Ohohohohooo... you wonder, eh? CURIOUS, EH? Eh. I'll just say... neither have plots. In fact, one of them doesn't even have any of the Psychonauts characters in it. Its just kind of a 'what do the NORMAL people see the camp as?' Type thing. The third one... I'm not sure that's going up. Besides, wouldn't you rather have the story that HAS A PLOT(ish type thing)??! I thought so.
...
I sounded like a commercial just then.
Well, I have to agree with you there, I'm startin a fic too... Its kinda long and its not even finished and so far its resting on a piece of paper so I have to summon all my willpower to type it! Wish me luck!
Aw, man. I wanna see someone summon willpower... I imagine its hard.
Oh trust me... It takes a looooot of concentration and chips!
There's chips in the deal? Makes me wish I had willpower.
hehe... Anyway my summoning of willpower will have to wait... My studies are starting to pile up on me...though Ill probably be able to upload some of my fanfic in the next 48 hours... Sigh Ill just give you the link went I do!
O.O more to read? WEEE!!!
Obviously, this is the age of fanfiction. I'm so glad I lived to see this...
Well the prologue is finished here's the link and please don't kill me if this sucks though comments are still highly appreciated!
http://www.mediaminer.org/fanfic/view_ch.php/105733/356835/)
Chapter one is done too...
http://www.mediaminer.org/fanfic/view_ch.php/105733/357099/)
Heheh... Eroneus...
Good beans, right there.
Tnx, Ya I'll take that as a compliment...I think...Anyway more comments are highly appreciated and am now trying to do chapter 2. Give me strength!
*slaps you in the forehead*
HEAL!
(and just so you know, good beans is a good thing)
Tnx, Ya I'll take that as a compliment...I think...Anyway more comments are highly appreciated and am now trying to do chapter 2. Give me strength!
Very well I shall use my PAWESOME abilities to summon video game characters... *pulls Raz's Dad out of PsychoNauts* Give him awesome psychic powers! NOW! Ya know. like awesome with a p!
Raz's Dad:...wait... that says possum...
Smon:GWAR! do it or you go back in your cage!
Raz's Dad:Fine... *bestows PAWESOME powuhs to ChipMunkrFuzzy*
Yes. Yes it is Scabb. And Guybrush is the name of Guybrush's picture file. And Manny Calavera translates into Manny Skull. Tim has always been a weird one when it comes to names.
Sasha, a girl? ahhhhhhhh bad mental images
yeah i know he's a boy... but it's kinda funny though
Sasha a GIRL name. Bobby Zilch means Bobby Nothing. If one more person demands I explain names I shall start spouting spoilers! (with [ spoiler ] tags but people will be provoked to highlight them! THEY WILL!)
Thank you for the POWER!!! *starts typing rapidly* anyway expect it maybe in a day or so...
[captain planet]The power is YOURS!!!!![/captain planet]
When I looked it up on Babynames.com Sasha can be a Girl's or a boy's name. It's actually Russian and means "a nickname for Alexander"
Wow... I didn't know that.... and now I know! And knowing is half the battle... G.. I.. JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOE!!!!!
By the way for some reason...(probably because I just started making fanfics at mediaminer).I havent been able to directly upload my chapters into the actual space for the story so i have to give you the links individually. If anyone can help me with this pls do so I won't have to post a link everytime I make a chapter! Thank you for the comments... Well... for Purple Squid anyway and the POWER!!!!!
Eh no prob, just tell me when your done with it. Ma-ti is bitching...
Ma-ti:I want my power back!
Smon:Your power WAS HEART! You didn't even use it! YOU ARE THE LAND EQUIVILANT OF AQUAMAN! Jesus... but uh yeah... you have fun with that fic...
Ma-ti:HEART!
Smon:IT STILL DOESN'T WORK YET! *bitchslap*
Eh no prob, just tell me when your done with it. Ma-ti is bitching...
Ma-ti:I want my power back!
Smon:Your power WAS HEART! You didn't even use it! YOU ARE THE LAND EQUIVILANT OF AQUAMAN! Jesus... but uh yeah... you have fun with that fic...
Ma-ti:HEART!
Smon:IT STILL DOESN'T WORK YET! *bitchslap*
Agent-Sarah: And we're keeping the monkey!
Ma-ti: Darth Vader lend your assistance!
DarthVader:K... 1, 2, 3...
Ma-ti & Darth Vader:NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!*splodes*
Ew...Now I have to clean up the place!
Naw, that what Gi is for,
Gi:I signed the deal, thinking it wouldn't occur, "in the event of Ma-ti's simultaneous death with Darth Vader, Gi must clean it up" WATER! *all the parts drain into the sewers*
Hello still can't upload the chapters to my story so if anyone has any experience in mediaminer help is truly appreciated!
Ask Zetz Darke, he has his fics on MediaMiner... hehe... "dude that glasses guy is her EYELESS ZOMBIE SLAVE!" He would probably know...
Quami:What happened to Ma-Ti?
Smon:YOU GET BACK IN YOUR CAGE WITH THE REST OF EM!
Wheeler:We'll get out!
Smon:Not without your precious monkey... you won't risk anything.
Quami:Grrr...
Well, time to review them,
1:Very good, except... he looks like spock.... O.O
2:The second is perfect.
3:I've seen it before,(did a search once) and it made me laugh. Mission accomplished!
4:Good except Milla looks a little... unnatural....
Well, time to review them,
1:Very good, except... he looks like spock.... O.O
2:The second is perfect.
3:I've seen it before,(did a search once) and it made me laugh. Mission accomplished!
4:Good except Milla looks a little... unnatural....
1. I know. I was trying to do semi-realism.
2. Thanks.
3. I'm glad I made you laugh.
4. I'm still working on her...
Oh I see... well then you pulled it off! Congratz!
Ask Zetz Darke, he has his fics on MediaMiner... hehe... "dude that glasses guy is her EYELESS ZOMBIE SLAVE!" He would probably know...
Quami:What happened to Ma-Ti?
Smon:YOU GET BACK IN YOUR CAGE WITH THE REST OF EM!
Wheeler:We'll get out!
Smon:Not without your precious monkey... you won't risk anything.
Quami:Grrr...
Not the monkey! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
Watchoo be talking bout? You dissin my story? I diss you, sucka!
*smack*
...plus I have NO idea what is going on or what you guys are talknig about.
(Secretly, I'm assuming you liked my story. That's good.)
Sasha is a boys name in several countries.
...although my siblings and I already discussed a dress...
Naw, that what Gi is for,
Gi:I signed the deal, thinking it wouldn't occur, "in the event of Ma-ti's simultaneous death with Darth Vader, Gi must clean it up" WATER! *all the parts drain into the sewers*
Who was that punk from New York? The fire one. I hate him. A lot.
I watched this show a lot as a kid, their names were:
Wheeler:Fire
Quami:Earth
Gi:Water
...russian girl?:Wind
Ma-ti:Heart
Gaia
Captain Planet
Darth Vader
Sasha is a boys name in several countries.
...although my siblings and I already discussed a dress...
you're going to put sasha in a dress?
actually, that would make a good picture. it's kind of creepy though
i drew a couple of pictures if you haven't seen them already
http://shinzuku.deviantart.com/)
this picture is best
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/22583762/)
The best one is pretty good, but with scans I recommend either coloring them or retracing them with a computer program like Flash or Photoshop.
you're going to put sasha in a dress?
actually, that would make a good picture. it's kind of creepy though
NO. I would NEVER put him in a dress.
EVER.
Because I can't find any fabric that matches his skin tone.
(...it would be quite creepy...)
I found this excellent picture of sasha and milla, take a look!
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/19459091/)
I love that picture! So... accurate.
Speaking of Sasha and Milla, I've been doing some drawings of them before I came across this message board. I hope you like them.
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/21924800/)
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/22124666/)
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/22431638/)
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/22703131/)
Haha, I've seen these on deviant art already. There really good, I like them. I'll have to add you to my friends list so I can remember to comment on them and keep up with your work.
Haha, I've seen these on deviant art already. There really good, I like them. I'll have to add you to my friends list so I can remember to comment on them and keep up with your work.
Thanks.
I've uploaded my story at fanart central instead. Tnx to Zetz Darke for his advice! here's the link and chapter 2 is coming soon.(I hope...)
http://www.fanart-central.net/stories.php?sid=20327&chapter=1)
I've uploaded my story at fanart central instead. Tnx to Zetz Darke for his advice! here's the link and chapter 2 is coming soon.(I hope...)
http://www.fanart-central.net/stories.php?sid=20327&chapter=1)
*Blush* I'm uh...I'm female. Sigh...ah wounded pride. ^^
I'm thinking of switching all of the fics on my website to Fanart Central. The formatting is SO much better. (>.< I think I've given up on Fanfiction.net.)
I'll tell you how much I adore your story as soon as I have time to read it...at the moment I'm quite busy.
Just read it, very good! Though you may want to put more then just a font change when Sasha snaps out of it, I was stuck on that part for a few seconds.
Fanart Central is the Pit of Voles as I call it. This is where most of the crapart and crapfiction reside. Not to say that I haven't met some amazing artists there but jeez, it gets pretty bad.
I like DeviantArt better. Also if you don't like fanfiction I reccomend Oxytocin and thornytowers for Psychonauts fanfiction posting.
On to the reviewing.
Jazz music erupted from the bandstand in a luscious garden of a gothic mansion as a party took place
This is worded a little strangely. I would suggest seperating the mansion and the music. First we start off hearing music at a bandstand...reel back to mansion..to party. This is a little choppy but still a great start.
Prominent government and political figures, even the president went around mingling to the beat of a music.
This is worded strange also. The reader is concentrated on the political figures as you have started the setence off describing them. The second sentence combines two ideas that should be placed in a different sentence as I almost read the second part of that setence to be a description of the policical figures making the next paragraph confusing to me.
Vice-President Raymond Marshall gazed at the crowd in a secluded balcony in the mansion overlooking the garden as he sipped from a wine glass
A little choppy. He gazes at the crowd IN a secluded balcony IN the mansion...AS. This makes for a lot of action to take up in the space of a sentence.
“Soon, all of you won't have the brains to even manage a sentence let alone the entire country! Then I will be next in line to rule! I'll appoint officials sympathetic to me and be top dog!” he thought ruefully then added an evil laugh.
When I started to read this I was confused as to who was talking until I got to the end. I would also suggest sharing about how he was thinking in the paragraph I reviewed aka "terminated" above.
%$#&...to gargle
This doesn't add much and I would suggest to taking the curse word and gargle part out. (A lot of suggestions huh?)
Nearby two people are preparing to enter the party as they added the finishing touches to their attire
This suddenly changes tenses and is confusing. A good start but needs a few touch-ups. Thank you for allowing me to review such a wonderful story that has potential to be one of the better Psychonauts fanfiction. (I believe I have reviewd two stories that I thought had a lot of potential to be the best.) Also, thanks for allowing me to work upon my editing skills. Lastly, remember you don't have to do all of this. They are really just suggestions in the end.