My Machinima Comedy (it's only a script though, since I don't have to tools to make an actual machinima) (Hopefully someday it will be turned into a real machinima, instead of just a script/story)
The Noobaholics
By: Arcesious
(Note: I don't own halo 3 or a 360, nor do I have xbox live. I only have halo 1 and 2 on my Xbox. I'm simply well informed about Halo 3 and Xbox live, mostly from watching lots of Halo 3 videos and machinimas, and from reading all about the halo series on Halo's wikis.)
Halo 3 weapons, so you know what kind of weapons I'm talking about (
http://halowiki.net/p/Weapons)
Halo 3 armors so you know what the characters look like (
http://halo.wikia.com/wiki/Armor_Permutations)
Halo 3 maps... (
http://halowiki.net/p/Maps)
These are the stories of a not-so average team, whose goal is to conquer Xbox live and pwn all noobs. Their team is called: 'Drunk on Noobaholics'.
Starring:
Vince-
Appearance: Violet Armor, Normal Halo Spartan appearance.
Description: Vince is the accident-prone member of the team. He’s an average guy, except that he always ends up killing himself. He most often kills himself with a plasma grenade, because his Halo 3 disk has an unfixable grenade glitch that gives him infinite grenades.
Weapons of choice: Elite Beam Rifle, Needler, and Plasma grenades.
Extra: Grav Lifts
Steve-
Appearance: Silver-ish blue armor. Halo Rogue Spartan appearance.
Description: Steve is the serious, pro player of the team; beings extremely accurate with guns. He, however, is a horrible driver. Any vehicle he drives is bound to end up extremely banged up. He has failed Drivers’ Ed six times, but he always boasts that he’s good at everything, and never admits that he is a bad driver. He is the leader of the team.
Weapons of choice: Shotgun, Assault Rifle, and Frag/Spike/Fire Grenades
Extra: Trip Mines
Tom-
Appearance: Black Armor, CQB Permutation.
Description: Tom is the smartest and dumbest member of the team. In fact, he has a split personality. He has both an extremely smart and an incredibly stupid personality. These split personalities switch back and forth every 5-10 seconds. When he is smart, he usually helps the team greatly in whatever they do, but when he is stupid, he often ruins everything for the team. He almost never dies, however.
Weapons: Energy Sword, Carbine
Extra: Cloak
Joe-
Appearance: White Armor, Mark V Armor.
Description: The clueless noob of the team, Joe is often annoying, but very lucky in battle. He likes to use shields, and play forge games, where he often does really stupid things, such as exploit huge glitches in the game.
Weapons: Sniper Rifle, Rocket Launcher, Brute Shot
Extra: Bubble Shield, Deployable cover
______________________________________________
The Noobaholics
Episode 1: In the beginning…
[Narrator] Long ago, in a Halo deathmatch on Xbox live, not so far way…
[Starwars style text scroll, Narrator speaks in Morgan Freeman style voice]
[Narrator] THE NOOBAHOLICS
Four unlikely players are about to embark on the greatest journey of their lives. What awaits them in the mysterious lands of Xbox live? They are about to confront their greatest nightmares, pro players, armies of neverending noobs, and hackers of the greatest skill. Will they survive? No one knows…
Ah crap…
(Sound of huge explosion)
[Narrator (Who is Joe)] (coughs loudly and violently) (Speaks in high pitched voice and a low voice, which keeps cracking) Ah man! You ruined it! Why’d you have to shoot me! I’m trying to make a machinima you retard!
(Switch to Halo 3 ingame screen, in snowbound, Joe stands up.)
[Steve] (Looks at Joe) Dude… You’re a real noob. That is no way to start out a machinima. That really sucks.
(Silence)
[Joe] Your mom sucks!
(Vince pops in.)
[Vince] Hey Steve! How’s it going? Who’s the new guy? (Looks at Joe)
[Joe] I’m Noobpwner22.
(Vince looks at Steve)
[Steve] (Looks at Vince) Hey man! Glad you could make it. How about we kill this noob and go own everyone else?
[Joe, nervous voice] (Backs away, looks at Steve, and then slowly turns his head to look at Vince) Um… How about you not kill me, and we all go pwn some noobs?
[Vince] (Takes out Needler, points it at Joe) Sounds good to me.
[Steve] (Takes out Assault Rifle) Okay let’s do it!
[Joe, screaming in fear] PLEASE DON’T KILL ME! I’M SORRY FOR WHATEVER I DID! I’M SORRY I’M SORRY I’M SORRY!
[Steve] Say goodbye, noob.
[Vince] (Lowers his Needler) Hey wait a sec…
[Steve] What is it Vince?
[Vince] I thought I heard something next-door… And this guy’s voice sounds familiar to me…
[Steve] Ah it’s nothing, come on, let’s kill him before he runs away.
[Joe] Your name is Vince? The neighbor who lives next to me is named Vince! What a coincidence!
[Vince] Steve… I think I know this guy.
[Steve] How can you be sure?
[Vince] (Looks at Joe) Hey kid, what’s your real name?
[Joe] My daddy told me not to give out information to strangers. You can’t trick me, noobs!
[Vince] That’s it. You’re going down, noob. (Throws plasma grenade at Joe)
(Plasma grenade bounces off of wall and sticks to Vince, explodes.)
[Joe] (Points his sniper rifle at Vince’s corpse, laughs) NOOB!
(Vince reappears three seconds later.)
[Vince] I know him. His name is Joey. He’s some kid who lives next-door to my apartment.
[Joe] FYI, my name is Joe, not Joey. Noob.
[Vince, angry voice] If you call me a noob one more time I swear I’ll…
[Joe] Okay, sorry man.
[Vince] (Sighs) I say we let him be on our team. He’s not as bad as he seems. He's been able to play pretty good in other games, that and he's my nephew, living with my aunt and uncle in the aprtment next to mine.
[Joe](Joe runs around in circles, jumping up and down) Yay! I’m on the team! I’m on the team! Yay! I’m so awesome! I’m so cool! I pwn at Halo! Oh yeah! Yahoo!!!
[Steve] I dunno man… he seems pretty noobish to me.
[Vince] Come on man… He’s not as bad as… well… you know.
[Steve] Tom?
(Tom suddenly pops in.)
[Vince] What did I tell you about saying his name?! Whenever we say his name, he pops in and starts annoying us.
[Tom] (Moves his gun around rapidly and excitedly) Hey guys! Guess what?
[Steve and Vince together] What now?
[Tom] I’ve got Halo 3! I'm gonna pwn some noobs!
[Vince] (sighs) You told us that the last time you came. And the time before that.
[Steve] And before that…
[Tom] Sorry, fine sirs. I find that my… other personality tends to say stupid things at the worst times. It’s really aggravating…
[Joe] Who the heck is this guy?
[Vince] Oh, he’s a guy Steve and me work with. He’s on our team because we know him very well, and because he’s good half of the time, unlike certain noobs…
[Joe] That sounds really gay.
[Steve] Don’t be a smart-ass, kid.
[Vince] Yeah, and don't be dissin' the queer, Joe. That's mean and insensitive.
[Tom] What’s an ass? Is that some kind of squirrel?
[Joe] Sorry. I won't do it again.
[Steve] And now you see what we have to put up with.
[Tom] I like squirrels.
[Vince] Any second now…
[Tom] (Shakes head) Sorry about that… Again. None of those stupid psychologists ever help me. All they ever do is tell me that I need to ‘find my inner self’, and then they charge me a couple hundred dollars. Playing Halo seems to help me focus though.
[Joe] Lol.
[Steve] Lol indeed…
[Tom] What does lol mean?
[Vince] (Sighs)
[Joe] So... are any of you guys... well... you know...
[Steve] Are any of us what?
[Joe] (Sighs) Are any of you gays gay?
[Vince] No, but sometimes I'm not so sure about Tom.
[Joe] So what's the deal with Tom?
[Steve] Well he's got some sort of wierd super split personality disorder. He's a guy who as almost everything you could have wrong in the head... Almost every form of Schizo, A.D.H.D...
[Tom] I don't really like talking about this, Steve. Could we change the subject?
[Steve] Just let me explain it to the kid so he understands.
[Tom] (Sighs) Fine.
[Joe] So why is he like that?
[Vince] Well all three of us work at a beer factory together. One day, there was an accident.
[Steve] Tom hit his head on a pipe and fell in a vat of beer. He almost drowned, but we got him out.
[Vince] But not before he took in what must have been four gallons of beer.
[Steve] So because of that, he has permanent brain damage.
[Tom, yelling] We are... Drunk on Noobaholics!
[Steve] That's the name of our team, Joe. And we shall conquer Xbox live!
[Vince] And pwn all noobs!
[Joe] You guys are really wierd...
[Steve] Shut up, you noob.
[Tom] (Shoots his carbine around wildly) I see dead people! They're trying to get in my brain!
[Vince] So Tom is now permanently addicted to alcohol. But We're able to substitute it for him with Chocolate milk.
[Steve] Yeah, he can't tell the difference. But besides that, something good did come from it.
[Vince] Yeah, he also got this extremely smart personality, besides his dumb one. Without that other personality, he probably wouldn't survive. He wouldn't have been able to keep his job without it.
[Tom] I like beer... It makes me feel smarterer.
[Joe] roflmao.
(Fade out)
(That's the first chapter. I hoped you liked it. BTW, the worst language I'll use is stuff like 'crap' and 'ass', but not any worse. This will probably be a long series, perhaps of several seasons... I have a lot fo material to use...)