*Blush* I'm uh...I'm female. Sigh...ah wounded pride. ^^
I'm thinking of switching all of the fics on my website to Fanart Central. The formatting is SO much better. (>.< I think I've given up on Fanfiction.net.)
I'll tell you how much I adore your story as soon as I have time to read it...at the moment I'm quite busy.
NOOOOO. NOT THERE. NOOOOOO.
Does the format matter? Psych-fiction is fantastic no matter how ugly the format is, foo!
I knew you were a girl, homie. I saw your picta' on your bio. (vurry pretty. Love your eyes.)
NOOOOO. NOT THERE. NOOOOOO.
Does the format matter? Psych-fiction is fantastic no matter how ugly the format is, foo!
I knew you were a girl, homie. I saw your picta' on your bio. (vurry pretty. Love your eyes.)
Hehe, thanx.
Yea, I know it doesn't matter...it's just sort of annoying having to put all of those spaces in between paragraphs.
(It really is a pity FF.Net is evil and lets sections like Ping Pong, Tetris and Solitaire in but not Psychonauts when I ask for it...and email them several times...sounding more and more irritated each time I do...stupid ff.net.)
Hehe, thanx.
Yea, I know it doesn't matter...it's just sort of annoying having to put all of those spaces in between paragraphs.
(It really is a pity FF.Net is evil and lets sections like Ping Pong, Tetris and Solitaire in but not Psychonauts when I ask for it...and email them several times...sounding more and more irritated each time I do...stupid ff.net.)
Besides, there's too mch stuff there. How do you filter out the crap? You don't, that's what. And it turns into FF.NET. And then it goes around being a total game-ist, and hating psychic people.
SORRY ZETS-DARKE! Youre user name sounded like a boy... So Sorry! Anyway its my first fic so I'll try to fix that spacing and the do more than font changes for flashbacks. I really thought the prologue sucked from the start so thanx to Kila for telling me what exactly was wrong with it now i have an excuse to edit it a bit without confusing everyone about the sudden changes! hehe! Though I did like what I did with chapter 1, typing chapter 2 and am still trying to brainstorm for chapter 3... I was thinking of sending them to each others minds for a change(I'm giving out the story! :-p)...But I'm still not quite sure...Tnx for the comments!
SORRY ZETS-DARKE! Youre user name sounded like a boy... So Sorry! Anyway its my first fic so I'll try to fix that spacing and the do more than font changes for flashbacks. I really thought the prologue sucked from the start so thanx to Kila for telling me what exactly was wrong with it now i have an excuse to edit it a bit without confusing everyone about the sudden changes! hehe! Though I did like what I did with chapter 1, typing chapter 2 and am still trying to brainstorm for chapter 3... I was thinking of sending them to each others minds for a change(I'm giving out the story! :-p)...But I'm still not quite sure...Tnx for the comments!
Your welcome. It is a really good idea. (I have trouble writing new characters and Sasha and Milla.)
*Here lies the body of something that was once witty*
Chapter 2 is done hope you guys like it.
Chapter 2 is done hope you guys like it.
Excellent/Fantasmical.
Heh. I'm just reviewing Chapter 1.
It's excellent and superb except in a few places. But I seriously was blown away by how in character they were in.
The only issues I have is this.
yada yada... soo predictable…”
This is really hard for me to imagine Milla saying this. The whole dialouge sounds a little bit too percise for here to be saying as I found her dialouge to be a lot more general.
“Correct” interjected Sasha. “Are you ready?” as his cigarette lost its flame and flicked away.
The as his cigarette part needs to be placed in with the interjected Sasha.
as they hopped into a flashy red sports car and drove off to their mission
Milla's dialouge is spot on. However this reads too vauge as it goes from a specific moment of time, her talking, to an extended moment of time, them driving off, in one sentence.
They arrived at the man a few minutes later. The guards at the entrance asked for their identification.
Try to add some senseory words so the readers get a feel of where they are. No that doesn't mean making them taste things, and you don't have to do all five. But it would help to describe a bit by sharing. Basically showing not telling.
You are very good with dialouge and Sasha is again greatly expressed. However your transition lines need a bit of work.
The guards checked then checked their I.D.
This is worded strangely and rips the reader away.
as the guards flagged the car towards the entrance.
Take away the as and it will be fine. Or they speculated as... Something along those lines.
He thought of the pitiful lives they're in.
Why would he suddenly think of the pitiful lives he is in? Also the sentence makes it seem as if he is two people. It's not that it isn't a good idea. It just needs to flow better.
Sasha walked into Psychonauts headquarters for the first time. He marched up to its lobby. He tried his best to conceal his excitement amid the hustle and bustle. He then saw a burly looking man holding a bunch of papers
He walked up the stairs. He saw a man. He waved hi. These sentences are a little too short and choppy making the flow strange once again.
When Sasha opened his mouth to say something Milla was for once actually hoping he would say something meaningful but what came out was
“There, we should be able to get inside the mansion and find the vice-president before he does any real damage.” He pointed into a set of double doors.
Milla nodded remorsefully as they walked away from the crowd, turned themselves invisible then slowly opened the doors and crept up inside.
Best segment ever.
Oh, it was meant to be like that I always wanted to have a suddden change of pace when writing, keeps people from being bored by reading overly long details! Hope you don't take it against me! The guard thing was just a typographical error. Tnx for noticing.
Oh, it was meant to be like that I always wanted to have a suddden change of pace when writing, keeps people from being bored by reading overly long details! Hope you don't take it against me! The guard thing was typographical error. Tnx for noticing
I don't take anything against you. This is your story I just am saying my opinion. A lot of people think different things.
I like editing. It keeps my brain resourceful.
Resourceful....ooookay.
I need to call on Vocabular now don't I?
Vocabulor might eat everyone.
I did it well.
Good night.
I always get mixed up. And I have a splinter in my thumb.
You know...if someone who hasn't read my fanfiction go to this post it'll totally spoil my story... :-p
Seriously, Psychoporn. Put spoiler tags on, lest I have this spoiler censoring eel eat your soul. And I'd hate to do that.
Vocabulor might eat everyone.
I did it well.
Good night.
I always get mixed up. And I have a splinter in my thumb.
That did take me a while to figure out. It made me learn that the English language sucks in terms of grammer.
Seriously, Psychoporn. Put spoiler tags on, lest I have this spoiler censoring eel eat your soul. And I'd hate to do that.
If only to have my sould still intact will I listen to your request. I'm having it sold on E-bay for three bucks and they're still betting on it.
It's 11:00. One more hour and I get to show you all the Fred's thong.
or if you have any comments that would probably spoil the story(for those who just can't resist highlighting those spoiler tags...) send a private message to me! I'll reply faster!
WOO! Thong!
WHOOOO!
I have no idea what you're talking about! But I'm so excited!
WOO! Thong!
WHOOOO!
I have no idea what you're talking about! But I'm so excited!
If you get too excited then it won't be exciting. Put your hopes down. Crush them and give me 20 soldier!
Why does any army comment suddenly sound like Coach Oleander's saying it?
D: Uhohsigaveyou30.
Because he's awesome and he pretty much says every military command you'd want to say in the game.
Okay. Not excited anymore.
This thread is way off topic. It's so cool.
Random Question:
Hey If you used Clairavoyance on Milla, How do you think Sasha would look?
Like through her eyes?
Off topic? OFF TOPIC?!?!!? Dude, if mighty God-blor didn't instate me as Vocabulor I would've taken up a position of Loki the Chaos God. (its pretty chaotic to have a real god name in that weird list) So don't tell me about OFF TOPIC. Ever survive a TGTTM hate war on the [AS]Forums? *shudders* I am a forum refugee.
This thread is way off topic. It's so cool.
Random Question:
Hey If you used Clairavoyance on Milla, How do you think Sasha would look?
Like through her eyes?
HOTNESS. I think.
God-blor sounds like a monster in a Godzilla movie. Hey, Vocabulor. Are you related to Webster? Because if you were 100 feet tall and battled him that would be awesome.
Off topic? OFF TOPIC?!?!!? Dude, if mighty God-blor didn't instate me as Vocabulor I would've taken up a position of Loki the Chaos God. (its pretty chaotic to have a real god name in that weird list) So don't tell me about OFF TOPIC. Ever survive a TGTTM hate war on the [AS]Forums? *shudders* I am a forum refugee.
*cries*
well i don't need you. i'll make my own thread.
.....
see you tommorrow
Since I'm doing this in the other thread I'll do it here.
Milla and Sasha seem to be pretty much over it. They do want to be recognized by eachother and a little bit inside of them wants to get back together. However it wouldn't be a one time thing. Milla probably doesn't want to get hurt again but she does want it to happen. She'll tread carefully.
Sasha would be very wary of it and a part of him would want to stop it but another part won't. I'm guessing for a them to like eachother some event is going to have to happen instead of them just being in camp or bumping into eachother. Since so far that hasn't worked.
When TyraaRane dies we know who to go to, now.
...
Not that I'm saying TyraaRane will die. I think she's immortal.
When TyraaRane dies we know who to go to, now.
...
Not that I'm saying TyraaRane will die. I think she's immortal.
Geez, I hope I'm immortal. That would be awesome. Although I don't really intend to test your theory anytime soon..
I'm glad, however, that should I spontaneously be hit by a truck on my way to class or something, someone will be here to carry on my tradition of long and wordy posts. It just wouldn't be the same without them, you know? *tear*
Geez, I hope I'm immortal. That would be awesome. Although I don't really intend to test your theory anytime soon..
I'm glad, however, that should I spontaneously be hit by a truck on my way to class or something, someone will be here to carry on my tradition of long and wordy posts. It just wouldn't be the same without them, you know? *tear*
You are a great inspiration to me everytime I post on this forum. Lengthy posts will be carried on from now on and forever.
Well, as long as you don't drink some immortality-be-gone and my computer that is older than me doesn't explode.
I really need to get it upgraded past Windows 98'
Geez, I hope I'm immortal. That would be awesome. Although I don't really intend to test your theory anytime soon..
I'm glad, however, that should I spontaneously be hit by a truck on my way to class or something, someone will be here to carry on my tradition of long and wordy posts. It just wouldn't be the same without them, you know? *tear*
No. It wouldn't. We love you. So freaking much. Because you're so dang smart, eh?
I can't reach the fanfiction at either Mediaminer or the fan-art website. Good news Psychonauts has it's own section at fanfiction .net
God-blor sounds like a monster in a Godzilla movie. Hey, Vocabulor. Are you related to Webster? Because if you were 100 feet tall and battled him that would be awesome.
You see there are many faiths, one which all gods belong to is Gamblism the faith of "winging it" like many faiths multiple gods have various positions:
God-blor:King of gods with the power to change into Blorgo a giant fire breathing monster
Vocabulor:Master of the english language with the power to turn his eyelids inside out
Emotikun:Master of the english internet language with the power to shoot spam out of his eyes which coincidentally, HURTS LIKE HELL
Loki:The chaos god
Steve:He drives the van
While I am not related to Webster his powers would be amusing to see stacked against the Gamblist Squad.
Webster:Is that a fact?
Emotikun:OMG! it is teh f4g!
God-blor:Right... GAMBLIST ACTION GO!
...
God-blor:Ready? Action 27A in 3...2...1...
....
God-blor:SHOOT HIM! :twogun:
And then Webster went down in a hail of gunfire from the five gods of Gamblism. Glee....
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v445/Smon/censored.gifTHIS) COMIC WAS CENSORED TO DUE TO CHEER CHAOS
Dude.
I think Webster is going to win.
Webster- I'm sorry. 'Pwn' is not a word. Please try again.
...*munches heads*
Due to cheer choas. HAHA!
Smon you win the internet.
But seriously, that really does rock. Threads would not be the same without you. Of course...what would they be without everyone else. I could go into a statement saying how everyone is special but I have to be on the lookout for such things like that.
Moses- I summon Water Seperate LV 5!
People- Hooray!
Moses- Hurry! Before my MP meter runs out!
You win the internet! Hold on....two people winning the internet.
Smon, you get the nice clean side, and Purple Squid you get the dark side.
Hey. Why do I get the dark side?
DARTH SQUID.
Hey. Why do I get the dark side?
DARTH SQUID.
You have the dark side because you named it. DARTH SQUID.
Wouldn't it be funny if one of the names of a star wars villian was DARTH PRON?
At least I would think so.
Teehee. Darth Pron.
Darth Pron- *inhale* SCHHHE. LEIA HAS A NICE BUTT. *exhale*
Holy Bible! I had the greatest conversation that couldn't be related to Psychonauts today. It was packed with hijinks!
Sure, sure. "Darth Pron". At least it’s more original than "Darth Maul". I mean, come on! Darth "Maul"? How about "Darth Stab" or "Darth Mutilate".
DARTH EVIL IS SO OBVIOUS.
DARTH...uh...CAPSLOCK.
The two are kinda synonymous with the prequels out now, eh? I mean, Anakin was totally Emo in EP3.
Oh yeah. He and Padme were all... soap opera-y in the new one. -__0
Sure, sure. "Darth Pron". At least it’s more original than "Darth Maul". I mean, come on! Darth "Maul"? How about "Darth Stab" or "Darth Mutilate".
And "Darth Vader" was totally cool because it was like WTH? I always thought that there was a Mr. Daver on the team. I still don't know what Vader means as I never was interested in Darth Vader.
Darth Mean.
Darth Poopiehead.
Vader. In-vader. Get it? Haha.
HA!
Actually, Vader means "Father" in Dutch. Which is a total giveaway, if you're Dutch.
Crap. Dutch? Lucas is into Dutch?
(Who CARES. Check this out!
http://www.internationalhero.co.uk/b/bibleman.htm)
Religion done badly/Superheroes= WINWINWON.
Oh man, that's really bad. I nearly had a brain hemerage.
Isn't it great? I don't think they were kidding.
The man got superpowers because of his belief in God. That makes even less sense than normal comic-science.
PIMP.
And for fun I am going to post the greatest conversation in the world. Unless no one here watches Teen Titans, because then it would not be quite as funny.