also pottsie yavin 13 was around in ROTJ.
also pottsie yavin 13 was around in ROTJ.
Really when? If there is a link, please show me. Anyway, good Chapter and Star Destroyer must have Capitals and also press Enter twice, when a new person is starting to speak.
off Wikipedia........
Moons
In the Expanded Universe, Yavin has four other habitable moons.
Yavin IV, the site of the Rebel Alliance's main base until the Battle of Yavin. It also contained the Massassi Temples and for a time the Sun Crusher. Once Luke Skywalker re-establishes the Jedi Order, Yavin 4 is also the planet on which his Jedi Academy (Praxeum) is located.
Yavin 8, a moon consisting mostly of tundra and some species.
Yavin 13, a hot desert moon populated by Gerbs and Sliths.
so they dont show it in ROTJ but its still there
Chapter 10 The fight of the Korr children
TK landed his ship on the third part of Anoth. He raised his blaster as he ran through to the entrance of the base expecting for the secret defenses to attack. Nothing came, he turned seeing all his men had landed and joined him. He turned back inspecting the door. He ordered his men to plant a det pack to blow the door. They backed up as the solider ran up planted the pack and ran back. “Hit it” TK ordered eager to see the fire works. The explosion shook the ground as the door became noting but ruble.
* * * * * * *
They ran through, ready to fire if they needed to. TK and the rest of the squad searched the building and found nothing. “All right boys maybe they haven’t arrived yet, lets blow this place.” TK said. They entered there Star Destroyer and activated the built in mini Death Star beam it shot blowing the planet fragment to smithereens. “Sir,” said the Captain of the Star Destroyer the Force runner, a rebel ship flew trough here and disappeared at sector 8.” “Good TK replied go there, now.” “Yes sir”
* * * * * * *
Ex-jedi Tenel Ka, walked down the hall toward the exit of the rebel cruiser. She had volunteered to protect the twins. Jaden had second the action so had his wife. Jania had reluctantly disagreed but was over voted. Ever since Zekk had disappeared in the unknown regions she had almost refused to take someone she cared about out of her sight. Suddenly yelling sounded down the hall. She ran to the spot where it was coming from. “What happened” she asked Jaden. The empire has destroyed the first part of Anoth and there coming here the planet is now on full evacuation every one is coming here. We must get away they probably plan to steal the twins.” “The intercom came on, Master Jaden we are ready to take off. Please join me as co-pilot. “Right away, Master Vinson Jaden answered. Also next time use a comlink”. “Yes sir” Vinson replied.
Suddenly a sudden jolt made them hit the floor. The intercom came back on “Beware the empire is boarding the ship. I repeat the empire is boarding the ship.”
* * * * * * *
TK jumped in the rebels ship he had one job: to capture the Korr babies. But he planed to have a little fun. A jedi girl turned around the corner he activated his special clone saber in one hand and his blaster was pointed at her heart. She stood her ground instead of charging as this jedi usually did. He knew that by her looks and the force. He learned why as he looked behind her there was the entrance to the med center the twins would be in there. He fired charging as he did anger fuelled him as he dropped his blaster. Instead of grabbing it he shocked her sending her into a wall unconscious. He then entered the med center.
Good Chapter, but remember to seperate lines of speech.
Chapter 11 The children are stolen
TK raised his blaster at the jedi Brianna (jaden’s wife) he had to be extra careful since the children were also in this room, but so does she. He aimed at her then moved as he fired, the shot hit right beside the girl. The mother screamed with surprise as she leaped toward her. The few last seconds of her life she realized the trick. He fired hitting her in the face, she slumped down dead. He bent down and picked up the twins, turned and went to his ship.
As he left and disappeared around the corner, Jaden ran down the hall. He stopped as he saw Tenel Ka unconscious and the door to the med center forced open. His heart skipped many beats as he stared in horror at the dead body of his wife on the floor. Anger poured into him. He did the thing he vowed to never to do, his let his anger take over. He stepped out of the room. He noticed Ka had stirred he froze for a second then sent her down to the floor. That woke her up staring right into the face of the bloodied Brianna. She flinched, as she looked away. Then she looked up, Jaden stood over her with his saber activated about to kill her. He stopped; he struggled as he dropped his saber. He could not strike a fellow jedi even with so much pure anger. He turned and ran down the hall looking for his children.
* * * * * * *
Luke Korr climbed into his ship he had seen a stormtrooper leaving with his brother and sister, he had to catch him. He took off he had two problems; one he couldn’t shoot since he would kill his siblings and two his opponent could. But if he got away the babies would be thought the dark side. With all his feelings mixed up as he thought he didn’t notice the missile come up it hit hard but not fatal. Though he jerked he slammed into the controls. Flashing lights came on and words appeared saying “Firing missile one” his heart stopped as it flew toward the ship.
* * * * * * *
Grivis set the cell controls to the most uncomfortable settings that could keep the scientist could stay alive at as he begged for life.
“That will teach you to change the mission records”
“I’m sorry sir, I wonted to try out my new clones…”
“I don’t care if they fail I will kill you privately.”
“I assure you they will not fail…”
“You better be right” he said as he turned and left.
Next chap soon title: Unknown?
Okay Chapter. Some sentences didn't make sense and Stormtrooper needs a capital. Looking foward to more.
Hey connor, I read through this, and you're making some progress in your writing, which is great. I think you've got some good ideas with your story.
However, I'm having a tough time understanding what you're trying to say, and while the readability is improving, my prematurely old eyes are still having some trouble. Here's what I'd like to see you do more:
1. Fix your punctuation. I think you're getting ideas so fast that you're writing them down as they come out. Go back over what you've written and make sure you have commas, periods, quote marks, and capital letters in the right places. When you don't use punctuation, it's really hard for me to know where one of your ideas is ending and the next one is beginning, or which sentence parts go with which. When you don't use quote marks correctly, I can't figure out where one person stops talking and the next begins. The Paradigm Online Writing Assistant (
http://www.powa.org/) has some good info (I'm going to post the link in the Expert forum, too), as will a language arts/English teacher.
2. Please leave an extra line space between paragraphs and whenever there's a change in speakers in dialogue. It really helps those of us with 'aging' eyes to be able to read it better. I think you'll like how it looks better, too.
The best way to improve writing is to keep writing, so keep doing that. We'll look forward to seeing more from you and seeing your writing talent develop.
My Next chapter will be up soon.... hopfully:D Now my name is Darth Grivis:D
Chapter 12 The Disappearance of Luke Korr
The missile came closer to the ship. Luke had no time to think, it hit. Nothing happened, suddenly realized he had fired the missile he had installed that was a tracker. Luke was lucky, he had not killed his siblings and he was tracking them. Suddenly a light started blinking; he immediately recognized the problem the Stormtrooper was hacking into his ship. Luke saw he had stolen his data. He looked down again and was shocked to see that he was also setting a lightspeed course. His hyprodrive activated and he shot into space.
Later Luke came out of hyprospace in the middle of the Unknown Regions with his map of space erased.
* * * * * * *
Grivis climb into his ship he had a new mission for the Triteradur squad and this time he would lead them. The mission was simple enough they had to assassinate a jedi named Kyp Duran who had sent the original Star Crusher into a black hole. He had come close to doing that again with the Triteradur after he had stolen the decoy at the Battle for the Korr’s. The two twins had been hidden on the moon of Coruscant that had been half destroyed when the DS4 had destroyed Coruscant. He started his ship and lifted it off the ground. He then flew out of the hanger only to meet an army of New Republic and Jedi ships. Surprised Grivis hit his missile fire, firing all his missiles. He turned flying back to the Star Destroyer ordering his men to do the same. He landed the ship and jumped out. He ordered all sith and Stormtroopers to prepare for boarding. Most of his best sith gathered in the hanger bay waiting for boarding, it never came. Suddenly the Star Destroyer jerked sending the Empire troops to the ground. An officer came into the hanger.
“Sir, the Republic has blown a hole in the ship they must be leaving there ship and entering our ship. But we cannot pinpoint where the hole is.”
“Check every room.” Grivis ordered.
Then he turned to his troops “take me to my throne room” he ordered them.
He left and stopped at his room, he entered. There stood Kyp Duran, Luke and Mara Jade Skywalker, Jaden and Mordale Korr, Tenel Ka, Jania, Jason, and Zekk Solo, and many more. Grivis stood stunned, as he was thrown back into the wall by Tenel Ka knocking him unconscious.
“Ha,” Tenel Ka muttered “Pay back.”
Sorry if it’s seems rushed….it kinda was
Well, you've improved at least connor or should I say Darth Grivis? I'm looking foward to more.
Another Sith Lord. Nice Fic. looking for more. BTW, a regard to Pottsie. [Oh, curse my head! It hurts again...]
okay the last chapter is ready...if Igy lets me use Darth Krayt, though he won't make a major apprence. But if Igy does let me use him this is the last chapter though I will do a Epilogue and two altenate endings.
okay the last chapter:
Chapter 13 The Force Star is Found
Luke Korr had a brief memory of the Unknown Regions he thought to himself trying to help him think positive. He flew for hours when he finally reached a planet. He suddenly remembered it as he started to land. It was an abandon sith graveyard before Korriban. Maybe the sith were using it as a base. He jumped out and entered the huge temple.
He walked forever searching rooms as he went. Finally he reached the end he was happy to be done but sad not to have found anything. He put his hand on the wall and leaned on it while he accessed the force searching for something he might have missed. Suddenly a datapad slid out of a small hidden hatch in the wall. Surprised he picked it up and accessed it. A voice filled the hall, “Congratulations force user who found this datapad now if you are strong enough in the force you can access secret information on how to end the war.” It said. The screen changed and showed two selections: Info on this Sith Lord, Secret information on the war. Luke picked the sith info he would look up the secret info later he thought as he made up his mind. The voice came back, “I am a sith lord named Darth Krayt a sith lord who would rule the galaxy if Cade Skywalker wouldn’t cut me down in the future so instead I went into hiding” The message ended already Luke was annoyed the so called didn’t tell him much and he sensed that some of it was a lie. He accessed the secret info. Suddenly a droid came out of nowhere and grabbed his neck. Luke felt a shock and then nothing, the droid then turned and walked to the end of the hall and self destructed. Even more confused Luke looked back at the datapad. It read: You have the right amount of force power to look at the info. “The war was started by me when I learned Cade would kill me. Then I tried to use my dark side power to go back in time and it worked. I had to prevent that from ever happening solution…kill all the Skywalker scums. To stop the war all you do is find the Force star and redo what it did…” The datapad shut down and the wall moved reveling a secret room.
* * * * * * *
Luke walked in, and there on top of a stone was the Force Star. Luke ran to it and activated it, using all the force power her had. It shown bright as it shot out a huge beam of light.
Korriban…
The revived sith looked up as the light surrounded the planet it shot down and turned them back into dust and ash.
Dantooine…
The revived jedi looked up as the light surrounded the planet. Unlike the sith the Jedi sat down and prepared to rest in peace as if they knew what would happen. The light shot down and turned them to ash and dust.
The same happened every where and soon all the jedi and sith that had been revived in the beginning of the War of the Dead where once again rested in peace. Forever.
Epilogue
The last battle of the war took place on the moon of Coruscant. The return of Luke Korr provided them with that information. The battle lasted for days, though the last of it was the worst…
Grivis was still a captive of the jedi order and was on the ship during most of the battle, finally his anger of not being in the battle was strong enough. He choked the guards and killed them he took there Lightsaber and cut the cage around him. Grivis luckily was put in the command center which was the jedi’s first mistake. He walked over to the missile control, he activated it and shot all the missile locked to ant heat source. Some of the missiles hit the jedi some the sith blood went flying. Grivis slowly marveled at the very sight. Suddenly a Lightsaber was pointed at his face when he turned around.
Jaden Korr entered the sith’s main base he had already freed his twins when a missile hit the base. Rubble crashed onto his leg he cried out in pain. He looked up to see a blood red saber pointed at his neck.
The battle ended because of the threat of the death of the leaders of the armies. A treaty was made soon after the battle stating the Sith should move into the Unknown Regions and beyond make there empire there. The Jedi should make there Republic in the outer and the inner rims. The treaty was signed by both Darth Grivis and Jaden Korr. Jaden who had lost his son Luke and his wife had two look over his two twins alone retired his chair in the Senate but continued being the leader of the jedi. So the so called Darth Krayt lost and would never be able to strike and be the ruler of the galaxy. So the galaxy would stay at peace till another threat, sith, alliance, or any thing else came. The thought that came into Jaden's mind as he signed the treaty was, So far the jedi had managed to maintain peace at the end of the Mandalorian War, the sith civil war, the jedi civil war, the galactic civil war, the Vong War and now the War of the Dead.
The End of the War
I see you like the alternate endings that made an appearance in my first Fic, The Sith Lord. Good anyway, now it just needs to be in the Archives.
LS Epilogue
The last battle of the war took place on the moon of Coruscant. The return of Luke Korr provided them with that information. The battle lasted for days, though the last of it was the worst…
Grivis was still a captive of the jedi order and was on the ship during most of the battle, finally his anger of not being in the battle was strong enough. He choked the guards and killed them he took there Lightsaber and cut the cage around him. Grivis luckily was put in the command center which was the jedi’s first mistake. He walked over to the missile control; he activated it and shot all the missile locked to ant heat source. Some of the missiles hit the jedi some the sith blood went flying. Grivis slowly marveled at the very sight. Suddenly a Lightsaber was pointed at his face when he turned around. He jumped kicking the jedi, he brought down his Lightsaber and killed him. Another jedi jumped behind him. The jedi stabbed Grivis in the leg. Grivis screamed as the lightsaber was pulled out. The jedi stabbed him in the face. Grivis twitched then died. That jedi died later releasing his anger on a fellow jedi.
Jaden Korr entered the sith’s main base he had already freed his twins when a missile hit the base. Rubble crashed onto his leg he cried out in pain. He looked up to see a blood red saber pointed at his neck. He brought up his saber and stabbed the sith the sith slumped down dead.
The battle ended because of the death of the Grivis and the rest of the sith armies. Finally a treaty was made soon after the battle stating the rest of the sith should move into the Unknown Regions and beyond make there empire there. The Jedi should make there Republic in the outer and the inner rims. The treaty was signed by both the last sith Darth Zan who was later killed when he later brought a small army to attack the republic and also Jaden Korr signed it. Jaden who had lost his son Luke and his wife had two look over his two twins alone retired his chair in the Senate but continued being the leader of the jedi. The thought that entered Jaden’s mind as he signed the treaty was, so the so called Darth Krayt lost and would never be able to strike and be the ruler of the galaxy. So the galaxy would stay at peace till another threat, sith, alliance, or any thing else came. So far the jedi had managed to maintain peace at the end of the Mandalorian War, the sith civil war, the jedi civil war, the galactic civil war, the Vong War and now the War of the Dead.
The End of the War
A bit too similar to the normal ending for my tastes, but oh well.
I wanted it to involve the treaty in both of them since it was bieng made during the war (like all treaty) but the sith moved in the Unknown regions then attacked that was the main difference then there were no Sith.
DS Epilogue
The last battle of the war took place on the moon of Coruscant. The return of Luke Korr provided them with that information. The battle lasted for days, though the last of it was the worst…
Grivis was still a captive of the jedi order and was on the ship during most of the battle, finally his anger of not being in the battle was strong enough. He choked the guards and killed them he took there Lightsaber and cut the cage around him. Grivis luckily was put in the command center which was the jedi’s first mistake. He walked over to the missile control; he activated it and shot all the missile locked to ant heat source. Some of the missiles hit the jedi some the sith blood went flying. Grivis slowly marveled at the very sight. Suddenly a Lightsaber was pointed at his face when he turned around. He jumped kicking the jedi, he brought down his Lightsaber and killed him. Another jedi jumped behind him. The jedi stabbed at Grivis but Grivis moved to the left. Grivis swung his lightsaber at the jedi and removed the jedi’s arm. Then he flipped up and stabbed him. The jedi grunted and fell dead.
Jaden Korr entered the sith’s main base he had already freed his twins when a missile hit the base. Rubble crashed onto his leg he cried out in pain. He looked up to see a blood red saber pointed at his neck. He brought up his saber and stabbed the sith the sith slumped down dead. He used the force to pick up the rock on his leg. He used the force to ease the pain as he limped toward the door he opened it. There stood Grivis, Jaden raised his lightsaber to defend him but Grivis struck killing him. Jaden fell knowing he had failed him and the jedi.
Grivis walked through battle field of the moon. He looked up and saw Jacen Solo killing jedi. Grivis walked toward him.
“We have one my lord” Grivis said with pride.
“So you knew all along…Grivis”
“Yes, Lord Krayt now we can rule the galaxy forever”
* * * * * * *
Grivis and Krayt soon learned of the jedi and senators that were traveling the galaxy getting planets to sign there treaty of peace. Grivis hunted them down and killed them all. The jedi had maintained peace after the Mandalorian war, the sith civil war, the jedi civil war, the clone wars, the galactic civil war, but not the War of the Dead.
The End of the War and the Beginning of Terror and Power
A message from Darth Krayt: Thank you to all who read my fic for helping me rule the galaxy
http://starwars.wikia.com/images/5/54/DarthKrayt.jpg)
For some reason I prefer this ending, but anyway. Please get this in the Archives and I may read all of them again in order. I'm looking foward to the DS Yoda Fic.
so do I but to make jedi likers and sith likers happy I just made terror on one side of the universe and peace on the other I never got around to editing the sith order to much I don't think it has These:""""" at all one day ill do those on it and other things but now time for Darth Yoda...
Good fic. Enjoying them. But I also agree with Pott, a slight grammar improve would be good.
Bad news I was putting this in the JA and it was put in it before I was done posting chapters I PMed JAe about it I hope she gets back soon...
Should be back now. I had a Moron Moment (tm) and forgot to check for that "The End" tag at the end. :) --Jae