chapter 1: parole
couroscaunt: 3:00 am
the ebony skies of the couroscaunt night beckoned the ragged, moustached prisoner as he was led to the jedi courts. "as you know alaman, there are only 2 punishments amongst the jedi knights: exile without the force, and imprisonment. 15 years ago you murdered a young jedi named juhani. she was a war hero. she fought alongside revan when he ventured to stop malak. you creully murdered her. however, you gave the names of several sith bases, so we shall give you parole. with an offer. if you agree to be our assailant, then you shall be free. if not, you have another 50 years."
"yes. i will take you up on the offer."
is english your first language?
Um....I'm not quite sure what to think, but I am puzzled.
1. Even my fics are longer than this.
2. Look things up for correct spelling.
3. Grammar is important.
4. Coherency helps too.
Ok i too have posted fics myself but mine i try to limit the spelling mistakes to a minium.
Here are my suggestions.
1)Make it Longer. thats not a chapter thats a sentence :D
2) Spelling... the greatest threat to my stories.
You must ask your self why you made so many mistakes.
were you typing to fast?
were you distracted
were you writing this story while trying to watch the last series of Lost which they say would anwser things yet so far only created more questions which made you soo angry you made soo many mistakes *Need Air*
So good try re-read it and may be send it to some one else so they can point out mistakes
yea.......this is pretty much a lost cause.................but check out my best work-RC-the defects it's way better.
I would just like to point this out as i find it funny
In a section called Coruscant Entertainment Centre
you spelt Coruscant like this couroscaunt
lol
If you need help spelling star wars stuff look at wookiepedia they have a complete list of planets
Hey exoduz, let me make a suggestion to you. I think that your trying to work on to many fan fics at a time. Why not get one going really good, and then start working on another. That way more time, thought, and effort will be put in to your story which can do nothing but make it better.