Hello!
For those of you who haven't seen me in a long time, I'm a big KOTOR nut and fanfic writer who comes to these boards from time to time. Currently playing through as a LS Shadow for this game.
Anyway, I'm writing some SW fanfic, and I could use the perspective of other fans for this.
Currently, I have a Jedi character who's struggling with the Force and the Order. She's good with a lightsaber, better with powers (a Consular), but the more she's out in the universe, the more isolated and lonely she's feeling. All around her, she sees families, people with close friendships, lovers, marriages...attachment. You know, that horrible, horrible thing Jedi are never supposed to have?
Well, it's gnawing on her. She finds herself wondering what it would be like to throw the lightsaber away and live in peaceful obscurity. She wonders would it would be like to become a mother. She's craving those close ties, and a life where the fate of the galaxy isn't on her shoulders all the damn time. She's starting to resent the Force itself for her situation, and it's limiting her ability to use it.
She doesn't want to go Sith; she loves the Republic's ideals too much. She just doesn't know what to do with her feelings, and the Code is sounding hollow. At the same time, she knows that her position could do the Republic a lot of good, and enable her to help others. She also knows that she has obligation and duties to perform, and doesn't want to betray the Order in its hours of need.
So, what advice would anyone have for a Jedi wondering if it's worth it?
Hello again. I believe you and my predecessor (the carjacker) had talked in the past. I killed him to rid the galaxy of his blight.
This sounds like Aryn Leneer in Deceived, and Bastilla in Revan.
Probably the jist of what I'd tell her is take awhile to learn what life is like away from the force, and just live like...like a regular person if she really thinks she's that far removed from regular life. Gauge all her strengths and weaknesses outside her life as a Jedi, work at them.
Once she believes she has gained enough perspective and is otherwise well enough off, she can decide then what her next move should be. If she wanted to try to be an unorthodox Jedi, as it would seem that is the trend, she's free to try it. Or if she wanted to give it up, the cloak'n'robes, altogether, that might do her well. Or she may well decide after a long trail of bad experiences to go back.
In a nutshell: the world (as in not just a single planet) is a wondrous place. No telling where you could end up.
Actually, if she decided she indeed wanted to stay on a single world, she'd probably find exclusive discoveries and joys not found travelling in all the galaxy.
Basty you can pretty much guess what happened.
Aryn Leneer decided she'd "needed a change". If I tell you much more, it'll spoil Deceived. In fact this may already have done it.
Anyway, I'm writing some SW fanfic, and I could use the perspective of other fans for this.
Currently, I have a Jedi character who's struggling with the Force and the Order. She's good with a lightsaber, better with powers (a Consular), but the more she's out in the universe, the more isolated and lonely she's feeling. All around her, she sees families, people with close friendships, lovers, marriages...attachment. You know, that horrible, horrible thing Jedi are never supposed to have?
Well, it's gnawing on her. She finds herself wondering what it would be like to throw the lightsaber away and live in peaceful obscurity. She wonders would it would be like to become a mother. She's craving those close ties, and a life where the fate of the galaxy isn't on her shoulders all the damn time. She's starting to resent the Force itself for her situation, and it's limiting her ability to use it.
She doesn't want to go Sith; she loves the Republic's ideals too much. She just doesn't know what to do with her feelings, and the Code is sounding hollow. At the same time, she knows that her position could do the Republic a lot of good, and enable her to help others. She also knows that she has obligation and duties to perform, and doesn't want to betray the Order in its hours of need.
So, what advice would anyone have for a Jedi wondering if it's worth it?
I'm not sure what ending you have planned for your story, but if I were a character in your story that encountered your doubting Jedi, and she asked me for adviceon whether being a Jedi was worth it, I might tell her this:
"Think about the reasons behind your craving for attachment. Is it blind curiousity? A need to feel more empathy to the people you encounter in your travels and missions? Or outright selfishness and envy for things you cannot have? Only by examining the reasons why you crave these intimate attachments can you know if leaving the Jedi Order is the right thing to do. And if leaving the Jedi Order is going to cause major implications to the Republic and cause lives to be lost, then you must consider if you can live with the consequences of your decision. We are what we are. You cannot change the fact that you're Force Sensitive any more than someone could change who their parents were. Do not deny your gift. Embrace it."
Not sure if that helps you or not, but... there's my two cents. :)