http://img88.imageshack.us/img88/4760/swtwotd6my.jpg)
1 year after TJO, War had killed many as the sith and jedi fought the asoume
battles. Darth Grivis as the new emporer had made a seconed Star Forge. That had the power of both the first one and the Death Star. Jaden had lost many jedi to it. The repulic had elected a new Supreme Chancellor. Grivis was making a plan to assanite him and Jaden. Now set back and read SWTWOTD
I shal hopefully post chap 1 today
I'm looking forward to it. :)
thanks, i finnaly got a pic on my sig but you have to click [click here] on the sig
That's a sweet pic. Where'd you get it?
EDIT: I think that I just got it, lol.
Those are cool pictures. You're not using Darth Yoda in this fic, right?
yep, i now have darth yoda as my background
NO way on using darth yoda in this fic
EDIT: im about in 5-10min work on chap 1
Chapter 1 The Beginning of the War
The battle continued, sith and jedi dying, the Cruins had gone to Yavin 5 to await the jedi. Luke had never seen such a battle. He told Kyle to retreat the jedi. He entered his ship, thinking the same Grivis will soon think- War had begun.
Grivis blocked Nordis’s attack as he sung at him. Nordis turned and jumped into a leaving jedi cruiser. Grivis left to his throne.
There he thought- the battle was over and The War of the Dead had begun.
Grivis walked through the hall leading to his throne, the biggest room in the Star Forge. The jedi were overwhelmed by the power of the Star Forge 2. The speakers came on; “Intruder Jedi inside the emperor’s throne full alert” said the voice. Grivis entered his throne, jumped up and removed the Jedi’s head. Grivis walked to his huge window. There were hundreds of jedi ships approaching! Grivis jumped into his ship and flew into the battle. He flew toward the head ship were Skywalker, Katarn, and the Korrs would be. He entered there hangar, as he flew in he opened his cockpit he jumped out pushing his ship into a group of jedi ships. He ran to the command center and planted a det pack. Then he entered the Jedi consul.
Tell me how you liked it
Why is the Star Forge in it? If there is a second one I doubt it would be as powerful as the first. Grammar has improved slightly and I also liked the Pic.
i thought about making a misture of the star forge and the death star
i thought about making a misture of the star forge and the death star
A Mixture of the Star Forge and the Death Star? Interesting... What would it be called? The Death Forge?
I prefer the first Pic...
im working 0n chap 2 so hold up it should be poster in less then a hour:D
Good chapter, connor. I like the idea of Death Forge, lol.
Chapter 2 Fight to the death
Grivis walked up to Skywalker. “Hello, Luke he said. I have a proposition for you, it is…Die!” He through his saber at him then ripped out his X-saber. “I only use this on special accessions”. He activated all 4 blades and charged in a powerful Kata. Luke jumped up and landed behind him. Jaden jumped in front of him, Kyle jumped to his left and Mordale to his right. “Where is Luke Korr” Grivis asked. “Right above you Grivis” Luke K answered as he dropped from the roof. Grivis sung up stabbing him. “NO” Jaden yelled in rage. Grivis jumped up as Jaden’s lightsaber slung where he was standing. “Yes release your anger and turn to the dark side Grivis said hopefully Join me”. “No Jaden, he’s not dead” Luke said. Suddenly a bodyguard entered the room slinging his saber at Grivis. Grivis dodged it ignited his Y-saber and threw it at the jedi, one blade went through his heart and the other his side…
Grivis took out his detonator and hit the button, the explosion distracted the jedi as Grivis jumped to Jaden’s desk and hit the ships self destruct button he jumped back into a escape pod and escaped. Jaden and Luke got the others into another escape pod. Jaden hit the abandon ship alarm and left.
Grivis exited the escape pod and looked around he was on Kamino.
EDIT: and pottsie i see you have detroyed the TMJ
has anyone seen a hutt jedi that thought just appered in my mind?????
Anyway, I've only noticed this, but is Grivis supposed to be Grevious out of RotS? If it is, Grevious is the correct spelling. Several spelling mistakes, but nothing editing can't fix.
Yes I used the Death Star's power to destroy my Fic :lol:. I'm thinking of writing a Trilogy but I don't know what to write about. It might be something around KOTOR.
grivis is not grevious Grivis is just grivis
ah,... mabey a mission of kyle and jan... ah continue vote
how do you do pic tiltles guys i want to make one?
grnday2006: Don't Spam!
connor: You can request to get someone to make a Title Pic for you in the Avatar/Sig Pic Request/ Discussion Thread in the Ahto Spaceport Cantina and put your Request there.
Also I started the whole Title Pic idea (I first got the idea of Alkonium's Fics).
Good chapter, connor. Btw, those are some pretty funny pictures.
i shall now start working on chapter 3
Chapter 3 The Chase of Death
Grivis waited for the jedi to land, when they did Grivis jumped up into one of there fighters and flew off. They followed, Grivis grinned he used the force to make the 2 jedi ships blow up. Jaden shot a missile at him. He dodged it by jumping out of the ship and landing on a Jedi’s ship. He activated his lightsaber and used the force to open the cockpit. He pulled the jedi out and through him into space and got in shut the cockpit. His old ship has shot down by Jaden. “Mission Complete Luke he said I’m returning now”. Grivis opened his cockpit and landed on Jaden’s ship he stuck his lightsaber through the glass and Jaden’s heart killing him. He set the ships auto pilot for there cruiser. He jumped back to his ship and flew to the Death Forge.
Grivis entered Arca and Forus’s room and explained his plan… Grivis entered the jedi temple on Yavin 5, the jedi were still returning. Grivis killed the jedi there and left. Then he entered the new Senate chamber during a meeting, the chancellor was speaking. Grivis pushed him off his private senate stand he fell thousands of feet to the ground. He had made one of his sith lords become the vice chancellor before the war he was now chancellor. Grivis entered his ship and hit his det detonator and the jedi temple blew up.
jadens not dead
Good chapter. There was lots of action. :D
Good chapter. There was lots of action. :D
exackly
ps thank you sabretooth for the very good pic:D:D
i have a new pic on my sig everyone click yoda machine gun
One of your best Chapters yet. :clap2:
thanks pottsie,
sorry every one i can't do any do chapter 4 for probaly 4 days becuase im going to a game tonight and a trip tommorrw:(:(:(:(:(
Four days? I hadn't posted a chapter for mine in like two weeks. That's okay.
okay guys im hopeing to post the next chap tomorrow:D
man there tons of new fics...my computer crashed so ive been out for a while. oh well
man there tons of new fics...my computer crashed so ive been out for a while. oh well
Iwas beginning to wonder if you would ever return. Nice to see you back. You have a review for The Sith Order in The Critic's Two Cents.
Chapter 4 The War Continues
Luke k ran to the Jaden’s ship it had been severely damaged. He jumped up cutting open the cockpit with his saber. Jaden lay there with a hole in his chest. Luke lifted him up fearing that he was dead…
Grivis landed in the Death Forge, he jumped out of his ship it was over Jaden was dead Luke k was his next target. He told Maul to set course for there new secret base on Dagabah…On Dagabah, Grivis moved through the swamps with Forus and Arca.
I wished he left Arca behind he thought all he did was complain. “This is boring and gross” he complained. “Oh, shut up” Grivis replied. They walked a little more till they reached the rebel base. He leaped up slicing the guards head off. Forus flanked the rebel sarge. Arca jumped up landing behind the sarge, Grivis charged and cut him in half. “Well done, both of you” Grivis said. Suddenly Forus swung his saber killing Arca, and then he turned on Grivis. “I thought I sensed too much power in you, I just didn’t think you’d try to kill me too” Grivis said. Forus stabbed at Grivis but he simply jumped aside and destroyed the saber. Forus leaped back and used the force to get Arca’s saber. Grivis stepped back and swung to the left twirling catching his breath, then he slashed his back then cut off his head. He then took Arca’s saber, completed the new base and flew to Dantooine.
One thing I must say connor. Well done. You've improved alot, though there are still some mistakes. Check out the Entertainment Centre Awards 2006 Thread too. There is a suprise for you there. Also will you put The Sith Order and The Jedi Order in the Jedi Archives?
Chapter 5 The Attack of Maul
Grivis landed on Dantooine, He walked down the ramp of an imperial shuttle.
He then killed the jedi guarding the temple. Then he used the force to blow open the door. Suddenly Obi-wan Kenobi jumped out of the door and stabbed Grivis.
Maul suddenly stopped in the middle of his speech as 2nd command. “Continue, Lord Maul” said a member of the counsel. “I have suddenly felt a stunning disturbance Maul started but only the sith that knows this order must follow me…Order 166, move. Maul led the troops to Dantooine, “You know the routine order 166 Lord Grivis is in danger” Maul shouted. As the soldiers charged killing jedi after jedi Maul pulled out his comlink, “To HQ send in all available troops to Dantooine order 166”. Maul then joined the search for Grivis.
Maul ran down to the brig, he found Grivis in a cell with a hole in his chest. Maul opened the cell, pick up Grivis and left. He was just going across the bridge when Grivis woke up. “Where am I” he asked. Maul was about to answer him as a grenade hit near them sending Grivis down toward the ocean.
Obi-Wan is alive? Dear. Anyway it was okay, a bit short. Congrats on getting The Sith Order/The Jedi Order in the Jedi Archives.
yes because of the crystal in the jedi order yes it was short i ran out of time
Chapter 6 The Death and its fears
Maul shouted with fear as Grivis fell into the ocean. For Maul time seemed to have stopped. Grivis was dead and the counsel would blame it on him. There was only one thing to do: make the jedi retreat. That was the main goal, and the counsel would appoint him empire. Maul ran to the fight. He swung his saber slicing a jedi in half, and then he quickly flipped up removing a jedi’s head.
The first thing he felt was the coldness, Grivis had fallen into the water. He struggled with his wound. He had to pull out my aquabreather, he thought. Suddenly he could think no more.
Maul was tiring; he ran to the command post and jumped into a ship. He flew the ship and fired down at the jedi.
Luke had fallen to sleep; he was on the jedi cruiser going to Dantooine. Suddenly he awoke by a yell. He looked up and Jaden was sitting up. Luke yelped, 2 days earlier Jaden had been stabbed by Grivis, but a medical droid had healed him. Jaden asked him “What happened”. “Grivis beat you 2 days ago you’ve been out since” Luke K replied.
Suddenly the Computer said “We will be landing shortly”. Suddenly with his father by his side he felt a lot better about the fight.
Nordis jumped up trying to defend the temple, the sith had all there available troops. The jedi had only half of there force. Suddenly, a jedi cruiser landed near him, and 1_5th of there troops ran out. Nordis smiled suddenly they had a lot more.
Vader led his part of the army to one of the jedi’s command posts and attacked. Sith killed jedi and jedi killed sith, but it didn’t matter to him it was war. Like it was when he died. Luke Skywalker had finally allowed the light that was still dead take over him. He turned around and saw him in the distance, Skywalker. He charged, jumping right in front of him. “This time you will not win Skywalker, my light side is still dead” Vader said.
He struck, with so much force Luke fell over when he blocked it. Luke quickly got up and killed a passing sith. Vader’s anger increased and dealt Luke heavy blows. Luke ready this time blocked the blows with little difficulty. Vader tripped him and prepared the final move. Suddenly Jaden flipped up kicking Vader into the air. He called Mordale and Luke and went to a different area of the fight away from Vader.
Maul jumped out as his ship exploded, he landed killing many jedi as he swung his saber.
Suddenly a earthquake shook every thing including the whole ocean and a powerful sith landed in front of him with no wound or scratch on him.
Vader felt the earthquake and turned seeing the sith. Luke, Jaden, Luke S, and Mordale all turned after the small quake and all saw the sith.
Length has improved slightly and there are still many mistakes.
Example:
He had to pull out his aquabreather he thought.
Correction:
I have to pull out his aquabreather, he thought.
Good, but still needs improving.
i know i have added a small part to it not much really im trying to make them longer
EDIT: HOPE your new fic goes well
Chapter 7 The Return of Grivis
Maul stared at him, it was Grivis impossible, he was dead.
Strander ran to a half-dead sith in the battle, and asked him where Nilin was. The sith looked puzzled, “Don’t you know he’s dead, Grivis killed him”? The sith lord said. “What”!!! Strander yelled in fury.He looked around till he saw Grivis then he ran up to him, and swung his saber at his head but Grivis blocked it easily. Strander swung down attempting to remove Grivis’s hand, but Grivis blocked it and quickly lowered his saber and removed Strander’s own hand. Strander yelled in pain as his hand fell to the ground. Then he jumped back using the force to get his light saber into his remaning hand. Then Grivis suddenly turned blocking a quick attack Maul. So Grivis thought Maul had betrayed him. Grivis then had to turn yet again to block Strander’s charge. He pushed Maul off the bridge as he attacked from behind and sent him plunging into the ocean.
Maul’s life flashed before his eyes as he fell from the bridge every thing seemed to be in slow motion as he fell. So this is what death is like he thought before the next flash consumed him.
Maul blocked the jedi’s attack, he than hit up stunning him for a moment, then stabbed him. Ha, he thought his master would be pleased. Maul turned seeing the other jedi through the energy shield. He frowned now he would have to deal with this one. The jedi charged slashing at him. The jedi cut his saber in half forcing Maul into using one saber.
The jedi cut Maul in half a few moments later, and he fell into the core.
Maul was falling strait through Naboo’s core. When he noticed a stump
like the jedi had grabbed. He grabbed it, with one hand grabbing his legs with the other,
he grabbed a cable gun from his utility belt and dropped the legs. He activated the gun,
shooting it but made himself go down to grab his legs. Then pulled up, when he reached
the top of the cable he stopped and attached the gun to him and the legs, so they would
not fall. He got his second cable gun and shot it up taking the first with him when he
reached the top he shot the first. He continued till he was out. He used some crap in his robe to re-attach him to his legs.
He flew to Korriban to find a sith medical droid. It attached his legs to him properly. He
went to a freezing plant and programmed a droid to free him after the sith return…
Maul than fell into the water wishing he never betrayed Grivis as he died.
Grivis blocked Strander’s attack and swung to the left cutting his side. Strander moved
his saber toward Grivis’s head and swung, but Grivis moved to the side and leaped hitting Strander’s hand making his saber into the water. He killed him with a flick of his saber and turned away.
Quite confusing, but the grammar was alright, except for a few sentences.
I changed it to make it less confusing:D
Yavin 13
Planet Type: Terrestrial (moon)
Climate: Dry, hot
Terrain: Desert, rocky plains, cacti forests
Atmosphere: Breathable
Gravity: Standard
Diameter: 6,794 km
Length of Day: 19 standard hours
Length of Year: 4,818 standard days
Sentient Species: Gerbs, Slith
Language: Gerbese, Slithian
Population: 43 million (19 million Slith, 24 million Gerbs)
Species Mix: Gerbs 53%, Slith 47%
Government: Tribal
Major Exports: None
Major Imports: None
System/Planet: Yavin
Region: Outer Rim
Chapter 8 The End of the battle
Jaden, Luke, and Mordale finally reached the jedi cruiser and flew away.
Little did they know they were being tracked…
Grivis grinned as the jedi’s ship flew to there secret base, soon he would attack the desert planet Yavin 13. Soon the republic will fall he thought as he set his navigation computer for the planet. There he would reveal his secret weapon Triteradur.
They landed on Yavin 13 right when the Death Forge and hundreds of star destroyers appeared out of lightspeed. Jason looked up and sounded the alarm. The republic fleet flew up flying into a possible suicide mission.
Grivis jumped into the Triteradur, and flew out of the hangar bay. He piloted it into the battle. He switched his weaponry system to low power and fired destroying the nearby x-wing. He turned and flew to a republic cruiser and headed toward the control bridge. “This better work” he said out loud right before he rammed the ship. He tore through the command bridge destroying the ship. Then suddenly tons of republic ships came out of all the surrounding planets. Grivis gasped. The republic’s base was the whole solar system. Then he grinned first he will give the republic a better chance then he will blow up the solar system.
The republic’s ships flew around him A-wings, B-wings, X-wings all first class. They were nothing compared to the Triteradur. The name had come from an old stormtrooper his father had known. The stormtrooper’s number was RC-1162. Suddenly a star destroyer exploded beside him ripping him out of his thoughts. If he had been in a TIE fighter he would have of died. He looked around and noticed that quite a few star destroyers had been destroyed. It was time to change the tables around. He put the ship on medium power and fired. Destroying Yavin, Yavin 8, and Yavin 13 and many other planets one by one exploded. The star destroyer aware of what was happening jumped away into hyperspace, however the republic was able to save about only 20 cruisers. Then Grivis turned around and blasted into hyperspace.
Grivis entered the Death Forge, landing in his personal hangar. He walked into his chamber and was shocked to see a legion of stormtroopers. One of them stepped up and stretched his hand out, Grivis barley sensing the force jumped to the side as a bolt of lightning flew out of his fingers. Grivis activated his saber and pre-pared to strike when his weapon scientist jumped out and shouted to him. Grivis de-activated his saber, “Ah, Grivis he said I see you have met my new invention he said, Force clones. They can use the force, use a Lightsaber, and a jedi can’t sense the force inside them. Also we have more powerful TIE fighters, they have a hyperdrive so they are called HIE fighters (Hyperspace Ion Engines)”. “Good for us Grivis replied Now leave”. “But sir, there’s more like th-. “I DON’T CARE” Grivis shouted. The scientist scrambled out of the room with the new troops. Grivis walked up and sat in his throne.
Yavin XIII? I didn't think there would be such a Planet. Good Chapter, though it still needs improving. Did you read Mach's reviews of The Sith Order/The Jedi Order?
yes its one of the moons of vavin all so i have read the reviws and go
here and i might eat you brain lol kiding (
http://kevan.org/brain.cgi?darth%20grivis)
Chapter 9 Triteradur’s army
The new legion of stormtroopers walked to the new HIE fighters and took off flying toward the new improved star destroyer escorting Grivis even though his ship was invincible. Thanks to doctor Toff Andrew almost every imperial creation had been improved, including them. The trooper TK-421 also now known as triter knight had been selected to be the leader of the new legion. “General TK, said the private, the star destroyer Kun is ready to leave”. “Good, get us out of here” TK replied. TK left going to the command bridge, he ordered his men to stand guard as Grivis passed by going to his throne.
Grivis entered his throne and stood stunned for a second seeing how improved it was. “Damn” he muttered as he sat down in his chair another score for Toff. He got up locked his door and went to sleep.
TK left the command bridge he had got his first order, he had learned that a jedi baby had been transferred to the system Anoth (
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anoth). He ordered his men to return to the hangar and to set course to Anoth.
23 hours earlier, Luke Korr walked down the long corridor of the republic cruiser. He sighed; they have been losing battle after battle. Suddenly his uncle Mordale ran in front of him, Mordale stopped and turned. “Luke there you are, come quick, he turned and ran.
Luke ran after him, he stopped puzzled then suddenly frightened Mordale had entered the med center. He worked up his courage and entered there sat his mother, holding a baby. Surprised he stumbled while he talked. “M-Mom, but your supposed to b-be in hiding”.
“Yes, I know but I came out because of this.” She replied. Then his father entered holding another baby! “What two” Luke yelled once again surprised. “Yep, his father answered twins”. “Where sending them to a hidden planet Anoth, the empire went there once after Anakin Solo.” His mother continued. “But that was the third segment, recently we found a forth segment so we are sending them there.
Grivis awoke; he got up and checked his messages. Toff appeared, “Lord Grivis I am sending my new troops to take care of the new Korr brats personally expect updates soon.” Grivis anger boiled he was going to do that job himself. He ordered his guards to through Toff in a brig for a week, he would pay for this.
Toff sat down once again he had outsmarted Grivis one day he would kill him and become the emperor himself. Suddenly his door blew down, and Grivis’s guards stunned him. He felt himself lifted up and carried out of the room. He later felt his body being thrown into a cell.