nothing. At least everyone else was asleep.
On silent feet, Revan slipped into the hallway, heading for Bastila’s dormitory. When he found the right door, he knocked. He waited for a moment…but there was no sound, so he entered a code and opened the door, creeping inside and closing the door behind him.
The room was dark, as was everything else at this time of night. He looked over to the bed, and he smiled as he saw Bastila’s form laying there. He knelt at her bedside.
She was so peaceful and beautiful when she slept…he couldn’t take his eyes from her face. As he watched, she shifted slightly, and a loose strand of hair fell across her face. Unable to help himself, he brushed it away. He started as she shifted again, mumbling “Revan…”
A moment later, her eyes fluttered open.
“Revan!” she said, surprise written across her face. She sat up, startled.
“Shhh…” he pressed a finger against his lips. “It is late, the others are still sleeping.” he said quietly. Revan stood, walking away for a moment. Then, with his back to her, he said, “Look…Bastila…I’m sorry. I lost control of myself back there. I…I was weak and gave in to my rage. You didn’t deserve that.” he turned back to her. “I’m sorry.”
“Revan…” she said slowly. Standing, Bastila crossed the room to where he stood. For a moment, they just stood there, looking into each others eyes. Then, Bastila collapsed into Revan’s arms, tears streaming from her eyes. “I was so afraid…I was afraid I had lost you…” she said between sobs.
Revan wrapped his arms around her tightly, holding her close, as much for his comfort as for hers.
Her hands rested on his bare chest, her tears falling onto his tanned, muscled skin.
He held her close, stroking and twirling her hair. “It’s alright…it won’t happen again…I promise…” he whispered. He breathed in the intoxicating scent of her hair and flesh, reveling in her touch, and enjoying the warm feeling that spread through his entire body. He kissed her forehead, then lay his head on hers. Neither of them knew how long they stood there, and frankly, neither cared.
http://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a240/BastilaRevanforever/more%20stuffs/dfe94322.gif)