First things first, I ask that you refrain making posts in this thread until I have posted some of my story. Any comments may be sent to me via PM or emaill but I ask that you do not post until I have said clearly that you may. Thank you for your cooperation.
Scratch that. You can post, ;) Cheers!
Well, I just have the basic idea, ATM, but I'm going to try to get the story out soon. I have experience in Fanfiction and Roleplaying (text RPing with other authors) on the Lord of the Rings Online message boards (I will not provide a link, but Google IS your friend. ;) My s/n there is "Aldenhier" in case you want to look me up! :P
Anyways, a disclaimer before we get started:
The plot of this story and some characters have been borrowed from Darkkender's THOR (
http://gbb.galacforums.com/darkkender/index.php)
) mod. I have received his permission and I am not stealing character names or storylines from anyone on purpose. However, if you are concerned that I may have used a character that you have in your story, please PM me here explaining your issue and I will attempt to change stuff around so that you don't have any more problems with my story. Now, let's get on with it.
My basic idea is a 12 changed to 14 year old Jedi Apprentice and his Master are sent on a mission. The Master dies (killed, murderred,etc... I haven't decided), but the apprentice is unable to send word back to the Council and vice versa, so he has to go through the mission alone. There is no telling whether or not he will stay on the path of the light, or get pulled back into darkness. (You'll figure out as the story progresses). Unkown to him and the council and everyone, the fate of the galaxy is in his hands.
I am going to begin work on this story now and will post chapters as they are completed. Of course, I may make modifications in order to improve the story line and/or allow something to happen later on.
Thank you for your time and I hope you enjoy!
-Yaggles
P.S. I'm a reasonably fast typer, so I may have something out in the next day or so, if I can get a firm plotline down.
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Kar the Apprentice
Ongoing Summary/Plot (Updated after every chapter; for you lazy folks!)
Kar is on a mission from the Jedi Council. After witnessing his master's death, he is taken in by a girl about his age named Ceran and an elderly chap named Benjamin, who is Ceran's father. Ceran decides to go on the journy with him and he chooses to repay her by training her in the force, although he himself still has much to learn.
Table of Contents:
All times below are KST (Korean Standard Time; GMT+9)
All links open in single posts in a new window, unless you have specified otherwise on your browser!
Preface (
http://lucasforums.com/showpost.php?p=2125017&postcount=2) - Last Updated on 07/20/06 - 22:40/10:40 PM
Chapter One (
http://lucasforums.com/showpost.php?p=2125478&postcount=5) - Last Updated on 07/31/06 - 11:14/11:14 AM
Chapter Two (
http://lucasforums.com/showpost.php?p=2151354&postcount=11) - NEW! - Last Updated on 08/14/06 - 21:52/9:52 PM
Edit: Email address snipped--Jae Onasi
Kar couldn't think. After what he had seen, his brain wouldn't function properly. He knew what had happened, yes, but his brain couldn't--wouldn't process it. His body was still, motionless, a black sillouette against the bright lights to his left. His lightsaber in hand whirred away as if nothing had happened. But something had happened. Something terrible. Something he would remember for the rest of his life. Jero, his Master, his mentor, his friend, and the person who had seemed the most like a father, had just been murdered. Murderred right before his eyes. And he had been helpless to stop it. Helpless against enemy, whose power greatly surpassed his own.
As his brain slowly began to work again, the reality of what had just happened, the reality of the disaster that would haunt his nightmares for many weeks to come, finally hit him. Tears began to run slowly down his slender cheek, pausing but for a second on his chin, before plunging down to the ground. As he regained control of his body, he deactivated his lightsaber, ran sleeveless arm across his cheek in an attempt to stop the tears, and fell to the ground.
How long he lay there he didn't know. At long last, he looked over at the corpse of his slain master and the one thought that came to his mind was no reassurance. The last line in the Jedi code. "There is no death... There is the Force." But, as he looked at his dead master, No, he decided. Dead is dead, no matter what some stupid code says.
Kar looked up at the stars. There were so many, he noticed. He lay there for hours until the stars began to disappear and the morning light was about to come upon the horizon. Only then did he close his eyes and let sleep take him away.
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That concludes the preface. I'll have more later. I have, after viewing other fanfictions, decided to ease up on my no-post rule. You can go ahead and post now if you want. ;) I will accept criticism, but please keep it constructive. If you find a problem but can't show me a way to fix it, I don't want to hear it. ;) Thanks!
Chapter 1 - Tough Decisions and a Big Surprise
The light of the three suns on the small planet of Candor were just beginning to appear on the flat desert horizon. As they slowly made their ascent over the sky, they revealed a young boy laying, asleep, near an older man. The older man, named Jero, had blood stains on his tunic. His lightsaber was laying a few inches away from his open hand. His eyes were open, the usual bright blue tint was now now a pale turquoise. His mouth was open in an endless silent scream, and his face was contorted not only in fear, but also pain. Jero's assailant was very skilled and knew the ways of the Force, but it had not used the conventional lightsaber. Puzzling as it may have seemed, the attacker used a rather simple vibroblade. Viroblades were known for being able to resist the weightless energy of the lighsaber.
Kar was absent, off running an errund that Jero had given him, at the time of the attack. He had walked into the door just at the end, just as the assasin's viroblade had sliced cleanly through his mentor's body. Mustering the Force to himself, he cloaked himself from Force detection and he stayed in the shadows. The assailant had a mask on and evidently that made it harder to see. He knew that it was no Jedi. But it may be Sith.
As he awoke, Kar stood up, attempting to rub the sleep from his eyes. He quickly made up his mind to hunt down and kill his master's murderer, even if it meant taking a break from his mission. The Mission. He had been relunctant to go. The first time he had heard mention of it among the older, more respected Jedi in passing conversations, he had hoped that he would not be selected. It wasn't that it was scary, just that it would be very difficult and would have a high chance of dying. Well, now he knew that that chance was more than fifty/fifty. After hearing from the council that he and his master were going to do this mission solo, he had tried to hide so that they wouldn't be able to go. But he soon learned that it is hard to hide from a force user.
Kar stayed there for a long time, until the suns were high in the sky. He finally mustered the strength to stand up. Turning, he pulled his master's body behind a trash recepticle, searched searched his tunic, and put all of the items that seemed useful into a small junk bag, which he hoisted uncomfortably over his shoulder.
As he wandered the city, staying out of the way of everyone, dodging between busy people on their way to and from work, he began to think. What was he to do? Should he seek out Republic-friendly people who could get him a ride back to any Jedi enclave? Or should he do the mission on his own? Kar knew that his master had been sending daily reports back to the members of the council. But the transmitter had been damaged. The Jedi knew which planet he and his master were on. If they didn't recieve word the next few days, he supposed they might decide to send a scout to see what had happened.
Kar sat against the wall of an older building, a shop. Next to him was a pile of empty crates. On his other side, he carefully placed his rucksack of various items, some his, some his master's. He put his head in his hands and sat there for a while, trying to clear his mind. He remembered the Jedi code. "There is no emotion, there is peace." His now dead master's voice echoed around in his head and he fought to keep the tears from his eyes just hearing that voice and knowing he would never see him alive again. But, he knew he had to clear his head. He knew that being afraid of what would happen soon, being angry at, or even hating, his master's murderer, would lead him to the Dark Side. But he had no intentions of being a Sith. He shook his head and tried again to clear his thoughts.
After a few minutes, the opened his eyes and looked up. No one had taken notice of him. All the better. He didn't notice that a small probe droid had developed great interest in him. As he stood up, he checked for both his own and his master's lightsabers. Both secured to his waist by a belt He grabbed his bag and stepped into the shop. The lights were off; apparently it was closed. But as he turned to go. He felt a disturbance in the Force. Turning, he heard himself say, "Who's there?" He felt his hand fly to his lightsaber. He couldn't see because all of the window shades were drawn closed. Reaching out with the force, he found a lightswitch on the the wall to his right and without moving from his position, he used the force to flick the switch. As the light immediatly illuminated the room, he noticed a girl, more or less his own age, over in the corner bound and gagged. Running over, he untied her hands and feet and removed the gag from her mouth. She tried to speak, but her throat was too dry. He ran to find water for her partched throat and spoke for the first time since his master's death. "Here, drink this," Kar said holding out the cup. She reached up, watching him warily for any sudden or suspicious movements. "Don't worry, I won't hurt you," he said quickly holding the water closer to her, his eyes encouraging her to drink. He saw her studying the liquid. "It's just water and nothing but water. Go ahead, drink," he said with a subtle tone of impatience. She slowly removed the cup of water from his outstretched arm, and he retracted his arm. The girl brought the cup to her lips and took a sip. Seeing that he was telling the truth, that there was no poison or bad chemicals, she dumped the rest of the water down her throat as if she hadn't had a drink for days. Placing the cup next to her, she smiled weakly and tried to sit up. "Thank you." She had a rough accent, and was hard to understand because of her hoarse voice. She was obviously not very fluent in Galactic Basic. But Kar had studied alien languages as a young child and knew many. Luckily he had studied hers, a variation of the Twi'leck's language.
Speaking to her in her native language seemed to make her less nervous and more sure of him. "Come to my house. I am sure you would like to know what happened and why I was bound here. I have been here for two days and not one person besides you has even visited the shop--and they have an excuse not to--" she added quickly as she glanced around. "But please, do come to my house. My father will be anxious to know that I am safe. There, I will tell you what happened to me."
Kar nodded. "Ok, I'll follow you when you're ready."
They walked slowly, as he had to help her along since her legs were unsteady. When they were about twenty feet from the door to her home, an old man rushed out the door and grabbed her. "Ceran! You're ok! Who's this? What happened?" Kar could tell that he spoke Galactic Basic fluently. He paused and turned to Kar. "Did you save her?" Kar nodded, and spoke in the old man's native language. "I found her in one of the shops about ten minutes ago. Her hands and feet were tied and she had a gag in her mouth." The man seemed surprised that Kar knew his language. "Oh, so you speak Pharian. That's how you communicated with her, I guess. Well, come inside. I want to know every detail!"
They sat around a table and waited as the old man brought out some snacks. Ceran, who, as she said, had just turned fourteen years old, began to tell about what had happened to her. She had been running an erand for her master to get supplies and overheard two strange men talking about a man named Revan, who seemed important. Kar's ears perked up and this. They said they were going to try to find his heir and turn him to the Dark Side, "whatever that means."
Kar broke in right there. "Those must be Sith. I'm a Jedi padawan, which is like an apprentice, and I'm on the same Mission. Except I'm not supposed to turn the heir to the dark side. I'm supposed to rescue him and take him back to Coruscant to the Jedi Council." He paused. "Sorry to interrupt. Please continue your story."
She continued on to say that the men had noticed her eavesdropping and had taken her to the old abandoned shop. They had tied and gagged her so she couldn't do anything but just lay there. They had left her for dead.
"Well," said Kar quickly. "It's sure good I found you. Because if not I would never know that I was going against the Sith. Where should I start? I guess before I can talk about the Heir of Revan, I should talk about Revan himself. Revan was one of the greatest Jedi of all times. He and his apprentice, Malak, were banned by the Jedi Council to take part in the Mandalorian war. The Jedi Master and Padawan went against the Council and during the war, they stopped on a small planet of Dantooine. There, they stumbled upon some ancient star map, a sort of treasure map. But the map itself was incomplete and wouldn't lead them to the treasure. It did, however, lead to four other maps, each on a different planet: Kashyyk, Tatooine, Manaan, and Korriban, a large Sith academy. These five maps contained a lot of dark power, and the two great Jedi were lured to the Dark Side. The maps, when all were combined into one complete map, led to the Star Forge. The Staf Forge was a large factory made by the Rakata, otherwise known as the "Builders". They completed construction of the Star Forge five years before the Republic was even started. But as I said, the Star Forge was a source of dark power, and the Rakata rebelled against itself and started a galaxy-wide civil war. When other races began to join in the war, the Rakata joined forces but were soon overwhelmed even when using the Star Forge. They were forced to go underground on their home planet, although I am not sure of it's name. Anyway, back on the subject of Revan, he and his apprentice found the Star Forge and unleashed its wrath upon the Republic. Another Jedi, named Bastila, had a unique power, called Battle Meditation. While she used her power, she could totally change the tides of war. The Jedi used her Battle Meditation to board the Sith Flagship and try to kill Darth Revan. Unfortunately, Revan's apprentice, Darth Malak, fired on his master's ship.
"The Jedi took Revan's almost dead body back to the Jedi Council. They wiped his memory, restored his life, and transferred him onto Bastila's ship at the last moment. Her ship was attacked by the Sith, and Bastila, Revan, Carth, who was the pilot, and a couple of the republic soldiers were the only ones to survive. They escaped to the nearest planet, Taris, in escape pods and sought to find each other. They hijacked Taris' crimelord's ship, and escaped the Sith. Taking refuge on Dantooine, where there was a Jedi enclave, Revan was again trained in the Force to become a Jedi. They hoped that he wouldn't turn again to the Sith. After training for a second time to become a Jedi, he was sent to examine some ruins, which were in a shared vision between Bastila and himself. They found the star map as well, and on a mission from the Jedi council, they flew to Kashyyk, Tatooine, Manaan, and Korribon to find the other maps and the Star Forge. When they were on their way to the last planet, they get sucked into the Leviathon, the Sith flagship. On board, Carth's old mentor, Saul, who betrayed the Republic, told Revan that he really was Revan. Bastila was taken captive by Malak, but Revan and his friends had to leave her. Revan stayed on the paths of the Light. When they had found all five maps, they flew straight for the Star Forge. But they crashed on the same unknown planet, owned by the Rakata tribes, the builders of the Star Forge. As he had done before, he found out how to disable the generator that prevented ships from reaching the Star Forge, repaired his ship, and fought with Bastila, who had been turned to the Dark Side by Malak. She had been trying to turn Revan back to the dark and told him they they could defeat Malak and rule the galaxy. But when she was about to die, she escaped and flew to the Star Forge. Malak told her to use her Battle Meditation against the Republic and the Sith again began to win. That's when Revan showed up at the Star Forge and brought Bastila back to the light side. She stayed and changed to using her Battle Meditation for the Republic and the Sith began to lose again. Revan continued on to find Malak, his old apprentice who had tried to kill him. Keeping with the Jedi code, he did not kill Malak as soon as he had the chance. Instead, he tried to sway Malak to the Light side. But when he failed, he had to kill him. Revan and his party returned as heroes for the Republic. Revan and Bastila were in love and got married. They had one child. But they were both killed after the child's birth. Now, the Jedi council wants us to find the Heir of Revan. For it is th Heir who will decide the fate of the universe. So here I am." He stopped and looked around. The story was long but his audience had listened.
Ceran frowned. "You were sent on this mission alone? No offense, but you're still just a teenager."
Kar shook his head at her. "No. I was not sent alone. But my Jedi Master, Jero. He was killed. Last night." He again had to fight tears.
"I am sorry, son," said the old man, who had identified himself as Benjamin. "Which reminds me, you haven't introduced yourself."
Nodding, Kar said, "Sorry, my name is Kar and I am 14 years old."
"Well, Kar," said Benjamin. "I have taught my daughter well in the use of a sword. Despite the danger, I would be willing to let her accompany you on your quest, if that's ok with both you and her. Maybe you can even teach her to use the Force when she is fighting."
Kar shrugged. "Well, she does seem to be Force sensitive. I only found her because she had a strong aura around her and the Force led me to her. Unfortunately, I haven't even finished training myself, so I don't know how much I'll be able to teach her. But I guess I can try if you would like me to," he said looking.
Ceran smiled. "I would be happy to accompany you and learn the ways of the Force." Her smile faded as she continued, "However, being a slave, I cannot leave. And I don't have any money to pay off my slavehood." Benjamin cut in almost interrupting her. "Ahh, but child, I have saved up a lot of money to free you so that you could be free. Something told me to hold onto it, that I'd know when it was time to spend it. And I guess my patience paid off."
Ceran's smile was soon back on her face. "Thank you dad!"
Bejamin smiled. "You're welcome, honey." He turned to Kar and said, "Well, son, you'd better go get yourself cleaned up a bit. You look in terrible shape. You go take a hot shower and I'll clean your clothes while you do so."
Kar nodded and waited to be led to washroom. After he had undressed, he left his clothes outside the door and stepped under the warm water, water feeling it trickle down all over his body. As he became clean, his features began to show through. His face, which had been tearstained and muddy, was now clean and smooth. His previously matted and sandy hair turned a dirty-blonde color. And finally, his bright blue eyes sparkled through. Kar dried off but his hair seemed to be plastered to his head with water. Using a comb, he brushed it forward and it reached past his eyes the water dripping down onto his nose and chin. Using his hand, Kar slicked the front hair to the side so it covered only the top half of his forehead.
He opened the door slightly and pulled his cleaned clothes inside the bathroom. Quickly changing into his Jedi Apprentice robes, he stepped out of the bathroom and made his way back to where Benjamin and Ceran were sitting. He noticed Ceran glance in his direction, only to look away quickly, her cheeks flushing.
yeah I have the problem where i start out going really good. And then I get impatient and want to leap to a more exciting part of the story and make everything go by really fast. Sorry. I will start trying to go back and add in some stuff to make it last longer! Thanks for pointing it out! :)
Ok I have changed around some of the wording to make some of it clearer. I'll be able to work on this more on Monday and maybe even get out a second chapter once I add in more for him to do in the first chapter. ;)
Cheers!
Alright... for more than one reason, I have changed his age to 14! One is just because it's easier to RP with mature characters than immature. And the way he is thinking is more like 14 y/o than 12 anyways. :) Cheers!
EDIT: Ok, I have done some thinking and finally have a mission for him to be on. He is going on the mission to find Revan's heir (not hair, heir, pronounced like "air" lol). Revan's heir shouldn't be much older than him, if not younger. :D Yay! :) Of course, if Revan's heir is DS, then Kar will be DS, and vice versa! :P
Ummm that's all for now. I need to do more work on Ch. 1 and then start Ch. 2. :D lol Sorry work's been slow. I'll try to keep this going because I like the idea! :)
I just redid my first chapter (it's not totally done yet) and added a summary and table of contents in the first post! :)
Ok I did my first chapter. (spoiler for those who haven't read it yet)
The second chapter will be where Ceran is freed from being a slave and something else might happen. *wink,wink*
Ok I have combined the past five posts taht I made, because I don't want to double post 6 times! :P lol
The moderators appreciate that. Keeps things neat and tidy. Thanks, Jae
Also, My next post will be chapter two. :) Cheers!
Here's chapter two! Sorry for the long wait. I had to do research on the 7 lighsaber forms and figure out how to add them into the training. HOpe I did well.
NOTE: I got the information on the 7 forms of lightsaber combat from Star Wars Knights (direct link).
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Over the next week week, Kar took the task of training Ceran to be a Jedi upon himself. She was a quick learner, and soon was very skilled in force control. Of course, since Kar had been in training for many years, she wasn't near as skilled he was after only one week. In their free time, they spent hours dueling and he had a great time teaching her to anticipate his moves. With him, he had a training orb, which fired stun bolts at the trainee. A lightsaber easily disinigrated the bolts, but if they hit your skin, they sent a sharp pain all through your body.
After about ten minutes of trying, Ceran was having a lot of trouble blocking the bolts from hitting her. Thinkg back to his training, Kar had an idea. Using a old tshirt as a blindfold, he tied it around her head, taking away her eyesight.
"Here, try this. It worked for me," he said with a shrug. Seeing her surprised look, he quickly responded, "You can't trust your eyes all the time. They will decieve you. Reach out with the force. Try now," he said.
"Are you crazy!? If I can't see, there's no way I'll be able to block these bolts!" Ceran exclaimed.
Shaking his head, Kar pleaded, "Please just try it. I promise it will work. Just reach out with the force. You can do it!"
Hesitating, but finally giving in, Ceran ignited her new tool: a green lightsaber. It had most previously belonged to Jero, Kar's deceased mentor. As soon as the blade began to emit its low, steady hum, beams of pure energy bolted toward her like lightenting. The first one sped past her defense, but it just made her more determined; she began deflecting them, one by one, until Kar turned off the training droid.
"See? What did I tell you?" Kar said matter-of-fact-ly.
"You were right, I admit. It was easier with my eyes shut than when I was able to see the bolts," Ceran said excitedly.
Throughout the next few days, they practiced using the Force to manipulate inanimate objects, such a small lead ball and a light peice of parchment. After the lighter objects, they tried moving chairs and tables. Finally, Kar decided that Ceran was ready for a friendly duel.
"You seem ready. Basically, we just go somewhere that is secluded and rarely visited. We duel until either of us surrenders, and the other is victorious. My master and I would do this regularly, so I have a special gadget here that will keep either of us from getting hurt, but will make the duel seem real. Do you know of any place that we could duel?"
"Well, we could use my living room. It is big enough and we don't get many visitors. Of course, you'll have to explain what's happening to papa, or else he may think we're actually fighting." She chuckled. "Well, I'm ready when you are!"
***
Less than half an hour later, Kar had activated and tested the stablizer, making sure neither of them would get hurt in the duel. Turning to Ceran, he removed his lightsaber from his belt. "Ok, I have thought about this a little bit, and I have decided that this will be more of a training duel, rather than an all out fight. The reason for my decision is that there are 7 forms of lightsaber combat. I will explain them as we go. Please take out your lightsaber and turn it on. Get into your battle stance and we'll start when you're ready."
Ceran removed her lightsaber from her makeshift robes and ignited the blade. "Ok, let's start!"
"Alright," Kar began, "Form 1, or Shii-Cho, is more of a defensive form, and is most useful if you are outnumbered, and most useful against blasters and other weapons that aren't lightsabers. It is the easiest to learn, so let's start off with it." He began by showing her the stance, and how to concentrate completely on letting the force control her lightsaber. It took about an hour for Ceran to get the hang of it, but once she had learned it, she was good.
"Wow, you're a really fast learner. We'll start back up tomorrow with Form 2, known formally as Makashi."
Eager to learn, Ceran woke up early the next morning and studied an old cyber book detailing the jedi forms of combat. She focussed mainly on forms one and two, but brushed over each of the others, just to see what she would have to learn.
Kar woke up at midday and found her still reading. "Ceran, it's good to see you so excited to learn. Come on and let's get form two down." Walking into the living room, they both ignited their weapons and Kar began. "Ok, Form II, Makashi, is going to be really easy for me to teach you, mainly because it was made spefically for fighting against other lightsaber users."
After learning that form, they were both exhausted, but ate a good lunch and were both ready before nightfall to learn the third form, Soresu.
"Form III, Soresu, was designed specifically for you to fight against blasters and droids with guns. Therefore, it will not require much exertion on my part, besides me showing you the form. I will activate the practice droid when you are ready."
After two hours of practice, she had mastered that form, and was able to successfully combat against Kar in the first two forms. He reviewed them so that she wouldn't forget them.
They both slept in late the next day, but when they awoke they were wide awake and ready to begin on Form IV, Ataru.
"Ok, we're almost halfway done! This next form is good against a single apponent, but don't even think about using it against someone that uses a blaster."
After learning form four, they went onto Form V, Shien, which is good against blasters and when outnumbered, although it is terrible when against a single foe. After that, they moved on to Form VI, Niman, which can be used in any situation, with no pros or cons. Finally, the last form, Juyo, or Form VII, is best against a very powerful single apponent, but isn't very helpful against multiple foes.
After mastering the seven forms, Ceran told Kar that she wanted to finally duel him. "Ok," Kar said with a shrug and a subtle smirk. "Just remember that I have had almost 10 years of experience, while you have had only the past few days to learn the Forms of Combat. If you insist that you are ready, meet me for a duel in an hour." He winked and walked off to get something to eat.
***
An hour later, both Kar and Ceran were sitting in the small living room. "Shall we begin?" asked Kar. Upon a nod from Ceran, Kar stood up and began talking. "Friendly duels are begun with each opponent bowing to the other and then walking to a designated spot on the field. Of course, since this isn't an official duel, and we don't have much room, we can just stand a few feet apart."
Kar ignited his lightsaber and stood in his battle stance in front of Ceran. She followed his example, and he let her make the first move. Parrying her first blow, he swung around to the right, catching her off her guard. Pausing the duel, he instructed her, "You are using the wrong form, from the looks of it, form three. Use form two, because it is for fighting against a single opponent with a lightsaber. Now let's try this again." He winked and got back into his battle stance.
This time, Ceran immediately went for his left side, and Kar easily blocked her. Her next move found their lightsabers locked together, hissing loudly at the contact. "You're doing well, and you learn quick. You may actually be able to beat me," he said as he pulled back and tried to slice at her legs. She easily deflected his blow and tried again for his side. This time, he felt her blade burn his clothing; she was so close to getting him. The adrenaline rushed through both of them as the fight continued. In the end, Kar won, but both were exhausted and each fell asleep on either side of the couch.
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Ok, I kinda rushed the duel, but I have been busy and wanted soooo much to get this chapter out because I had taken soooo long. So I may come back and lengthen the duel or something or maybe go into more detail with the combat forms. *shrug*
If you have any comments or suggestions or anything, feel free to post them. Constructive criticism please.