[This message has been edited by Darth Crater (edited February 14, 2000).]

Not edited enough. Try again.

--wizzywig

<font color=green>"...Live, from stylish and exciting Cow Corners, Utah...we are pleased to bring you the one, the only: "Dwarfsleezle!"</font> http://www.jediknight.net/mboard/biggrin.gif)

Oh, nevermind. That wasn't going anywhere I'd care to be. Let's see...howzabout we make fun of the space program?

<font color=orange>"...Our latest scans of the asteroid have located some curious anomalies on the leading edge. The metallic scrap and debris seen in the photograph here has been positively identified as the Mars Polar Lander. We suspect that an error was made in downloading metric calculations into the spacecraft's mainframe, and that it attempted to land on the wrong celestial body. We should nevertheless point out that we finally found it..."</font>

Message to the president: at least JFK had enough class to get a hotel room! http://www.jediknight.net/mboard/biggrin.gif)

<font color=blue>"...I've discovered that drinking cognac affects the way gravity operates in my immediate vicinity. I'm currently working on a spacecraft engine that takes advantage of this principle. France, at least, is interested."</font>

<font color=red>"...Don't you be getting all zappy with ME, monkey-boy! This cockpit is just FULL of buttons, and you don't want me to start pushing them...!"</font>

Which way to the drive-in? I have childhood memories to relive...

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"The entire universe is simply the fractal chaos boundary between intersecting domains of high and low energy."

I meant, unanimous. There.

A lone rabbit scrabbles his way up through the pipes, finding his way to the abandoned control booth.

Wires dangle. Water drips somewhere.

The rabbit hacks the power cables into the main grid, bringing the pirate radio station on the air once more. He dusts off the records and wonders if there are any carrots stashed away...

------------------
"The entire universe is simply the fractal chaos boundary between intersecting domains of high and low energy."

Lepus zoomicus!

Zoomer lives!

Hey, man, we thought you were dead (i.e., a fallen hare). Welcome back!

--wiz



[This message has been edited by wizzywig (edited April 13, 2000).]

We never thought you were dead, just that the hare had split. http://www.jediknight.net/mboard/wink.gif)

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"The Beasts know much that we do not." -Ancient Jedi proverb

This one is indeed back in cyberspace. Barring further technical difficulties, the Eared One should be back for good.

Who would have guessed you can't fix a computer with a hammer?

Jamaican Banana Romanoff:

<font color=yellow>First, get a bottle of dark rum, some brown sugar, some allspice and ginger...bananas, of course, some whipped cream, drawn butter and vanilla ice cream. You'll need a frying pan for this, although it's a dessert, and a Russian Imperialist monarch for the Romanoff part (hard to find.)</font>

Drink the rum, fuzzing your mind until there are two bottles to choose from. Peel your bananas and cut them into slices, then coat them in brown sugar. Sautee them in your frying pan with just a drizzle of butter, then set them aside to cool. Drink some more rum; after all, you now have an extra bottle.

<font color=orange>In a mixing bowl, mix together the whipped cream, some bown sugar and spices, and a dash of rum (if there's any left.) Spoon the whipped cream over the ice cream and the bananas over that; serve to the Russian monarch, and offer him some rum. It's hard being the scourge of the working class.</font>

Note: some people like shaved coconut served with this, but the Czar and I don't have time for any foo-foo silliness. We have a country to retake, and what we really need is some more rum.

http://www.jediknight.net/mboard/wink.gif)

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"The entire universe is simply the fractal chaos boundary between intersecting domains of high and low energy."

Good to have you back. http://www.jediknight.net/mboard/smile.gif)

I take it your computer life took a turn for the worse?

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"If there were not God, there would be no atheists."
-G.K. Chesterton

Howdy, and thanks! http://www.jediknight.net/mboard/biggrin.gif)

Actually, my computer was just fine. My roommate's computer, which we have connected to the internet, went nutzo for a while (I don't even understand why). I thought about using mine, but it isn't set up for it yet, and I have little carboard cheat tabs (I've been playing XvT!) all over the keyboard...so I never got around to it. But he finally got his fixed, and here I am. http://www.jediknight.net/mboard/wink.gif)

What have i missed?

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"The entire universe is simply the fractal chaos boundary between intersecting domains of high and low energy."

What have i missed?


While you were gone, Zoom, all the planets lined up in syzygy, creating a gravity tunnel that sent the earth crashing into the sun. Human history came to an end. All life was extinguished.

Then I woke up and realized it was all a dream.

But if I were you, I wouldn't leave this forum again. The next time might be for real.

--wiz

*!*

My goodness! http://www.jediknight.net/mboard/wink.gif)

Tonight's broadcast will have to be dedicated to the American sense of optimism, whose passing we mourn on this date. If we can't save democracy, we can at least barn-dance madly till the moonshine's gone.

<font color=green>"...Observe if you will the subject's beady little eyes, his puffy eyelids half-shading a lazy selfish disregard for the common good and sneering out the corner at what is left of his conscience. The hair, totally white now, tells the stress of having backdealt so many different times that he can no longer be sure which lie he is supposed to be believing. The subject's general corpulence is noted by his shiny forehead, the butt-like chin and the chilling mask of party-boy harmlessness. But it is only an illusion; this creature must be dragged from office immediately and put on the cable news channel where we can keep an eye on him. He could do sports."</font>

Houston? You're breaking up!

<font color=orange>"...Dammid, Marfa! Where are my teef! Da Britis are coming, and I can'd find my teef!"</font>

Well, nobody told me we were wearing clothing today! Like it's my fault...



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"The entire universe is simply the fractal chaos boundary between intersecting domains of high and low energy."

We interrupt this program to annoy you, and to make things generally irritating for you.

------------------
"The Beasts know much that we do not." -Ancient Jedi proverb

Pythons!

...Right? http://www.jediknight.net/mboard/wink.gif)

"...Until we find a place to keep this elephant, Timmy, I'm afraid he's going to have to stay in the garage. We'll bring out some nice cushions, a lamp, maybe some dancing Elvis wall clocks to keep him company. If the neighbors find out about him, though, it's all for nothing. You just know how those bastards love a barbecue...!"

If I keep watering this lawn chair, will I have plastic flowers for Easter? Last year was so dreary, what with the seven-foot blue turtles and screaming koala bears everywhere...no time for tea, no tea free of taxation. Even tea on the moon is taxed nowadays...but they always try to keep it at a steady price in China.

"...Woo-HOO! We got us a four wheel drive, some C-4, six cases of orca tranquilizers and enough beer to strip the statue of liberty naked. We're going to Disneyland!"

<font color=red><font size=1>Um...excuse me. Is this where we sign up for the Samurai nose-whistling class?</font></font>

One more outburst like that, and I'm turning the entire world wide web into a fast food franchise! You want fries with that?

http://www.jediknight.net/mboard/biggrin.gif!)

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"The entire universe is simply the fractal chaos boundary between intersecting domains of high and low energy."

*!?!?!*

[This message has been edited by wizzywig (edited April 22, 2000).]

Oops!

I thought this was Radio Free Saturn, but it looks like I stumbled into Radio Free Bizarro World instead!


<font color=red><font size=1>Look, Miss Lane! It's Bizarro Superman! But why is he wearing a pair of deely-bobbers on his head?</font></font>

<font color=blue><font size=1>*gasp!* That's not Bizarro Superman, Jimmy! That's-- Oh, no! Run, Jimmy, Run! It's Zoom Rabbit! We have to get out of here before he sees us or-- Ohmigosh! Too late! Oh, Jimmy, not even Superman can save us now!</font></font>

--woozywig

Superman? Gee, I've always wanted to meet the man of steel.

Take this five-pound emerald as a token of my esteem...

http://www.jediknight.net/mboard/biggrin.gif)

you can consider my internment over. i just got premotived!
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http://www.starwars.com/snapshot/1999/20/img/merchant_sm.jpg)

[This message has been edited by lightbulba (edited April 23, 2000).]

Lightbulba! Well, wax my feet and call me Surf-Lad...! Howzit goin' there, space ranger?

Is the state of being realized as important as realizing the state of being?

<font color=orange>"...Arr, lads. We'll just ram into that pier over there, send the tourists a-runnin'! Watch 'em--scurryin' like bilge rats in bright pastel spandex leisure wear. Blow the air-horn, yes! Strike the very fear of the devil in 'em, and maybe we'll make 'em stampede, trample the weakers ones underfoot. There'll be rotgut on the table tonight, for sure!"</font>

Nine out of ten presidents aren't members of the Lithuanian mafia.

<font color=yellow>"...Until such a time as we can assess our own changing trend of self-compatibility becoming fresh annoyance, and at which point the affairs of overseas entertainment barons cease to have any lasting effect on the idle fortitude of the dwarf population, one shall simply have to rely on one's own inner sense of recently compounded trust in the principles of the depressed ancient Assyrian economy to resolve any profound questions concerning the value of Chinese medicinal green tea."</font>

Can I get six volunteers to help me storm that windmill over there?

http://www.jediknight.net/mboard/biggrin.gif)



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"The entire universe is simply the fractal chaos boundary between intersecting domains of high and low energy."

If a tree falls in a forest, on top of the only person capable of hearing it...will that person reincarnate with an unreasonable and unexplained fear of silent trees?

"Is the glass half empty or half full?"
"Give me your glass!"

No, I don't want you to biggie-size my fries. <font size=1>Please stop scaring me.</font>

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"The entire universe is simply the fractal chaos boundary between intersecting domains of high and low energy."

I love cats, too! We must exchange recipes sometime.

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck couldn't chuck wood?

Get back here, you irritating little daemon! NO! Leave those Smurfs ALONE! Goddamnit, that's the tenth one today...

Ahhh! My eyes! Where are my eyes!

Just some random silliness,
Hile Tr0y

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"There Is Nothing Left To Lose"

grep this, grep that...whoa! espresso!
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http://www.starwars.com/snapshot/1999/20/img/merchant_sm.jpg)

[This message has been edited by lightbulba (edited April 26, 2000).]

Why 'Radio Free Saturn,' you say?

Simple really. The planet's rings give me a broadband radio transmitter powerful enough to jam the very sun when the time comes to launch my evil plans...

<font size=1>Then again.</font>

<font color=red>"...That Jedi sure thought he was hot s**t, 'til I had him beamed out into space! I guess the Force didn't prepare him for Federation technology."</font>

A high-powered rifle that fired cubic zirconia slugs would be a really deadly--albeit expensive--weapon.

<font color=yellow>"...Yes, I'm definitely sure that something's changed now. The light is rippling, and my brain is turning into a three-pound bullfrog. Monkies on the wall. Where did those damn hippies go? Where's my gun? Should I arrest the giant glowing lizard...hell, is he real in the first place? Oh, no. Not the mirror. How real is that, I ask you, not without some inner sense of perverse pleasure in the abandon of it all. Ten thousand reasons to own scotch tape, but not ONE Scotsman would agree with them. Wicked cannibals dance freely about the bonfire now...the sun is down. Bonfire? Drums? I really need a vacation."</font>

If aliens found a package of Twinkies floating in deep space, what would they extrapolate about our civilization based on it?

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"The entire universe is simply the fractal chaos boundary between intersecting domains of high and low energy."

After a very careful and thourough evaluation, I've come to the conclusion that human civilization has only two redeeming features: Ice cream and Pizza.

Wipe them out, all of them.

Wormhole generators make cool weapons. http://www.jediknight.net/mboard/smile.gif)

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"The Beasts know much that we do not." -Ancient Jedi proverb

It should be noted that while an entrenching tool might double as medicinal anesthesia in a pinch, it should never be used for harvesting (not counting potatoes) or depicted with other tools in a religious context.

People are superior to cats because they have overcome their fear of vacuum cleaners.

If a naked, blue Scotsman demanded my wallet...I would ask where he intended to put it if I did.

I'm funny how, I mean funny like a clown, I amuse you, I make you laugh, whatta ya mean funny, funny how, how am I funny.

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Nice
http://www.geocities.com/kylilin/kylilin.jpg)

Are you sure you read that in a book? are you sure it wasn't nothing?

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Nice
http://www.geocities.com/kylilin/kylilin.jpg)

<font size=20><font color=orange>?</font></font>

Not only did Carl Sagan smoke marijuana, he credited it with many profound inspirations.

.

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http://members.aol.com/rickherbjr/graphics/darthmaul.jpg) (http://i.am/neomatrix)

" Fear is my Ally.. "

<font color="#0076fa">
Tell me if you can hear "Duel of Fates" I'm putting it in this post.

<font color=white> yes, we heard it, and it sure bogs down the thread. I removed it - Ike</font>

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http://members.aol.com/rickherbjr/graphics/darthmaul.jpg) (http://i.am/neomatrix)

" Fear is my Ally.. "

[This message has been edited by Ikhnaton (edited May 04, 2000).]

I'm afraid the only music I'm hearing is 'Duel of Egos.' http://www.jediknight.net/mboard/wink.gif)

Why is this thread suddenly turning into a photo opportunity...?

Damn papparazzi!

<small>everywhere I go. . .</small>

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"The Beasts know much that we do not." -Ancient Jedi proverb

its Kraft Cheese & Macaroni, not Macaroni & Cheese

------------------
lets turn up the heat!!!!
http://www.geocities.com/kylilin/krillinwannabess.gif)

That's it! No more candy and soda pop for you terrorist rug weasels! The mayor is coming for dinner tonight, and you peripatetic road turtles have mowed the carpet and painted the dog green...!

<font color=orange>"...Twice a day, every day, and your car will sparkle with lemony freshness. So remember: 'A good housewife knows when to buy her man ZOOP brand life enhancer!'" *Ding!* "Yessiree, Bob...looks like you got floor gnomes! Don't bother pulling up the boards; the only way to put the sassafrass in a floor gnome is to hose that mommadog real good with lead bullets...!"</font>

Weel, now we--huh? What? Oh, all right. Ladies and eight foor six-limbed aliens, our new friend Pink Monkey has something he'd like to say.

I think the world would be a lot happier if people would just not own telephones, or cars, or teevees. No distractions, just life. Refrigerators are okay, though. That and Nintendo.

Get rid of cement, too.

Can I have that banana now?



------------------
"Eep! Eep! Eep!"

Pink Monkey, your message makes me think of one thing, and one thing only: dancing in a tub of wet noodles with a bra on my head, with several monkies and dogs cheering me on.



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Nice http://www.geocities.com/kylilin/kylilin.jpg)

My sources tell me that the assassins were really after the driver, and JFK just got in the way.

My sources also live in a cardboard box, out in the alley. I paid a grocery bag full of empty cans for this information...

Chai masala tea? Yum, I'd love some! *Sip...ptagh!* What the hell is this? It tastes like freaking cinnamon!

*(Zoom Rabbit barges into the kitchen and grabs a box of tea packets from the astonished chef.)*

Instant chai masala tea?!? You're fired, tubbs...go try pulling that crap down at the old folks' home, 'cause it ain't gonna fly here. You see, Zoom Rabbit worked in a real Punjabi Indian restaurant, and he learned how to make chai from people who didn't speak his language at all. Oh, no. This recipe, my friends, is a hard-won culinary treasure...and here it is:

Chai Masala Tea:

This is an easy recipe--in fact, all you need is one pot, a strainer and a jug to strain it into. You can make it by the fire as you're watching the goats. It's best to have authentic Indian music playing while you make it, but The Moody Blues will do in a pinch.

Fill your pot with three quarts of water, two rounded teaspoons of black Mamri tea and seven teaspoons of sugar. Add a pinch of fennel seed, a pinch of 'ajwan' (an Asian spice, looks like fennel seed), then take seven whole green and two brown cardamoms...crush them with a rock and throw them in. Let boil 15 minutes.

Watch the goats grazing or keep a sharp eye for cobras while the tea boils. After the tea has reduced a bit, add milk to bring it back to its original level. Bring back to a boil, then remove from heat.

In your strainer, place a piece of cinnamon stick (never, ever use the powdered spices here; you will ruin it and Allah will curse your best camel), a slice of fresh ginger root and a couple of whole cloves. Strain the tea through, then discard the grounds...but take care not to throw them away where the goats can get them.

Enjoy your tea. It is truly the best tea in the world, assuming you followed my directions and used fresh ingredients! If you have trouble finding the tea or especially the 'ajwan,' try an Asian market. I was never able to find 'ajwan' locally and substitute one cracked black peppercorn in its place; the flavor seems the same, but it really should have the correct spice.

I wonder how much I get for a cup of this tea in downtown San Francisco. Or maybe Vienna? How about Beijing?

http://www.jediknight.net/mboard/biggrin.gif!)

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"The entire universe is simply the fractal chaos boundary between intersecting domains of high and low energy."

What is a party if it doesn't really rock?
What is a poet? All balls, no cock
What is a war if it doesn't have a general?
What's channel nine if it doesn't have Arsenio?
What is life if you don't have fun?
What is a what if you ain't got a gun?
What's Ali without Shaheed Muhammad?
Nothing. [Calpekur] makes you vomit
What is a Quest if the players ain't willing?
What is a pence if you don't have a shilling?
Excuse me if I'm chillin, hey what, say what
What's a fat man without food in his gut?
What's a child birth, without the umbilical?
What's United Parcel, without the deliverer?
What's momma-san, without poppa-san?
What's martial arts without Daniel-San?
What's Rasheed without Tonya, Tamika?
What's orange juice and Doug E. Doug without Shaniqua?
Not a not a not a, not a damn thing
What's Duke Ellington without that swing?
What's Alex Haley if it doesn't have roots?
What's a weekend if you ain't knockin boots?
What's a black nation, without black unity?
What is a child who doesn't know pubery?
What is my label when I exit boom status?
What's menage-a-tois, or, that is
What is sex when you have three people?
What are laws if they ain't fair and equal?
What's Clark Kent without a telephone booth?
What is a liquor if it ain't 80 proof?
What are the youth if they ain't rebellin?
What's Raplh Cramden, if he ain't yellin
at Ed Norton, what is coke snortin?
What is position if there is no contortin?
What is hip-hop if it doesn't have violence?
Chill for a minute, Doug E. Fresh said silence
*four second pause*
What is a glock if you don't have a clip?
What's a lollipop without the Good Ship?
What's S&M if you don't have chains?
What's a con artist if he doesn't have brains?
What's America without greed and glamour?
What's an MC if he doesn't have stamina?
What's music fractured without Mr. Walt?
What's Trugoy without a phrase called torte?
What's Kris Lighty if he wasn't such a baby?
What is a woman if she didn't say maybe?
Baby laid down, I removed the frown
What would be my penal cord if it wasn't brown?
What is a paper without a president?
What is a compound without a element?
What is a jam if you don't spike the punch?
Was it Bruce Lee if you don't like brunch?
Oooh ooh, it's like that you keep goin
Freak freak y'all cause you know that we showin
What to go what to go what to go what to go what
to go what to go what to go what to go WHAT!


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Nice http://www.geocities.com/kylilin/kylilin.jpg)

what is kylilin if he isn't being a wiseass?

a simple abscence of taste, perhaps?
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http://www.starwars.com/snapshot/1999/20/img/merchant_sm.jpg)

[This message has been edited by lightbulba (edited May 03, 2000).]

I'm not sure if I should take that as a compliment or be insulted

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Nice http://www.geocities.com/kylilin/kylilin.jpg)

[This message has been edited by Kylilin (edited May 03, 2000).]

If it wasn't for that horse, I never would have made it through college

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Nice http://www.geocities.com/kylilin/kylilin.jpg)

Everyone play nice or I'll turn you into hominids!

What do you think happened to me?

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"Eep! Eep! Eep!"

Quote:

"What is my label when I exit boom status?"

This question intrigues me, Kylilin. I'm not sure if I'm getting all of the cultural and historical context correctly, so I am left with only that understanding of your question which seems the most likely to me...namely, that you are employed in the communications industry as a mnicrophone boom operator and you are worried about your job prospects should you choose to change professions. Well, that's a valid concern...but bear in mind that operating a boom is only an entry-level position in your chosen field; more rewarding opportunities may present themselves in the future.

On the other hand: it is an entry-level position, so not much is lost by leaving. They can work the boom their own selves...or just f***ing speak up! Sheez.

Unless you mean to say that you control the weather--then all bets are off!

http://www.jediknight.net/mboard/biggrin.gif)

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"The entire universe is simply the fractal chaos boundary between intersecting domains of high and low energy."

I am not in the communications field, that whole series of questions is from a song called "What?" by A Tribe Called Quest, as you notice, they are my favorite music group. I just thought'd be a cool, non-sequeter post to put up. So I'm not really sure what the question really means. Sorry, I plagiarized. But now that I think of it, I will ponder that question more seriously and get back to you with an answer.

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Nice http://www.geocities.com/kylilin/kylilin.jpg)

I'm disappointed to learn that you don't control the weather. I wanted something done about this rain...

well....I never said I couldn't control the weather


P.S.<font color=blue>get a tarp and put it over your computer, cause its gonna be wet in your room.</font>

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Nice http://www.geocities.com/kylilin/kylilin.jpg)

Man, you guys are stoned!

; L~

"the grass is always greener"

Greetings, Weedsmoker. http://www.jediknight.net/mboard/biggrin.gif) Did I mention that Carl Sagan smoked pot...and even said it helped inspire some of his theories? There are some health problems associated with long-term marijuana use, though, but I forget what they are...

*!*

<font color=red>"...Pay attention to the road! You almost hit that parking meter! Aaaauughh--! If you would just SLOW DOWN, I could get that dead dog off the window and you wouldn't have to look out the side. HEY! Not the docks--this is an Oldsmobile, not a boat. Dammit, pull over! I'm driving until your medicine kicks in."</font>

Going fishing is a lot more interesting if you pack some appropriate firepower. Behold:

<font color=orange>"Dammit, Clem--! How you expect me to land a fish if you keep blowing its God damn head off...? Hah?"</font>

<font color=green>"Aw, Jake...I'se just softenin' him up fer ya! CLEAR--!"</font>

I'll be back as soon as the room stops spinning. http://www.jediknight.net/mboard/wink.gif)

<font size=1>(Serious note: Zoom Rabbit does not advocate recreational drug use in any form...except for caffeine. And occasionally alcohol. Wait...that would make me a hypocrite! Lemme think on this; I'll get back to you.)</font>



[This message has been edited by Zoom Rabbit (edited May 04, 2000).]

"If the radiance of a thousand suns
were to burst in to the sky,
that would be
the splendor of the Mighty One"


----Bhagavad-Gita

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Nice http://www.geocities.com/kylilin/kylilin.jpg)