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[FIC]Return of the Exile

Page: 4 of 5
 RC-1162
12-22-2005, 2:28 PM
#151
hopefully

and i meant that unless you typed crap just to keep your soty going, it will come to an end.

and the second bit meant that your story was, is, and will be not crap
 JediKnight707
12-22-2005, 2:37 PM
#152
:confused: M'kay, I still am confused, but makes no difference, it does.
 RC-1162
12-22-2005, 2:40 PM
#153
me say that unless you make silly poo to put in your story, it finish and we cry. you understand?
 JediKnight707
12-22-2005, 2:48 PM
#154
me understand good now :D
 RC-1162
12-22-2005, 2:53 PM
#155
good boy.
*gives JK a chocolate*
now go get constipated :lol:
 DarkLord_Revan
12-22-2005, 4:05 PM
#156
lol funny stuff
 JediKnight707
12-22-2005, 5:06 PM
#157
good boy.
*gives JK a chocolate*
now go get constipated :lol:

arrgh!!! me need go poo!!!
 DarkLord_Revan
12-22-2005, 5:12 PM
#158
then go poo i bet u poo out a baby
 JediKnight707
12-22-2005, 6:13 PM
#159
*goes and poo's* nope, turtle come out :D
 DarkLord_Revan
12-22-2005, 10:37 PM
#160
wow and i thought that it would be a baby
 JediKnight707
12-23-2005, 1:15 AM
#161
turtle then poo out baby :D
 RC-1162
12-23-2005, 5:30 AM
#162
ok, guys you are grossing me out.
 John Skywalker
12-23-2005, 4:45 PM
#163
i dont think im going to end my fanfic,if eveyone likes it ill probably do a sequel:)
 DarkLord_Revan
12-23-2005, 7:00 PM
#164
RC dont deny it let it consume you, you know that you like it.JK(I used the word you wayto much sentence)
 JediKnight707
12-23-2005, 10:10 PM
#165
I already have an ending for it, now I've got to think of a middle :) I will be doing a sequel too :D
 JediKnight707
12-23-2005, 11:10 PM
#166
The end should be here either later tonight or tommorow.
 John Skywalker
12-24-2005, 1:29 PM
#167
if you dont mak a sequell I WILL KILL YOU J.K!!!!!!!!!!!!! :) just joking.
 JediKnight707
12-25-2005, 6:58 PM
#168
Alright, the end is finally here :( It was really fun doing this, and I hope that you liked it :D I shall be doing a sequel :) I'm gonna stop babbling, so here it is:

They decided that the best place to start was the Academy. As they stepped in, Thomas commented, “Looks the same.”
“Yea, it hasn’t changed much since we were last here, except for the fact that there is a Sith lord here,” Brianna replied, dryly.
“Well, he might not be in here.”
“Yeah, I’m sure that he is just hiding in one of the tombs.”
“Oh, be quiet.”
“You started it.”
“Stop acting like a little baby Brianna.”
She winked. “Hey, the glass is half-full right.”
Thomas rolled his eyes. “Let’s go!”
They stepped into the middle of the academy. “I’m guessing that he – I hope it’s a he – would be hiding in the meditation room,” said Brianna.
They walked into the room, and saw Darth Rexes – or someone – sitting on a rocked that was raised slightly off the ground.
“Hello. You’ve come here looking for Darth Rexes, right?” asked the mysterious man.
“Yes, good guess,” answered Thomas. “How did you know that?”
“You don’t become a Sith lord by reading some books.”
“Aww, so you are Darth Rexes.”
“I’ve been called many names, and that is one of them, so I suppose, yes I am. And I also suppose that you are here to kill me?”
“You’re good, you know that?”
Darth Rexes ignited his blade. Its blood red color painted itself on his hood. Brianna and Thomas ignited their lightsabers; their blue blades put a feeling of calmness through the room. “I’ve got a bad feeling about this,” muttered Brianna.
Rexes jumped into battle. He was lightning fast. All of his moves seemed so easy. Thomas and Brianna had a hard time blocking his attacks, let alone attack him. They battled for what seemed like hours, until Thomas and Brianna started to notice that he was beginning to slow down. They finally got in a few attacks, until he was one the defensive. Finally, Rexes went to block one of Brianna’s attacks, and Thomas saw his opportunity. He struck at Rexes’ chest, and even though Rexes moved a little back, Thomas hit him. He was almost cut in half. Thomas and Brianna turned off their lightsabers and gave each other a hug. “I’m so glad that it’s done,” said Brianna.
“So I am,” replied Thomas. He sighed. “Let’s go back to Dantoonie.”
But Rexes wouldn’t die, without his last revenge. He used his last breath, his last ounce of energy, and stabbed Thomas in the back. Thomas let a groan escape him, then fell to the ground. “Thomas!!” screamed Brianna. “No, no, no, no!!!! You can’t die on me!!” She rolled him over on his back. “Help…..me….up,” he whispered. “I have….a little…life….left in me…”
She picked him up, and supported him. They walked back to the ship, as fast as they could. Brianna set him down on the medical bed. “I’m…going…to die…soon,” he whispered softly. “It…was my…time…Get us back to Dantoonie and leave me with some paper and a pencil…”
She gave him paper and a pencil, and set the ship for Dantoonie. When she went back to the bed, he was passed out. She waited for a few hours, but he didn’t regain consciousness. She fell asleep on the chair. When she awoke, Thomas was writing. “Don’t worry…our love…will keep…me alive…for the next…few days,” he said.
When they arrived, Thomas looked very close to his death. The Jedi council set him down on their most elaborate bed. Thomas knew when he was going to die in a few minutes. He gave Brianna an envelope and said, “Don’t open…it for…another three…days…” and died. Brianna and Visas started to weep. Atton put his head in his hands, and muttered, “Why, why, why?”
The other Jedi Masters left them to their sorrow.

Brianna’s eyes were very red and very puffy when she emerged from Thomas’ room, three days later. “He wanted me to give you guys these, I guess,” she said to Atton and Visas, handing them each a note. Visas opened hers, and it said:

I must be dead now, but that’s OK. I just want to say thank you for all that you did for me. But, that’s not why I’m writing this note. I just want you to look after Atton, he’s still pretty amateur. And, you better raise Jaq good, or else I’m going to haunt you. But, I don’t have to worry. Jaq is in good hands. I want to ask you a favor. Show Atton a sunset. I don’t think that he’s ever seen one. You should watch them too. Trust me, they’re beautiful. Here’s a poem:

Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.

Take care, and many love,

Thomas

Visas smiled. It was a little before the sunset, she would watch it with Atton. Atton opened his:

Hey man. Yea, I’m dead, but that’s fine. I’m just writing this note to say that you and Visas better take care of Jaq. Also, take care of Visas. Yea, she’s a Jedi Master, but she still has something that she’s hiding. Ask her, but don’t force it out. I already told Visas this, but you should go out and watch a sunset. I know that I sound crazy, but trust me, I know what I’m talking about. While your watching the sunset, ask Visas to recite the poem, she’ll know what I’m talking about.

Atton closed his note, and just shook his head. Typical Thomas, he thought. Then smiled. Finally, Brianna opened hers slowly:

Brianna, it’s OK that I’m gone. As I’m writing this note, I’m the happiest and the saddest man in the universe. I’m so sad that we had so little time together. Yet, I’m happy because it’s my time to go. I wrote this poem:

And now that I’m gone just carry on, don’t mourn
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice
Just know that I’m looking down on you smiling
And I didn’t feel a thing, so please don’t feel my pain
Just smile back

Don’t worry, I’ll see you again. And, please, name our son James.
Love,

Thomas
 Vladimir-Vlada
12-25-2005, 7:05 PM
#169
*Sigh* Not exatcly a happy ending. But still... :thumbsup: for you.

“Don’t worry…our love…will keep…me alive…for the next…few days,” he said.

Sorry, but that was really lame.
 JediKnight707
12-25-2005, 7:26 PM
#170
I know :D I had to lame it for a second there :)
 Vladimir-Vlada
12-25-2005, 7:34 PM
#171
I had to lame it for a second there
Yes, I know and that' all right... The only thing is I tend to wish for the main character to die if he says something like that (It's not that I wanted for Thomas to die, I just found that sentence pathetic [no offence]).
 JediKnight707
12-25-2005, 7:45 PM
#172
None taken, but I had to do something. Any other sentence just sounded sh**ty.
 RC-1162
12-26-2005, 8:19 AM
#173
:crybaby:
it soooo sad that the fic has come to and end.

but then, NOW MY FIC WILL RULE THE FORUMS!!!
MUHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!
just kidding :D



im serious about the saddening bit

ouch!
*slaps a mosquito*
damned things!
 RC-1162
12-26-2005, 8:21 AM
#174
and is it just me? or is the poem that Thomas wrote to brianna the chorus of Eminem's 'when im gone' ?
 JediKnight707
12-26-2005, 2:07 PM
#175
>_>
<_< Yea, it's on my myspace, and I thought that it would be perfect :) Do you know where the poem Thomas (me?) worte for Visas is from?
 RC-1162
12-27-2005, 5:51 AM
#176
nope. what, is it from another song? or is ti from your grammar text book :D?
 JediKnight707
12-27-2005, 4:03 PM
#177
It's by Robert Frost, Nothing Gold Can Stay, which I got from The Outsiders. I had to cut out a line, cuz it said 'So Eden sank to grief' and I don't think that the Bible is popular in the Star Wars galaxy.
 Hallucination
12-27-2005, 9:04 PM
#178
It's by Robert Frost, Nothing Gold Can Stay, which I got from The Outsiders
I knew it! I had to read that book last year for English. To bad that your fic is done. So about this sequel...;).
@RC: Your fic won't reign supreme because....
>_>
<_<
everyone in this forum except for me and Mach are horny 13-year-old boysI've been writing a fic for the last little while, and that will be supreme!!MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
>_>
 JediKnight707
12-27-2005, 9:07 PM
#179
I knew it! I had to read that book last year for English. To bad that your fic is done. So about this sequel...;).
@RC: Your fic won't reign supreme because....
>_>
<_<
everyone in this forum except for me and Mach are horny 13-year-old boysI've been writing a fic for the last little while, and that will be supreme!!MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
>_>

8th grade right?
 RC-1162
12-27-2005, 11:50 PM
#180
@Hall, i still call you an a$$ :D
 JediKnight707
12-28-2005, 12:14 AM
#181
@Hall, i still call you an a$$ :D

:nod::nod::nod: :D
 Hallucination
12-28-2005, 12:18 AM
#182
8th grade right?
Indeed.
@Hall, I still call you an a$$ :D
Capitalized! :D
 JediKnight707
12-28-2005, 12:46 AM
#183
I'm gonna post my new Fic soon :)
 kotor_freak
02-13-2006, 12:17 PM
#184
WOW! man that seriously rocked!!!!!!!!!! :guitar2 I cant wait if your writing a sequel. I liked the whole vrook deranked to padawan thing, he so deserved it! Honestly i think you should make that into a book or somethin but if not that still made my day!!!!!!!!!!
 JediKnight707
02-14-2006, 12:14 AM
#185
ummm thanks man! :) you know that there is a sequel? Right here ;) (http://lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=157545)
 Diego Varen
09-02-2006, 11:09 AM
#186
Sorry about resurrecting an old, long dead Thread. I fancied reading a Fic from the year of 2005 (Which was before I joined) and since Jedi_Knight_707 was a favourite Writer of mine, I decided to read his first ever Fic. It is very good and I like the humour, Darth Rexes, etc. It needs improving with spacing between dialogue, etc, but it is still good. Jedi_Knight_707, if you can get this in the Jedi Archives, that would be great. I'll have to read the Sequel, The Destruction of the Sith, when I have time.
 JediKnight707
09-02-2006, 10:09 PM
#187
Well, thanks! I know that it needs some definite improvment, but it was my first :) I plan on putting it in the archives, but I a) don't really know how (I mean, I know that you put [FIN] and all that, but I'm not sure how to post my chapters and such) and b) am working on a new, more improved version. It's going to keep the same storyline, but use everything I've learned. When I first started, that was literally my first attempt at writing anything besides essays, so I had no real idea how to keep a story going. I also used to just make it all up as I typed it, which I have found, makes a story lack.

EDIT: Also, don't read the sequel :xp: I think its really bad :( Especially the ending. Bah! humbug to that ending :)

Instructions for getting a thread posted in the Jedi Archives are here. (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=167872) What I did was open 2 tabs in firefox (or 2 windows)--one with my new FIN thread and one with my fic. I went to each chapter in my fic, hit 'edit post', and copied everything there (so formatting is retained). Then I pasted in the 'reply' window on the FIN thread and posted it. Each of my chapters got a separate post, though you don't have to do that if you don't want to--you can consolidate several chapters into 1 post if you want. Hope that helps. --Jae
 DarthDani23
10-09-2006, 9:06 PM
#188
That was soooo sad*sniffle*.......... but it was sweet, awsome job.
 JediKnight707
06-24-2007, 11:23 PM
#189
The first chapter has been re-written! I hope you like the changes I made. More to come, for sure. Read the paragraph I wrote and it should explain it all.
 RC-1162
06-26-2007, 1:08 AM
#190
Nice! I like! :thumbsup: I can see the difference in quality between the first and second chapters, great to have you back, JK. Hope to see a brand new fic sometime soon.
 JediKnight707
06-27-2007, 2:26 AM
#191
Yeah, I was really inexpeirenced back in 7th grade. I'm not sure how often I'm going to update this story, but I hope to be done with it by the end of the summer, so ballpark the ending coming sometime around September.

As for a new story? Don't know about that! Not for awhile anyway. I'm too scared that I won't be able to finish it, or keep it going. But, who knows what the future may bring :D
 Diego Varen
06-27-2007, 2:48 AM
#192
Good edits so far JK_707. I have one question though. Will you rewrite The Destruction of the Sith afterwards?
 JediKnight707
06-27-2007, 2:58 AM
#193
Possibly, but I've hated that story since I finished it. So if I do re-write it it'll be a total re-write, with a new plot and everything.
 RC-1162
06-27-2007, 4:33 AM
#194
Well, good luck with everything, JK.

*sigh* Remember the old days when we were the tops of CEC? :D
 JediKnight707
06-27-2007, 11:50 AM
#195
Why do you think I wanted to re-write this story? Nostalgia is over whelming me right now...

I remember the days when I first posted this story, when Plight of Darkness had 1,000 views, and there were only 2 pages of stories. Good times! The times when someone could have the time to read every story and write a good review :D

When there was no Jedi Archives, Outer Rim Territories, Resource Center and Tales from Jayvar's Cantina.

When there wasn't fifteen stickies :)

Aww, those were the days right?

EDIT: And when you saw that you had a post from Hall meant that you had a spelling mistake in your story. What happened to Hall's pro spelling fixer job?!
 RC-1162
06-27-2007, 11:06 PM
#196
I think its the result of the tons of new fics that have come up. He doesnt have time to nitpick all of them :D. J/k hall.
 JediKnight707
06-27-2007, 11:32 PM
#197
Apparently. I'm dissapointed in Hall's lack of concern for our spelling :(
 JediKnight707
07-18-2007, 10:27 PM
#198
Guess what? I'm finished with another chapter :) Enjoy! Criticism (or praise) is always good.

EDIT: And, also, I'm not sure how much of the story will make sense after the first two chapters, so if you're a first time reader, and not familiar with the story, my advice would be to not read any of the rest. :) But, maybe you can get past the crappy writing. Up to you.
 Empress Padme
07-19-2007, 12:04 AM
#199
Was bored and looking at fan-fics, stumbled across your masterpiece, and it is and anyone who think otherwise....well I don't think that much of them.Got me hooked from chapter 1.Love Visas and Atton together AND definately loved Vrook's demotion ( I always hated that character so I let out a sadistic laugh when that happened.)Keep on with the greatness and a sequel( YES!) gonna go look 4 it now.
 JediKnight707
07-19-2007, 12:36 AM
#200
Thank you very much :) But I've disowned the sequel. Some liked it, personally, I hate it. To each their own, however.
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