People of RD!!!
I need you all's advice
We are writing poetry books in english
and I wrtoe this one poem in about 10 min
(Mayhem and Tabby already read it)
And Its gonna be the last one in my poem book and I want it to be a good one
if not the best
here it is:
Last Regrets
I’m sorry for what I did
I didn’t mean to hurt you
Don’t look at me that way
Like I’m just another issue
Please don’t treat me like I’m nothing
It was all a big mistake
I’m sorry I didn’t live up to your standards
And I am just another ache
It started as a game
We didn’t mean any harm
But now I’m sorry I embarrassed you
And caused such alarm
They told me it was safe
And nothing could go wrong
But now as I sit here in this cell
I realize that this is where I belong
Please don’t be mad at me
As it is I feel bad
Because the sight of that boy, dying on the hospital bed
Made me feel really sad
I just took one sip
That’s all, I swear
But then they said, “Here! Drink more!”
Which is why he’ll spend life in a wheel chair
I was driving home from the party
When they crossed the street
And in my drunken stupor
I ran on to the blackened concrete
I am writing this now, in hopes I’ll be forgiven for what I’ve done
Because Mom, I didn’t mean to kill your other son
what do you think?
too sad?
too emo?
any changes?
Discuss!
Reporting you for murder brb.
Sentence structure in terms of a rhythmic pattern of syllables could use some work.
You got rhyme, which is good, good use of language, its like a mini-story, in the end, its good.
I wanted a little E.A. Poe
twist in there
here's a less emo one:
Live Life Today Like There’s No Tomorrow
Life is a precious gift
People just don’t accept that
When given an opportunity
They turn it down or out on to the doormat
Some people are rich
Others are poor
This is one of the many reasons
That this world is fraught with war
Everyone has their troubles
Will I make it through the week?
Does he really love me?
Why can’t she speak?
There is no perfect world
No matter how much you try
There will never be a day
That no one will cry
Life is so short
It never does last
Those who don’t realize that
Are the real outcasts
You must live life to its fullest
And take advantage of what you control
Accept the misfortunes in life
And let go of your soul
Work like you don't need the money.
Love like you've never been hurt.
Dance like nobody's watching.
And live life like it's Heaven on Earth.
What about that one?
huh?
comments or complaints
It almost seems like a song The Fray would sing. You should send it to them and have 'em take a look at it lol. And help you with it.
The guy that sing for the band is uber-white. Like vampire white.
You should write a villanelle. Those are rad and a great way to end a poem book.
Great way to end a thread, Jmac +10xp
The guy that sing for the band is uber-white. Like vampire white.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again Mayhem. Isaac Slade is the shiznit, don't be dissin' on him! -_-(tm)
That reminds me of why American kids have no legitimate reason to be pouty. ****ers.
To whom are you insinuating, itchy?
You should write a villanelle. Those are rad and a great way to end a poem book.
WTF is that, ave?
i hate the fray.
grrrr
How could you hate the fray?
They're awesome!
For the insult on the Fray tf, you must burn!!! :firemad:
DSP for you, Jmac!
Okay, I got a poem for the pics:
Dad was an NK high officer.
Dad flicked a cig in Kim Jong Il's elevator.
Dad and mom are dead
My sister and I have no legs now
Thanks, Dad.
^Lmao, good try though, for that, you get a beer!! :cheers:
Here's a poem. I would give you my rap from The Hunt is On, but it has the f dizzle.
SLINKIEEEEESSS
onmywrist.
They are multicolored.
AnD VaRiOuS SiZeS.
I have a UNIQUE sense of humor.
To wear these slinkies
on my arms.
nice
but i dont think mayhem would like it
but its original
:D
*Does the same as tf avy*
I dont hate the Fray, the guy is just very very very pallid.
Ohoh? PoetrySlam? Cant beleive I'm doing this ...
My LJ blog is better than yours
It has a shinier layout
Of it's superiority I can be sure
Be humbled I gave you a shoutout
It's pink and green and blue and grey
While you're without colorscheme
So hey just admit and say sometime today
That you're blog's blah while my blog gleams
:D
nice.
@ grey: thats me everyday...