Interesting, yet good Chapter....

Chapter 8

With a loud “Bam”, CSI’s body fell down onto the ground.

Darth Revan stood there, watching CSI falling coldly. His crimson blade was shining like Laigrek’s eyes. “Hmph.” He retracted the blade and walked away to his shuttle. He didn’t even bother taking a last look at CSI’s corpse.
Behind Darth Revan, CSI’s body vanished. He became one with the Force.

----

Back into the Interrogation Room, on the table. A humanoid shape began to re-appear, like fading in. Head first, then body, then arms, then legs…All body parts formed a image of CSI—the real CSI. Force Camouflage! He exhaled deeply and exclaimed: “Whew. That was a close one.” He tipped his index finger, and his lightsaber flew out of his robe belt, and hovering near him. “Come on, my friends, free me.” CSI murmured and casted Force Telekinesis. The dual silver blades cut the restraints down precisely without damaging my arms and leg. At last, CSI thought and sat up and jumped out of the pit. When he landed on the ground in the arena where Revan and him dueled earlier, he knelt down and murmured: “That’s so nice to be free. I’m glad it was over…” He walked down the stairs and thought about Darth Revan: Darth Revan is here? That would mean Dark Side really prevailed…It was indeed a good duel, but I’m glad it’s over. When he passed a small pond, he looked into the pond and a small reflection appeared. A man with scarred face was looking toward CSI. With a heavy sigh, CSI took out his white, ghostly mask and put it on. He took off his Jedi Master Robe and put on his former Darth Nihilus’s black robe. Now CSI reappeared as appearance of Darth Nihilus. It gave me a lot of sad memories, CSI thought sadly.

After witnessed the fake CSI’s “death”, Darth Revan frowned and shook his head. This is a failure. And he can no longer feel CSI’s Lights Side Aura. But in the instinct, he felt CSI was still alive. “Give me a transport to Star Forge,” Darth Revan took out an small intercom and said.

The intercom replied, “Yes, milord.”

After a while, Darth Revan stood in the loading dock in Star Forge, and his apprentice and wife, Bastila, along with her ceremony squad, welcomed him.

“Greetings, Milord. Did you get him?” Bastila made a bow and asked urgently.

“No, but I have got a tracking device on him...All I need to do is go to a computer and activate it.” Darth Revan smiled sinisterly beneath his mask.

“Then let’s go…find him!” She exclaimed.

On a computer pad, Darth Revan pressed some button, “All done,” he stood up. On Yavin IV, a small red dot ignited in CSI’s body indicating the tracking device was online.

“Where should I go? Korriban? No. Ruusan? No. Onderon? No…” Sitting on a rock, CSI murmured and searched his mind for an appropriate planet to hide, “Manaan? No. Dantooine? Looks like a good idea…Then there it is…Dantooine.” CSI stood up and suddenly realized something: How do I get to Dantooine?

He turned around and found a old, but usable shuttle near Exar Kun’s temple. Great, I bet a careless person left it here. CSI cheered and ran to the ship. Soon, the engine roared back to life and took off. CSI set the course to Dantooine.

On the Star Forge, Darth Revan sat down and meditated on his private quarter. Suddenly, he felt CSI’s thoughts echoed through the Force. He smiled: Think what you want, Jedi…I left there intentionally…I knew you would escape…I never counted on me actually killing you! I will come after you, you WILL become a Dark Jedi whether it kills you or not!

Another good Chapter as always CSI.

Chapter 9

Looking out of the cockpit, CSI can see a beautiful planet, Dantooine, appearing in front of him. Dantooine. Once a Jedi Enclave…It had trapped so many lone souls… CSI looked away from the planet as many past rose into his brain.

Dantooine Landing Pad. The Imperial shuttle roared and landed on the Dantooine. With a soft steam hiss, the loading ramp slowly opened and CSI’s ghostly figure appeared.

It hasn’t changed a bit since I came here last time, CSI thought when he looked around the landing pad. Same buildings, same sky, same grass, same tree and no people around. Nothing changed at all.

CSI sighed and walked towards the Khooda building which was just outside the Landing Pad. When he stepped out of the landing pad, he sensed a small echo through the Force. A Force Sensitive? Strange…What’s a Force Sensitive doing here? CSI tried to concentrate harder, but all he can see though the Force is a gray figure. Who’s that? A gray Force Sensitive? CSI shrugged and shook his head, attempting to clear it out of his mind, Maybe an illusion. Got so much stress lately, and I must have a rest.

Meanwhile, on the Star Forge, Darth Revan kissed his wife, Bastila, and issued his order to her: “My love, I want our five most worthy assassins here…I need to speak with them.”

“Yes, my love. I’ll go right away.” She kissed Revan’s forehead and left his room.

Darth Revan smiled. He touched his forehead, Bastila’s breath was still there. Then he closed his eyes and began meditating.

Standing in front of the door of Khooda building, CSI knocked the door, and waited a while. Nobody answered. The place is deserted, after the attack of Darth Nihilus, my former identity. CSI sighed and all his past swarmed into his brain. Because of the mask, nobody can see his facial impression. He sighed again and opened the front door.

The front door made an sharp sliding noise and some dust fell off the door. Clearly, this place had been deserted for a long time. CSI entered the area and looked around. The reception area is empty. “Hello?” He asked kindly and waited for a while. Then he heard his echo echoed throughout the empty building.

CSI sighed and entered the building though right entrance, and found a good place at Khooda Supervisor’s office. He sat down and crossed his legs, and began meditating.

The Twi’Lek Jedi Master, Nauk Grelan walked towards Khoonda. He sensed a strong Force user had landed on the planet via an Imperial shuttle. A Sith came here? He frowned and concentrated even more. Strangely, he only can feel the Force user’s strong Light Side Aura, but no Dark Side Aura. Strange, an Light Sider came here by an Imperial shuttle? After a while, he put on his robe and went to the Khooda to take a look at the visitor.

Nauk wasn’t the greatest Jedi ever, since he once fallen to Dark Side, after the battle on the Star Forge. But he soon redeemed himself, however. After this quick descent, he neither followed the Light or Dark path, just his own. “A gray Jedi, like Jolee” would be the perfect remark on him.

Opening the front gate, He saw a Human was sitting there and meditating peacefully. “Hello? Excuse me,” Nauk began, expecting a reply. He was curious about the Human and wanted to know more.

“Hmm?” CSI heard a voice behind him and turned around. A Twi’lek Jedi? Who is he? CSI frowned a little and suddenly recalled, He must be the one I saw when I was outside the landing pad, a gray figure. That must be him. “Hi, eh, Master…” CSI made a polite bow and continued, “I don’t think I already catch your name? Oh, sorry, how rude! I forgot to introduce myself, my name is CSI, a Human Jedi Master.”

Nauk wasn’t a great Jedi ever, since he once fallen to Dark Side, after the battle on the Star Forge.

The a great should be the greatest. Just a minor correction. Anyway, good Chapter as always and there is nothing much to comment on, except the fact that Nauk was intended to be like Jolee, since he is a slightly more evil compared to Jolee. Looking foward to more and have you been working on this instead of the CSI series?

Thank you for the advice and I corrected it.

Well, sorry I didn't know, should I change it into Kreia?

And, off topic, I will work on CSI series once I finish this. I don't want my fictions to be scrambled and I want to finish my fictions one by one. Thank you for your note.

Ok, CSI, here's my little review (you asked for it! ;) ):

This is how it works: the stuff in italics is from the fic, and the stuff in bold is my edits. You can use it, or not, I'm just supplying you with my feedback like you asked.

In Chap. 1: “Sirs! I hate to interrupt such reunion, but this ship is going to be exploded!” should be "Sirs! I hate to interrupt such a reunion, but this ship is going to explode!" and “It’s nice to have you along with us! should have an " after it.

Chap. 2: Outside Jedi Academy on Yavin IV should say Outside the Jedi Academy on Yavin IV and Darth Revan laughed, but to us, it was just like wind is howling. has this little 1st person section that shouldn't be there if this is a 3rd person fic. It should probably read: Darth Revan laughed, but to CSI, it was just like the wind was howling. Also, Revan roared: “You will die, Jedi!” and jumped in and slied at CSI’s head. should be Revan roared: “You will die, Jedi!” and jumped in and sliced at CSI’s head.

Chap. 3: Another problem with 1st person: Darth Revan laughed maniacally and shot out Force lightning at me. should be Darth Revan laughed maniacally and shot out Force lightning at him. And here too: I cursed myself. “Ahhhhh……” I regained consciousness and teleported away from Darth Revan’s dread Force Lightning. should be He cursed himself. “Ahhhhh……” He regained consciousness and teleported away from Darth Revan’s dread Force Lightning. and here: He whispered allowing the Force to carry my voice to his skull. should be He whispered allowing the Force to carry his voice to CSI'S skull.

Chap. 4: Spelling error: CSI calmed his flowing emotion down, and casted Master Heal. should be CSI calmed his flowing emotion down, and cast Master Heal. A combination of stuff here: Suddenly, Darth Revan’s wicked speech crawled into my eardrum. ::I will FIND you,:: CSI can feel the darkness inside the speech, ::and TURN you into DARKSIDE! You will BE MY APPRENTICE eventually!:: CSI can feel the hatred and anger. Too deep, but redeemable. CSI thought. Smiled in confidence that he would redeem Revan into Light side, CSI stood up. should be Suddenly, Darth Revan’s wicked speech crawled into his eardrum. ::I will FIND you,:: CSI could feel the darkness inside the speech, ::and TURN you into DARKSIDE! You will BE MY APPRENTICE eventually!:: CSI could feel the hatred and anger. Too deep, but redeemable. CSI thought. Smiling in confidence that he would redeem Revan back to the Light side, CSI stood up. And here: “If I can’t win you on Force powers, then let’s decide the superiority on lightsaber duels,” should be “If I can’t beat you on Force powers, then let’s decide who's superior in lightsaber duels,” Spelling error: Suddenly, Darth Revan casted a Stasis Field. CSI didn’t response fast enough, and was caught in the Stasis. should be Suddenly, Darth Revan cast a Stasis Field. CSI didn’t respond fast enough, and was caught in the Stasis. and here: Oh, no…How could I fell in such a dumb trap? should be Oh, no…How could I fall in such a dumb trap? Needs a couple things: Darth Revan jumped down into the pit and casted Force Lightning (Not strong) into CSI’s body…He can see the lightning were piercing, burning, and wounding his body. should be Darth Revan jumped down into the pit and cast Force Lightning (Not strong) into CSI’s body…He could see the lightning was piercing, burning, and wounding his body.

Chap. 5: “Rule the galaxy? Hmph. I have no interest in that. I know I was Darth Nihilus, but this time, Darth Traya won’t affect on me now.” should be “Rule the galaxy? Hmph. I have no interest in that. I know I was Darth Nihilus, but this time, Darth Traya won’t affect me.” and also Moved his index finger to renew his Force Armor should be He moved his index finger to renew his Force Armor and also CSI sensed his anger flowed throughout his body. should be CSI sensed his anger flowing throughout his body. and also, Even with protection of Force Armor, CSI still felt his skin was charred by the Lightning. should be Even with the protection of Force Armor, CSI still felt his skin being charred by the Lightning. and here: Darth Nihilus WILL REBORN! should be Darth Nihilus WILL BE REBORN! and here: Suddenly, CSI decided to not let Darth Revan’s evil plan succeed. His willpower even increased dramatically and answered calmly: “Your apprentice?” I replied despite of the pain, as the Lightning was still charring my body should be Suddenly, CSI decided not to let Darth Revan’s evil plan succeed. His willpower increased dramatically and he answered calmly: “Your apprentice?” He replied despite the pain, as the Lightning was still charring his body, and here: I bit my teeth tight and squeezed words out of my teeth: should be He bit his teeth tight and squeezed words out of his teeth:

Chap. 6: I twisted my face to indicate the deafening loud noise, and felt the voice was destroying my eardrum should be CSI twisted his face to indicate the deafening loud noise, and felt the voice was destroying his eardrum and here: CSI began to murmur in such a quiet sound that Darth Revan had to focus on the sound so hard that he can hear them should be CSI began to murmur so quietly that Darth Revan had to focus on the sound very hard so he could hear it and here: And why don’t you just struck your lightsaber down on me and everything is over? should be And why don’t you just strike your lightsaber down on me and everything is over? here (the "especially doesn't really make sense here): Especially CSI can see his many former friends with the Force. should be Especially CSI could see his many former friends with the Force. here: Suddenly I felt a cold chill running up my spine. I can sense his anger was running, his hatred was gaining his power should be Suddenly CSI felt a cold chill running up his spine. He could sense Darth Revan's anger was running, his hatred was increasing his power here: CSI closed his eyes and can feel flames burning on his face. should be CSI closed his eyes and could feel flames burning on his face. here: Darth Revan raised his hands again and casted Flame Strike should be Darth Revan raised his hands again and cast Flame Strike this: The more he resisted the more angry Darth Revan got and the more the power grew. should be The more he resisted the angrier Darth Revan got and the more the power grew.

Chap. 7: this: CSI screamed as the flame was burning the body. Suddenly, he heard a hollow sound, which echoes inside his skull should be CSI screamed as the flame was burning his body. Suddenly, he heard a hollow sound, which echoed inside his skull this: Darth Revan’s mouth opened wide in astonishment, and backed a few steps. He used Force Sight to look through the mist, and saw his body was being healed in amazing speed, the mist was closing all burn marks, scars, and other wounds. should be Darth Revan’s mouth opened wide in astonishment, and he backed up a few steps. He used Force Sight to look through the mist, and saw CSI's body was being healed with amazing speed, the mist was closing all burn marks, scars, and other wounds. this: The flame was consuming his Jedi Robe, which was slowly turning black and revealing armors beneath it. should be The flame was consuming his Jedi Robe, which was slowly turning black and revealing armor beneath it. this: Fatigued, CSI lie on bed and gasped for air. should be Fatigued, CSI lay on the bed and gasped for air. this: But I can bring him to Star Forge and turn him! should be But I can bring him to the Star Forge and turn him! this: He cleaned his throat and shouted: should be He cleared his throat and shouted: this: Since when interrogation became popular among the Sith? should be Since when has interrogation become popular among the Sith? this: Darth Revan shout in astonishment and held out his left arm and attempted to Force Choke CSI. But CSI was faster than him and casted a Force Immunity on himself hence successfully resisted the Force Power should be Darth Revan shouted in astonishment and held out his left arm and attempted to Force Choke CSI. But CSI was faster than him and cast a Force Immunity on himself and successfully resisted the Force Power this: CSI nearly wet his pants and casted Master Speed and Force Jumped out of the pit. should be CSI nearly wet his pants and cast Master Speed and Force Jumped out of the pit. this: After he Force Jumped out of the pit should be After he Force Jumped out of the pit this: CSI neither replied nor show panic.should be CSI neither replied nor showed panic. this: Darth Revan stroke his lightsaber down onto CSI’s abdomen with his full strength should be Darth Revan stuck his lightsaber down into CSI’s abdomen with his full strength

Chap. 8: this: Back into the Interrogation Room, on the table. A humanoid shape began to re-appear, like fading in. should be Back in the Interrogation Room, on the table, a humanoid shape began to re-appear, like fading in. this: “Come on, my friends, free me.” CSI murmured and casted Force Telekinesis. should be “Come on, my friends, free me,” CSI murmured and cast Force Telekinesis. this: The dual silver blades cut the restraints down precisely without damaging my arms and leg. should be The dual silver blades cut the restraints down precisely without damaging his arms and legs. this: When he landed on the ground in the arena where Revan and him dueled earlier, he knelt down and murmured: “That’s so nice to be free. I’m glad it was over…” should be When he landed on the ground in the arena where Revan and he dueled earlier, he knelt down and murmured: “It’s so nice to be free. I’m glad it's over…” this: That would mean Dark Side really prevailed should be That would mean the Dark Side really prevailed this: A man with scarred face was looking toward CSI. should be A man with a scarred face was looking toward CSI. this: Now CSI reappeared as appearance of Darth Nihilus. should be Now CSI reappeared in the appearance of Darth Nihilus. this: After witnessed the fake CSI’s “death”, Darth Revan frowned and shook his head. This is a failure. And he can no longer feel CSI’s Lights Side Aura. But in the instinct, he felt CSI was still alive. “Give me a transport to Star Forge,” Darth Revan took out an small intercom and said. should be After he witnessed the fake CSI’s “death”, Darth Revan frowned and shook his head. This is a failure. And he could no longer feel CSI’s Light Side Aura. But in his instinct, he felt CSI was still alive. “Give me a transport to the Star Forge,” Darth Revan took out an small intercom and said. this: Darth Revan sat down and meditated on his private quarter. should be Darth Revan sat down and meditated in his private quarters. this: Suddenly, he felt CSI’s thoughts echoed through the Force. should be Suddenly, he felt CSI’s thoughts echo through the Force.

Chap. 9: this: CSI can see a beautiful planet should be CSI could see a beautiful planet this: I don’t think I already catch your name? should be I don’t think I caught your name?

Whew! that has to be my longest post ever! But I arrived at the fic late, and you wanted me to, so here you go! And let me assure you that I am in no way criticizing the fic, it's fabulous! To convert an rp into a fic is no easy task.... and mostly it was accidental instances of 1st person slipping in from the rp..... looking forward to the next chapter!

Wow that is a long review. Even mach doesn't do that, but I suppose he doesn't have time, what with reviewing about ten Fics a week here. Hey Aurora, aren't you going to review the Prologue I wrote? People seem to forget that I started the Fic off, before I left the Fic to write other Fics, like my Sera Tana Saga.

I didn't forget about you, Pottsie, or your prologue. I just didn't see anything in my initial read-through, but after looking over it again, I did see this:
On the STAR FORGE, two former JEDI MASTERS fight for their lives on the STAR FORGE, the new base of operations for Revan’s new SITH ARMADA.
It has a "STAR FORGE" redundancy there.... it should probably be changed to something like On the STAR FORGE, the new base of operations for Revan’s new SITH ARMADA, two former JEDI MASTERS fight for their lives.

But really, both of you did an awesome job bringing the rp to life in fanfic form!

Thanks for the review on the Prologue Aurora and thanks for saying CSI and I brought the RP to life as a Fanfic. I'll correct that part in the Prologue now.

Chapter 10

“A pleasure to meet you,” the Twi’lek Jedi said without any emotion in his voice, “My name is Nauk Grelan. I once followed the path of Light Side, but since my last fall to the Dark Side, I no longer follow that path. Frankly, I’m not with any side. I’m just a simple man with a wry sense of humor, trying to make his way in the Galaxy.” With a pause, he chuckled at his own joke, before continuing.

CSI smiled, too.

After a brief pause, Nauk asked politely: “May I ask what you’re doing here?”

Polite words…A diplomatist. Mmm…I can see he is a good person, too.CSI thought for a while before saying to Nauk: “I see,” CSI returned his calm voice, “Sorry I didn’t make myself clear, I’m a former Sith Lord, too.” He felt there is nothing to hide in front of a Jedi, “Formerly known as Lord of Hunger, Darth Nihilus. Now we finally got something in common, right?” CSI smiled.

After a brief pause, CSI announced: “I was meditating and I’m afraid that Darth Revan had returned, while he walked further deep down on the Dark Side path. And we had a duel, then he interrogated me. I tricked him by duplicating my image to lure him away then I grabbed a shuttle by Exar Kun’s temple, then flew here, then I was meditating here, the end. I know the story is not exciting, but frankly, I’m bad at making long speeches.”

“I was aware of that.” Nauk told CSI, “That’s why the Jedi were so foolish to let him alive, in my opinion. I sense that Revan is going to send his elite assassins squads to assassinate the remaining Jedi, including us both. Dantooine is no longer safe now and we should leave, however, I respect your opinion on this matter.” Nauk frowned upon Revan’s plot.

“I don’t think an Sith Assassin is a match to Jedi Master.” CSI thought for a while, then he continued, “Not even a squad of Sith Assassins.”

“No, this is a different case. This kinds of Sith Assassins perfected their sneak attack ability. You don’t want to encounter them, even a single one.” Nauk warned.

“OK, point taken. I still believe in redemption, no one is under redemption, no one.” CSI emphasized on “No one” and scratched his head, “But regardless, you’re probably right. This place is no longer safe…” He looked around them, and added, “and deserted. By the way, I appreciate your respect, but do you have any good idea?”

“Indeed.” Nauk looked around and scratched his chin, thinking: What place would be safe from Revan and the Sith? Lehon wouldn’t be safe, since Revan gathered his new Sith armada there and all the core worlds where Revan had gone to find the Star Maps wouldn’t be safe either. “Coruscant,” Nauk finally raised his head and suggested, “Perhaps some of the surviving Jedi have gathered there. Although with Master Vandar, there isn’t anyone responsible enough to lead the Jedi. So what do you think?”

CSI thought for a while: Coruscant wouldn’t be safe because it’s central of the galaxy, and the ancient Jedi Temple is still there, which means Revan would definitely target there. If not there, then where? Suddenly, he recalled a perfect place to hide: “How about Nar Shaddaa?” CSI asked Nauk, “I think we need to get into undercover if we need to hide from Revan, and there are a lot of refugees, bounty hunters, and other scums. What do you think? Besides, I have all equipments to go undercover—vibroblades, armors, blasters, and other stuff. And eh, I know you’d complain about this, but trust me, they’re useful, especially you have an huge army behind your back.

The part where CSI and Nauk meet. It's great to see how you brought our RP characters to life and you've done it well. I'm looking foward to more.

^ Agreed

“No, this is a different case. These kinds of assassins have perfected their sneak attack ability. You don’t want to encounter them, even a single one.” Nauk warned.

I found the repetativness of Sith Assassins to be a little boring... now i've fixed that in the above statement... perhaps you don't want to fix it, I don't know...

I will fix all my mistakes and misuses when I post final drafts, by you and Aurora Starfire...Thank you for the suggest, I think.

Chapter 10
Star Forge. Darth Revan barked: “Where is Bastila?”

“Milord…” A Dark Jedi dressed in red appeared in front of Revan and knelt down.

“What?” Revan barked.

“The Mistress of Darkness sent me to see you…She said you needed Elite Sith Assassins.” He replied, attempted to overcome his fear.

“Yes, so you are here about that, right?” Revan’s yellow eyes glowed.

“Yes, milord.”

“Good. Now we must wait. I sense that Nihilus is on the move.” Revan bellowed at the Dark Jedi and sat down, meditating.

----

“Perhaps you’re right,” Nauk replied, “We need a different name too, just in case Revan is searching for us. I’ll go with, mm…Grauk Nelan…” CSI chuckled and Nauk stared at him for a moment, “Not creative, I know, but it should be enough to hide from the Sith. When shall we leave?”

CSI stopped chuckling and seriousness came back to his face: “About 20 minutes later, after we dress up, we can go.” CSI walked to a big closet and opened it. Nauk was amazed that there are two Bounty Hunter armors which looks awfully similar to Jango Fett’s armor. CSI took one out of the closet and tossed to Nauk: “Put this on, and…catch!” Nauk’s eyes widened when he saw a heavy blaster and various weapons to him, and he masterfully used Force to catch them. “Impressive, Master Grelan, impressive.” CSI smiled and continued, “I know blasters are uncivilized, but when situation calls, we have to answer it, even if it makes you looking crude.” When he put on his helmet, he said through the voice amplifier: “Now, CSI is gone…Bounty Hunter Tahiti Nui is here. Go for some bounty!”

Nauk sighed and put on his gears reluctantly. “Are you sure about this, CSI?”

CSI replied calmly: “Yeah, I’m sure of this, Nauk…or should I call you Grauk?”

“Yeah, please.” Nauk responded when he put on his helmet. “You call me Grauk, not Nauk as we’re now officially Bounty Hunters.”

“Loud and clear,” CSI, now Tahiti, replied, “Now we must hurry off here!”

“Right,” Grauk replied.

Tahiti packed all his stuff and said, “Let’s roll!”

Grauk’s thought flashed in his brain: Now the journey began…

A minute later, two “Bounty Hunters” ran to the shuttle on Dantooine Landing Dock through the sunset on Khooda Plain.

So uncivilized, Grauk thought as he tried to catch up with Tahiti. Nar Shaddaa wouldn’t be the greatest planet to go for a trip, but since they were both now prey of Revan’s Elite Sith Assassins, they had no other choice.

The engine roared and came to life. The ship slowly departed from Dantooine Landing Dock. Through the window, Tahiti can see the building and plain is rapidly shrinking. As the shuttle went into space, all he can see was stars and a beautiful planet, Dantooine. Beautiful planet, Tahiti thought, But we have to go. Farewell, birthplace of the Jedi. Tahiti looked back into the dashboard and set the destination to Nar Shaddaa.

“The course is on Nar Shaddaa, right?” Grauk asked while he piloted the ship.

“Yes, and now I’m going to check the Radar System and the weapon system, then we can go into hyperspace, okay?”

“You got it.” Grauk nodded.

Tahiti carefully checked the radar system and weapon system, all green. “All checks out,” he returned to the co-pilot seat and punched in Nar Shaddaa’s coordinates and said: “Ready for hyperdrive.”

Grauk pressed several button, and punched a big button. The hyperdrive hummed and the star streaked into lines.

“Nar Shaddaa,” Grauk muttered under his breath, “A hive of scum and villainy, here we come.” Then he looked at his new companion. He didn’t know much about him, other than his name, CSI. After a long pause, Grauk broke the ice: “You can’t be called CSI,” Grauk carefully chose his words, “No Jedi in the Order has ever had their name as initials. Surely you must have a proper name. Oh, and if my piloting is dodgy, forgive me. I’m not the greatest pilot in the galaxy.”

Tahiti looked at Grauk: “No problem, I’m not the greatest pilot, either. Well, speaking of the name, I don’t think I have a name as I was raised as a Sith Lord, named Darth Nihilus. Therefore I don’t have a name. But now I’m a Jedi, so I just named myself CSI.”

“Mmm…Interesting.” Grauk sighed and asked Tahiti: “Now what do we do now? We’re hyperspacing…”

“Okay, how about a practice round of Pazaak game? No money required, just Pazaak, okay?” Tahiti took out a standard deck of Pazaak cards and smiled.

Grauk sighed again and took the first card.

Good chapter, CSI. Just a couple things I wanted to point out:
Nauk was amazed that there are two Bounty Hunter armors which looks awfully similar to Jango Fett’s armor. CSI took one out of the closet and tossed to Nauk: “Put this on, and…catch!” Nauk’s eyes widened when he saw a heavy blaster and various weapons to him, and he masterfully used Force to catch them. should probably be Nauk was amazed that there were two sets of Bounty Hunter armor which looked awfully similar to Jango Fett’s armor. CSI took one out of the closet and tossed it to Nauk: “Put this on, and…catch!” Nauk’s eyes widened when he saw a heavy blaster and various weapons tossed to him, and he masterfully used Force to catch them.

I think that's it. But the chapters great, overall. Keep it up, CSI!

Chapter 11

[Off-topic: Sorry for the long waiting, I had a writer’s block. Hope you still enjoy this…Bows to the following LFers.]

More Elite Sith Assassin swarmed into the room. The sound of “Milord, I’m ready to serve you” had enchanted magically with surprise unisons.

Darth Revan smiled evilly under his mask. “He’s upon Nar Shaddaa, I sense he has an ally…Capture them and take them to Rakata Prime. If you fail me…” Darth Revan held up a fist. Then he narrowed his eyes: Nihilus. You will not escape from me…again!
“Yes, Milord!” All Sith Assassins shouted in unison.

“Good, now what are you waiting for?” Darth Revan growled.

----

In the cockpit, CSI slammed his last card on the table. It was a +7/-5 Card. “Look, I won! You already got beyond 20!”

Grauk fell to the chair, exhausted: “OK, Tahiti, I’m exhausted, can we check the course?”

“No problem. However it’s just a practice round.” Tahiti said when he felt a cold chill. Darth Revan? He frowned under his helmet, What is Darth Revan up to?

No doubt, Grauk sensed it, too. The huge disturbance of course grabbed their attention. “Did you feel it? Darth Revan!” Grauk muttered under his breath, “He can sense us through the Force. Running away won’t help us at all.”

“Yes,” In an attempt to cheer Grauk up, Tahiti smiled, “But at least we are not on Dantooine, besides if we’re bounty hunters, we can go wherever we please, right? Even know ‘Cat and mouse’?”

Grauk appreciated Tahiti’s effort loosen him up, “Yes, I do know. But as always games bore me after a while. Perhaps we should cut our connection off from the Force to prevent ourselves from being sensed by Revan. Oh and by the way, Nar Shaddaa is in front of us now.”

“True, but it’s hard to reestablish the connection with the Force.” Tahiti thought for a while, “Like you said, if the destiny let us to showdown with Revan, so be it. This is no longer a game. This is a live-or-dead thing.” Then he pointed to a empty landing pad, “Land over there, the former spot that Red Ecllipse attacked the Exile when they landed Ebon Hawk.”

“No problem.” Grauk maneuvered as comfortable as he could to land the shuttle on the unoccupied landing pad.

The path to villainy and scum is just outside. “Great. Let’s go.” Grauk stood up and sighed.

“Right, we got bunches of business to take care.” Tahiti said cheerfully, “Don’t worry, I believe we will hide ourselves well. Besides don’t kill our enemies, just incapacitate them.”

When they disembarked the shuttle, they were greeted by a group of bounty hunters. The leader, a Rodian, said: “Look, fresh meat. I love it.”

“Who are you taking?” Tahiti asked Grauk with a sarcastic tone.

“I’ll take the stupid one who decided to threaten us rather than shoot us when he had the chance.” Grauk replied back smiling.

“Good.”

“I don’t know what you fresh meats are talking, but it’s bounty time!” A trandoshan proclaimed excitingly.

“Since when bounty was put on bounty hunters?” Tahiti said with a nod.

“Good point,” Grauk nodded back and suddenly ignited his lightsaber. A green blade came out. They’re astonished as they have never seen a bounty hunter with a Lightsaber. Grauk Force Jumped in and skewed their hands off. They wailed in pain.

“Good swordsmanship,” Tahiti commented, “But we must learn to hide ourselves out.”

“True, but we need a hideout, right?” Grauk objected.

“Fine, have it your way. Which weapon to use is not important, the most important thing is teamwork. In order to survive in this messy planet, we need to find a hide out. What do you think?” Tahiti asked Grauk.

“I couldn’t agree more on this, lead the way.” Grauk made a “Please” pose.

Tahiti sighed and started walking towards the Vogga the Hutt’s palace: “Let’s find some bounty first…”

Grauk replied: “I disagree with the idea. Working for a Hutt is a bad idea, though.”

“Through this we can gain access to more Jedi. I know there is a huge bounty for Jedi, and if we camouflage ourselves well, we may avoid being detected and get a huge bounty.” Tahiti explained.

“Fine. Lead on.” Grauk spoke at last.

Chapter 12

Kirabaros had come to Nar Shaddaa for the need to help. Being drawn to suffering was a terrible weakness and one he couldn't help if it raged like wildfire across space. He had docked at the refugee sector and set about wandering the platform. Paying for information, he found that another Jedi had come through there and had alleviated the burdens there. This made Kirabaros puzzled and he inwardly turned to find out why he was drawn to this place. With a sigh, he walked into the Apartment Complex and asked the manager: “I want to rent a room.”

“OK, the standard room is 50 credits per day.”

“Done.” Kirabaros put some credits on the table, took the key from the manager then entered the room. Sitting on the bed, he began meditating.

----

“This is it.” Tahiti stood in front of Vogga the Hutt’s palace, “This will be the place that we find all scattering Jedi on Nar Shaddaa.”

“Are you sure that is a good idea?” Grauk’s voice ran into my eardrum via the comlink integrated in our helmets, “Dealing with Hutts? That’s not very Jedi-like.”

“Trust me, I can handle this.” When they walked into the meeting room of the Palace, they encountered a pair of Thugs.

“Tax time!” One of them said, waved his might axe.

“Or you won’t pass!” Another thug wagged his finger at us.

“Look, we’re bounty hunters, ok? You will eat a plasma bolt in your brain, and I’m sure you don’t want that, do you?” Tahiti growled.

One of them looked scared to us: “These guys got big muscles.”

The other said: “Yeah, it’ll be a good idea to let them pass.”

“Thank you, gentlemen. You have chosen the wise choice.” Tahiti nodded and said sternly.

Grauk whispered through the comlink: “I don’t think this is a good idea, intimating the guards…”

Tahiti whispered back: “See? At least it worked.”

“What do you want to see Vogga the Hutt for?” An aide asked Tahiti and Grauk, “Vogga the Hutt is sleeping. He told us not to wake him up, unless something urgency.”

“Look, we all got business to do, so wake him up, and I mean right now. Or you want us to do that?” It was Grauk.

“Tell me what you want, or I won’t wake him up.” The Aide replied.

“Fine.” Grauk cocked his blaster, “Let me put a hole on his head and see if he will wake up or not.” Suddenly the atmosphere became tense. The guards waved the axe to Tahiti and Grauk.

Tahiti looked at Grauk and shook his head. “Don’t do it, we don’t want any casualties here. You know, Colonel Tobin once said, ‘Get them men, and watch your aim. Civilian casualties cause a mess of paperwork.’”

Grauk scoffed: “OK, just don’t let things get out of control.”

Tahiti nodded: “This is done without saying.” Then he suddenly raised his voice: “We’re here for some bounties put on Jedi.”

This sound was loud enough to wake Vogga up. “What happened? I thought I told you that not to wake me up!” He was clearly irritated to the aide.

“No, sir,” Tahiti and Grauk laughed out a little when he heard the aide hurried to comfort the Hutt, “It was the bounty hunters who disturbed you. They said they can help you to hunt down Jedi.”

“Mmm…” Vogga was still half-asleep, “OK, you the bounty hunters, now you go, and get some Jedi, and we’ll award you tremendously. Well, if you have nothing else, see you at the door.”

“First one, We don’t serve under slimy bugs. Second one, you can go back to your sleep now.” Tahiti said, “Let’s go.” Then he headed to the door. Grauk followed him tightly.

“Great act, Tahiti!” When they went out of Vogga and his guard’s hearing, Grauk admired, “Wow, I never seen anyone act like that.”

“Thank you, now let’s go find our first Jedi companion…I sense there is one nearby.” Tahiti calmed himself, and began to search for the Jedi. “Did you sense it? I found him. He’s in the apartment complex.”

“Yes, I sensed it…Let’s go!”

----

Kirabaros sensed something is not right. Two Force Sensitive disguised in bounty hunters? Kirabaros wondered, What are they doing? But he can’t see who actually are. Suddenly, the door flew into his room and smashed into a shelf behind it. And a small smoke bomb rolled in, and soon, the room was filled with smoke. Kirabaros coughed: “Darn…” slowly, he was knocked off. Before he fell down, he heard someone said: “We got him, let’s go.” This is the last thing he know before he was knocked off.

Yay, another chapter! Good work, CSI!
Just a couple things....

A couple of first-person slips....
Grauk’s voice ran into my eardrum via the comlink integrated in our helmets
One of them looked scared to us
Should probably be Grauk’s voice ran into his eardrum via the comlink integrated in their helmets and this one probably needs the last bit taken off (to make it clearer): One of them looked scared

These need a change to past tense:
Kirabaros sensed something is not right. to Kirabaros sensed something was not right.

But he can’t see who actually are. to But he couldn't see who they actually were.

For these two, I think you meant "knocked out" ("knocked off" sort of meaning killed)
slowly, he was knocked out.

And this one had a couple of other little problems:
Before he fell down, he heard someone say: “We got him, let’s go.” This was the last thing he knew before he was knocked out.

But I liked it, overall. Can't wait for more! ;)

Announcement: Due to the dreaded Writer's Block, I can't continue this fic until further notice. Anyone who wanted to continue this please feel free to continue this. This fic is based on the RP: Knightfall, so make sure it's based on it. Good luck. I'll move on to CSI Series.

If you want CSI, I could take over writing again, but it depends if I can get some free time.

Go ahead and take over. Well, I'm still in Writer's Block Sydromes...I will be love to read your upcoming fic!