Good Chapter. I don't read many EU books so I don't know who the YV are. And Wookie is spelt Wookiee.
Sorry for that, the spelling checker wouldn't recognise that word anyway :xp:
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Revenge
Obi-Wan slowly looks around. The commandos in the shuttle all look at him. “This isn’t the end of the route for us. We are only destroying a ship, we are not attacking a fleet.” One of the commando’s looks away. Obi-Wan reads his thoughts. He is scared, afraid to die. “I won’t leave without you, I will leave no-one behind on that flying death-trap.” – “if it’s a death trap, as you say, then why are we attacking it?” One of the commando’s is now standing in the room, staring at Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan gets up, very slowly. “Because there’s a Grand-Admiral in that ship. If we kill him before the battle begins…” The commando sits down again. “Why didn’t you say this on Sekot?” –“Because I don’t trust them. I think the Imperials are on the planet already.” –“How can you tell?” – “Because they distrust me, while the jedi saved their planet not to long ago. Something has changed them, and I could clearly feel what caused it.”
The commando’s nod their heads. Their worlds, homes, families have been destroyed by the Imperials too, mainly by manipulation and deceit. The same happened to Alderaan, when Obi-Wan visited. Bail had formal power, but it were the Imperials who ruled the streets. Sad thoughts occupy the Generals head, as the Imperial shuttle slowly goes into Hyperspace. The next time he sees normal space, he will be infiltrating a super star-destroyer. Not only that, the complete Imperial fleet will be surrounding their target. The old man sighs. Never ever did he feel this way. He is sending young, promising man into death. But he has no choice. If they don’t kill the Grand Admiral, the battle for Sekot will be a lost one. The Grand Admirals are famous for their strategic insight. Obi-Wan knows that he can’t match that. Only killing the Admiral will give him the edge. His eyes slowly closes, as he hears the Hyperspace engine humming on the background.
“General? Wake up general. We are about to leave hyperspace.” Obi-Wan wakes up as the commando’s talks. Still half asleep, he looks out of the cockpit, and sees the white lines start to become starts again. Suddenly, the imperial fleet appears right in front of them. “General…you never said our target was travelling WITH the fleet!” Obi-Wan slowly opens his eyes, as he pulls out a datapad from his pocket. “Here are some codes. I got them from Vergere…” He hand the datapad over to the pilot, and a few moments later, the comm system starts beeping. The pilot turns around: “Incoming message, sir.” Obi-Wan replies: “we can’t keep our guests waiting, now can we?” The pilot opens the message: “This is a formal warning: Please identify yourself, or suffer the consequences!” The pilot replies: “We would like to land, to refill our ship, and continue for Coruscant. Our authentication code will be send…now.” The voice from the Executor replies: “This code is special…did you come from Sekot?” The pilot looks at Obi-Wan, shocked. Obi-Wan lays his hand on the man’s shoulder as he slowly says: “This must be a spy-only code. And we have just given them one. This confirms my idea that there are spies on Sekot.” The looks at the pilot’s face. “Just give them a copy of our drift charts.” The pilot nods, as he emits the data. The soldier from the executor replies: “Okay. Identity confirmed. You can land in hangar 13-B. Welcome on the Executor, commander Vassel!” Obi-Wan suddenly realises the awful truth. The Sith he battled on Tatooine, Vassel, is on Sekot! The situation is worse then he expected. As they fly towards the hangar, he slowly starts talking: “We have to take this hangar by force, and make our way to the Grand Admiral’s room. It’s near the bridge.” The commando’s nod, and reload their blasters, not knowing what awaits them. The hanger shield slowly opens, as the Imperial shuttle flies through. As they land in the middle, they see Stormtroopers coming out of the hall, with their blasters ready. Obi-Wan looks at them, then says: “Let me handle this. You, you and you: cover me. The rest of you: Stay here to protect the vessel.” The pilot lowers the cargo ramp, as the jedi walks out. The stormtroopers aim their guns. Suddenly, Obi-Wan jumps in the middle of the group, and starts hacking and slashing around him. Laser fire now also comes from the ship, and the stormtroopers are now caught between a raging jedi and laser fire. The group is killed in less then a minute. Obi-Wan makes a gesture, and the emergency doors open again. He shuts of his lightsaber. The three commando’s follow him, as they make their way for the turbolift. Obi-Wan smiles as he says: “It’s time to end this war before it has begun.”
Good. The suspense is building up. Another suggestion I'd like to make for your next fic is to use more detail. I suggessted this to Pottsie a few times. Take the time to describe feelings and emotions, facial gestures, etc. Not like how a droid would though, that would be overkill. Description helps the reader get a better understanding of what is going on when they read and it makes for a better experience.
Hmm....*writes it down*
That's a good idea. It's after all a fic about the emotions of a Jedi, so i should describe them better. I have already completed the fan fic though ><
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Death from Above
The commandos ready their guns again, as the lift is slowing down. They are heading for the command deck, which leads to the Grand Admiral’s room. The lift stops. The Jedi and the three commando’s look at each other. One of the commando’s pulls out a smoke grenade, as the doors slowly open. He quickly throws it out, ad Obi-Wan rushes forward, deflecting blaster shots. The whole room is now filled with thick grey smoke and the commando’s stop firing. The only thing they see as the blue light striking down vague shadows in the temporary mist. As the fog lays down, the result of Obi-Wan’s rage sees the daylight. 17 Stormtroopers lay down on the ground, with the ship captain in the middle. Obi-Wan de-activates his lightsaber, turn around, and walks straight for the Admiral’s private rooms, the astonished commando’s following him. Obi-Wan quickly activates his lightsaber and slides it into the massive durasteel door. He hears the panic from the other side, people screaming, people crying. He then pulls his lightsaber down, up and down again, to form an X-figure on the door. He then focuses his hand, and with a huge burst of energy the durasteel construction dies. The door flies out, crushing a officer in it’s way, to a wall. Obi-Wan walks in, with his lightsaber ready. To his surprise, the officer sitting in the corner doesn’t look scared at all. Suddenly, Obi-Wan realises the man is dead. He can’t sense any life signs, and the man isn’t moving too. He walks towards the body, as he inspects the uniform of the man. “This is the Grand-Admiral. But who killed him then?” One of the commandos walks to Obi-Wan. “Sir…is it possible that this is a trap? We met few resistance on the way…”
Suddenly, the computer screen starts. It shows an old man, hooded, with a yellowish skin. He starts talking: “So finally we have him. The last of the Jedi….general Obi-Wan, I presume?” Obi-Wan nods, as he looks at the screen. “You might ask yourself why this man is dead. It’s quit simple. This ship is going to implode in three minutes. In fact, this isn’t a ship. It’s simply a hull, powered by gravity generators from other ships.” Obi-Wan sighs: “Why did we encounter stormtroopers then? And who is this man?” The man on the screen laughs in a sinister way, as he replies: “Those stormtroopers were to lure you here, and give you the illusion the ship was filled with them. The man next to you…is a result of Vader’s efficiency program. You have two minutes. Farewell Master Jedi.” The screen fades, as Obi-Wan looks at the commandos. “I…will die here with you guys.” One of the commandos punches him in the face as he shouts. “Are you CRAZY? You can easily get out of here with your powers! Now RUN!” He punches Obi-Wan again, as he slowly starts running. He looks behind, to the determined commandos. Their death will be in vein. Obi-Wan hasn’t felt this bad since Mustafar, but he keeps on running, faster and faster. He then reaches the shuttle. He jumps into it, and fires it up. From some distance, he hears the reactor exploding. He can feel the plasma flying towards the hangar, as he quickly uses the force to close the doors. He turns the ship round, aimed for the exit. He can’t get the hyperdrive online, though. Without it, he’ll be a sitting duck out of the hanger. He sees the magma pouring through the door, and he feels the rest of the bombs will be detonated soon too. He pulls the engine lever, and shoots out of the hanger, right before the complete structure explodes. He is immediately target practice for the Dreadnoughts, Star Destroyers and Tie’s. Right when the shields are collapsing, the hyperdrive starts again. He quickly punches in the coordinates. Right when the Tie’s make a turn to destroy the defenceless ship, it warps into hyperspace. Obi-Wan is saved. But Sekot isn’t.
Good Chapter, a few spelling mistakes but other than that nice.
Good action though I am not certain if Obi-wan could stand to be punched in the face. Again some grammatical error more so with your conjugation of verbs. Still it is a good story and keep it up.