A very nice chapter, Mach. The first bit was expertly done, in my opinion, especially the pre-battle jitters experienced- and subsequently subdued- by the Mando. However, the brief space skirmish left me wanting more (to my eyes, it was a bit fuzzy).
The final rush up to the gunnery emplacements, I thought, was also well done, so kudos on that. I wonder what Merisa shall do with her new 'command' now, and, more importantly, how she will escape with her objectives intact?
I'm eagerly awaiting the next installment! :)
Excellent next chapter, Mach! I really enjoyed the pre-battle jitters as Litofsky did, very accurate! Also like Litofsky, I found the skirmish scene to be slightly fuzzy, but then that also contributes to the actual confusion of battle, excellent job on that! I can't help but draw some parrelels to historical battles and situations, that definately makes this installment very good indeed! I hope you post the next installment very soon!!
Impressive. How exactly do you write these kind of sequences? Do you have a rough idea of the major plot points and write the battle around that, or did it just come as you wrote?
I really never did a complex chapter that addressed prewar jitters, the fighting, and the aftermath which is coming next. I'm going to be having a few of these in "Prior to Exile" and would appreciate any suggestions on battle or fight scenes.
Impressive. How exactly do you write these kind of sequences? Do you have a rough idea of the major plot points and write the battle around that, or did it just come as you wrote?
I really never did a complex chapter that addressed prewar jitters, the fighting, and the aftermath which is coming next. I'm going to be having a few of these in "Prior to Exile" and would appreciate any suggestions on battle or fight scenes.
As for the pre battle jitters I have my own secrets. As for the basics of the battle both in space and below, I had a basic idea roughed out, and when I got there let it flow.
Any help you need with scenes, let me know.
Those who think I treat the Mando as the completely good guys might be surprised by part of this next post. But considering what happens right before it I feel it expresses their mentality perfectly.
Today
Merisa paused. The panic of that time struck her yet again. 80% losses on the landing, an enemy of unknown strength before them. So many times she had awakened in nightmares afterward. She still didn’t understand what had driven her to go on.
She poured, this time from the bottle of tihaar.
*****
Ten Years earlier
“Com.” Merisa ordered. One of the survivors popped out the laser satellite transmitter. That worthy paused as the system scanned looking for a specific signature.
Far above, one of the pieces of debris ignored before this, stabilized. It was small, perhaps a meter square. It was an idiot simple device that used technology so ancient no one had ever considered countermeasures against it. As the laser beam from below hit it, the synthetic aperture camera opened, a lens the width of a human hand that mimicked one fifty meters across. It had a resolution of one meter in the present configuration, and at it’s tightest focus, of less than ten millimeters. Clear enough on a day time pass that it could read unit markings from vehicles. The computer judged the light from the target far below, switching to IR scanning mode. Only now did the second section spin, looking for ships of a specific design.
On the HUD the camp appeared from above as clear as if it hovered merely a kilometer above it. Merisa could see the rows of barracks, the prisoners, most of them not moving. A few were already awake, and as she watched, more were awakening to come out and watch the battle above. On one edge she could see her own people, already deployed in a lozenge shape thirty kilometers distant.
“Kastar.” She called the next senior, tagging 20 others. “Point. Surillo.” The next after that stolid man. “All heavy blasters, you’re rearguard.” 30 others were marked. “The rest in the middle with me. Oya!”
*****
In numbers the ships now dueling far above were equal. In firepower, it was three to one. The frigates, not as fast as their smaller enemies pushed on stolidly. Ahead of them the faster Mando corvettes hovered just out of firing range. The Republic commanders cursed, demanding more speed. A gap grew as the Republic corvettes outran their larger vessels.
At they rounded the planet, the three hands rolled, each taking an exact reciprocal of another unit so they were now running full out not away, but toward an enemy formation.
As the Republic ships came screaming around the planet, their own corvettes in the lead, each pair of corvettes found itself being pounded by four more heavily armed Mando corvettes. Five of the six ships were battered into wreckage or destroyed outright, the sole survivor crabbing out of the battle as the Mando corvettes now concentrated their fire in pairs on the surprised frigates coming down their throat.
All told from start to finish, the engagement from the first weapons firing to the ships passing each other at a tenth of light speed lasted less than seven minutes. Seven of the Mando corvettes climbed away, and behind them four frigates duplicated their maneuver. Three ships, a Republic frigate and two Mando corvettes orbited as shattered hulks. The sole Republic corvette was already plunging into the atmosphere, going to her fiery death. The rest were scattered wreckage.
As the ships had passed, the satellite had transmitted their data to them, then began recording.
*****
Below, 63 people plunged at a lung tearing run through the forest. At a gesture, they froze in place. Sange gestured behind them. “Speeders, coming fast.”
The warriors spread out, weapons tracking the sky.
A dozen speeders roared in weapons blasting, and were met by concentrated fire. Half of them died before they passed over the Mando line, only two escaped the hell. But only fifty warriors raced on.
Merisa kept moving. Her own squad had lost El Saml Toros and Mooti in the horror of landing. Now Lan Kalo and Coha lay dead as the remainder raced forward.
Her HUD held a picture of the satellite feed. The numbers weren’t even close to what they had from the Camaasi. There should be over 600 prisoners, yet there were only 550 distinct forms there.
*****
Roykirk grimaced. The bulk of his free troops, almost a thousand men had been emplaced around the landing zone, less than 200 had reported in. The Mandalorians must have landed a thousand or more to inflict such damage! He keyed his com link. “Execute.” He ordered.
*****
Merisa snapped her arm up, and the formation froze. “HUD, display all.” She snapped.
The warriors watched as vehicles moved toward the camp. Figures dropped out in lines, and her blood ran cold.
*****
“So it begins.” Zakal whispered as assault speeders moved toward the camp. The guards, mostly young men stared as men in Mandalorian armor poured out. The figures dropped to their knees, another line forming behind them. The gleam of holocams showed near the edges of the camp.
*****
The transmission was frantic; a young man facing a holocam. “Command! The Mandalorians are attacking Sooribor!” Then there were screams as a hundred or more rifles began blasting. A guard leaped, hands up, and one of the men firing cut him down. The camera fell, and inside the wired enclosure others, their own people fell as the rounds that didn’t hit the guards tore through the crowd. Then suddenly the camera took a hit and the scene died.
*****
Aboard Ijaa kal (Honor blade), Commander Krios stared at the two screens. On one the massacre replayed. On the other the satellite showed the camp and a circle sixty kilometers around. On one edge were the dots of the survivors of the landing. In the center was the camp. He switched to the present readings.
“Communications, the vehicles that committed that atrocity have stopped at the following coordinates. Send them to our people on the ground. Then send Besu’lik. Navigation, pick a frigate, tell the others to target it.” He snarled. “No quarter, no prisoners, and no mercy.”
*****
The next few minutes etched themselves into the hearts of every warrior both in space and on the ground. Merisa felt rage settle into cold hatred. The information sent by that fragile laser was more than she need, beyond the target of her fury “I need a scout team. Ten-”
“I.” Sange snarled. He was followed by nine others, all furious at what they had seen.
“You will go to the camp.” Merisa ordered. The rest of us have other duties.” She checked the action of her weapon.
“Doing what?” Kastar asked.
“Taking the ones responsible.”
The smaller team moved off, then forty angry warriors moved on a divergent course.
The ground favored them. The enemy remaining speeders hung back, unwilling to risk a direct assault. They had tried an attack with speeder bikes but they had not even gotten close before being ripped from the sky.
*****
Above the seven corvettes made sharp turns. Two of them had to pass close to the hulk of the Republic frigate in orbit and the life pods still streaming from it. The guns began to fire, ripping into the hulk. After a few moments secondary explosions erupted from within, and the ship vanished in them. Then they began firing, ripping into the life pods. Seconds later they were past it, and nothing survived in their wake.
A nice addition, Mach. To be sure, the Republic commander utilized holoprojectors to, well, project Mandalorians attacking the camp (when they had not yet done so), in order to seem that they violated the laws of War, and such.
The space battle was much better, though I wonder why only seven corvettes arrived in the attacking fleet (perhaps I underestimate Mandalorian corvettes, or were the 'heavier' ships needed elsewhere?). The last paragraph, in particular, made me wonder: why would the Commander destroy the Republic escape pods? Perhaps it was because that they could be use to supplement forces elsewhere, and were a threat?
A nice addition, Mach. To be sure, the Republic commander utilized holoprojectors to, well, project Mandalorians attacking the camp (when they had not yet done so), in order to seem that they violated the laws of War, and such. Whenever you paint your enemy as evil, you need something as a rallying cry. As an example when Captain Colin Kelly's B17 was shot down, Hollywood made a movie of it showing the men that were bailing out being machine gunned by the fighter that shot the aircraft down. It wasn't until the Book Samurai! written by Saburo Sakai, the highest ranking Japanese Ace of WWII revealed that A: He had shot the plane down, and B, had not machine gunned any survivors, he was in fact out of ammunition, and instead used his camera to record their escape.
Another example was when the Nazis took concentration camp inmates, dressed them in Polish Army uniforms, and left them strewn around a German Army radio supposedly attacked by the Poles as a reason for invading.
The space battle was much better, though I wonder why only seven corvettes arrived in the attacking fleet (perhaps I underestimate Mandalorian corvettes, or were the 'heavier' ships needed elsewhere?). There were a dozen Mando corvettes, six Republic corvettes, and six Frigates. When the attack was completed, seven of the Mando corvettes had survived, four of the frigates had. As for where the rest of the fleet is, the battle hasn't ended.
The last paragraph, in particular, made me wonder: why would the Commander destroy the Republic escape pods? Perhaps it was because that they could be use to supplement forces elsewhere, and were a threat?
Historically (And in Shakespeare's play) when troops hear of such acts, they return the favor in spades. If you have seen the movie Henry V, you got part of it. After the boys in the luggage were massacred, Henry went ballistic. The Play has him ordering the slaughter of all the prisoners taken to that time and messengers sent that told French units still trying to fight that if they didn't run, they would also be killed without mercy.
During the assalut on La Defensia in italy (1943), the First Special Service Force (The Devil's Brigade) had one German bastion call for a parley. The officer in charge went forward, told the Germans that they would accept their surrender. The German officer drew his weapon and shot the Canadian officer. From that point on, according to the unit's history unless ordered, they took no prisoners.
That was what the commander meant. The Republic violated the laws of war, and as such deserved no mercy. As of that moment, any Republic troops, armed or unarmed were to be eliminated.
Whenever you paint your enemy as evil, you need something as a rallying cry. As an example when Captain Colin Kelly's B17 was shot down, Hollywood made a movie of it showing the men that were bailing out being machine gunned by the fighter that shot the aircraft down. It wasn't until the Book Samurai! written by Saburo Sakai, the highest ranking Japanese Ace of WWII revealed that A: He had shot the plane down, and B, had not machine gunned any survivors, he was in fact out of ammunition, and instead used his camera to record their escape.
Another example was when the Nazis took concentration camp inmates, dressed them in Polish Army uniforms, and left them strewn around a German Army radio supposedly attacked by the Poles as a reason for invading.
Propaganda for justification, then? Leaves a bad taste in my mouth, but war isn't exactly the most pleasant of times. Anything to vilify your enemy and glorify your own side, I suppose.
There were a dozen Mando corvettes, six Republic corvettes, and six Frigates. When the attack was completed, seven of the Mando corvettes had survived, four of the frigates had. As for where the rest of the fleet is, the battle hasn't ended.
My mistake, then. Should I assume, therefore, that the Mandalorian ships overpower their direct comparisons (corvettes to corvettes, etc), as evidenced by the fact that many more Mando ships were left (or was that just the brilliance of the CO?)?
That was what the commander meant. The Republic violated the laws of war, and as such deserved no mercy. As of that moment, any Republic troops, armed or unarmed were to be eliminated.
An eye for an eye is the rule of thumb for the Galaxy, it seems.
My mistake, then. Should I assume, therefore, that the Mandalorian ships overpower their direct comparisons (corvettes to corvettes, etc), as evidenced by the fact that many more Mando ships were left (or was that just the brilliance of the CO?)?
A bit of both. The Mando corvettes are more heavily armed in the assault (Head on attack) meaning they are weaker from astern or the broadside. So they would be considered about equal. The all guns able to fire forward fits their mentality.
As for tactics, The 12 ships of the Mando squadron spilt up, four each heading for (using a clock) 12 4 and 8. They were running fast enough that the Frigates would have trouble catching them, but the Republic corvettes would be able to gain, meaning they were ordered forward at their fastest speed. This caused a tactical seperation, distance growing between the corvettes and their frigate support. Each group was composed of two of each class.
As they came around the planet, the ships at 12 now changed course to run toward the 8 o'clock position, and the others made the same kind of turn, so 4 was now running due north. The four corvettes of each group ripped apart the corvettes, effectively destroying a third of the Republic firepower, but did not do as well against the frigates, destroying one, and crippling another in return for three of their own destroyed and two crippled.
Thanks for the explanation, Mach. The Mandalorian tactics seem much more effective than the Republic's, despite being the 'underdog' in terms of numbers.
Today
Carth stood. “I am not going to listen to one more second of this drivel!”
“Carth.” Danika’s voice was soft, but there was an edge of command.
“Are you going to let this old woman lie to these-”
“Enough!” Danika stood. “Carth, this is a direct order. You will sit and listen until I tell you different. If obeying my order is too onerous, you can take the Ebon Hawk and go to Coruscant or to hell for all I care!” She was smaller than him by a few centimeters and several kilos, but after a moment the man sat.
She turned, bowing her head. “You lost so much in this tale, Ba-buir. Please continue.”
“Thank you, younger sister.” Merisa replied.
*****
Ten years earlier
Commander Saml, senior officer surviving among the Republic task group stared, desperately trying to find a way to strike back quickly, but nothing came to mind. The Admiral had off loaded all of the fighters to bleed the Mandalorians when they arrived, and the six squadrons had done that. Unfortunately the three squadrons of assault shuttles the Mandalorians had used had ripped them apart. They were slower, harder to handle, but their weapons fit had shredded the fighters as if they were wooden mock ups. That had left it to the big boys.
While the Republic force still had the edge in firepower it only mattered if they were in a tighter formation, not in penny packets like they were right now. The Mando would be formed up before he was, then split up attacking his ships from all sides, forcing them to fire in more than one direction, while the smaller ships could mass firepower against them.
The Mandalorians had gone insane! That attack on the ground murdering their own in the process. What kind of maniacs were they?
He checked the reports. Sentinel was heavily damaged, and her division mate Cascade was trying to stay with her, but the ship was still falling farther and farther astern. Reprieve was also heavily damaged, but her engines were not among those damaged systems. His own Thunder was least damaged of all because the Mando hadn’t targeted perfectly, three of their four attackers had targeted Gauntlet, the frigate they had killed. That left Thunder barely damaged and had cost them two corvettes for their rash mistake.
Sir!” The sensor officer brought up a screen. Despite, the crippled frigate in orbit was on the screen. Two corvettes approached her from astern, then began firing.
The ship was wracked by explosions shattering the hulk, then the guns turned on… “Gods.” Someone whispered. Saml didn’t reprove the man as every life pod that had not already reached the atmosphere was blasted into fragments. The two Mando ships slowed, and the rest closed on them.
“Time before we are in formation?” He demanded.
“Ten minutes, sir.”
“Time before they are?”
“Six minutes, and they will be within range of Sentinel and Cascade when they are.”
“Order Cascade to abandon Sentinel. Best speed to join up. We’re going for maneuvering room.”
*****
The transport speeder dropped the platoon of troops who immediately began to dig in. Assuming the Mandalorians were still headed for the camp, they were positioned to stop them. On the next ridge another platoon was digging in.
There was a flaw in their plan; the speed of advance had been predicated on what a Republic unit could do in the hour that had passed since the landing. The Mandalorians were much better. Sange looked at the men now blocking his retreat, and his team moved on their own course forward. But not without leaving a marker on the transport.
After all they weren’t going back that way.
*****
Roykirk glared at the screen. Provost Marshall Danzik was a fat oily man who had gained his position from political connections as Roykirk had. However Danzik didn’t have the belly for what was needed now.
Danzik was saying. “Admiral Dodonna is enroute, but will not be there for at least two hours. The task group we sent should have been adequate.”
“Your ‘adequate’ Admiral has already been killed along with over half of his task force! We need more ships, more men!”
“I can’t get you support any sooner.” Danzik replied. “I suggest you get into your command center and hold until relieved.” The holo shut off.
Roykirk snarled. “Call in all of the units. Deploy them to protect the base.”
*****
“Reporting.“ Sange’s voice cut into the stillness. Merisa raised a hand and 28 warriors froze into immobility. Their camouflage fields made them pools of water stood on end, just a slight wavering of the image that would go unnoticed unless the enemy‘s eyes were sharp. She looked around though her concern was unnecessary.
“Speak.” She ordered.
Instead of speaking, Sange sent the feed from the camera on his helmet. She bit back a curse at the scattered bodies. Some of them she recognized, had died throwing themselves between the guns and their comrades. The small team paced through the slaughter ground, and Sange stopped.
Kiara had a grimace on her face, as if she had been screaming at their enemy when she died. Sange, who knew the woman, bent, straightening her out as if for a pyre.
“No one has reported Kono or Zakal-” He paused. “Amendment. We have found Zakal. Still no word about Kono.”
She flipped the switch, and the feed went not only to her compatriots, but to the satellite and the ships above as well. Sange was walking toward the woman as if approaching an idol of an ancient god. He knelt, brushing her hair from her face. Zakal was almost smiling, as if she understood the joke that had been played on the Galaxy. Sange touched that face as he knew his leader would have wished to, then he bent, taking a small bread boarded panel from her hand.
“We have found no survivors.”
“Move to join us rapidly.” Merisa ordered.
“Chu!”
Merisa didn’t need to gauge her people’s anger; she felt it in full measure. The team moved at her signal.
*****
Sentinel tried to fight, but the Mando corvettes came in like a pack of hounds, ripping the larger ship apart for the loss of only one of their own. The survivors turned now to chase Cascade, which was still too far away to expect support.
Gauntlet and Thunder turned, moving to rejoin the stranded ship.
“Sir! Hyper transit, four ships!” The scream of joy died as the computers identified the ships. “Three Beskad class frigates and… A Basilisk carrier!”
Saml looked upon death, and grinned. “At least they’ll know they were in a fight. All ships, target the Basilisk carrier!”
The ships charged.
*****
Roykirk watched as the last of the Republic task group died, and knew he had lost. The Republic would be incensed, and gird themselves for the war with true vigor. But he might not live to see it. Still he had almost 500 men remaining, and unless they wanted to bombard him, they could not attack. After all there were less than fifty of those accursed Mandalorian troops on the ground. He could hold out until Dodonna arrived.
*****
Thirty-six Mando warriors settled in as Merisa scanned the headquarters bunker from about five kilometers away. It was a standard design battalion strength bunker, which meant that fully manned it would hold almost a thousand men. Large enough for the force they had already faced and decimated. How many of them remained?
But their prey was within; the commandant and his own pet thugs. The others would die because they were between the Mando and those that deserved death.
The problem was the six anti-ship lasers and the 24 anti-shuttle missiles set in three equidistant embrasures around the bunker.
Merisa turned. Thirty-six. Of her own squad only Sange and Tasha survived. Surilo still commanded her rear guard, but except for Tasha, the three heavy gunners were all from other squads. That was all they had when it came to heavy weapons and none had more than a single magazine remaining. Only four had grenade launchers but there were only fifteen rounds total among them. The rest had a blaster or projectile rifle with perhaps two magazines remaining and perhaps a pair of grenades each. Enough to break through, but to get out?
No way.
The communications dish was set up, and she connected a cable from her own helmet to it. The connection was swift. “Ground this is command aboard Tal Kar'ta.”
She recognized the voice. “Hello, vod. Finally showed up?”
“You know how I am.” Canderous replied. “I never miss a battle. Report.”
“Thirty-six effectives, threat estimated five hundred plus on the ground. The monsters that slaughtered our people are within. We have to get to them. We can get in, I cannot guarantee we will get out.”
“We brought Yaim Solus.” He replied. “Just give us a time.”
She checked her rifle. “Ten minutes from now.”
A whatever for the one that sees the pun in this one
This story gets more and more amazing with each chapter. *Grins* I love your descriptions, and you can truly write a space battle! If I were writing the story instead of you, I'd be like, "Hurga durga doo, the ship swung in close and then exploded the other one..." Well, maybe not that bad, but you get the idea.
The pun, I think, is either Yaim Solus = "I am Solo" or Han Solo
Either that, or Tal Kar'ta = Talon Karrde
Just my two cents. *plink plink*
This story gets more and more amazing with each chapter. *Grins* I love your descriptions, and you can truly write a space battle! If I were writing the story instead of you, I'd be like, "Hurga durga doo, the ship swung in close and then exploded the other one..." Well, maybe not that bad, but you get the idea.
The pun, I think, is either Yaim Solus = "I am Solo" or Han Solo
Either that, or Tal Kar'ta = Talon Karrde
Just my two cents. *plink plink*
Close Tys. It is linked to Yaim Solus
I did a quick google for Mandoa, Mach....and I did a simple translation of Yaim Solus...
Yaim means Home
Solus is each/individual/alone
They brought Home Alone? o.O I didn't think the Mandalorians would like Macaulay Culkin....
Is it, perhaps, that "ba'buir" means grandmother/grandfather, and Merisa responded with the words "younger sister?"
From what I've gathered, "yaim" seems to mean a place to be content with, a happy place, or something of the life, whereas "solus" translates as the number "one," or so Wookieepedia says.
At any rate, I liked the chapter, Mach, especially the scene describing the Mandalorian survivors inspecting the massacre sight. Rather gruesome (when one visualizes the scene, I suppose), but, to my distress, I could not find a translation for the Mando'a word of "chu." Would you mind posting the definition, or something of the sort? (Many thanks in advance)
I did a quick google for Mandoa, Mach....and I did a simple translation of Yaim Solus...
Yaim means Home
Solus is each/individual/alone
They brought Home Alone? o.O I didn't think the Mandalorians would like Macaulay Culkin....
close but no cigar. What no EU readers out there?
Is it, perhaps, that "ba'buir" means grandmother/grandfather, and Merisa responded with the words "younger sister?"
From what I've gathered, "yaim" seems to mean a place to be content with, a happy place, or something of the life, whereas "solus" translates as the number "one," or so Wookieepedia says.
At any rate, I liked the chapter, Mach, especially the scene describing the Mandalorian survivors inspecting the massacre sight. Rather gruesome (when one visualizes the scene, I suppose), but, to my distress, I could not find a translation for the Mando'a word of "chu." Would you mind posting the definition, or something of the sort? (Many thanks in advance)
It's my own Mando, Lit. I didn't find the equivilant of 'zu Beufel' (German meaning 'as you command') in Mando. But I can't picture a Mando trained warrior saying 'right boss' or something like that. I can see them snapping to and saying the equivilant of "Sir!"
I just finished reading the last of the chapters that you posted, and I must say that this fic is really impressive. The battle scenes are great, as well as the plot. That one word pretty much sums it up; impressive.
I look forward to reading more of your work!
She took the bread boarded circuit, linking it to her armor. Even in death, Zakal had defeated them. She motioned, and her people moved in closer.
The Republic had a long drawn out process for operational planning. The Mando, used the short form.
Merisa reset her transmitter to short range, less than 30 meters. First sending Zakal‘s treasure to all, so they knew what type of beast they faced, then she sent a schematic of the terrain and structure. “They have detachments, 200 here, here and here. We do not know how many are within.
“Surilo Zek Tasha, you have the heavy weapons. Stassi Magne, Jun, you have the heavy grenade launchers. You will position yourselves to attack the emplacements. Those guns and missiles have to be destroyed or seriously damaged. Once you have, run and hide.” She then targeted the door. “Once they have done that, the rest of us will assault here. We go in, capture this Di’kut who thinks we are playthings. Everyone else dies.
“As for the Di’kut, he is mine; or whoever lives in command to deal with him. Jump off in seven.”
They spread back out, the gunners with heavy weapons moving further a-field, finding their positions. The time stretched as it does in combat, seconds feeling like minutes, minutes like hours. Merisa had set her countdown timer so to her it was exactly seven minutes three seconds before she heard the thump of the grenade launchers.
*****
Lieutenant Costor paced. He was angry, but that was his natural state. The only reason he was here was because of the anti-vehicle lasers and missiles. That did not make him happy. Whatever those personal troops of Roykirk’s had done had driven the Mandalorians into a frenzy. They had whittled away at the survivors of the landing, but they had kept coming until maybe two hours ago, when contact had been lost. Would they come here?
No way, he decided. They had what, less than forty remaining out of almost 300? They would be insane to attack here.
He heard a thump from the distance, and spun. “What is that noise?” He demanded.
If he had known it would be the last thing he would ever say, he might have chosen something else.
*****
Tasha had targeted the fusion bottle driving the laser cannon. She knew the Republic surrounded them with packed earth berms, and knew the berms would stop any direct fire, but she also knew they left roofs off the bottle containment because the slightest impediment would stop them from blowing out upward as designed. However the Republic forgot one minor thing.
Most of the energy went upward, not all.
Her heavy blaster rifle spat four shots along the length of the fusion bottle. It might have survived one or two, but four slammed into it, causing a spike in the internal energy. That spike peaked almost 50% over the containment field.
Five percent would have been enough.
The bottle blew up, energy flashing out from it. 90% did go upward, but the ten percent was enough to turn the installation weapons and crew into plasma. Lieutenant Costor and the twenty men that manned the laser cannon and missiles were subsumed into plasma scattered by the missiles that exploded seconds later in the only grave they would ever have.
Within seconds, the three heavy blaster weapons had eliminated the guns and their missiles. Each of the men and women still had a dozen units of fire remaining and each of them focused on that fragile line that blocked their compatriots from their target.
Merisa wanted to scream at them, getting the six of them out would have been a small victory but she had known in her warrior heart they would not run. In their place she would not have. The fire ripped apart those facing them and 25 warrior reached that door.
“Time to dance!” Tasha screamed. Stassi, the grenadier with her, had fired her grenades not at the door, but at the 200 odd men station 200 meters west them, ripping the enemy formation apart, killing at least 50 of them. The remainder leaped to their feet, charging. Over the dedicated com channel she could hear Stassi screaming.
“Sanso, Devril, Maki, Verish…” A litany of her own squad mates and friend who had died on the attack, and two of those slaughtered at the camp. The grenade launcher fell silent and the woman flipped her rifle forward, now blasts of energy instead of grenades ripped into the men charging toward them, and still the litany continued. “Mako, Grieva, Maktiel…”
Tasha’s heavy blaster was empty and she threw it aside, the rifle she had picked up on the way swinging into battery. Her rifle spat projectiles, and the men charging fell like pins as she serviced her targets. Stassi’s rifle fell silent, and Tasha grabbed her shoulder. “We have to leave now!” she screamed. Stassi came toward her bonelessly, a round had blown through her chest, ricocheting off the back plate and through her neck. A bullet shattered her knee and Tasha grinned in pain and fury. “Keep my place, Stassi! I‘ll be right behind!”
She knelt, using the last thirty rounds to rip into their enemy.
Merisa pointed at the man sized entry way, ducking beside it as the warriors still carrying explosives began placing charges. They didn’t have a lot, but Republic design was so standardized that even a neophyte could blow the hatch. The last detonator went in,
and the team doubled back, stacking on both sides of the door. Then with a roar the hinges and lock blew free, the door fell with a clang and Merisa leaped in with a scream.
As each came through they covered a portion of the room, including above the door and the upper corners. The second team flowed past them.
Surilo was feeling his age. He was ten years older than Merisa, and had been looking forward to retirement. Sitting at home, training the young, watching the crops grow. That was what he had wanted mere days ago.
Jun who flanked him fired her last grenade at the second flanking unit, then flipped a Republic design rifle forward to begin firing. Surilo’s heavy blaster buzzed on an empty magazine, and he grabbed his own rifle taken from the enemy. “I’m dry!’ Jun shouted, throwing the weapon down, snatching out her neural disruptor.
“Time to go.” Surilo said, his own rifle empty. There were only twenty left, but the lack of fire emboldened them. Surilo turned just as a a blaster bolt struck the woman, blowing her leg off. Surilo didn’t even think about it. He caught her arm as she fell, throwing her over his shoulder. With her weight he only ran three paces before a dozen bolts and projectiles killed them both.
The assault team moved on. As they ran into resistance, they dealt with it. Not without losses of their own; the 24 that had breached the citadel fell to 18.
They took weapons from the dead, their own or the Republic, but they never slowed. Some of the Republic solders begged for mercy, threw weapons aside, surrendered.
They were given the same ‘mercy’ the enemy had shown their earlier prisoners. The only difference was these received honorable deaths.
Room by room they went through the massive building, and nothing lived where they had been.
Zek was the younger of the pair, but he had always been steady and cool. He stood, the heavy blaster at his hip tied into his HUD, and bolt after bolt shattered men rock or trees into flinders. Magne switched to his rifle, and precision fire ripped into the men running toward them. Zek added his fire as the heavy blaster died.
He went through the magazine, then threw the rifle aside. He drew his beskad as Magne did the same. “Come on!” He screamed. “Try killing a Mando’a who’s armed!”
The enemy ran forward, and the pair leaped into a run toward their enemy.
Excellent action scenes mach. Outstanding! Very entertaining chapter, I could see the Mandos spraying blaster bolts on the Republic, clad in their armor. Again, great job!
Captain Dono wanted to scream as his pad brought up the carnage. The damn Mandalorian scum had lost over 80 percent of their original force in the initial landing, and almost 90 percent before they had even struck here, yet nothing seemed to stop them! While a large portion of their remaining men had broken into the bunker six; only six had inflicted over 400 hundred casualties on his entrenched forces out here! Two of them armed with swords had gotten in amongst their attackers and between friendly fire and manic swordsmanship had killed almost fifty!
Now Commandant Roykirk was screaming for support, and all he had was one hundred effectives and about 90 wounded.
No help for it.
He began shouting orders. It was interrupted when someone screamed that something was coming down from orbit fast. Dono looked up, not knowing that it was already too late for him and his troops.
Roykirk flinched as the door into the corridor exploded inward, shrapnel from the explosion ripping through his guard. For a moment, there was silence, then a figure in green armor walked in.
“You’ve lost!” Roykirk screamed. “The galaxy will know of your treachery even if I die!”
The figure stopped, the remainder of the Mando, all eleven of them stepped in behind their leader. Merisa removed her helmet, her eyes cold, her grin something you would expect from a predator. “Zakal wasn’t just some woman in a hover chair, you Di’Kut.” She held up a small circuit board. “When it came to improvisation, she was a genius. She was also one of my best friends.” She keyed the small hand made recording pad. Roykirk listened in horror as every meeting he had with the woman was shown in full holographic glory.
“Wait! I’ll admit it all! I’ll testify! It was Provost Marshall Danzik, it was all his idea!”
“Among my people those who have sinned so greatly will fall on their swords. So their shame is expiated by their deaths.”
“I didn’t bring a sword.”
Merisa drew her sword. “I did.”
“I won’t pander to your barbaric customs.”
“Then you would rather be put down like a rabid animal?” She shrugged “As you will.”
“You can’t-”
“Can’t what?” She asked coolly as she stalked forward. “Gain revenge for a friend, a mother and a husband? Kill a prisoner as you have already done? And for what? A propaganda ploy? At least I will do it to honor their memory.” The man backed away, finally coming up against a wall. His hands came up, and her own hand fingers in a cone, snapped into his solar plexus.
His back slammed into the wall, and then he started to collapse forward to his knees. As he did she spun like a dancer, the blade rotating into an underhand grip as if it were a knife, her own knee hitting the floor, the hilt jammed firmly against floor as he fell forward onto the blade.
He screamed as it punched in under the sternum, and he arrested his fall with his hands. “P-please!” He begged.
“Unlike you, none of them pleaded, did they?” Merisa’s hand rested almost gently on his neck, then it drove down like a pile driver, shoving him completely down on the blade.
She stood, looking at him as the bunker shuddered. She looked up, then at the others.
They walked out. Almost 100 men, all with the shoulder flashes of Roykirk’s personal guard had been in the bunker. Now it was a tomb.
Outside, was crowded as a dozen Basilisks drifted over, blasting anything that moved. Off in the distance toward the camp the survivors could see assault craft landing. Off about five kilometers further on Basilisks were targeting vehicles Sange’s men had marked.
Merisa sighed, kneeling near the door. Sange had almost made it to the door, she had not even noticed his absence until they had reached Roykirk. Around her the others moved among their own death, stripping off armor to return to their families. She touched that beloved face, then lifted the pauldron from his armor.
A person came up behind her, and she looked up. For the first time in a long time she leaped into someone’s arms as she cried about her mother and friends in her brother’s arms.
*****
“Nothing alive.” Admiral Dodonna commented as her ships moved toward the planet. There was scattered wreckage from a fierce battle. All attempts at communication had so far-”
“Admiral, a repeating beacon in orbit.” The communications officer reported.
“Send it to my monitor. Record for analysis.”
The first part was confusing, visions of spinning a brief shot of a ship pulling away with her cargo bay open. Among the debris… She froze the image and leaned forward, Mandalorians in armor in stealth drop configuration. Then it steadied, with the camp at Sooribor in the center of the field of view. Blips enhanced by IFF showed the troops dropping silently from orbit. Then suddenly they were under fire with enough heavy weapons to give a division pause.
Somehow some of them survived. On the screen she caught sight of movement, and froze it again. These had no Mandalorian IFF. She pursed her lips, bringing up the resolution. Not Mandalorian design. They looked like Mastiff class assault speeders. Republic issue.
She watched as the speeders arrived at the camp, beads of men in armor with Mandalorian IFF dropped out, and aimed into the camp. They opened fire, slaughtering the prisoners and their Republic guards, then moved through to make sure everyone was dead before getting back into the vehicles to head off not to join the others, but to head…
A bunker ten kilometers south of the camp. It shouldn’t be there. It was illegal to build a defensive emplacement in proximity to the camp.
The next hours were a flurry of visions. The Mandalorian landing force marching toward the camp, then breaking into two groups, one to loop up and through the camp, the other bulling on with dogged persistence not toward the camp, but toward the bunker.
They had rejoined just short of it, then fire had erupted as the forelorn hope charged the bunker. Minutes later Basilisk war-driods dropped from an orbiting vessel as another channel opened.
A woman in Mandalorian armor connected a makeshift recorder and Commandant Roykirk condemned himself and Provost Marshall Danzik as he boasted about their ploy.
She would have expected it of either officer. Both were political appointments, neither competent as trained officers, both expecting political connections to make up for that lack.
Then the scene changed. A man’s face, almost 20 years older than herself stared out of the screen.
“I am Canderous Ordo, Clan Ordo, laamyc al'verde of the Mandalorian Protectorate. The proof rests within the bunker your own people built, surrounded by those who have earned their deaths. If you have had the honor to listen to the entire presentation, you know what has happened here, and what we have done in retaliation. If you have honor, we will face you in combat, returning honor for honor.
“If you have no honor, we greet you and return that if you wish. The choice is yours.” Then it looped back to the start.
Dodonna leaned back. “Lieutenant Casha.”
“Sir?”
“You will take a shuttle down to this location.” She painted the bunker on her screen. “You will proceed to the command center of that bunker. There is a hand made recorder there. You will bring it back to me in a sealed bag.” She looked at the young man mildly but something about that look drove a spike of fear through the younger man. “If I receive it damaged or changed in any way, you will suffer, because I already know what is on it.
“Do I make myself clear, Casha?”
“Uh, yes Admiral.”
Three hours later, Admiral Dodonna had watched the entire holorecord in the original, right down to the time stamp. As much as she wanted to say otherwise, Dodonna had to admit the honor in this situation belonged to the enemy. She went back to the bridge, and signaled communications to set up a holonet call to Coruscant.
The first face she saw caused her to want to reach across the net and rip his throat out. Provost Marshall Danzik glared at her as he snapped. “Report, Admiral!”
“Provost Marshall, get off my screen.”
“Admiral-”
“Danzik, I know what you have ordered. Either get off my screen or I will call back, directing this to the Chancellor!”
The call died, and she smiled. As threatened, the next call went to the Chancellor’s office.
*****
Now
Merisa finished the tihaar. Her brother’s eyes were dim with unshed tears. She looked at the others. Except for Manda’lor and the Republic commander, all were thinking of what had happened.
“What happened to Provost Marshall Danzik?” One of the children asked. Zakal, who had lived up to her namesake.
“We knew he would never get close enough for us to give him his due.” Merisa replied. “So we placed a bounty on him large enough to buy three ships like our guests arrived in. It took less than month before he was killed.”
“Good.” The girl snarled.
Just as an aside, I have a achieved a record here. This work has an average of 20 hits a day. Better than anything else I have done.
This great mach, your works continues to impress me. I really don't know what else to say, other than it was nothing short of great. This, was my favorite part in this chapter:
“Can’t what?” She asked coolly as she stalked forward. “Gain revenge for a friend, a mother and a husband? Kill a prisoner as you have already done? And for what? A propaganda ploy? At least I will do it to honor their memory.” The man backed away, finally coming up against a wall. His hands came up, and her own hand fingers in a cone, snapped into his solar plexus.
His back slammed into the wall, and then he started to collapse forward to his knees. As he did she spun like a dancer, the blade rotating into an underhand grip as if it were a knife, her own knee hitting the floor, the hilt jammed firmly against floor as he fell forward onto the blade."
She spun like a dancer. I like it, and would like to say that the last paragraph that I quoted is quite similar to a homeric simile.
Danika sighed, and Merisa looked at her. “It seems perhaps you have a story as well, Mand’alor.”
The younger woman poured a cup of her own full of tihaar. “I will tell of betrayal revealed, and the aftermath. Everyone wonders how I was able to convince those that followed me, 1500 Jedi marching to war.
“Every war has it’s battle cry, ours was ‘Remember Sooribor’.” She smiled mirthlessly. “We came into the war because of a lie. Over a thousand of those I brought died with that lie on their lips. A lie not revealed to me until Mando-Yaim.”
****
Four years earlier.
The Republic fleet came out of hyper space on the edge of the Mandalorian system. Revan stood on the bridge of her flagship, Tik Harvest Moon. She had not believed the name at first; A warship named after a fruit grown on one little insignificant planet in the Mid-Rim. Ah the wonder of political payoffs she considered. The only reason she had picked the ship was because she was the newest ship, needing the firmest hand. She listened silently to the reports. Twenty-seven ships, most still damaged at the victory at Malachor V. Facing over five hundred fresh ships.
She wanted to snort. Victory. Almost 700 Mandalorian ships dead, over 400 of our own in a debacle with all the grace of a tavern brawl. The Republic couldn’t afford another such victory.
They would fight if she merely went forward. Outnumbered outgunned, they would fight and die. In space, and on the ground. Men, women, even children. Part of her early in the war would have wanted it. Some wag in the Senate had said, ‘When this war is over, Mandalorian would be a language spoken only by the dead’.
She had learned better with the passage of time, seen the Mandalorians fight with honor, even in defeat. Seen too many of the Republic act like the monsters they painted their enemy.
Besides Marai had never hated them as much as the others had. She had spent years living among them with Master Kavar. She knew her enemy too well now to condemn them all, or paint them as monsters. She signaled the communications officer. She knew what she looked like, tall, slim, her figure swatched in red robes. “I am Revan Chadar Bai Echani. I challenge Mandalore to personal combat. Let none interfere.” The signal stopped and she waited. The challenge had to be answered, and by their own custom, could only be answered one way.
The communications officer signaled, and she replied with a wave. The man facing her was in his sixties, still hale and strong. “I am Jaral Borse, clan Krios. Mand’alor.” He said. “I will face you as honor demands. The location is being sent. One ship alone from each side will be allowed to approach. You may shuttle down yourself and your witnesses.” The com officer nodded.
“The ship will approach the site.” She ordered. “I will take four officers with me.” She handed the pad to Commander Baltar. “These four.“ Then she turned, walking through the ship.
Shuttles slipped between the ships, then Tik Harvest Moon moved. Forward. On the other side, preparations completed, the captured Coruscant Class cruiser Fondor, renamed Vikrant by her captors also moved forward.
The asteroid was huge, a dome set on one side. Vikrant slowed, and an assault shuttle launched, arcing down. As the ship moved away Tik Harvest Moon approached.
Revan watched as those she had called arrived. Admirals Karath and Dodonna, Commander Lazek, Jedi Knight Kollor. “You have been called as witnesses only.” She informed them. “This is not like a normal duel, the Mandalorians do not expect the witnesses to fight as well. Kollor, I wished you here because of all of our members, you have hated most. I want you to see how our enemy faces defeat. Admiral Dodonna, your son and daughter died at their hands. You were first at Sooribor to witness the worst the enemy could do. I wish you to witness the end of this. Admiral Karath, you have been among the fiercest of our warriors. I want you to witness the end and know that it is the end.”
“And why am I here, Fleet Admiral?” Lazek asked.
“Because I ran out of names.” She answered. The others chuckled. “Actually, Lazek, for a brief time I am appointing you governor here. You will see to dismantling the military might of our enemy. Now board, Admiral Lazek.”
She followed the others aboard. The shuttle had enough room for two score, empty with only these five. “Admiral Dodonna, if you would.” I motioned toward two of the seats near the rear, and my glare drove the others to sit further away. She nodded, strapping in and I sat beside her. I felt the shuttle lift, then slide through the permeable force-field.
“You puzzle me, Admiral. Of all our commanders, you seem to hate the enemy the least. I am not saying you are not efficient, you are an extremely efficient warrior.
“Yet when others, Karath among them have used the harshest methods in dealing with them, you never did. You spent time gathering life pods when enemy ships were destroyed, your medical staff speaks of you walking the sick berths, checking that all, not just the Republic wounded were well treated. You even slapped a doctor who used disparaging language toward them, and sent him packing with an efficiency report that landed him planet side and destroyed his career as a Naval officer permanently.
“What I want to know, is why.”
The woman sighed. “You Jedi were never told.”
“Told what?”
“The truth of Sooribor.”
“What truth?” Revan watched her. “Admiral, we are going to end this war in a few minutes. Do I have to drag the truth from you a sentence at a time?”
She handed the Jedi her pad. “The Republic did not sanction attacks in retaliation for what happened at Sorribor. The reason is was because the attack, the slaughter by the Mandalorians had been faked. A pair of ignorant fools set it up, butchered all of those prisoners and their guards as a ploy to stiffen the public’s spine. Read this.”
Revan took it, and scanned the pages, listened to the report from the Mandalorian satellite, the reports Dodonna had added.
She set it down, and in her chest she felt a chill. Almost 1400 of my fellow Jedi. All dead for a lie.
The shuttle landed, and they debarked. As was military custom, Revan was first to disembark. Across a field of grass the Mandalorian shuttle had landed. The Mandalore in his ancient armor climbed down, followed by half a dozen. She recognized only one face, the Admiral who had left the message at Sooribor. Canderous Ordo, Clan Ordo.
Revan stepped forward, her witnesses staying in a line in front of the shuttle. Mandalore walked toward her, bowing.
“I have never dueled in the Mandalorian style.” She said. “Are there any rules?”
“The last one to die wins.” He replied gruffly. Then he turned walking back toward his witnesses. She walked back, stripping off the cloak of her robe, handing it to Kollor. Then she spun, the blade a teal slash against the sunlight from the distant sun.
Mandalore drew his pistols, blaster bolts ripping toward her. She deflected them, then moved, running at an angle, forcing the man to turn to maintain his fire. She came to a wall, bouncing up and into a spiral, her blade deflecting every shot. She landed, a bolt hitting the ground before her, and she stumbled, falling, clutching her side. There was a cry from her side of the field, and she grinned. If she had fooled them…
Someone was approaching, and she rolled up, her lightsaber deflecting a shot from her attacker only ten meters away and she leaped again, foot hitting the wall somersaulting to land behind him, she swung, the blade sliding between the helmet and breastplate. Mandalore’s head and helmet fell forward as his body collapsed to it’s knees, then forward onto his chest.
She turned, looking at the warriors. “As the canons require, I have defeated Mandalore. I stand as your Mandalore now. Does any gainsay my ascension?”
The warriors knelt on one knee, eyes down. She nodded. “You will return with your ships to Mando-Yaim. There you will abandon every vessel larger than a customs boat.”
*****
Now Danika spoke in a whisper, forcing her audience to lean forward. “I felt that both of us, you and the warriors I had led, had been betrayed by those two monsters Roykirk and Danzik. But I had to go through the motions of punishing your people. That is why I ordered, as your Mand’alor, that you would have no honor until it was returned.
“In doing so I did you and your people a grave injustice. Most of your warriors fought with great honor, and I had stripped them of that with a word. I had not expected it to be so long. I was only meaning to keep it from you until I beat the Republic, until I had removed the kind of monsters who sat in the Senate and allowed the war to drag on through incompetence and favor.
“But I was ‘killed’ and reborn. The me that lives now owes your people justice for that grave dishonor. That is part of the reason I made your brother Mand’alor, Merisa. To give back what could never be taken without your allowing me to seize it. I ask him to tell them, tell those who have sunk into apathy that my last command as Mand’alor to those in this room is this; take back what is yours, and make me proud.”
The next day, the Ebon Hawk lifted off, bound for Coruscant. Merisa watched them go.
“We have our honor again mother?” Kiara asked.
“What she meant was we had never lost it, only forgotten that we had it for a time.” Merisa smiled gently. “So like Zakal she is. Now about that contract you have taken…”
Interesting turn of events. You really portrayed Revan's personality well in this chapter. You showed her as someone that is confident, knowledgable, and a great leader. Looking forward to the next installment!
A nice chapter, Mach, however, as I read, I discovered a discrepancy in the Point of View (moving from third person to first person): at first, when Revan's tale is being told, it is in third person, however, several sections (the following, specifically) are in first person:
I watched her. “Admiral, we are going to end this war in a few minutes. Do I have to drag the truth from you a sentence at a time?”
She handed me her pad. “The Republic did not sanction attacks in retaliation for what happened at Sorribor. The reason is was because the attack, the slaughter by the Mandalorians had been faked. A pair of ignorant fools set it up, butchered all of those prisoners and their guards as a ploy to stiffen the public’s spine. Read this.”
I took it, and scanned the pages, listened to the report from the Mandalorian satellite, the reports Dodonna had added.
I set it down, and in my chest I felt a chill. Almost 1400 of my fellow Jedi. All dead for a lie.
The shuttle landed, and we debarked. As was military custom, I was first to disembark. Across a field of grass the Mandalorian shuttle had landed. The Mandalore in his ancient armor climbed down, followed by half a dozen. I recognized only one face, the Admiral who had left the message at Sooribor. Canderous Ordo, Clan Ordo.
In the sentences both before and after, third person is used. Just wanted to bring that to your attention.
At any rate, I enjoyed the chapter very much, including the duel with Mandalore and Revan. I wonder, however, why Mandalore would use pistols against Revan? Also, the 'restoration' of the Mandalorian honor that was 'stripped' with their defeat was an interesting twist, and one that fits the personality of Revan (in my view, at least).
A nice chapter, Mach, however, as I read, I discovered a discrepancy in the Point of View (moving from third person to first person): at first, when Revan's tale is being told, it is in third person, however, several sections (the following, specifically) are in first person:
In the sentences both before and after, third person is used. Just wanted to bring that to your attention.
At any rate, I enjoyed the chapter very much, including the duel with Mandalore and Revan. I wonder, however, why Mandalore would use pistols against Revan? Also, the 'restoration' of the Mandalorian honor that was 'stripped' with their defeat was an interesting twist, and one that fits the personality of Revan (in my view, at least).
Corrected and thanks
As for giving them back their honor, if you have read my KOTOR novel, you will know that is exactly what my Revan did on the Rakata homeworld during the awards ceremony.
Interesting turn of events. You really portrayed Revan's personality well in this chapter. You showed her as someone that is confident, knowledgable, and a great leader. Looking forward to the next installment!I had actually thought of ending this here...
Am I going to get more threats if I stop?
Am I going to get more threats if I stop?
Of course. :xp:
Your choice really, either way is fine with me.
All right, if threats are possible I will agree if five new people complain
No, that's not fair! [/fan]
Either choice is fine with me, Mach: it's your story, and, at any rate, I've loved it. If it were up to me, I'd attempt to pursue writing a history of the Mandalorians, or another people, it seems. If not the Mandalorians, the Galaxy is full billions of planets, a good portion of which sustain life. Take your pick, and make something new! ;)
No, that's not fair! [/fan]
to Quote David Bowie from Labyrinth, I'd like to know what yu're using for a basis for comparison.
This isn't a complaint; I think you've wrapped up this story pretty well as it is. If it were your intent to finish the story where it stands... then that is exactly what you should do. The more story you add, the more it detracts from the quality unless you want to continue writing.
For me, Shrouded in Darkness hasn't yet covered certain objectives I still want it to, which is why it goes on. It's at a point where I COULD bring it to a conclusion, but I always intended for more story to be told.
If this story has reached its intended end, then anything else would detract from the quality. If you want it to progress even further, then do so; otherwise this is a very decent conclusion as it stands.
This isn't a complaint; I think you've wrapped up this story pretty well as it is. If it were your intent to finish the story where it stands... then that is exactly what you should do. The more story you add, the more it detracts from the quality unless you want to continue writing.
For me, Shrouded in Darkness hasn't yet covered certain objectives I still want it to, which is why it goes on. It's at a point where I COULD bring it to a conclusion, but I always intended for more story to be told.
If this story has reached its intended end, then anything else would detract from the quality. If you want it to progress even further, then do so; otherwise this is a very decent conclusion as it stands.
I don't know... I haven't had people demanding more of my work like this in years. So I'll leave it as I said. If we get five people who did not comment earlier asking for more I will continue. Part of what was happening during the interim before the return of the Exile is trying to write itself.
Why 5 people?
last was four.
Fair enough.
Hopefully more people make some comments. :D
*Ahem*
<fan!>
LOVEITLOVEITLOVEIT!!!!!!!!
I want MOAR! Rawr! ;)
</fan!>
EXCELLENT set of chapters, Mach. The battles were very vivid, the emotions and confusion of that kind of a skirmish well protrayed, even the characters we hated we could connect with....excellent story. :) If you have thoughts on were to go to finish wrapping this up, I say put it out. :D I'd love to read more.
If not....it was a great sub-story in the Knights timeline. :D
<threat(for posterity)>
And if you do decide not to write more....I'll cry. *nods sagely*
</threat>
*Ahem*
<fan!>
LOVEITLOVEITLOVEIT!!!!!!!!
I want MOAR! Rawr! ;)
</fan!>
EXCELLENT set of chapters, Mach. The battles were very vivid, the emotions and confusion of that kind of a skirmish well protrayed, even the characters we hated we could connect with....excellent story. :) If you have thoughts on were to go to finish wrapping this up, I say put it out. :D I'd love to read more.
If not....it was a great sub-story in the Knights timeline. :D
<threat(for posterity)>
And if you do decide not to write more....I'll cry. *nods sagely*
</threat>
All right, that's one, and you only count because you only made one previous comment.
Interesting turn of events. You really portrayed Revan's personality well in this chapter. You showed her as someone that is confident, knowledgable, and a great leader. Looking forward to the next installment!The Senatorial comment hearkened back to a comment made by Willam 'Bull' Halsey who is it is said commented 'When this war is over Japanese will only be spoken by the dead'.
Well we all know that Japanese is still spoken. :xp:
Interesting roots
Excellent next chapter, Mach!! You have shaped the characters and plot so much so that I can draw similarities to other historical events and how they repeat in Human nature. Excellent work, Mach! I look forward to more!
Now, for my fanlike threats.....
POST SOON! OR WE WILL SHOWER YOU WITH BAD REVIEWS, RAAHH!!
Excellent work!
Excellent next chapter, Mach!! You have shaped the characters and plot so much so that I can draw similarities to other historical events and how they repeat in Human nature. Excellent work, Mach! I look forward to more!
Now, for my fanlike threats.....
POST SOON! OR WE WILL SHOWER YOU WITH BAD REVIEWS, RAAHH!!
Excellent work!
Sorry Commander, I said 5 new, and unfortunately you don't count.
Aw well...what can I be then? The other newspaper critic?:D Well, I'll read anyways:D
Aw well...what can I be then? The other newspaper critic?:D Well, I'll read anyways:D Sorry, Commander. I said five new. The one vote I did count only commented once. I'm trying to get the lurkers off the fence this once
I'm a lurker? Okay, so be it....:D
I'm a lurker? Okay, so be it....:D If you were a lurker, the vote would have counted. You've read and commented on every section so far.
*Breaks into wild applause* mach, if this doesn't get picked for the 2008 Readers' Choice Awards, I'll eat my hat. I think that final chapter was the best one yet, the most intense in terms of psychological impact. My jaw hit the floor when I realized the rationale behind Sooribor, and it just goes to show you what some people will do in order to achieve their own ends and purposes. As for whether you continue this, I will leave that up to you to decide, but I think this serves as either a great ending or great transition...
*Breaks into wild applause* mach, if this doesn't get picked for the 2008 Readers' Choice Awards, I'll eat my hat. I think that final chapter was the best one yet, the most intense in terms of psychological impact. My jaw hit the floor when I realized the rationale behind Sooribor, and it just goes to show you what some people will do in order to achieve their own ends and purposes. As for whether you continue this, I will leave that up to you to decide, but I think this serves as either a great ending or great transition...
Thanks Tys. The only thing that bothered me was I couldn't think of a way to save Zakal. :(
I hadn't considered getting an award. I only got one for my pre-Republic work a couple of years ago.