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Twisted sayings thread

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 Tyrion
09-14-2002, 6:30 PM
#1
Here you can post any quotes that you made up or have been said before,but make sure they are twisted...

- Make a man a fire,keep him warm for a day. Put a man on fire,keep him warm for the rest of his life...

- Please contact the surgeon general,the army, and the president before giving Kal-El viagra...

- Spam may cause dizzyness,loss of sight, banning, resetting post counts, lost of sanity, and diareah. Please consult your doctor and admin before spamming.

- I see Paris,I see france, I have obi's underpants.

-Lexx has beauty, paw, and no bra!

- Me so horney


:D:D:D:D
 Bob Gnarly
09-14-2002, 6:35 PM
#2
yup................:eyeraise: :eyeraise: :snear: :snear: :roleyess: :thumbsup: nice thread :thumbsup:

but i cant think of anything
 Sivy
09-14-2002, 6:43 PM
#3
hamsters with forks shouldn't be trusted


the grass maybe greener on the other side, but so are the cows


it's better to be happy than sad
 Bob Gnarly
09-14-2002, 6:46 PM
#4
oh wait "me so.........." no wait you have that one done....... ummmmmm I SERIOUSLY CANT THINK OF ANYTHING!!!


Click Here ---->http://www.****eyed.com/inside/million/million18.jpg<----Click) Here

maybe thats why i cant think.........
 mima kake
09-14-2002, 6:48 PM
#5
my heart is a broken mirror:D
 Sivy
09-14-2002, 6:54 PM
#6
life is a cookie

amazing things never happen to fantastic people but fantastic things always happen to amazing people

tomorrow is another day

only by being insane will you know what being sane is like
 kamiclone
09-14-2002, 7:10 PM
#7
Killing a dog is like killing your best friend

If there is always a bigger fish......then.......WTF!!!
 mima kake
09-14-2002, 7:11 PM
#8
there goes the monkey from his sleeve

The one who digs a hole for some one else will fall in it him/her self.

To find the dog in the kettle.

high trees catch alot of wind.


A good neighbour is better then a far away friend.
 Bob Gnarly
09-14-2002, 7:12 PM
#9
"do or do not there is no tie......TRY, TRY, I MENT TO SAY TRY!"
 Sivy
09-14-2002, 7:16 PM
#10
With mongoose feed in packs, you know there’s a storm coming

air is like glass, you can see through it, but don't try to breathe it
 mima kake
09-14-2002, 7:25 PM
#11
keep an eye in the sail.


when the horses starting to sneeze,
The bees will milk the trees.
 Sivy
09-14-2002, 7:31 PM
#12
pick a colour and stick with it

i am the walrus

jumping up and down on a computer might damage it
 mima kake
09-14-2002, 7:35 PM
#13
Don't sit on a nail.

If you see a butterfly, Eat the little basterd
 ZBomber
09-14-2002, 7:36 PM
#14
uh..... right......

Somebody shot my pony! :confused:
 Sivy
09-14-2002, 7:39 PM
#15
Originally posted by mima kake

If you see a butterfly, Eat the little basterd

lol,



if you see birds flying backwards, be warned, you may be travelling backwards as well.
 mima kake
09-14-2002, 7:44 PM
#16
try jumping of a cliff singing "NEW YORK NEW YORK".
 Darklighter
09-14-2002, 8:02 PM
#17
What's the difference between a chicken?...one of it's legs is both the same...
 Jedi Spy
09-14-2002, 8:27 PM
#18
one fine day in the middle of the night...
 gorganfloss
09-15-2002, 1:11 AM
#19
the emu has feelings.
if you give a mouse a cookie, say bye to the cookie.
find a penny pick it up, then the rest of the day youll have...a penny.
apple, nipple, hungry.
nipple, apple, crap.
my dryers broken, I need you to fix the spring.:naughty:
 Lunatic Jedi
09-15-2002, 1:47 AM
#20
Don't run from a sniper. You'll only die tired.

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a pinky monkey named Spunky ran into the forest and chucked all the wood before the woodchuck could?

But this ass is more powerful than any ass I have ever encountered, master!
 gorganfloss
09-15-2002, 2:16 AM
#21
Originally posted by Lunatic Jedi
Don't run from a sniper. You'll only die tired.




:rofl: Thats the funniest thing Ive heaard today.
 Lunatic Jedi
09-15-2002, 2:25 AM
#22
Pleasure to be of service, gorganfloss. :D
 Darth Groovy
09-15-2002, 3:38 AM
#23
Wherever you go, there you are!

When men were shorter, and lived near the water.

Never listen to a fat man play the tuba, always listen because you'll never know what you'll hear.

Jeezum Crow!
 mima kake
09-15-2002, 5:09 AM
#24
The fun thing about death is, that it never ends.

It's better to have one bird in your hand,
Then a automatic-weapon against your head.

If water can clean things,
then why does fish smell so bad.
 Murdoch
09-15-2002, 5:37 AM
#25
Confusious say: -Man who smoke pot choke on handle.

ps best thread for ages.
 Kstar__2
09-15-2002, 6:09 AM
#26
Originally posted by Darklighter
What's the difference between a chicken?...one of it's legs is both the same...

i really love that one!
 mima kake
09-15-2002, 10:05 PM
#27
if a dog gets lost in the woods,
it will be hard to find him.


Like the world turns,
the butcher makes his meatballs.


My yoghurt is not your yoghurt
So don't use it.


When the dead walks the earth,
They will get tired some day.


When your woman comes into the livingroom,
You have to tighten the chain.

Better one woman on your face then none.

The cheese is coming out of my ears,
So don't try to say something.


Better luck next time,
when it's done.


When a cat starts to talk,
Its time to really think things over.
 Sivy
09-15-2002, 10:26 PM
#28
Wise man say red fish fly in the winter

Beating around the brush is better than being hit in the face with a harlem globetrotter

Always resist the urge to wear your underpants on your head, it may kill somebody

I used to bowl when I was an alcoholic
 Kyth'emos
09-15-2002, 10:26 PM
#29
Originally posted by Murdoch
Man who smoke pot choke on handle.


Best Confusious Saying EVER! :D :lol:
 Darth Groovy
09-16-2002, 1:01 AM
#30
Need a lift? Then shove a jack up your arse?
 Sam
09-16-2002, 2:53 AM
#31
Confusious say:- crowded elavater smell differn't to midget
 Lunatic Jedi
09-16-2002, 3:08 AM
#32
Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.

Man who walk sideways through door is going to Bangkok.

:D
 gorganfloss
09-16-2002, 10:48 AM
#33
PG13


Confusious say: Man with hand rub it all day long. Feel very good.
 mima kake
09-16-2002, 10:57 AM
#34
Nobody can stand still concidering the earth is moving.




Why does things that are bad for you always taste so good.




If love is the answer then what is the question.
 .:Silver:.
09-17-2002, 1:41 AM
#35
One fine day in the middle of the night
Two dead boys got up to fight
Back to back they faced each other
Drew their swords and shot each other

One was blind, the other couldn't see
So they chose a dummy for a referee.
A blind man went to see fair play
A dumb man went to shout "hooray!"

A paralyzed donkey passing by
Kicked the blind man in the eye
Knocked him through a nine inch wall
Into a dry ditch and drowned them all

A deaf policeman heard the noise
And came to kill the two dead boys
If you don't believe this lie is true,
Ask the blind man he saw it too!

Don't sweat the petty things. Never pet the sweaty things.
 TiE23
09-17-2002, 1:43 AM
#36
if frog hops on you, you hop on frog:) :confused:
 Elijah
09-17-2002, 1:51 AM
#37
"To be or not to be" might i say... WTH? :confused:

"Play for the fun, not the Frag." *stares at Truthful liar*

"my console beets any PC" DIIIIIIIIIIIIE!

cant think of any more but if i do i'll post.
 mima kake
09-19-2002, 1:27 PM
#38
drink 3 glasses milk a day or own a cow.




If you see some one gets a cut rom a knife let him/her bleed,
red is a nice collor.
 Reb Starblazer
09-19-2002, 9:03 PM
#39
"People in glass houses sink ships."

"Don't cross the road if you can't get out of the kitchen"

"A penny saved is worth two with a bush in it."

and my favourite:

"Why don't you make like a tree... and get the **** outta here!"


All quotes are from Doc, the bartender in "The Boondock Saints".
Amazing movie, I highly recommend it.
 Dath Maximus
09-19-2002, 9:19 PM
#40
there once was a man from nantuckit, (expletive deleted)


lifes a bi*** and then you die!
 Darth Groovy
09-20-2002, 6:29 AM
#41
Beware of Geeks baring gifts!
http://www.mag-net.com/~paddle/images/geeks.jpg)
 Kstar__2
09-20-2002, 7:14 AM
#42
Originally posted by Darth Groovy
Beware of Geeks baring gifts!
http://www.mag-net.com/~paddle/images/geeks.jpg)

WTF???


no comment
 mima kake
09-20-2002, 4:54 PM
#43
suprises are funny thins
but funny thins are not alway suprises.



when you saw that saw
Dit you see what he saw.
 Sivy
09-21-2002, 11:04 AM
#44
ironing your head may seem like fun but it put lives at risk

a watched clock will never dance
 ForceElf
09-21-2002, 11:21 AM
#45
Clones are people, two.

COLE'S LAW: Thinly sliced cabbage.

Anything free is worth what you pay for it.

Boycott shampoo...Demand REAL poo.
 Sivy
09-21-2002, 11:27 AM
#46
Originally posted by ForceElf

Boycott shampoo...Demand REAL poo.

:D



when you lose something always look in the last place first

just because you can play the drums doesn't mean you can fly
 Darth Talliusc
09-22-2002, 12:19 AM
#47
everybody steps on me, that is why im cracked you see. im a nut.... im a nut...

i vont some taquitos!

there are only two things you ever need say to inferiors. Meh, and Bah.

"i need a plan in case i die"
stay dead, nobody likes a zombie.
"no, i meant like gifts for family members"
zombies make bad gifts.

people wont like you if you gnaw on your arm while they talk to you.

apes find enjoyment in picking fleas off of each other and HUMANS are the more evolved version?
 Darth Groovy
09-22-2002, 3:14 AM
#48
Originally posted by kstar__2


WTF???


no comment

Give me the cash, and I will forget I found that picture of you and your buddies.:D
 Lunatic Jedi
09-22-2002, 3:33 AM
#49
Snorkeling: A long, boring swim punctuated by looking at underwater slugs and making funny Darth Vader noises.
 Darth Talliusc
09-22-2002, 3:44 PM
#50
if at first you dont succeed: maybe skydiving isnt for you.
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