Been writing this for a while, actually. No idea why, and I want to make it into a flash cartoon. *dance* Here's Act 1!
~~~
PSYCHONAUTS: BASTARDIZED, ABRIDGED AND TOTALLY SCREWED UP
ACT 1: THE CONSPIRACY BEGINZZ!!1
OLEANDER: The brain is awesome. If you don't like it...then GO DIE! Alsothereisnolakemonster.
BOBBY: YUS THUR IZ!!1
LILI: STFU, n00b!
RAZ: OMGI'MFALLINGOUTOFATREEEEEEEEEEEE~!!!
SASHA and MILLA: *GASPPP!* *TELE-GRAB'D*
OLEANDER: REEL 'IM IN!
SASHA: It's too strong!
DOGAN: LAYKE MAWNSTAR! D:<
RAZ: [crashes into the stage] Ow.
KIDS: ...
RAZ: [is suddenly not injured] I'm not a lake monster! I am Raz, world famous detective. Except not.
EVERYONE: ...
LILI: [falls over]
EVERYONE: [stares at Lili]
SASHA, MILLA and OLEANDER: J00R NOT SUPPOZZED TO BE HEEEERRRE!!!1
RAZ: ...TOO BAD!
SASHA, MILLA and OLEANDER: ...Keke. But you have to bunk with Dogan.
RAZ: Dogan, you and I are gonna be the bestest buddies ever!
DOGAN: I love you too! <3
RAZ: oo;
TEH NEXT MORNING...
KIDS: WAYKE UP, RAZ! IT'S TYME 4 BASIK BRAININ', YO!
RAZ: KEKE!
LILI: I'm sitting in a corner so no one will notice me!
RAZ: HI LILI!
LILI: Damn it, I have been noticed.
OLEANDER: U 2 GET YER ASSES IN MAH HEAD!
KIDS: WHAT AB00T US?!
OLEANDER: I HAVE NO PLACE FOR CANADIANS!
KIDS: WE H8 U!
RAZ: Lmfao. Mental Dentist's Office.
OLEANDER: YOU, RUN TEH COURSE!
RAZ: KEKE! [runs course saying "kekekekekekekekekeke~!" the whole time]
OLEANDER: j00r more awesome that you say you are! ...Alsothere'snothingimportantinthatwhiteroomexceptmyplansto- and here's your Basic Braining badge!
RAZ: BADGE GET!
BOBBY: I'M GUNNA KEEL YOU, GOGGALICIOUS.
RAZ: OHNOES. :O
LILI: HEY LOOK EVERYONE, IT'S SASHA NEIN!
SASHA: [beams]
BOBBY: IWAZNTDOINANYTHING! [runs away]
SASHA: Here, Razputin. Have a button and something irrelevant to think about: ISOLAATIOOOOON. :D
RAZ: Irrelevance is awesome. I'm gonna go now. [walking through the woods] Doo deet doo doo.
LILI: HELL-O, SEX MUFFIN! :x
RAZ: OOC much?
LILI: Oh. Um. HELL-O TREESITTER! :/
RAZ: What the hell's a treesitter?
LILI: I have no idea.
RAZ: ...I'm gonna go now. KEKE?
LILI: KEKE.
RAZ: Doo deet doo doo!
SASHA: Razputin, I'm glad you made it.
RAZ: 7h47'z b3c4uz3 1'm t3h 4w3s0m3, y0!
SASHA: ...Never do that again.
RAZ: KEKE. So what are we going to do?
SASHA: We're going to use the Brain Tumbler for no specific reason.
RAZ: KEWL!
SASHA: [slaps the brain tumbler over Raz's head] BEGIN TUMBLING SEQUENCE.
RAZ: Wheee. [stuff happens]
SASHA: Now what do you see?
RAZ: A STUPID GYPSY CARAVAN. [kicks it]
SASHA: GO IN IT, YOU N00B.
RAZ: Oh. [does so] THERE'S REALLY BAD RECEPTION IN HERE! I WANTED TO WATCH AVATAR! [goes berserk and ends up in a giant broken eggshell] ...HEY LOOK A BUNNY.
BUNNY: FOLLOW ME AND MY TRAIL OF LOVY-DOVY HEARTS!
RAZ: LOVY-DOVY! CHAAAAAAAASE!
GLOWY-EYED FISH THING: RWARR! I AM EVIL!
RAZ: AN EVIL DEMON FISH! AHHHHH!!!
SASHA: HAAGN NO! :/
RAZ: *poof!* WHAT THE **** WAS THAT, MAN?!
SASHA: RUHE BITTE! I'm figuring that out. Give me some time...give me some space...how you reacted was right.
RAZ: Stop making Bjork references.
TWO HOURS L8R!
SASHA: Wanna learn how to shoot PSI blasts?
RAZ: TOTALLY!
SASHA: Well, too bad! You have to get a Marksmanship Liscence from Cruller, and he'll never give one to you. EVUR!
RAZ: [brandishes liscence] SHOWS WHAT YOU KNOW!
SASHA: :O Get inside.
RAZ: KEKE.
SASHA: I'll start you off soft, because slow and steady blah blahblahblah. [walks away]
RAZ: Screw that. [sets dial to DEATH]
SASHA: RAZPUTIN, NOOOOO!
RAZ: YAAAY!
HAWAIIAN DUDE: Flood o' Censors!
CENSORS: WE H8 RAZ!
RAZ: WITTY BANTER! [fighting stuff, plays ping pong with censor and wins] I WIN, BIOTCH!
PING PONG CENSOR: Nooooo. [dies]
SASHA: Look! It's the Mega Censor!
MEGA CENSOR: RWAGRRRGGG!!!1 [stamps Sasha]
SASHA: Owwie.
RAZ: Don't worry, Sasha. I'll save you. [stares at his ping pong paddle and decides to throw it at the Mega Censor's open scab]
MEGA CENSOR: Eh? [notices pink pong paddle] AAAHHHHHHRRRRGGGGGGG! [dies]
SASHA and RAZ: YAY!
RAZ: BADGE GET! <3
SASHA: Wanna do the Brain Tumbler again?
RAZ: Sure.
SO MORE BRAIN TUMBLING WAS DONE.
RAZ: BUNNY CHASE!
BUNNY: HOORAY!
RAZ: DEMON FISH KILL!
DEMON FISH: BOORAY.
RAZ: TOWER CLI- whatdehelizat?
DEHELIZAT: Punch me and I'll do things that make you float higher!
RAZ: FLOAT?!
SASHA: Didn't you learn levitation yet?
RAZ: Noooooo.
SASHA: Go see Milla and she'll teach you things.
RAZ: KEKE! [Raz walks to the lake, saying "kekekekekekekeke~!" the whole way there]
LILI: Hey, Raz!
RAZ: HI!
LILI: I made j00 sum-
RAZ: OKAY, so some odd minutes ago, I had this vision that no one saw part of because Mashi decided I should just tell you so that everyone knows that I followed this bunny and I killed a demon fish and ended up at the creepy tower of thorns and I heard Dogan cry "WA-GWAHH!" and this dude with a shower cap and a claw was all "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" and then Sasha was all "GO LEARN LEVITATION" and on my way here Dogan came out of the lake and he was all "LOL, HACKYSACK!"
LILI: So he likes hacksack. Big deal.
RAZ: Also he had no brain. I think the shower cap dude took it out.
LILI: OHEMGEE. I JUST REALIZED I HAD THE SAME VISION.
RAZ: ...I love you.
LILI: NOT YET. GOD. D:<
RAZ: Oh. :C
LILI: Anyways, I says we rendevous back here tonight. I'm going to go jump in this boat and go away now. [does actiony jumping-in-boat sequence]
RAZ: Have fun.
MILLA: So did you come to learn levitation, Razputin?
RAZ: What else could I do in the middle of the lake with you?
MILLA: You could...not learn levitation? O_<;
RAZ: I'll go for the former. :/
MILLA: Good choice!
RAZ: YAAAY! I'M GONNA GET EATED!
MILLA'S PSYCHO-PORTAL: [eats Raz]
RAZ: Whaddoeyedonow?
MILLA: [disembodied and/or on TV] Well, there's several techniques we must cover, including:
Walking
Running
Bouncing
Bobbing
Weaving
Parachuting [or whatever]
Upgrades like Wrecking Ball
Stuff You Can Levitate Over
Gun Control
Etc.
Blah Blah Blah.
I'm Annoying. xD
RAZ: ...Keke.
MILLA: Soooo, go do things. I'm at the other side of here. So go find me. :3
RAZ: KEKE. [levitates everywhere saying "kekekekekekekeke~!" the whole time]
MILLA: Levitation is fun, ne?
RAZ: I think I can overcome my curse/fear of water no- [falls in water] HEEELP! I'M DROWNING!
MILLA: O_O;;;; [backs away slowly]
L8R!
MILLA: NOW IT'S TIME FOR THE RACE.
RAZ: But I'm emotionally unstable at the moment.
MILLA: Well, you can beat Bobby at this race for great justice. Take off every zig.
RAZ: Works for me.
BOBBY: I will win this race, because The All Holy Apple Pie says I will.
RAZ: DON'T LISTEN TO PASTRIES! D:<
MILLA: Okay, fire the ceremonial cannon when I say three! One-
CANNON: [fires]
KIDS: [race]
MILLA: Th-three? Oo;
ANNOUNCER: Aaaaand it's Raz and Bobby going past the blinking neon things of brightness and they're going at it bumper to bumper like I'm reporting the traffic. I'm not very good at this announcing thing! And now they are nearing the finish line!
PHOEBE: No, they're not!
ANNOUNCER: Oh. Well, they're still going at it, ladies and gentlemen.
PHOEBE: Who are you anyway?
ANNOUNCER: THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT. What's important now is that...Bobby is trying to kill Raz with a- with a ballpoint pen.
PHOEBE: ODD MISCHEVIOUS GREMLIN.
ANNOUNCER: OMG INDEED. But Razputin thwarts said attack with...a ping pong paddle?
PHOEBE: A FURRY KEWT HAT!
ANNOUNCER: No, a ping pong paddle.
PHOEBE: Yes, it is.
ANNOUNCER: And they're fencing with common household items whilst racing on their thought bubbles. Amazing, ladies and gentlemen.
PHOEBE: This is the greatest day in levitation racing ever.
ANNOUNCER: That's right, Leslie.
PHOEBE: It's Phoebe. Phoebe Love.
ANNOUNCER: ...Rlly?
PHOEBE: Yeah. Hey, lookie. Raz won the fight AND the race.
AUDIENCE: HUZZAH! DOUBLE POINTS FOR THE GOGGLE HEADED KID!
MILLA: And now you can levitate all you want, dahling! ^^;
RAZ: BADGE GET! :D
MILLA: Also, Cruller told me to tell you that you need to see him about...getting another badge! SO BYE NOW. *TELE-THROW!*
RAZ: [falls down a stump] Badge get again?
CRULLER: Yes it is. Here, now set stuff on fire.
RAZ: BADGE GET AGAIN!
SUDDENLY THERE WAS AN EXPLOSION THAT FLUNG RAZ INTO SASHA'S LAB SOMEHOW.
RAZ: HI SASHA! :D
SASHA: Oh, goodie. I'll turn on the brain tumbler!
RAZ: Yayayayayayayay! </billy> I'm climbing ze towah.
DOGAN: TV. [drools]
RAZ: Oh yeah, shower cap head shoved your brain down that chute over there. [points] Better go and-
LILI: ZOMG I'M IN THE OTHER ROOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMAH.
RAZ: ZOMG LILI'S IN THE OTHER ROOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMAH.
LILI: THANK YOU CAPTAIN OBVIOUS!
DR. LOBOTO: AND NOW I SHALL REMOVE YOUR BRAIN, BUT FIRST WHO WANTS TEA?
LILI: ME.
DR. LOBOTO: Too bad, it's not really tea. Anything else?
LILI: Breadsticks?
DR. LOBOTO: NO.
LILI: But I like breadsticks. ;~;
DR. LOBOTO: Fine, I'll make breadsticks. But no sauce.
RAZ: NO SAUCE?!?//!!1? OUTRAGEOUS, I MUST RESCUE YOU, LILI.
LILI: I CAN'T HEAR YOU. :D LALALALA~!
RAZ: I better go save Dogan's brain now. [falls down the chute] OH MY G(OSH)!
BLUEPRINT TANK: WHIRR! [fires lazers]
RAZ: U SUK, TANK. I BAT YU. [brandishes ping pong paddle] THUNDAKATZZ!! OHH!!1
BLUEPRINT TANK: *'SPLODERZ!*
RAZ: [stares at ping pong paddle] I WIN. But what the hell was that tank for anyway? ...WAIT A FUKKON MINNIT. OL-
SASHA: Raz, I have to leave on official Psychonauts business!
RAZ: Can I tell you something first?
SASHA: NO. D:< [leaves]
RAZ: ... [notices Sasha forgot his Psycho-portal] You forgot your Psycho-portal! ...That's mine now. I better stick it in my backpack so I don't lose it. [does so, and finds a strip of bacon] Hey, bacon! Where did I get bacon?
RAZ IS FLASHING BACK! OHMAN.
CRULLER: I'm giving you this bacon so we can communicate with one another.
RAZ: HOW THE HELL DOES IT DO THAT?
CRULLER: ...Steam punk. Wizardry. :/
FLASHBACK NO MORES.
RAZ: Oh, yeah. I remember now. The squirrels gave it to me because I'm their god for some reason.
CRULLER: BACON?! *foam*
RAZ: Hey, Cruller. ^_^; How come you're in my head?
CRULLER: That's not important right now. You need to save Lili before she specifically gets kidnapped by a mutant lungfish.
RAZ: DUDE, YR SO CRAZY!! :D *lol, letigre rockout!*
CRULLER: JUST GO TO THE LAKE!
RAZ: ...Keke. I need to deliver this sauce to Lili anyways. She is sauceless. Breadsticks need sauce. *cry*
L8RING!
RAZ: Hi, Lili! I got you sauce for your breadsticks. It's maranaira. AND I WANT A BREADSTICK, DAMMIT.
LILI: TISSUE. (That was supposed to be an exaggerated sneeze.)
RAZ: GESUNDHEIT. Cuz, I know German.
LILI: EVERYONE DOES. ALSO, DANKE. AND NO, I DON'T HAVE BREADSTICKS. CAPSLOCKLOL.
RAZ: HEE. UR SIK. WHADDOWEDO?
LILI: Make out? :x
RAZ: Keke. Right after I give you this suspicious flower that just happend to appear by my feet two seconds ago!
LILI: Awwthx. <3
HULKING LUNGFISH: GWARRGGHH! [eats Lili and walks away]
RAZ: *sob* NOOOO! FORGIVE ME, PIZZA FORT!
TOBEY CONTINUED!
~~~
ACT 2 COMING DANGEROUSLY SOON!
Leet Circus.
I'll get the link all up ins, I swear this time.
XD
That would make a good flash cartoon! *steals script... Hamburglar style*
Leet Circus.
I'll get the link all up ins, I swear this time.
I'm aware the 1337 circus exists. I read it. I was there.
Oh.
Well I can ride the plagiarism boat to Aquabat Island, and steal a bass guitar.
Or something, I can't understand the theme song.
ANYWAY ITS JUMP TIEM
That was only one act. Darn! Still awesome though. Sounds much more entertaining then Iron Chef America's new season. EVERY OTHER FLIPPIN EPISODE IS BATALI! I WANT TO DESTROY MARIO BATALI!!!
Freaking awesome XD
I LOVE YOUR DIALOG MASHI
That was only one act. Darn! Still awesome though. Sounds much more entertaining then Iron Chef America's new season. EVERY OTHER FLIPPIN EPISODE IS BATALI! I WANT TO DESTROY MARIO BATALI!!!
There's three acts of Psychonauts-y goodness. I just need to finish them.
As long as they're not a long as March of the Penguins.
Oh man March of the Penguins?
I was playing Half-Life 2, amidst Ravenholm, standing atop a roof, waiting at a gutter and headshotting some zombies. I run out of shotgun ammo. No worries, I use my pistol. Uh oh- gone. 357? Exhausted. SMG? You wish.
Grenades! I unholster one grenade, rolling it down the gutter right into their faces, leaving a flaming wreck and impeding their process. I go into the elevator now that it's arrived, however, there's a black headcrab there. Right as it jumps up and attacks me while I have nothing to use but a crowbar, my entire family screams, because of the scene where that thing eats the penguins.
I'm like "JESUS CHRIST" and I run out.
Unfortunately there was a fast zombie at the bottom of the elevator who kills me.
:|
That was weird. I mean That movie was too long and too boring. And kinda sad too, Morhgan Freeman said the words 'Most of them will die' at least five times during the movie.
These are zombies. Most of them will die. BY MY CROWBAR/ARM APPENDAGES
Do you dream of ponies, Cheez?
...
It involved...
Let's pretend I didn't.
You are acting very masculine, which often means you hiding somthing very feminine.
Hey kids. ACT 2 IS HERE. With special guests Bill Cosby and Strong Bad...I'm not sure why.
~~~
ACT 2: LET'Z SAYV MAH GURLFREEND!!1
RAZ: Lili...and after all we've been through together. [flashbacky images of her calling him a treesitter, conversing by the lake and then her getting eaten by the hulking lungfish fade in and out] WHY DO I CRY WITH SO MUCH SADNESS?!
CRULLER: Because you're a pansy.
MEL: 'Sides, you were a bit early with the ship.
RAZ: Ship?
MEL: Romance pairings. Like in Lost, there's LockexRosseau.
RAZ: LOCKEXROSSEAU? EEWWWWW.
MEL: YOU'RE SO HURTFUL. *sob*
CRULLER: Now you just need to save Lili. For real this time.
RAZ: Consider it in progress
CRULLER: There's a submarine over there if you need it. Which you do. Because you can't swim.
RAZ: Nope. Curses suck.
CRULLER: Yes, they do! Now get down there.
RAZ: KEKE. [goes in the submarine] Oooh, pretty dank water. [falls into a large bubble] OW.
HULKING LUNGFISH: GWARRGGGGHH and stuff.
RAZ: Alright, gimme my girlfriend!
HULKING LUNGFISH: NO. :D
RAZ: DAMN YOU, WHATSYERNAME, YOU WIN THIS TIME.
HULKING LUNGFISH: My name's Linda and I've been brainwashed! :D
RAZ: WELL, PREPARE TO BE...NOT...BRAINWASHED. WOW I SUCK. [throws Psycho-Portal on Linda's head]
LINDA: What? No incredibly awesome epic battle thing?
RAZ: NO. I H8 U! D:<
[insert loading screen here!]
RAZ: Hiya, lungfish ppl!
LUNGFISH PEOPLE: Hi, Goggalor! :D
RAZ: I'm going to destroy your way of life now!
LUNGFISH PEOPLE: Then, we're gonna hafta sic Kochamara on you!
RAZ: Go sic whoever you want! I'm gonna break people out of jail! BWAHAHAHA.
*BOOSH!*
LUNGFISH REBELLION: Freedumb!
RAZ: Yeah! :D
LUNGFISH REBELLION: Here, have a shiney floating purple thing so you can do stuff for us!
RAZ: BADGE GET?! O:
LUNGFISH REBELLION: Yes, now there's a wall of lazers you have to blow up using that thing and...then you have to do other stuff.
RAZ: When do I get to beat up Kochamara?
LUNGFISH REBELLION: WHEN HE ARRIVES. D:<
RAZ: I SHALL DO THINGS THAT ANNOY PEOPLE UNTIL THEN! RWARRRRRRR!
ANCHORFISH: WE INTTERUPT THIS PROGRAM TO BRING YOU A SPECIAL LUNGFISHOPOLIS NEWS BULLITEN! GOGGALOR IS DESTROYING THE CITY JUST TO PISS US OFF! Now here's Bill Cosby with the weather.
BILL COSBY: I hate Goggalor! He's got the goggles and the psychic powers and the booted feet and, d'aww, you know what I'm talking about.
ANCHORFISH: Okay, that had NOTHING to do with weather. This has been a Lungfishopolis News Bulliten. Now back to your regularly scheduled whatever the hell it is you're watching right now. :/
RAZ: Alright, I freed your men, got on that blimp, stepped on tanks, blocked missles, got all 4 vegetables/eskimos in vegetable themed sleeping bags and defeated the super-unbeatable-pteranadon-of-death.
LUNGFISH REBELLION: What did Joust and Ice Climber have to do with anything?
RAZ: I don't know.
LUNGFISH REBELLION: Skee. :/
RAZ: What do I do now? My spirit has been crushed by Bill Cosby.
LUNGFISH REBELLION: Take it out on Kochamara, he's at that island over there.
RAZ: Okay. [walks across the sea] How come I'm not drowning? Oh well.
KOCHAMARA: I AM KOCHAMARAAAAAAA.
RAZ: OH MY GOD, YOU SOUND LIKE OLEANDER. IN FACT I THINK YOU ARE!
KOCHAMARA: THAT IS BECAUSE I'M ME!
RAZ: OH MY GOD, YOU ARE OLEANDER, IN FACT I THINK YOU SOUND LIKE HIM!
KOCHAMARA: What?
RAZ: AHA! [throws a telephone pole at Kochamara] I win.
KOCHAMARA: Oww. I suck. [dies-ish]
RAZ: Now I got a mind to liberate and a girlfriend to save!
LUNGFISH REBELLION: I thought you said she wasn't your girlfriend.
RAZ: I screwed up the plot. Now, GOGGALOR AWAAAAAAYS! [trips over a wire and falls on top of the tower somehow]
BILL COSBY: [in a helicopter with Anchorfish] Yee-hah, Goggalor impaled himself. You know with the tower, and the pointy things and the stab-
ANCHORFISH: Shut up, you pedophile.
BILL COSBY: I did NOT sexually harrass that woman from Canadia, you know with the sex and the double-meanin' phrases and- YAHHH! [Anchorfish pushed him out of the helicopter] This is racism, with the fighting and the hating crime and the prejudice. [hits the ground and dies]
ANCHORFISH: Actually, Goggalor is okay!
RAZ: I'm okay!
LUNGFISH PEOPLE: HUZZAH!
LINDA: Thanks, Raz!
RAZ: No probalo, Lydianne.
LINDA: It's Linda.
RAZ: Right. Now, would you kindly tell me where you just happened to have my sweet lemony gumdrop of love, Lili Zanotto?
LINDA: Uhh, was that the girl I just kidnapped?
RAZ: Yes.
LINDA: Right! She's at the asylum! I shall attempt to take you there.
RAZ: How?
LINDA: Well...uhh. [eats Raz and swims away]
*spoo!*
RAZ: Awesome, yet dank. I heart you Linda!
RAZ/LINDA SHIPPER: Yay!
LINDA: Here, Razputin. My gift to you is this Lungfish call.
RAZ: Kewl.
LINDA: BAIBAINOWZ. [swims away]
RAZ: Hey, look! It's Lili's bracelet. [picks it up and sniffs it] Her wrist smells like...a wrist!
RANDOM CROW ABOVE RAZ: Caw caw!
RAZ: Looks like I'll have to climb. Or I'll just use some combination of my acrobatics and psychic powers. [does so] Huzzah!
CRULLER: HI! NEW BADGE!
RAZ: What is it?
CRULLER: INVISIBILITY. [spits it out]
RAZ: Thanks. BYE.
GATE GUARD: [writes on the wall]
RAZ: Hey, idiot!
GATE GUARD: Schiggity, schiggity, schwah!
RAZ: Eh? Wot? Oo;
GATE GUARD: Oh. Sorry. My name's Boyd, I guard the asylum!
RAZ: O rly?
BOYD: Yah, rly.
RAZ: No wai! Can I go in the asylum? My girlfriend's in there.
BOYD: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO apunchupatawedding.
RAZ: You seem mentally unstable.
BOYD: I'm not mentally unstable. I'm insane and paranoid!
RAZ: Exactly. Which is why I must fix you! PSYCHO-PORTAL GO! [throws the Psycho-Portal at Boyd]
BOYD: AHHH! Stop throwing things on me!
RAZ: [goes inside] Y halo thar- OH MY GODS.
G-MAN #815: You're under arrest for...being you! D:<
RAZ: But I'm on the road crew.
G-MAN #815: If you're on the road crew, then where's your stop sign?
RAZ: ...I left it in my other pants? ^^;
G-MAN #815: Oh. Here's a replacement and thanks for working on the road crew with us.
RAZ: Yay.
BOYD: The Milkman is dead!
RAZ: I DON'T CARE!
BOYD: There's something in the fridge for you.
RAZ: [goes to open it] Hey...badge get. [sneaks off to the graveyard, grabbing some flowers along the way]
GRAVEYARD: [is a chatroom]
RAZ: I am a greiving widow. I've come to see my wife.
GRIEVING WIDOW G-MAN: R U a lesbian?
RAZ: *widower. Daggg. D:<
GRIEVING WIDOW G-MAN: O. makes sense 2 me.
RAZ: [sets tomb on fire] Hey, a book! *tele-grab!*
POLEEZ G-MEN: j00r UNDER ARREST!
RAZ: FTW? [thrown into Boyd's house]
BOYD: Did you get arrested? :C
RAZ: Yah.
BOYD: Oh. Sorry. Here's a rifle.
RAZ: Sweet! I can take this out on the G-Men, right?
BOYD: No, it's fake.
RAZ: That's uncool.
BOYD: Also, for holding said fake gun, you obtain -10 mentality.
RAZ: Also uncool.
BOYD: Now go get the Milkman.
RAZ: You said he was dead.
BOYD: Oh...well...YEAH! :D
RAZ: I'm going to the post office to make an international phone call.
G-MEN: Sorry, that's only in Germany.
RAZ: Ah well, I'll go bother a Rainbow Squirt.
RAINBOW SQUIRT #42: HELLO, WOULD YOU LIKE SOME COOKIES? :}}}
RAZ: My life is a dream filled with sunshine and chocolate chip cookies. [a sign flashes on the bottom saying "Raz's mentality is DWINDLING!"] Because I'm Abel Dimitri Rewanz [sprouts spotted wings off his back and head, the sign flashes "WOAH WTF?"] and this is my life story!
RAINBOW SQUIRT #42: Okay, weirdo. I'm so not telling you where the Milkman is.
RAZ: THE MILKMAN?! Who ees thees Meelchmahn you speek uv? [sign appears again, once again flashing "I'm losing IQ points just listening to him."]
RAINBOW SQUIRT #42: Well, he's supposed to be sleeping forever or we're all doomed!
RAZ: Doomed, you says? [sign flashes "are you deaf?"] I like doom. I shall doom you now! [sets her on PSI fire, sign flashes "now that was smart! :D"]
RAINBOW SQUIRT #42: AHH! I'M ON EFFIN' FIRE! STOPDROPROLLSTOPDROPROLL!
l8r sum mor!
ASSASSIN G-MAN: Hello, fellow assassin. Help us take out the assassin Rainbow Squirt.
RAZ: [doesn't have wings anymore] Keke. *sheild'd*
EXPLOSION: [explodes]
G-MEN: Where is the Milkman?
ASSASSIN RAINBOW SQUIRT: *kamikaze'd*
PHONE: [says "BRRRRING" as if Strong Bad said it]
RAZ: Hullo?
BOYD: ESEZXYUUZ ME SRR b00T IZZ UR RERFRIJRATOR RUNNINGINGK?!/11
RAZ: Oh, hey Boyd. Or should I say "Royd"? m i rite? O:
BOYD: WELL TEN DUN LETT DA BEDD BUGGZZ BAYT!!11
RAZ: Ohoh, hilarious. Stealing lines from Arfenhouse.
BOYD: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!
RAZ: I'm going now. *click* And now I work for the phone company!
PHONE CO. G-MAN: You can play on the telephone wires now! :D
RAZ: I'M SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG!
JOEL: SUUUUUUUIT!
RAZ: SHUT UP.
JOEL: [backs away]
RAZ: I smell cookies! :3
RAINBOW SQUIRT #23: Oh god, it's that guy who thinks he's Abel from Dan and Mab's.
RAZ: [his wings sprout again, this time with wiggling tendrils] I WANT YOUR SOULZ!
RAINBOW SQUIRTS: AHHHHHH!
DEN MOTHER: RUN 4 DA BAYSEMENT. THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
RAINBOW SQUIRTS: *kamikaze'd!*
DEN MOTHER: Or...you can do that! That's fine. :[[[
RAZ: You got any peanut butter cookies?
DEN MOTHER: YAH BUT THEY'RE NOT 4 U, DEMONSPAWN! [throws knitting needles at Raz, Sheik-style!]
RAZ: Owowowowowow, YOU JERK.
DEN MOTHER: [runs for the basement]
RAZ: [chases her]
DEN MOTHER: You weren't supposed to follow me!
RAZ: GIMME COOKIEZ.
DEN MOTHER: NEVERRRRRRR.
RAZ: Then I'll steal your SOUL!
DEN MOTHER: NO!
RAZ: COOKIE!
DEN MOTHER: NO!
RAZ: SOUL!
DEN MOTHER: NO!
RAZ: COOKIE!
DEN MOTHER: NO!
RAZ: SOUL!
DEN MOTHER: ...
RAZ: COOKIE! SOUL! COOKIE! SOUL! COOKIE! SOUL! COOKIE! SOUL!
DEN MOTHER: STFU. For the love of the Milkman who happens to be over there.
RAZ: MILKMAN?! Ohyays. [walks over to the Milkman's glass thingie]
DEN MOTHER: Wait, what are you doing?
RAZ: Letting him out.
DEN MOTHER: WHY?
RAZ: TO UNLEASH THE DOOM!
DEN MOTHER: Wha? NOOOOOOOOOO.
RAZ: Ohh, I'm gonna let him out. [motions his hand over the lever]
DEN MOTHER: DON'T DO IT!
RAZ: I'm not listeniiiing~! [begins to pull the lever]
DEN MOTHER: NO! STOP! STOP!!
RAZ: TOO LATE! [breaks open the glass with a hammer]
DEN MOTHER: NOOOOOO WE'RE ALL DOOMED NOW!
RAZ: YAY!
MILKMAN: LOLOLOLOLOLOL!
RAZ: BOYD? NOOOOOOOO.
MILKMAN: Death and destruction doth come to those who do not drink my milk.
RAZ: Oh. Can I have some then?
MILKMAN: Sure, you DEMONSPAWN. [hands him a bottle]
RAZ: kthx. [scrutinizes the bottle] Hey, this isn't milk. This is a bomb. ...OH****! [throws it in the general direction of the Den Mother]
DEN MOTHER: *'splode!*
RAZ: [somehow regains mentality] I just made a mind more chaotic. Huzzah!
BOYD: Whee! [opens gate]
RAZ: Screw you, I KEN FLIE! Oh...wait. I only have wings in your mind...and now you're doing questionable things to that statue. I'M GOING NOW [walks away]
GLORIA: I like plants!
RAZ: Good for you! [throws Psycho-Portal on her and goes in her mind]
GIRL AS FLOWER: Hi! I'm Gloria, or at least I act as her in this play!
BECKY: I'm Becky. I do director type stuff. [shouts into the megaphone] BRING OUT BONITA!
RAZ and GIRL: BONITA? O:
BONITA: Ahh! :3
RAZ: Eww, man voice!
JASPER: GO HOME, YOU NO-TALENT...PERSON!
BONITA: *sob sob sob*
RAZ: U SUK JAZPER!
BECKY: WE H8 U! D:<
JASPER: LOLOL, I totally rawk! ^_~;
RAZ: No, you don't.
JASPER: Alright fine. I'm going to tear down this theatre, not caring if you or these losers are inside it.
RAZ: Well...you're a doucheclown.
JASPER: How about you just randomly go around and gather the scripts for me?
RAZ: What scripts?
JASPER: The ones randomly laying around.
RAZ: ...I have something else to do now. [pulls out the bacon] Cruller, can I have a new badge?
CRULLER: Suuure you can. [spits out a yellow badge] How's TK sound?
RAZ: Team kill?
CRULLER: No, TK. Telekenisis
RAZ: Ohhh. THANKS.
CRULLER: Bye. [leaves]
JASPER: Anyways, SCRIPTS ARE RANDOMLY LYING AROUND. PICK THEM UP.
RAZ: Yes, sir? O_o;
RAZ PROCEEDS TO PICK UP SAID SCRIPTS IN AN ACTIONY MANNER. No one cares about the mood light. Ever.
RAZ: I found one. [holds up giant book]
JASPER: ...Don't give it to me, give it to what's-her-face.
BECKY: MY NAME IS BECKY. I'm the STAGE DIRECTOR!
JASPER: No, you're the mommy, I'm the daddy [points to Raz] and you're the immigrant maid that works for no pay and gets framed for mommy's death.
RAZ: Oooooh, THAT should be a play.
BECKY: ...As long as we randomly impliment Bonita in there.
JASPER: She can be the daddy. :/
RAZ: WE'RE THEATRICAL GENIUSES!
BECKY: Hey, you stupid kids. Get off stage.
KIDS DRESSED AS FLOWERS: Awww. [sulk offstage]
BECKY: You, go write.
RAZ: Kay. [runs off]
JASPER: And I'll...sit here because I'm stuck.
MASHI: Wait, that's not what happened at all!
RAZ: Screw you. D:
MASHI: [sighs] Alright, Jasper's the phantom.
RAZ: What phantom?
JASPER: Oh noes, you found me out even though I didn't do anything suspicious!
MASHI: YOU DIE NOW!
RAZ: No. I wanna kill him. I got TKO.
MASHI: Just TK.
RAZ: Whatever. [lifts up a row of seats and tosses it at Jasper] I win. Get me out of here.
MASHI: On your own, bud. [vanishes]
RAZ: Yay. Smelling salts time...I wish I'd gotten them in the beginning.
MASHI: [reappears] Knew I forgot somethin'. [hands him the smelling salts] Happy Birthday, Raz.
RAZ: It's my birthday?
MASHI: Yes. Every day is your birthday. From now on. Forever. More. I said so.
RAZ: Well, that's enough reason. I'm going now. [eats smelling salts and vanishes in a puff of smoke]
BACK AT THE ASYLUM...
GLORIA: Here, the whoever-you-are, have a trophy!
RAZ: Cool! Two more and...[thinks for a second] stuff'll happen!
GLORIA: Bye bye now! [skips off]
RAZ: Kay. [goes inside the asylum, REALLY!]
FRED: I'M FRENCH, I'm not French, I'M FRRRENCH.
CRISPIN: Make up your mind.
FRED: FRENCCHHHHH. Not French.
RAZ: I'll fix this. [tosses Psycho-Portal on Fred]
FRED: OMFG.
RAZ: HEY IS THAT A BOARD GAME? IS THAT NAPOLEON? A LADDER...COVERED IN CHOCOLATE?!
FRED: No. We haven't gotten the chocolate because me and Napoleon here have been locked in a battle of wits for thoooousands of years.
NAPOLEON: Hours. Not years, you ninny.
FRED: It's all the same to me.
RAZ: I'm going to make this as short as possible, because I have other things to do.
FRED: What are you going to do?
RAZ: I'm going to kill Napoleon. It's the only way.
FRED: Really?
RAZ: No. I'm actually just going to screw up the game board. [jumps into the game board]
NAPOLEON: What is he doing?
FRED: Uhhhhm, I have no idea.
RAZ: [knocking over every single gamepiece]
NAPOLEON: It looks like he's trying to ruin our game.
FRED: ...Yep.
NAPOLEON: THAT TOTALLY RENDERS ME INEXISTANT!
FRED: SWEET. :D
RAZ: *pant pant* THOSE THINGS ARE HUGE.
FRED: But the important thing is I'm sane now!
RAZ: I love the fast way! [jumps out of the game board] VICTORY DANCE ON THE MOON!
THEY DO SAID VICTORY DANCE UNTIL THE ASYLUM FADED BACK INTO EXISTANCE. MY WORDS ARE SO PRETTY.
FRED: Here! Have a warm coat!
RAZ: That's a straight jacket but okay! [snatches it off Fred] I wonder why people keep giving me things.
FRED: It's your birthday, remember?
RAZ: Oh yeah. How do you know?
FRED: Cat-lady.
RAZ: Always the cat-lady.
CRISPIN: HELLO DR. LOBOTO! Where's your head?
FRED: Oh, riiiiight. You need to go upstairs and...save your girlfriend! Right after you do something else.
RAZ: Stop...ruining it!
FRED: [sadly] Sorry. Edgar's upstairs. I'm going to sulk. Right here. On the floor.
RAZ: Have fun! [skips away to upstairs] Are you Edgar?
EDGAR: Yes. I am building a house of cards. Nor sure why. I should be painting. Because that's what I do. I paint.
RAZ: Oh. Well...can I have an art request?
EDGAR: Actually, I'm busy painting a commission for the man who brought me here. He wanted me to paint him in his own image.
RAZ: Shower cap dude?
EDGAR: Yes, he...does wear a shower cap. That's one of my troubles with the piece. Also the image of a bullfight keeps vandalizing it, so I hope that he'll pay me enough to buy new paints and canvases.
RAZ: You shouldn't talk anymore.
EDGAR: Ohh.
RAZ: [throws the Psycho-portal on him] Ooh, shiney blacklightness. I wish I had glowsticks.
EDGAR: Here. [tosses him a couple of glowsticks]
RAZ: Sweet. It's RAVE TIME. [holds out the glowsticks, triumphantly]
EDGAR: Sorry, no rave.
RAZ: Awww.
EDGAR: You have to fix my...problem.
RAZ: You don't seem insane. So I don't know what's wrong, besides the painting vandalizing which I don't know the reason behind.
EDGAR: Well, it's a long story...[quickly] back in high school I was the greatest wrestler ever! And I had a girlfriend, and one day I went to a tournament and she went to go hit on other guys, so I got sad and melancholy. [normal speed] The end.
RAZ: ...Good story.
EDGAR: And it's 100% true.
RAZ: So...is that her up there crying cherry blossoms, which are actually a japanese kinda thing?
EDGAR: Yes. And I NEED CARDS.
RAZ: Why?
EDGAR: To climb up to her.
RAZ: Whatever, dude. [walks off]
TINY HANDS STRONG BAD: Hey, you. With the gear.
RAZ: Me?
OLD TIMEY STRONG BAD: We hear you are looking for the cards, sir.
RAZ: How would you know that, old timer?
(THE REAL) STRONG BAD: We know everything. And we're gonna be all up ons you if you don't give us some Cold Ones.
RAZ: And what are those?
STRONG BAD: ...Never mind. Me and my otherlies are going to fight you...in a battle...of wits.
RAZ: Oh, I'll win that easy. I'm a psychic, you know.
STRONG BAD: Crap! RUN AND DITCH THE CARDS! [runs off, leaving behind two blacklighted cards]
OLD TIMEY and TINY HANDS STRONG BAD: AHHHHH! [do the same]
RAZ: ...Well, that was eas- AHH! [gets run over by the pink bull] Spine...hurting...
l8r again!!1
RAZ: Well, that was semi-uneventful and I need to go to the chiropracter.
EDGAR: O rly?
RAZ: Yah rly. And here's the cards you ordered.
EDGAR: Yzay! [builds a giant tower of cards]
RAZ: I'm going to a rave now.
EDGAR: But there is ONE MORE THING...you must do.
RAZ: And that would beeeeee?
EDGAR: Defeeeaaaaattttt the Matador.
RAZ: O rly?
EDGAR: And...umm...LOOK SHINEY GREEN THINGIE! [points to the left of him]
RAZ: [looks] It is shiney and green. IT'S A MERIT BADGE! [clings to the giant merit badge] My life is complete. Actually, no it's not, but still.
EDGAR: Now there's a ladder you have to go climb a-
RAZ: Is it covered in CHOCOLATE?
EDGAR: No.
RAZ: Thank the gods. [walks off]
EDGAR: ...Keke.
SO RAZ WENT UP THE LADDER AND REALIZED THERE WAS NOTHING THERE.
RAZ: There's nothing here. EDGAR LIED TO MEEE.
EDGAR: Sorry, I meant that other ladder.
RAZ: ...Keke. [falls off the building and climbs the other ladder, which is on the building directly next to it] Oh, there's a conveniently placed portal over here. [jumps in it]
MATADOR: LOLOL, I am going to win j00r heart!
LAMPIDA: Yay. D:
RAZ: Not yay.
MATADOR: Not yay? But the bull's over there, that's total yay.
RAZ: No, that's total not yay.
MATADOR: What are you trying to say? I'm going to slaughter this bull, even though he has a striking resemblance of Edgar!
RAZ: O rly?
MATADOR: Yeah, that "o rly" thing is getting overused.
RAZ: LET'S SETTLE THIS DISPUTE...WITH BOMBS! [throws a confusion grenade or five]
MATADOR: LOL, I'M TEH BULL.
EDGAR: Which makes me not the bull? [transforms back to human Edgar] Oh. Anyone got a knife?
RAZ: Nope. There's a harpoon thingie...over there. [points over there]
EDGAR: Geewwwd. [grabs one and stabs the Matador repeatidly]
MATADOR: Owowowowowowowowow.
LAMPIDA: OHNOES. J00 KILLED MAH BOYFRIEND.
EDGAR: I WAS YOUR BOYFRIEND. D:<
LAMPIDA: YOU WERE A SUCKY BOYFRIEND!
EDGAR: IT WAS YOUR FAULT. NOW DIE. [sends them down the pit of despair type things]
LAMPIDA: AHAHHHHHAAHAHAHAHHHHHAHHAHAHHAHHAHHHH!
EDGAR: SCREAMING WON'T HELP YOU. EVER.
LAMPIDA: Actually, I'm screaming because my head's about to fall off.
EDGAR: I don't care. [closes the trapdoor]
RAZ: We're done! [exit minding]
EDGAR: Now lemme finish this painting of Dr. Loboto and you can give it to him. Orrrr you can use it for some sort of disguise to get up the elevator without Crispin knowing it's you.
RAZ: So that's why people are giving me things!
EDGAR: By the way, it's not your birthday.
RAZ: I know.
EDGAR: Oh, carp. I messed up his goggle eye.
RAZ: No, you didn't.
EDGAR: Yes, I did.
RAZ: JUST GIMME THE PAINTING. Geeeez.
EDGAR: K. [hands over the painting]
RAZ WENT BACK DOWNSTAIRS.
RAZ: Y HALO THAR...uhh...CRISPIN.
CRISPIN: Yes, Dr. Loboto, greatest brain surgeon IN THE UNIVERSE!!
RAZ: Yessssss, I'd like to use mah elevatooor. Right now. As in right this minute.
CRISPIN: YES SIR. <3
RAZ: Also, I want you to jump into the lake.
CRISPIN: YES SIR! [goes to do that]
RAZ: Well, that was easy. [goes in the elevator] Now the hard part is figuring out how this elevator is supposed to operate. [stares at the obviously labeled switch "pull down to go up, you n00b"] Yeah, that's a toughie. I say we cut away.
[cut to black]
EDIT: Error fixed. Raz should have all the badges now.
l8r again!!1
RAZ: Well, that was semi-uneventful and I need to go to the chiropracter.
TRULY great! The bull! The chiropractics! And the ensuing space battle that happened on the way over here!
Ok, it's cool because it has Bill Cosby! But where is the talk of the crazy sweaters and the kids say the darndest things and the delicious jell-o pudding pops?
WATCH THIS GET IGNORED FOR TWO MONTHS AND THEN GET FINISHED WITH A TERRIBLE ENDING!
~~~
ACT 3: TEH SUPAA KONKLUZHUN UV DEATH!!1
LILI: Hi. I wasn't in the last act, but I want you to listen to me because I can force you to, SO YOU'D BETTER LISTEN. [she pulls a shirt out from offscreen] My new shirt is out, and even though this cartoon isn't endorsed by Double Fine in any way, Mashi still wants you to buy it, and she doesn't even believe in shirts that cost over 20 dollars. Everyone will love it. It even comes in blue... [pulls out the blue version] in that girly style shirt that...girls like me wear. [sets both shirts aside] The point I'm trying to make is, [super zoom in] BUY THE DAMN SHIRT OR I'LL HUNT YOU DOWN, RIP OUT YOUR VERTEBRAE AND [eyes become demonic] DRINK YOUR SOUL!!
ANNOUNCER: A Double Fine Product...dawg. And now back to our show.
RAZ: [singing] Being alone is not for me, not in America the land of the free, stuck together we’ll always be, Ronald Reagan, can you- hey, a rat!
RAT: SQUEEK.
RAZ: Hey, two rats!
RATS: SQUEEK SQUEEK.
RAZ: Hey, five rats!
RATS: [more squeaking]
RAZ: Hey, thirty...rats!?
RATS: [commence exploding]
RAZ: WTF? WHO R ME?! MARIAAA, I'M COMING!!! [runs into a wall]
JOEL: Aw, great. He's still thinks he's Shadow the Hedgehog. THIS LOOKS LIKE A JOB FOR BIIIIRDMAAAAAAAAAN! [flies off the tower, landing in the courtyard headfirst] Ow!
l8R!
RAZ: [singing] Monday hotdog, Tuesday taco, Wednesday hamburgers and chocolate milk, Thursday sloppy joes and burritos in a bag. Friday was Pizza Day, the best day- OMG. AN OBSTACLE!
SHARPLINE: Hi! I work for Mashi! I'M SUPPOSED TO DISTRACT J00! O:
RAZ: O rly?
SHARPLINE: I will distract you with...[holds up a book] A BREIF HISTORY OF TIME!
RAZ: ...No. [walks past him]
SHARPLINE: THE POWER OF STEVEN HAWKING COMPELS YOU! [waves book around] COMPELLLLLLLLZZZ.
RAZ: [all the way across the room] NO IT DOESN'T.
SHARPLINE: I HOPE YOU BURN IN PIZZA HELL.
RAZ: NOT LISTENIIIING!
more l8r!
RAZ: [singing] A river of blood, who's gonna live? The Earth is tired of humankind and I think this world...is gonna wash in-heyyyy, this door is locked.
HIGH-PITCHED VOICE: He'll never get through.
RAZ: I'll never get through! Lili will starve! And I don't like it when Lili has to starve. And I still have her sauce.
CRULLER: TK the chair on the inside of the door, you n00b.
RAZ: Oh. Right. [TK's chair] STOP RIGHT THERE YOU EVIL THING.
FAT WOMAN WITH CRAZY WHITE HAIR NAMED SHEEGOR: I TOLD YOU NOT TO CALL AT DINNERTIME! [runs off]
RAZ: Better follow her during this transition sequence!
FOLLOWINGS OCCUR!
RAZ: [singing...again] She's hanging off the chopper, and no one's gonna stop her, don't try and call the doctor, 'cause she's jumpin' arou- OH MY GOD! [picks up a stuffed doll that looks like Lili] LILI! YOU WERE A PUPPET ALL ALONG! [wide, sad eyes] Somehow, I always knew.
LILI: I'm right here, you sexy referential dumbass.
RAZ: Okay, if you're there, what's this stuffed...you doing here?
LILI: Sheegor got bored.
SHEEGOR: IT'S THE TELEMARKETER! RUNNNNNN! [runs into the wall] Owowowow.
RAZ: I'm not a telemarketer.
SHEEGOR: Ohhh, can you save my turtle then?
RAZ: Sure, lady. I'll get on that. Where b3z?
SHEEGOR: In Dr. Loboto's laaaaaab.
RAZ: ...Fantasic.
STUFF HAPPENS.
RAZ: HEY MR. POKEYLOPE! I'M A DEELEECHOUS CHOCOLATE CAKE!
MR. POKEYLOPE: [attaches self to Raz's face]
RAZ: MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
DR. LOBOTO: Huh?
RAZ: Nothing. [walks away]
SHEEGOR: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY~! [grabs the turtle and hugs him] LIFE IS GEWWWD.
MR. POKEYLOPE: I IS HAVING A PLAN.
RAZ and LILI: GASP! IT CAN TALK.
LILI: I'm not interested anymore.
MR. POKEYLOPE: If you put MY brain inside that...whats-it, I'll blast the doctor into next week.
RAZ: THEN BLASTING WE SHALL.
*'SPLODE!*
DR. LOBOTO: DR. LOBOTO IS BLASTING OFF AGAAAAAAAAAAAIN~! *ding*
RAZ: Wasn't me.
MR. POKEYLOPE: Wasn't me either.
SHEEGOR: WE WIN!
RAZ: I'll be right back...WITH BRAINS!
LILI: Yay! And now I'm not interested.
RAZ RETRIEVES THE BRAINS AND SHEEGOR DOES SOME NON-SURGICAL TYPE THINGS!
SASHA: WOW. I'm me again!
MILLA: I'm also me!
LILI: At least they're in the right heads.
RAZ: We actually had it wrong the first time!
SHEEGOR: It's an easy mistake to make.
SASHA and MILLA: THANKS RAZ!
RAZ: j00r welcome! Now let's free Lili so I can make out with her maybe.
LILI: YAAY!
THAT HAPPENS TOO. (MAKING OUT NOT INCLUDED)
SASHA: RAZ IS AWESOME!
RAZ: And that means I'm a Psychonaut, right? RIGHT?!
SASHA: LOLOL. No.
LILI: BUT...RAZ'S BRAIN IS TEH AWESOME. IS IT NOT?
RAZ: WHAT SHE SAID!
MILLA: It would suck if Oleander appeared right now.
DRAMATIC PAUSE...
OLEANDER: HEY GUESS WHAT I'M HERE!
RAZ: YOU SUCK OLEANDER. NOW, LIKE DIE OR SOMETHING!
OLEANDER: AHAHA, NO.
LILI: RAZDOSOMETHING. O:
RAZ: I'll defeat him because I'm awesome.
MILLA: NOYOUWON'T. Me and Sasha'll take care of this...right?
SASHA: Uh, RIGHT. :D
MILLA: SOYOUTWOGONOWKTHXBYE. :{{{
RAZ and LILI: [pushed out the window]
OLEANDER: AHAHA, I KEEP LAUGHING MANIACALLY.
SASHA: That's because your insane. :/
OLEANDER: ...YES! AHAHA!
MILLA: AMBUUUUUUUUUSH.
OLEANDER: OMGZ.
SASHA and MILLA: GRR!
CRULLER: HI. O:
OLEANDER: ...Cruller's here? YAYWE'REGOINGTODOEVILTHINGS!
CRULLER: ONTEHCONTRARYI'MNOT. 'Cept I'm not supposed to be doing things right now.
OLEANDER: Oh.
MEANWHILEZ...
EDGAR: Yay! This painting's done. I'm gonna leave now. [pulls the shackles off from the floor and breaks a gas pipe underneath] Uhohz! *sniff* Good thing the gas isn't on!
GLORIA: Hey, Edgar. I turned on the water and nothing's happening.
EDGAR: I SMELL GAS NOW! WTF?
FRED: HEY, EDGAR. LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
EDGAR: YEAH! O:
BOYD: [still standing outside]
FRED, EDGAR and GLORIA: ...HEY BOYD.
BOYD: [jumps, all surprised. the milk flies out of his hand and lands inside the asylum] WHA?
FRED: We're gonna leave the asylum because apparantly we're not crazy anymore.
BOYD: YAY!
FRED: What should we do first?
BOYD: LET'S MOW A LAWN! :D
FRED, EDGAR and GLORIA: YAY!
MEANWHILE ELSEWHERE.
RAZ: WE'RE STILL FALLING. O:
LILI: But we shouldn't be.
RAZ: So Milla forgot to do that sheild thinger. We still get there the- [gets impaled on the fence] OW. IMPALATION. [dies and respawns] I'M OKAY!
BACK AT THE PLACE.
CRULLER: [tosses confetti]
MILLA: PARTY! Wait, what?
OLEANDER: Yay, a par- wait, this isn't confetti. *ACHOO*
*'SPLODE!*
LILI: I'M SUDDENLY INTERESTED IN SOMETING OVER THERE!
RAZ: [notices huge piece of concrete flying out of the asylum in Lili's general direction] HOSHIZ. [saves her with sheildyness]
LILI: WTF MATE?
RAZ: FLYING CONCRETE CAN KILL YOU. D:<
LILI: But I'm safe now SO LET'S FIGURE OUT WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED!
SASHA and MILLA: WE DID IT!
CRULLER: My back hurts! .~.;
OLEANDER: TV? O:
RAZ and LILI: THEY DID IT! :D
GIGANTIC BRAIN TANK: NO THEY DIDN'T. AHAHAHA.
SASHA, MILLA, CRULLER, RAZ and LILI: OMFG.
GIGANTIC BRAIN TANK: YOU FOUR, GO AWAY. *ZAP!*
SASHA, MILLA, CRULLER and LILI: OWWZ. [blasted into next week]
GIGANTIC BRAIN TANK: YOU. ME. BATTLE. NOW.
RAZ: ... [throws the block that almost killed Lili at the tank]
GIGANTIC BRAIN TANK: OWWZ.
RAZ: THAT'S FOR SHOOTING LILI. AND NOW I SHALL DESTROY YOUR BRAIN. [flies to the top of the tank all AWESOMIZE style]
GIGANTIC BRAIN TANK: CONFETTI'D!
RAZ: *sneeze*
RAZ'S BRAIN: [conveineintly lands in the brain tank] YAY!
OLEANDER'S BRAIN: Merp.
RAZ'S BRAIN: Wait a click, where am- OHNOEZ!
WOOOOOOOOOHHH~!
RAZ: Hey, it's that stupid caravan again. D:< If Sasha were here, he'd tell me go in and then call me a n00b. [goes in the caravan]
LITTLE OLY: HI, I'M GONNA GROW UP AND BE AN ASS TO LITTLE PSYCHIC KIDS LIKE MYSELF!
RAZ: YOU SHOULD DIE! :D
LITTLE OLY: I KNOW. LOL.
RAZ: So, what's up?
LITTLE OLY: I can't find my bunny.
RAZ: [glances to his left] He's over there.
LITTLE OLY: Oh. K. [goes to get him, and flies upwards] OHNOEZ I DROPPED HIM AND HE'S HOPPING AWAY.
RAZ: I hate you. [follows him and grabs the bunny again]
LITTLE OLY: YAAAY!
RAZ: ...D-Do you hear stomping in the distance? Like we're about to make a horrible Jurassic Park reference?
LITTLE OLY: OMGZ IT'S MY DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!
BUTCHER: LOLOLOL KILL TEH BUNNIEZ.
RAZ: O_O; ...I'll be right back. [hides in a corner and eats 7 packs of dream fluffs]
RAZ'S DAD: O HEY ITZ TEH FAILURE
RAZ: Nice to see you too, pop.
RAZ'S DAD: U SHOULD PH34R ME BCUZ I M UR DADEE. plus i haz teh hypnocrotch!
RAZ: I BEZ NOT PH34RING BECAUSE I'M SUPPOSED TO BE DOING SOMETHING ELSE THAT I CAN'T REMEMBER FOR SOME REASON.
BUTCHER: RWARRRRR!
RAZ: Oh yeah, I remember now. See ya later, Dad!
RAZ'S DAD: YEAH, WHATEVER. [throws a flaming pin]
RAZ: *thuk* Owz. [dies and respawns]
BUTCHER: MORE RAWRING!
RAZ: ...YOU DIE NOW. [shoves him into the chopper]
RAZ'S REAL DAD: Ewwwwwz. D:<
RAZ: HEY, MY REAL DAD!!1
RAZ'S FAKE DAD: NO, I'M RAZ'S REAL DAD!
RAZ'S REAL DAD: Your name OBVIOUSLY says FAKE DAD. So... [blasts him into the chopper] Die.
RAZ'S FAKE DAD: OWOWOWOWOW.
RAZ'S REAL DAD: BAD MISINTERPRETATION OF MYSELF. NO COME BACK TO LIFE. STAY DEAD. NO COOKIE.
RAZ: So that's done...now what?
RAZ'S REAL DAD: We gotta somehow pull you and Oleander's brains apart because they keep sexing each other.
RAZ: I don't even want to know why you used that word.
BUTCHER/FAKE DAD: RWARRRR! WE IS NOW UNIFIED!
RAZ: OHNOEZ!
BUTCHER/FAKE DAD: We's gonna keel you!
RAZ'S REAL DAD: Don't make my son level up!
RAZ: HOW DO YOU MEAN?
RAZ'S REAL DAD: ORANGES. [does mind zappy stuff]
RAZ: [becomes huge orange giant thing] OH. MAN. This is sweet.
RAZ'S REAL DAD: BATTLE TIME NOW. YAY!
SUPER RAZ and BUTCHER/FAKE DAD: [do battle]
SUPER RAZ: FINAL FANTASY VII ATTACK RIPOFF!
RANDOM ASTEROID: [bounces on and kills Butcher/Fake Dad]
BUTCHER/FAKE DAD: [dies, Ristar style]
SUPER RAZ: [reverts to normal]
RAZ and RAZ'S REAL DAD: YAY. [running backwards] OMG?
LITTLE OLY: Thanks for murdering my dad!
RAZ: Murder is my left name, Miss America! :D
LITTLE OLY: Whatever, dude. I'm free! YAYAYAYAY! BUNNY CIRCUS TYME! [floats away]
RAZ: Yeah, fun times.
RAZ'S REAL DAD: Murder is your left name? O_o;
RAZ: ...Sh-shut up.
In the real world...
LILI: Welcome back. HAPPY FATHER'S DAY.
RAZ: You sure it's not Anti-Father's Day?
LILI: I'm sure. Unless the calender company made a huge typo. But they came through with a fox succubus with buttwings!
RAZ: What?
LILI: Never mind. Let's go back to camp.
SASHA: We're already at camp.
LILI: We're already at camp!
THEY'RE ALREADY @ CAMP!
CRULLER: Here, Raz. Have a trophy. And a new outfit!
RAZ: [suddenly in new outfit] So does this mean what I think it means?
LILI: We're gonna have a Three-Trophies-And-Psychonaut-Initiation Party?
RAZ: Really? I thought it was still my birthday.
LILI: No. It's not.
RAZ: [sulks a moment]
LILI: Here's your third trophy. [hands Raz a trophy]
RAZ: YAY.
SASHA: Unfortunatly, we're going to have to cut this party short. [a record halts in the background] We just found out that Lili's father was kidnapped.
RAZ: OHNOEZ!
LILI: It IS Anti-Father's Day?! [cries]
SASHA: So everyone that's important get in the...plane thingie.
[camera pans over the blue aircraft type thing]
RAZ: So, we're having a space adventure where we make friends with a zombie skeleton and then Lili gets kidnapped by a fat, purple alien with intentions of destroying an entire planet with a Lili-powered ray gun and then we all die for a week, but we come back and crash on an underwater planet because Sasha threw my lucky nickel off the ship and Milla goes insane and locks Lili in the closet where later she goes on a rampage and kills all the Sea Peepz and then we find out she's really a robot and then I discover a locker that goes into a tunnel where the Aquacalcom is kept but we don't know that yet and then we all get captured by a horde of robots who want to destroy the universe but we somehow escape back to Earth and discover that everyone got new designs?
SASHA: No.
RAZ: Okay, good.
LILI: That was long-winded.
RAZ: AH KNO. So let's go.
SASHA, LILI AND RAZ BOARD THE AIRCRAFT.
MILLA: WAIT!
MILLA DOES TOO.
LILI: Wait, what about Cruller? He could totally be useful.
AND SO DOES CRULLER.
RAZ: And my dad?
NO. THE END UNTIL PSYCHONAUTS 2!
LILI: Suckage!
That was lovely. It should have had more Daniel Vosovic though, he should have made Milla an outfit, and Tim would be all like 'OMGZ Danny, I't totally piddiling my panties over this piece!'
:lol: Holly Amariya, Mashi you are the greatest!!! Oh, I can add you in my fanfic The Jet Setters. Thank you