..and what will happen in JK2 and all read this. It was written by a good friend of mine, EX_Gerrard_IV, in the 'good old days'.


Jedi Knight Sunscreen

Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '99:
Play BGJ Cave. If I could offer you only one tip for
the future, playing BGJ cave would be it. The
long-term benefits of playing BGJ cave have been
proved by top JK players, whereas the rest of my
advice has no basis more reliable than my own
meandering experience. I will dispense this advice
now. Enjoy the power and beauty of weapon mods. Oh,
never mind. You will not been understand the power and
beauty of weapon mods until their dead and replaced by
Spork 3.0. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back
at screenshots of yourself with a bazooka and recall
in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay
before you and how fabulous you really played. You are
not as newbie as you imagine. Don't worry about the
force 1. Or play force 1 at all, but know that playing
force 1 is as effective as trying to solve an algebra
equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in
your JK performance are apt to be things that never
crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you
during the final rounds of the LND tourney. Play
against one expert every day that scares you. Strafe.
Don't be reckless with other people's clans. Don't put
up with people who are reckless with yours. Sidestep.
Don't waste your time on newbies. Sometimes you're
ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and,
in the end, it's only until you were beat by the
newbie who plays "leave packs at BGJ". Remember games
you won in tourneys. Forget the games you lost. If you
succeed in doing this, tell me how. Keep your old
patches. Throw away your old screenshots. Force jump.
Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to
do with yourself. The most experienced people I know
didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with
themselves. Some of the 40-year-olds I know don't even
know what skin to go with. Get plenty of ladderbux. Be
kind to your shields. You'll miss them when their
gone. Maybe you'll win in three duels, maybe you
won't. Maybe you'll force you?re opponent to fall off
a cliff, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll self-kill;
maybe you'll dance the hokey pokey at the LND tourney.
Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much,
or berate yourself either. Your top winning is
half-chance. So is everybody else's. Enjoy the skins
you've made. Use them every way you can. Don't be
afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's
the greatest grouping of pixels you'll ever make.
Swing, even if you have no reason to do it but to
slash a crate. Read the instruction booklet and tips
page, even if you don't follow them. Do not listen to
the top 20 ladder players. They will only make you
feel inadequate. Get to know your clan leader. You
never know when he'll be gone for good. Be nice to
your teammates. They're your best link to your
problems and the people most likely to stick with you
when your idea for a force pull at BGJ strategy goes
away. Understand that players come and go, but there
are a precious few players that stay. Work hard to
bridge the changes in mods, because the older you get,
the more you need the mods you knew how to play when
you were young. Play Cases Ladder once, but stop
before it makes you into a cheating, win-at-all-costs
hacker. Play Spork once, but stop before it turns you
into an absolute newbie. Jump. Accept certain
inalienable truths: The speed of the game will rise.
Top name players will cheat. You, too, will get old.
And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were
young, game lengths were reasonable, top name players
were noble, and tourney players respected LND. Respect
LND. Don't expect anyone else to support your insane
strafing habit. Maybe you have a mentor fund. Maybe
you'll have an elite friend. But you never know when
either one might run out. Don't move you fingers too
fast, or by the time you've played 400 games, you will
feel like you've played 800. Be careful whose
technique you copy, and do not be patient with those
who copy yours. Copying is a cheap. Playing them in a
tournament is a way of fishing the best from the
world, claiming it as your own and racking up the
LadderBux points to a level greater than your worth.
But trust me on playing BGJ cave.

I'd post the Chris Rock version "No Sex in the Champagne Room," but it would get me banned. All I can say is "Cornbread! Aint nothin' wrong with that!"

yes! ff saber duels! yes!!