Give him directions to your house.

WWYDI Shrek wanted to make you his bitch?

Run away. Fast.

WWYDI you spontaneously went deaf?

I'd curse with abandon because I can't hear it.

WWYDI you had a choice between becoming the next Kettle Head or Red Foreman putting his foot in your ass?

Ask for a less painful choice of alternatives.

WWYDI if Fez started looking at you "wrong"?

Give him 10 secons to quit staring at me or he's gonna find a phenomenon up his ass called my foot finding its way up there.

WWYDI Kelso was grabbing your stepmother's ass?

Have Red put his foot up Kelso's ass....afterall, he can't stand dumbasses.

WWYDI Kitty said she was pregnant?

I would A. Nuke them, or B. put m foot up there....you get the idea:D


WWYDI you had a metal straightjacket on, and you had to escape a nuclear blast?

I'd use my mental intimidation powers and give it to the count of 10 to instill fear into the inanimate object to make it animate and do my bidding to escape the situation successfully. Because I'm Red Foreman. And my boot needs some exercise finding a landing up some hippie's ass.


WWYDI The party of dumbasses decided your empty pool was fit to party in with a keg...using my damn pump. :swear:

I would beat the crap out of all of them and kick them out.


WWYDI Your boss is a sexy blonde with long legs and you have a conference meeting between the two of you?

^^^I'd take her in the back room with some rubber gloves and give her an examination--away from watching eyes of douche nozzles. Then I'd go watch some rodent porn when I got done with that.


WWYDI Lord Cameltoe nominated you president of his nation? :xp:

I would say get lost.

WWYDI you were fat?

Probably have my pic taken in the driveway with a giant furby. :dev8:

WWYDI you had 30 seconds left to live and were alone in the middle of the desert?

I'd yell "F*CK NUT!" as many times as I could before death came for me.

WWYDI a couple of moron tenants in an apartment complex you own decided it was time to get rid of the fly and:
1) used all sorts of tools to do it, failed uttery,
2) crapped on the floor, brought in and dumped over garbage, gassed the area out, failed again,
3) broke a window and ended up bringing the whole swamp of flies in the house?

Easy, I would just get a new one.


WWYDI you were in an alley surrounded by a gang of 72 members with no place to run?

I'd summon 72 voodoo dicks and sick'em on the thugs.

WWYDI a space satellite crashed on your street?

Hope it didn't interfere w/the utility connections to the house.

WWYDI you couldn't do anything anymore?

I'd hokey pokey in my pants and die.


WWYDI your roommate was hawt, but that hawt roommate brought scabies in the house repeatedly?

Well, if I already got the scabies from her, there's only one thing left to do before kicking to the curb....:naughty:

WWYDI if it was a guy instead of a hawt girl?

I would...relocate them to Siberia via my....secret sources.

WWYDI you're roommate was a crazy Islamic terrorist who was convinced that you were his only help?

I'd help him in the form of my foot in his ass. :D

WWYDI the US became an open dictatorship?

I think my foot would break off for all that ass I'd be kicking b/c I'm old and feeble like Mastrer Vrook.

WWYDI the girls from Sudeki stole your keys and locked you out of your room to "take care of a little business" and you had no spy gear set up to watch them?

I'd break down the door and 'find out' what was happening...heheh:D

WWYDI your room came alive and decided that it wanted liberty?

I'd tell it "more power to ya"--and let it find out the hard way what life is all about.

WWYDI the renegade monkey army was invading N Korea right now with the intentions of "finding a new home" for their broomsticks?

I would give them financial support and their very own nuclear banana.

WWYDI the Monkey Army defeated Kim Jong Il and his strange band of idiots?

Get 'em a bunch of female monkeys to celebrate their newfound victory.

WWYDI KJI defeated the Monkey Army instead?

I'd activate Sigma, let him infiltrate some place with nukes and launch them at N Korea much the same as he did for Abel City when he wanted to annihilate the humans.

WWYDI Robert Iannini had to get rid of some of his company's surplus *fast*?

Become the next "evil genius".

WWYDI nobody liked you?

I'd use their hatred and discontent to sustain myself and prosper.


WWYDI tales of symphonia was real?

I'd....create something else for the world to worry about.

WWYDI Symphonia was real?

Dunno. Sheena would be getting in cat fights with her voice actor: Jennifer Hale. :iceburn:
I out nerdified you. BOOYEAH!

WWYDI if KOTOR was also real in addition to symphonia?

I'd out-Revan Revan and take over the Republic.

WWYDI you were stuck on a planet with only SW aliens and no humans and space travel didn't exist?

I'd throw me a party. With a truckload of Zagnut as we launched flaming dead raccoons and heaping piles of burning monkey **** at things. We'd go around burning things up. And probably live with each other peacefully, especially considering the human race otherwise appears to be a ****up.


WWYDI Violent J was on the street, broke and brandishing an axe and holding up a sign reading "axe murderer for hire"?

I'd send him to Perez Hilton's place. He'd probably get off for time served (ie community service). :D

WWYDI Perez called you a stupid c*nt?

I'd probably laugh at him...then kick a field goal with his body since my foot is always up to the task for kicking rude little foul mouthed mendicants.

WWYDI squirrels were making sweet love on your kitchen floor?

Assume I must be "living on the streets" in a cardboard condo.

WWYDI if squirrels started taking a dump on your car?

They do that all the time anyway, so... Probably pelt them with rocks when I catch them.

WWYDI Yo mamma lived in a 2 story dorito bag, had a wooden leg with a bird house in it, and had a glass titty with a screw on nipple? (WUT?!)

Feel sorry for Yo mamma. :D

WWYDI your lasers broke down and your feet were in traction and you were beset by dumbasses and kettleheads?

I'd call Jules to clean the mess up. He could keep one of my Gold DYX357's with leopard skin as a reward.

WWYDI you were contracted by "...lost" to develop a new version of their energy drink but you were all out of ideas?

I'd piss in a jug, add some herbs and stuff and sell it to them. Give it some exotic name and could market it like "When you really gotta knock the piss out of the next guy, drink..."

WWYDI KOTOR comics were done in hentai style?

I'd be all over it and make Anderson's camper rock so hard it fell over. Except I think Jae would kill me for defiling her avatar.

WWYDI the she dragon needed some special tender pleasing and chose *you* for it?

All depends on whether the "she dragon" is just a nickname and for whom.

WWYDI you were the "lucky" recipient of such attention?

Get miles of super strong navy rope to bind her (she is a 25ft tall 10 ton dragon), and buy a jackhammer with a blunted end. Apply, and run far away.

WWYDI McVicar hired you to teach at his school?