The only other forum that I'm a part of is CameraHacking.com, lol. (I like to hack cameras.) There I only have a few posts. (I don't know much about it. :D)
EDIT: Sorry for the offtopicness, lol.
It's okay. Many people talk offtopic in CEC Fanfics and Arts. What good would Camera hacking do (Other than hacking Cameras). Isn't it against the law?
I'm not sure if it's against the law. I don't hink so. Recently, I've hacked a single use digital camera into a reuseable digital camera. This makes it so instead of having to pay twenty dollars for twenty five pictures you can reuse the twenty dollar camera over and over again, and not have to pay for prints.
I've also flipped a coin using a camera flash and made a repeating strobe. Stuff like that. I've also tried to make a nightvision camera, but the results have been fuzzy.
i just read the last two chapters, and all i got to say is great ... its a really enjoyable read
i just read the last two chapters, and all i got to say is great ... its a really enjoyable read
Thanks Mr_BFA, I just have one question you haven't answered. What does BFA stand for, if it does stand for anything?
I'm currently writing Chapter VII.
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Chapter VII
Reunion
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Malus and RedHawke returned to the Echo. It had been upgraded to a Super Star Destroyer. Now the Echo was the leading Star Destroyer, leading a legion of over one hundred Star Destroyers. Caos greeted Malus, but gave RedHawke a weird look.
“My lord who is your friend?” Caos asked.
“This is RedHawke,” Malus told Caos, “He was a spy for Desann and Tavion.”
“I have pledged my service to Lord Malus,” RedHawke told Caos, “Now if you don’t mind, I shall get settled into my new home.”
RedHawke left, while Malus made his way to the throne room of the Echo. Caos followed him.
“My lord, I can’t trust him.” Caos told Malus.
“Nor can I,” Malus told Caos, “But anyone who swears their allegiance to me may prove useful. Like you. If I had no use for you, I would have killed you the first time I met you. Now I want to hear no more about RedHawke.”
“Yes my lord.” Caos said.
“I need to return to Yavin IV and tell Luke about what has happened so far.” Kyle told Jan.
“Okay.” Jan said.
Kyle pressed a button to enter hyperspace.
Immediately after exiting hyperspace, Kyle and Jan noticed a legion of over one hundred Star Destroyers, led by a Super Star Destroyer ahead.
“Oh my god.” Kyle muttered.
“Shall we turn back?” Jan asked.
“No,” Kyle told her, “We can make it past this legion.”
Jan didn’t share Kyle’s enthusiasm.
“Trust me.” Kyle added.
As Kyle prepared to drive the Raven’s Claw, he was surprised that the Star Destroyers hadn’t tried to destroy them.
Officer Starkiller entered Malus’ throne room. He held a small datapad.
“My lord, a small ship is trying to pass our legion,” He told Malus, “Would you like us to shoot it down.”
Malus snatched the datapad off Officer Starkiller. He took a look at the datapad. It showed a ship, he hadn’t seen for a while. He threw it back to Officer Starkiller.
“No,” Malus told Officer Starkiller, “Put a tractor beam on it and tell the Stormtroopers to set their guns on stun.”
“Yes my lord.” Officer Starkiller said.
He was about to leave, when Malus stopped him.
“Oh and tell Caos to greet our guests, if they don’t prove hostile.” Malus added.
“Yes my lord.” Officer Starkiller said.
Kyle felt the dark side on the Star Destroyers, as he drove the Raven’s Claw, trying to avoid them. Suddenly, both Kyle and Jan heard the noise of a tractor beam, locking onto the Raven’s Claw. Both Kyle and Jan knew they couldn’t break free from the tractor beam.
Officer Starkiller returned to see Malus. Malus was eagerly waiting for his new visitors to arrive.
“How soon will the Raven’s Claw be here?” Malus asked.
“Soon enough my lord.” Officer Starkiller told Malus.
“Good,” Malus told Officer Starkiller, “I think our guests will be people I once knew.”
As the Raven’s Claw docked inside the Super Star Destroyer, Kyle and Jan waited in the Raven’s Claw. They heard a voice from the outside.
“You can come out of your ship!” A voice shouted, “For the moment you are guests, not our enemies.”
Kyle prepared to get out of the Raven’s Claw.
“What are you doing?” Jan asked, “How can you even trust them?”
“Trust my judgement Jan,” Kyle told her, “If Jaden is here, I must know.”
Maybe that is why we haven’t been killed yet, Kyle thought. Kyle got out of the Raven’s Claw first, then Jan got out. An army of Stormtroopers greeted them, along with a Sith. The Sith spoke.
“My name is Darth Caos, apprentice of Darth Malus, who you know as Jaden Korr, wants to keep you alive, for the moment.”
“Isn’t that nice of him.” Kyle told Caos.
“A little too nice I think.” Jan added.
“My Master has his ways,” Caos told them, “Now please follow me.”
Kyle and Jan decided it was the best action. They followed Caos, up several flights of staircases and Caos had led them to a cellblock.
“More hospitality?” Kyle asked sarcastically.
“Be grateful we didn’t shoot you out of the sky,” Caos told Kyle angrily, “Now go into your cell!”
"Touchy." Jan added.
Kyle and Jan went in. Considering it was a cell, it was quite large. It had two beds, a computer terminal and several lockers.
“My Master shall see you, when he feels like it.” Caos told Kyle and Jan.
The door shut behind them. Kyle collapsed onto one of the beds. Jan felt like doing the same.
“What do we do now?” Jan asked.
“I don’t know,” Kyle told her, “I would like to meet with Jaden again, then we can find the hangar controls and then we can escape.”
“Wouldn’t that be suicide?” Jan asked.
“Exactly.” Kyle told her.
Officer Starkiller was showing Malus the security footage of Kyle and Jan talking. How did Kyle survive? It seemed strange that he had survived the Malus’ attack several months ago. Why didn’t he also get another apprentice? That would've been the wisest thing to do.
“Tell Caos, that I request the meeting now.” Malus told Officer Starkiller, “I’m anxious to meet my Master again.”
Officer Starkiller wanted to ask why, but he followed his orders.
“As you wish my lord.” Officer Starkiller told Malus.
Kyle and Jan heard the door open. Caos was here.
“My Master wants to meet with you.” Caos told them.
“Finally.” Kyle muttered.
“Oh and my Master would appreciate it, if he you could call him Darth Malus,” Caos added, “He hates hearing his former name.”
Caos led Kyle and Jan to a large throne room. Like the hangar bay, it had an army of Stormtroopers. At the far end of the throne room, was a large black chair. That must be where Jaden sat, Kyle thought. Kyle and Jan noticed Jaden enter. He sure had changed since Kyle had fought him on Korriban. His old Jedi Robes were now replaced with dark black Robes. Jaden sat down. It was quiet for several minutes, until Kyle broke the silence.
“Hello Jaden.”
“Don’t ever call me that. I’m Darth Malus, Lord of the Sith!” Malus shouted.
“Please come back to the light,” Kyle told Malus, “Face up to what you’ve done. Luke and I can help you.”
“Don’t tell me Master Skywalker is still alive,” Malus sighed, “Couldn’t you and him die on Korriban.”
Kyle was shocked at what he was hearing. Jaden had fallen so far to speak of both him and Luke like this.
“I’m surprised you haven’t asked me how I survived.” Kyle told Malus.
“I have wondered how you survived,” Malus told Kyle, “But you surviving made sense. You always were strong in the Force. Kyle, join me and together we can destroy the Jedi and the Republic, then we can rule the Galaxy.”
“I’ll never join the dark side,” Kyle told Malus confidently, “The Sith killed my father, they manipulate…”
“More Jedi lies,” Malus sighed, “I knew you wouldn’t join me. Now because of this outrage, I shall kill both you and Jan.”
Malus ignited his red Lightsaber and leapt towards Kyle. Kyle immediately blocked the attack with his blue Lightsaber.
“Run Jan!” Kyle shouted, “Find the hangar controls! I’ll catch up with you!”
Jan did what he said and shot several Stormtroopers. She ran past the Stormtroopers and ran off. Kyle meanwhile fought with his former apprentice. Their Lightsabers clashed.
“You’ve become weaker Kyle,” Malus told him, “Perhaps the scepter did some damage to you.”
“Maybe, maybe not.” Kyle told Malus, breaking out of the Lightsaber lock.
Kyle ran away from Malus and ran off to find Jan. As soon as the door closed behind Kyle, Officer Starkiller came up next to Malus.
“What shall we do my lord?” He asked.
“Leave the Stormtroopers to kill them,” Malus told him, “If Kyle survives, then I shall fight him, once again.”
Jan was avoiding every Stormtrooper, to find the hangar controls. The Super Star Destroyer was large and there were many rooms. There were Stormtroopers everywhere. Jan opened a door and found the control room. She turned off the tractor beams and waited for Kyle.
Kyle ran down every corridor, killing many Stormtroopers on his way. He knew Malus would be behind, trying to find him. Kyle ran through a door to see Jan.
“Disabled the tractor beams?” He asked.
“Yes.” Jan told him.
“Then let’s go.” Kyle told her.
Jan ran in front, with Kyle behind, guarding her from any incoming shots from Stormtroopers. Occasionally, she fired at the Stormtroopers. After several minutes of running, they were approaching the hangar bay. The Stormtroopers were all dead. Kyle and Jan were about to leave, when Kyle sensed Malus behind him. Kyle blocked Malus’ Lightsaber.
“Jan! Prep the ship for takeoff!” Kyle told her, “I might a while.”
“You’re not going anywhere Kyle!” Malus shouted, “I shall turn you to the dark side!”
“Never!” Kyle shouted back.
Malus raised his Lightsaber and let it crash down onto Kyle. Malus’ Lightsaber cut Kyle’s right arm off. Kyle yelled in pain. He used the Force to pull his Lightsaber towards him. He ran back to the Raven’s Claw.
“Quick Jan, takeoff.” Kyle told her.
Jan took off and left the hangar. Kyle noticed the Star Destroyers all trying to shoot them down.
Luckily for Malus, he noticed a Tie Fighter. Malus got in it and prepared to find the Raven’s Claw.
The Star Destroyers stopped trying to shoot the Raven’s Claw.
“Well that was lucky.” Kyle said.
Both Kyle and Jan then felt a blaster shot on the ship.
“Or not.” Kyle added.
Kyle could sense Malus’ presence behind the ship. Malus kept shooting at the Raven’s Claw. Jan did some “fancy stuff” in the air, by dodging the shots from the Tie Fighter.
“Jump to hyperspace Jan!” Kyle shouted.
Jan pressed the button and they entered hyperspace. As the Raven’s Claw disappeared, Malus felt annoyed and returned to the Echo.
Stay tuned for Chapter VIII An Old Friend
Good chapter again.I'm guessing the Old Friend is Obi-Wan.And about that "Why Kyle didn't got another apprentice" stuff,The Force tells me Bavan will make a cameo.Or not.
Good chapter again.I'm guessing the Old Friend is Obi-Wan.And about that "Why Kyle didn't got another apprentice" stuff,The Force tells me Bavan will make a cameo.Or not.
It isn't Obi-Wan who is the "Old Friend". Bavan having a cameo, I didn't think of that. But it isn't him.
Well,i'll just wait and see.
Well,i'll just wait and see.
Damn, I forgot to say that :lol:.
Good chapter Pottsie. I'm glad that you listen to the advice given to you. You are describing plots quite well. Keep it up.
Incidently a new diddy is up. :D
Good chapter Pottsie. I'm glad that you listen to the advice given to you. You are describing plots quite well. Keep it up.
Incidently a new diddy is up. :D
I know. Thanks for the advice. If it weren't for you, I wouldn't have put so much effort in my Fics.
I definitly think that you are getting better as you go. Nice job.
I definitly think that you are getting better as you go. Nice job.
Thanks Niner_777. When is the next update of Amongst The Ruins?
Oh, that fic. Probably tomorrow. Hopefully I'll be able to work on it today. I've got some sports and homework that I put off though. :D
Another good chapter, BFA dosent really stand for anything .. it was just some random thing because i couldnt come up with anything else at the time ... waiting for next chapter :D
This is also a great fic and an excellent parallel to the light-side fic. The quality has apparently improved within you and it's looking great so far. I also found the name Darth Malus amusing. It is a Latin word, meaning "bad" or "evil", the exact opposite of "bonus" meaning "good". Can be found in Malevolent, Malnutrition, Malpractice etc.
Whatever the case, it's a great fic over all and a rather enjoying read.
P.S. @ JK-DQ: Influence Gained: Several dozens of forums members. :);)
Thanks Sabre. I was thinking of deleting my Light Side one. It didn't seem to work out.
PS. Check out Sabre's JK-DQ. One of the best Fics ever.
Not bad all in all, but I just have to say it - ???RedHawke???
Not bad all in all, but I just have to say it - ???RedHawke???
Yeah, RedHawke. Is something wrong with that?
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Chapter VIII
An Old Friend
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The Raven’s Claw landed inside the Jedi Academy on Yavin IV. Kyle hadn’t been here for over a month. As he and Jan got out of the Raven’s Claw, Luke greeted them.
“Kyle, Jan, it’s good to see you again.”
“Same here?” Jan told him.
“What’s the story?” Kyle asked.
“Not much to tell I’m afraid,” Luke told Kyle, “Luckily I’ve recruited many Jedi to replace the ones who died on Korriban.”
“Okay,” Kyle told Luke, “Well I guess Jan and I should get settled in.”
“Wait Kyle, I need to talk to you,” Luke told Kyle, “In my chamber. We won’t be disturbed there.”
Luke led Kyle up to his chamber on the top floor. The last time Kyle was in Luke’s chamber was before he went to Taspir III with Jaden to find Rosh. Luke sat down on his mat.
“Kyle, I have an apprentice for you to train.” Luke told Kyle.
“Yeah, who?” Kyle asked.
“She is a young woman who has a lot of potential to become a Jedi Knight.” Luke told Kyle.
The large door behind them opened. A young Human female entered. She had long, silky, blonde hair and deep brown eyes. Her skin was tanned. She wore a black, ribbed jacket and brown trousers with black boots.
“This is Kiara Tann.” Luke told Kyle.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you.” Kiara told Kyle.
“Same here.” Kyle told her.
“Well it’s time for Kiara to be trained,” Luke told Kyle and Kiara, “Good luck and may the Force be with you.”
“Let’s begin with your first lessons,” Kyle told Kiara, “Follow me.”
Kyle led Kiara to the training ground, where Kyle once took his trial.
As soon as Kyle and Kiara arrived near the trial, Kyle opened a small hole.
“Get in.” Kyle told her.
“What?” She asked, wondering why Kyle had asked her to go through.
“Just go through,” Kyle told her, “Trust me.”
Kiara decided to listen to Kyle and went through the hole. Kiara was sliding down a small slope into a training room. Kiara knew what she was supposed to do. Here she would learn her basic Force powers.
It was late at night and Kiara was still in her trials. Luke would greet her as soon as she finished. Kyle felt tired and decided to rest. Jan had already gone to bed. As soon as Kyle got into bed, he drifted off into a deep sleep.
“Rosh.” Jaden said.
“Jaden.” Rosh said back.
“You don’t look like much of a captive Rosh,” Jaden said angrily, igniting his orange Lightsaber, “Did you dream this up? Or was it Tavion’s idea?”
”No Jaden wait, I was wrong,” Rosh told Jaden, “Please, take me back to the Academy, I need help.”
Jaden’s anger was rising and he was coming closer to Rosh. He felt like he could kill him.
“Jaden stay back,” Rosh warned, using the Force to push several boxes together, “Please don’t hurt me.”
“You tried to kill me and now you’ve lured me into a trap!” Jaden shouted at Rosh, using the Force to push the boxes.
“Jaden I was scared,” Rosh told Jaden, feeling scared himself, “You have to believe me, we’re friends remember? Let’s get out of here before Alora comes back.”
Jaden was having none of it. He leapt towards Rosh and raised his Lightsaber at him.
“How do I know you won’t betray you again?” Jaden asked, “You’re always trying to beat me. How do I know this isn’t another trick?”
Down below in the Taspir III facility, Kyle tried to contact with Jaden.
“Jaden don’t do it.”
Up above, Tavion’s apprentice, Alora tried to turn him to the dark side.
“Finish him Jedi!” She shouted.
Jaden listened to her and raised his Lightsaber at Rosh’s abdomen.
“Wait! Listen to what you’re saying!” Rosh shouted, “You’re angry. Don’t give into it. That leads to the dark side right?”
Jaden grabbed Rosh and pushed him onto a box. Jaden could hear Kyle’s words again.
“He only fell to the dark side because he was scared, afraid of dying, put away your saber.”
Jaden threw Rosh onto the floor.
“Strike him down! Give in to your anger!” Alora shouted.
“Jaden you’re better than that,” Kyle told Jaden, “Don’t give in to your anger, Rosh is telling the truth.”
Jaden felt really angry. So angry, he could kill Rosh, Alora, Tavion and Kyle all at the same time. This must be what the dark side felt like. Jaden loved it. Having power that he had never had before and scaring people. He decided to kill Rosh. He raised his Lightsaber and brought it down onto Rosh’s shoulder. Rosh yelled out in pain and staggered to the door. Jaden picked him up again.
“Jaden no, let go of your anger.” Rosh pleaded.
“Why should I?” Jaden asked angrily, “You yourself said how powerful the dark side was.”
“I was wrong.” Rosh told Jaden.
“No you were weak.” Jaden told Rosh angrily.
“Jaden no!” Rosh pleaded.
Jaden pushed his Lightsaber into Rosh’s abdomen. Rosh yelled in pain. Jaden let Rosh collapse onto the floor.
“Well done Jedi,” Alora told Jaden, “Join us and together with Marka Ragnos as our Master, we can destroy the Jedi and serve him.”
“Join you!” Jaden shouted angrily, “Why should I trade one Master for another? The scepter is too powerful to be in the hands of someone as weak as Tavion. If anything it should belong to me!”
“Oh you think so?” Alora asked laughing.
“You on the other hand are useless,” Jaden told her, “I should have killed you on Hoth.”
“You won’t get a second chance,” Alora told Jaden, “Tavion has taught me much since then.”
Alora shot a small bolt of Lightning at Jaden. Jaden and Alora fought for several minutes. By the time Kyle got there, Alora had been killed and Jaden had left for Korriban to kill Tavion.
“Rosh!” Kyle shouted.
He ran over to Rosh, who was near death. Rosh looked up to see his Master.
“I’m sorry,” Rosh told Kyle, “Jaden has turned. You’ve lost both your students.”
“No,” Kyle told Rosh firmly, “You are a Jedi.”
“Thank you.” Rosh whispered.
And with that he died.
Kyle woke up. It was just a dream. It wasn’t any ordinary dream. It was a dream of how Jaden fell to the dark side. Maybe it wasn’t even a dream. Maybe it was a vision. Kyle decided to get up. He wiped the sweat off his forehead and put on his clothes.
“What are you doing Kyle?” A voice asked.
Kyle looked behind him. It was Rosh. As a Force ghost.
“Rosh how did you?” Kyle asked.
“Your father, Morgan Katarn, has taught me the path to immortality.” Rosh told Kyle.
“That was lucky,” Kyle said finally, “What are you doing here anyway?”
“There is something you must know,” Rosh told Kyle, “In several hours time, Jaden will attack the Academy. You must leave while you can, before it’s too late.”
“I must tell Luke.” Kyle told Rosh.
“He already knows,” Rosh told Kyle, “He’s sensed it as well as I.”
“So what do we do now?” Kyle asked.
“As I’ve said before, leave before it is too late.” Rosh told Kyle.
Rosh disappeared and Kiara entered. She sat at the end of Kyle’s bed.
“Are you alright?” She asked.
“Don’t worry Kiara,” Kyle told her, “I just met an old friend.”
“So what do we do tomorrow Master Katarn?” Kiara asked.
“I don’t know,” Kyle told her, “And please, just call me Kyle.”
Stay tuned for Chapter IX The Assault on Yavin IV
PS: Sorry for the so much dialogue Chapter and lateness of the Chapter, I'm had Writer's Block with this Chapter. The next Chapter will be a major Battle (as it says in the title of the next Chapter).
Good one Pottsie.And is it just me,or did you use that name for a Chapter on Jedi Forces?
Possibly.
Thanks for reading Jason.
Lol Pottsie.Oh,and check out Jedi Heroes.
Lol Pottsie.Oh,and check out Jedi Heroes.
Don't worry Jason, as soon as I see a Jedi Heroes update, I look at it. I'll be reading. Expect me to reply...
I liked it, and every other chapter I read
I liked it, and every other chapter I read
Thanks Revanscool.
Another enjoyable chapter, when you said old friend i didt know who to expect lol .. anywa .. good work once again
I know. Thanks for the advice. If it weren't for you, I wouldn't have put so much effort in my Fics.
I am touched. Really.
Another good chapter and a nice little plot twist. I just posted another chapter to Heart of the Guardian. I've got a few surprises in store :D
I am touched. Really.
Another good chapter and a nice little plot twist. I just posted another chapter to Heart of the Guardian. I've got a few surprises in store :D
Thanks. Both to you, Niner and Mr_BFA. I read the Chapter of HOTG and it is good. I usually have Revan as a Male and Exile as a Female. I never thought Revan sounded like a Female.
I'm currently writing Chapter IX.
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Chapter IX
The Assault on Yavin IV
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There was a disturbance in the Force. Malus could feel it. Kyle had a new apprentice. Malus decided to be extra cautious of Kyle and anyone he was with. Officer Starkiller approached Malus. RedHawke and Caos were also there.
“You summoned me my lord.” Officer Starkiller told Malus.
“Yes, I want you to prepare an army to invade Yavin IV.” Malus told Officer Starkiller.
“When for?” Officer Starkiller asked.
“When I tell you,” Malus told him, “Now RedHawke, I want you to go to Yavin IV and scout the area. If any Jedi notice you, kill them.”
“Yes my lord.” RedHawke said.
RedHawke left to go to Yavin IV. Malus knew that RedHawke was up to something.
The rise of dawn appeared on Yavin IV. Kiara had woken up earlier to train herself while Kyle, Luke and the other Jedi were asleep. Kiara decided to go out and take a walk around Yavin IV. She hadn’t been away from the Academy, since she’d been there.
RedHawke landed on Yavin IV. He got out of his Tie Fighter and explored Yavin IV. He had landed a mile away from the Academy. In the distance, he saw a young woman walking. RedHawke noticed a Lightsaber in her belt. He got out his Lightsaber and ran towards the woman. The woman immediately got out her purple Lightsaber and blocked RedHawke’s attack. RedHawke passed the woman. The woman became suspicious.
“Whoever that was, come on out!” She shouted, “Nobody messes with Kiara Tann.”
“Really?” RedHawke asked, igniting his Lightsaber.
Both Kiara and RedHawke ran towards each other, fighting with their lives. Their Lightsabers clashed together. RedHawke pushed Kiara backwards, causing her to fall over. RedHawke prepared to stab her, but she leapt back avoiding the Lightsaber. She ran off. RedHawke knew she would tell the Academy that a Sith had tried to attack her. Perhaps Kiara thought it was Malus. If she did, RedHawke had an advantage. RedHawke decided to return to the Echo, to tell Malus of his failure.
Kiara saw Kyle and Luke, who were already up, training against each other. She ran up towards them.
“Kyle, Master Skywalker, a Sith Lord has just attacked me and…”
“Slow down Kiara,” Kyle told her, “Tell me exactly what happened.”
“Well, I was out for a walk and I was attacked by a Sith Lord?” Kiara told him.
“Was it Jaden?” Kyle asked.
“I don’t think so, “Kiara told him, “He looked nothing like him.”
“Perhaps it is an apprentice of his.” Kyle told her.
“I sense Jaden will attack the Academy,” Luke told them, “Rosh was right, we must prepare to leave the Academy, before it’s too late.”
“Listen Luke, I’m not leaving without a fight.” Kyle told Luke.
“Okay Kyle, but we must leave soon.” Luke told Kyle.
RedHawke landed on the Echo. Caos greeted him. He didn’t look too pleased with RedHawke.
“What are you doing here?” Caos asked bitterly.
“I must see Lord Malus.” RedHawke answered back.
Malus came to greet RedHawke.
“I sense your failure RedHawke.” Malus told RedHawke.
“I know my lord,” RedHawke told Malus, trying to look like he weren’t lying, “I submit any punishment you give.”
“There is no time for punishment,” Malus told RedHawke, “And besides, it was Kyle’s new apprentice. That is the reason why she survived. For now, I shall lead an army to the Academy. Meanwhile I want both you and Caos to steal Luke’s journals.”
“What for my lord?” Caos asked.
“What do you think?” Malus asked, his voice rising, “In Luke’s journals are several Old Republic bases on Planets unknown to the Republic. If I can find them, then I can take them over and make the Imperial Remnant stronger.”
“Right my lord.” Caos said.
“Caos and I shall do as you ask.” RedHawke added.
“Excellent.” Malus said.
Kyle, Jan, Luke and Kiara prepared to fight, along with the other Jedi and the New Republic army. They had set up a small defence around the base and were waiting for the Imperial Remnant to attack. Thanks to the New Republic, they had set up a shield that covered the whole Academy. The Imperial Remnant was sure taking their time in attacking the Academy. All everyone had to do now was to wait for the Imperial Remnant to attack.
The Imperial Remnant landed on Yavin IV. RedHawke and Caos had landed behind the Academy. Malus and his army landed near the Academy, but not to near just so they weren’t seen. His army was a large legion of Stormtroopers, eight AT-STs and four AT-ATs. Malus slowly walked towards the Academy, with his army following him.
Meanwhile, RedHawke and Caos had entered in the back way of the Academy. Luckily for them, the Jedi and the New Republic hadn’t guarded the back way. They had only guarded the front.
“Get the journals,” RedHawke whispered, “I’ll disable the security.”
Caos decided not to argue and he crept through the Academy, being careful in case any security systems hadn’t been turned off or if anyone else were protecting the Academy. Malus had told them that Luke’s journals were in his chamber at the top of the Academy. Soon Caos entered the chamber. The journals were on Luke’s table. Caos grabbed it and he left to meet up with RedHawke. As soon as he returned to RedHawke, they left the Academy and returned to the Echo to wait for Malus to return.
“Fire!” Malus shouted at the AT-ATs.
The AT-ATs started shooting, however the shots disappeared. There must be a shield, Malus thought angrily, The Jedi were very resourceful indeed. Malus stopped the AT-ATs from firing and Malus decided to go inside the shield along with the Stormtroopers. They immediately flanked the Jedi and the New Republic. Many Troops on each side died. Malus ran towards Kyle’s new apprentice and attacked her. Malus noticed Kyle immediately saw his apprentice being attacked and ran towards Malus and stopped him. They talked as they fought.
“Your new apprentice is strong my Master,” Malus told Kyle, “Maybe I can turn her to the dark side.”
“You’ve truly fallen far.” Kyle added.
“You say that all the time, but you know I’ve become much stronger than you, much stronger than Master Skywalker.” Malus told Kyle.
Malus knew that RedHawke and Caos had completed their task. Malus used the Force to push Kyle and Malus ran off.
“Destroy them all!” Malus shouted to his army as he left.
Malus returned to his shuttle and left Yavin IV. There were other places Malus must go to, to increase their power in the Galaxy.
Stay tuned for Chapter X Zaloriis
Good one as usual.Zaloris,is that a planet or a person?
Good one as usual.Zaloris,is that a planet or a person?
I own the old PC game, Star Wars Galactic Battlegrounds Saga (Includes the orignal Galactic Battlegrounds and it's expansion pack Clone Campaigns). On the Galactic Empire Campaign starring Darth Vader, there is a level where you go to Zaloris, a Planet that rebelled against the Empire after the Battle of Yavin. The first part of the next Chapter will have information on the Planet. I think GB is the original Battlefront.
I've just realised I spelt Zaloris wrong. It is Zaloriis. I'm writing Chapter X now. It will include a side of A4 of information of Zaloriis (Because it doesn't let me copy from the game) and some information from Wikipedia.
nice chapter once again, but wouldve liked a bit more action in the fighting sequence, but its good all the same :D
I've read through it, and had some thoughts on things to improve (none of which are a huge deal) and things I like.
First, make sure to add more line breaks. Double space between each change of speaker when you're doing dialog. It makes it much easier to follow when reading online, especially for those of us with 'older eyes'.
I saw a comment that you or someone else thought there was too much dialog--I think it's almost impossible to have too much dialog--it's the characters who should be telling the story as much as possible, describing things, figuring out problems, telling each other solutions, that sort of thing. Obviously you can't describe a good chunk of battle sequences that way, but feel free to let your characters do the descriptions. I'm glad to see you using more dialog.
You assume that everyone knows who Jaden and Kyle are, and in a SW fanfic forum, you can sort of get away with that. However, I haven't played Jedi Academy (it won't load on my laptop! :) ), so I don't know them at all. Make sure to describe your characters a bit in the first few chapters so we can all have an idea of who your characters are.
Make sure also that your characters are doing things that make sense and that are in keeping with their personalities. Even Sith Lords don't kill just for the sake of killing--they need to conserve their personnel resources just like anyone else, so they're not going to kill indiscriminantly. Now if you tick a Sith Lord off, that's a different story.
You have a lot of action in your stories, and I can tell you're learning to slow down the pace a little so we can keep up as readers. Keep slowing it down a bit more--the best way to do that is to describe everything in greater detail. For instance, you write in the latest 'Many Troops on both sides died.' How did they die? Did they die in clumps or scattered across the battlefield? Were there any smells of smoke, burning flesh, fire, chemicals? What kinds of sounds were there? People screaming in pain, soldiers yelling orders over the noise of blaster fire, ATATs pounding the ground? What does the battlefield look like? Hilly? Flat? Muddy? Smooth? Is there anything in the terrain that could affect the fighting abilities of one side or the other? That's not a request to change that particular sentence, btw--just something to think about as you write your next chapters. I want to see it the way you see it, because I'm sure it's a very interesting picture!
The story itself is fun, and I noticed some more variation in sentence structure than in your previous works, which helps make the writing more interesting to read. There is never a dull moment in your stories because of all the things that are happening. :)
So, keep going!
Thanks Jae. I think if I have time, I may edit some Chapters and describe Kyle, Jaden and all the other Characters who some may not know from JA. Battles are a bit boring when I write them (It's because I don't write very good Battles). The dialogue is set out like it is, because I've read books and that is how they're set out. But if you want in my next Fic, I shall do that. If I write a Fic after this one, everything shall be improved. Hopefully.
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Chapter X
Zaloriis
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Malus returned to the Echo. He went to his throne room. Officer Starkiller entered the throne room. He held Luke’s journals in his hand. He handed them over to Malus.
“My lord, Caos and RedHawke found the journals you wanted.” He told Malus.
“Thank you Officer,” Malus told him, “Now get out of my sight.”
As Officer Starkiller left, Malus opened the datapad containing the journals. It had information on many Planets, including Hoth, Endor, Coruscant and many more. Malus flicked through the journals, until he found a Planet he didn’t recognise. Zaloriis. Malus decided to see what information Luke had on the Planet. The journal on Zaloriis opened up.
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Zaloriis
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Zaloris is a desert world. The first AT-AT walker was invented there. It formally declared it's independence during the Rebellion Era, but Lord Vader denied the request and proceeded to liberate the AT-AT facilities as well as crush the militia and Rebels there.
The desolate Planet of Zaloriis is notable only for its role in the production of the Imperial All-Terrain Armoured-Transports. General Veers worked extensively to improve and update the Walker design, but his research was interrupted by a Rebel uprising.
Zaloriis City is considered the main settlement, but even that is not a popilar destination on the barren sandy rock. The high winds of Zaloriis keep life to a minimum, but the sheltering boulders of the Fantain Mountais harbour smaller creatures and rock lions. Legends speak of dune ghosts that wander the wastes at night and of travellers who never return from their journies. The natives respect the open deserts and keep well away from them, clustering in small outposts connected by well-travelled roads.
The Imperials recognized the value of the Zaloriians fear-it allowed them to establish a research base out in the desert, with little concern for prying eyes. In fact, their test vehicles often bolstered the legends and tell-tales, as wanderers spotted the strange technologies being tested and reported back-exaggerated accounts at the local tavern. One tale that amused the Imperial counter-spy network involved a man being confronted by a wheezing so-foot dune-low, with giant tusks and a grey reptilian hide. Back at the research base, the prototype Walker was quickly rechristened “Dune Cow”.
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End of Data
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Malus closed the datapad. He put it in his pocket. Once Luke gets these journals back, he will have to update Zaloriis with my adventures there, Malus thought. He went to his shuttle, along with a small legion of Stormtroopers. The New Republic wouldn’t have a big defence on a harsh desert Planet, such as Zaloriis. As the shuttle prepared to land on Zaloriis, Malus noticed the old abandoned research base, where Darth Vader was once inspecting the AT-ATs.
“Pilot, land in that old research base!” Malus shouted across the shuttle.
“Yes my lord.” The pilot said, changing his course.
The journal did say that the research base was away from prying eyes. Malus hoped it still was. The shuttle landed inside the research base and Malus and his army got out.
“I need two scouts to check out the area,” Malus told them, “As soon as you find out something, return here immediately.”
Two of the Stormtroopers got on a Speeder Bike and sped off into the unknown.
Several hours later, the two Stormtroopers returned. They walked up to Malus.
“Lord Malus, we have all the information you requested.” One of the Stormtroopers told Malus.
“A Twi’lek Jedi Knight known as Farra Koo is protecting Zaloriis City under Luke Skywalker’s command.” The other Stormtrooper continued.
“Excellent work,” Malus told them, “Now we shall invade Zaloriias City.”
Several more shuttles landed, with eight AT-ATs and sixteen AT-STs. Malus led the way to Zaloriias City. As he led the army, he thought about Farra. When Malus was a Jedi, they were close friends. But ever since Malus fell to the dark side, he hadn’t seen her since. Perhaps he could turn her to the dark side.
Farra Koo was mediating inside the large Command Center in Zaloriias City. She had been on Zaloriias, since the Battle on Korriban. She was a surviour from that Battle. She was meditating, thinking on the past. Zaloriias was quite a boring place to be for a Jedi. Especially for a Jedi who liked going out, making a difference in the Galaxy. Here she had to protect the military and the citizens of Zaloriias City. To her, that wasn’t making a difference. Suddenly, she stopped mediating. She heard noises from outside. It sounded like screams of civilians and blaster shots from the military. Farra looked out to see the Imperial Remnant attacking Zaloriias City. They were being led by Malus. Farra immediately ran towards the communications array and spoke.
“Attention citizens of Zaloriias City! Please remain inside your homes!”
Farra could see all the citizens running into their homes, dodging Stormtrooper fire or anything else that tried to kill them.
Down below, Malus ran through the City. The Zaloriias Military tried to stop Malus, but he killed them all. They fell to the floor like paper. As Malus killed the last Trooper, he sensed Farra Koo inside the Command Center. Malus leapt up to the Command Center and entered. Farra Koo was about to ignite her Lightsaber, but Malus gripped her.
“If you want to live Farra, join me.” Malus told her.
“I’ll never join you,” She told Malus confidently, “After what you’ve become.”
Malus tightened his grip on her. She choked even more.
“I think you should reconsider.” Malus warned her.
Farra noticed a red glow in Malus’ left eye. The dark side had consumed him. Farra tried to struggle out of the grip, but Malus held her too strong.
“I’ll give you one last chance.” Malus warned Farra, getting impatient.
Farra knew she shouldn’t join the dark side, but she didn’t want to die and she had always wanted power. She had kept it secret from Luke. Besides Jaden was once her friend. She didn’t want to lose that friendship.
“I… I shall join you.” She choked.
Malus loosened his grip on her and let her go.
“Good,” Malus told her, “From now on, you shall be known as Darth Gevallen.”
“Thank you my lord.” She said finally.
She got up and Malus gave her a large bomb that would destroy the entire City.
“Set this and then we shall leave.” Malus told her.
“Yes my lord.” She told Malus.
Gevallen set the bomb in the middle of the room and set it. Gevallen knew it would take five minutes to leave the City. She set the bomb to explode after five minutes.
“Excellent,” Malus said, “Now we must leave.”
“Wait my lord,” Gevallen told Malus, “I can tell the Military that I’m taking you away into custody out of the city, then they won’t suspect a thing.”
Malus liked the plan. Gevallen led Malus out of the Command Center and through the City. The Military saw Gevallen leading Malus out.
“Lady Koo, where are you taking our Sith friend?” The leader asked.
“I’m taking him away into custody.” Gevallen told him.
The Military left Malus and Gevallen alone. Malus and Gevallen left the City and waited for the detonation of Zaloriias City. Malus and Gevallen left Zaloriias and returned to the Echo. From there, Malus, Caos, Gevallen and RedHawke watched the detonation of Zaloriias City. Malus felt excitement burning in his heart as he felt the City be destroyed, along with the Military and the citizens who also perished. It felt great.
On Yavin IV, as the Jedi and the New Republic were clearing up the mess from the attack on the Academy, Luke felt the deaths of so many people. It was from Zaloriias. Luke also felt the loss of a Jedi. A Jedi who had fell to the dark side. A Jedi that Luke had trained. Farra Koo. Kiara came over to see him.
“Is something wrong Master?” She asked.
“The deaths of so many people,” Luke told her, “And a loss from our Order.”
Kyle heard Kiara and Luke talking. He walked over to them.
“What loss?” He asked.
“The loss of a great Jedi,” Luke told him, “Farra Koo has been converted to the dark side.”
Kyle knew Luke felt despair. Luke knew dark times were ahead.
Stay tuned for Chapter XI Memories
PS: Gevallen is Dutch for Fallen.
Name: RedHawke
Species: Human
Eye Colour: Dark Brown
Hair Colour: None
Class: Sith Lord
Favourite Weapon(s): Lightsaber
Lightsaber Colour(s): Red
Favourite Ship(s): The Echo
Favourite Force Power(s): Force Camouflage
Master(s): Desann/Tavion/Darth Malus
Apprentice(s): None
Homeworld: Unknown
Political Affiliation: Sith/Imperial Remnant
Allies: Sith/Imperial Remnant
Enemies: New Republic/Jedi Order
Name: Darth Gevallen (Farra Koo)
Species: Twi’lek
Eye Colour: Brown
Hair Colour: None
Class: Jedi Knight/Sith Assassin
Favourite Weapon(s): Saberstaff
Lightsaber Colour(s): Red
Favourite Ship(s): The Echo/X-Wing/Tie Fighter
Favourite Force Power(s): Force Drain
Master(s): Luke Skywalker/Darth Malus
Apprentice(s): None
Homeworld: Ryloth
Political Affiliation: Jedi Order
Allies: New Republic/Jedi Order
Enemies: Imperial Remnant/Sith
Name: Rosh Penin
Species: Human
Eye Colour: Brown
Hair Colour: Black
Class: Force Ghost
Homeworld: Yavin IV
Thanks Jae. I think if I have time, I may edit some Chapters and describe Kyle, Jaden and all the other Characters who some may not know from JA. Battles are a bit boring when I write them (It's because I don't write very good Battles). The dialogue is set out like it is, because I've read books and that is how they're set out. But if you want in my next Fic, I shall do that. If I write a Fic after this one, everything shall be improved. Hopefully.
Nothing wrong with emulating (not copying!) someone else's style in well-written works, and the EU books are at least entertaining, if not Pulitzer prize winners. I'm not complaining, mind you, and I'm not trying to be offensive with constructive critiques. It's not as fun to have the 'areas to improve' pointed out like it is the good or fun stuff. Nor are the things I commented on 'bad', they are just areas to make better. I do that because I know you have the ample ability and desire to learn from those comments and improve, because I've seen your writing improve as you've been going along.
Writing takes time to develop, too. The writing I did as a freshman in high school was very different from the writing I do now, but I had to do a lot of writing along the way to learn and improve. Boy, did I have to do a lot. Some of my freshman high school writing was atrocious--you're way ahead of where I was at the same age. I'm _still_ learning! Believe it or not, the writing you do here will help in your regular studies, and vice versa. You can't lose there, even if you don't like school. :)
I find battle scenes challenging myself--how do you take a very fluid scene with action happening all over the place and condense all that down into words on a page? It's tough. If battles are boring, spice them up a bit. Make the good guys or bad guys do something totally unexpected that surprises everyone and makes them have to react in a novel way. Your battle scenes are not bad, btw. I think they can be pretty intense sometimes, and I like intense battle scenes where I can feel like I'm in the middle of the action and have to duck with the character.
I'll read this tomorrow.Hope ya don't mind.
Wow, I've been gone for awhile, lol. I'll have to read it later also.
Wow, I've been gone for awhile, lol. I'll have to read it later also.
Okay. Just to let you know, most of the next Chapter will just be parts from JA. This is a Chapter for those who don't know about JA.
Also, once I finish this Fanfic (Which won't be for a while yet), I may write an alternative ending if anyone wants it.
Okay. Just to let you know, most of the next Chapter will just be parts from JA. This is a Chapter for those who don't know about JA.
Just work little parts from JA into your story every now and then when it's relevent (and if you start a new fic based on JA, put some explanation into your initial chapters)--you don't have to make an entire chapter on JA. Heh, besides, I really want to see what you're going to do with Darth Malus next, you know. :D Poor Luke, all his Jedi turn to the dark side.
Just work little parts from JA into your story every now and then when it's relevent (and if you start a new fic based on JA, put some explanation into your initial chapters)--you don't have to make an entire chapter on JA. Heh, besides, I really want to see what you're going to do with Darth Malus next, you know. :D Poor Luke, all his Jedi turn to the dark side.
Yeah :lol: he spends all his time and effort in building an Academy and half of them fall to the dark side. Kyle and Rosh have had their fair shares of the dark side as well.
Nice two chapters Pottsie. Jae is right about the battles. The funny thing is that I can see the images in my head when I think about it or let my mind drift. I can see the smoke, the fire, the bodies, the bleakened landscape pockmarked by blast fire. The destroyed ship and an occassional explosion. The dirt and the noise everywhere in the air and you feel like you have to shout just to be heard. Sometimes the best way to describe battles is to look at paintings of battles and imprint the colors and images in your head. Don't tell anyone but I watch a TON of war movies, some maybe forty times already. Use the imagination that's what it's there for; the place where you develop the strangest of things like Bessy the Purple Cow (don't ask).
On a side note: I was a sucker for the female Revan romance so, ya know. The Exile I thought to be more manly. That said and done, thanks for reading. Will have a new chapter up soon. :D