Using my contacts in George Lucas's "inner circle" I have recieved the Episode III script! So, in order to keep this suspensful, I will give it to you in multiple parts. Enjoy!
(Opening Scrolly thingy with a bunch of jibberish)
[Scene 1: Battlefield in the middle of a dessert planet, Republic frontline]
Clone Trooper 1: Wow, here come those crazy battle droids. I think we're doomed.
CT2: Shutup Noob.
CT1: Hey! Who you calling a noob?
CT2: Noone, Noob.
CT3: Hey, punk, you calling that guy a noob?
CT2: Ummmm...no!
CT1: You faggot!
CT2: Hey, who you calling a fag?
CT3: Shutup Noob! He isn't a fag?
Clone Officer: Hey hey! What's the trouble here?
CT1: He called me a noob!
CT2; No I didn't, and he called me a fag!
CO: Oh, really? How long have you been with the Republic Army?
CT1: Just got in yesterday.
CO: Tell me, what are you holding in your hand?
CT1: A blaster sir.
CO: What kind of blaster?
CT1: I don't know sir.
CO: Alright then, you are a noob. Carry on.
CT1: I am no noob!
CT3: Yes you are, you don't even know what type of blaster you have, Noob.
CT1: Stop calling me a noob!
CT3: I didn't.
CT1: Yes you did!
CT4: Hey hey dudes, what da matta wit ya?
CT1: These guys are calling me a noob!
CT4: Is that right?
CT2, CT3: No!
CT4: OK. See ya'll. If I hear one more thing out of ya stupid clone's mouths I will bring in the possey.
CT2, CT3: Yes.
CT4: Peace. (Begins walking away)
CT2, CT3: Good job Noob.
CT4: Hey hey hey! What did ya'll call him?
CT2, CT3: Noob.
CT4: Ok, that it. Ya'll gonna get a hollerin' after my dawgs kick yo guyses (Beep)ses.
CT2: What are you gonna do to us?
(10 rough looking clone troopers come out)
CT4: These are my dawgs from the inner buildings of Kamino.
CT2: Oh crud...
[Scene 2 Jedi Council]
(Yoda and Mace Windu are meditating)
MW: I sense a disturbance in the force.
Yoda: Yes, do too, I.
MW: We must cautious.
(Doorbell rings. Mace approaches door with lightsaber in hand. The door opens)
Pizza Delivery Boy: Hello, is this the Jedi Council?
MW: Yes, it is.
PDB: Alright, I have one large deep dish pizza with peperroni and extra cheese along with one medium with onions, green peppers, mushrooms...
MW: You Sith! (In a swift motion Windu cuts down the Pizza Boy and takes the pizza)
Y: A shame we were unable to sense it earlier, it was.
MW: Yes, that was close. I think it is time we tell the senate, again, that we are unable to use our force powers anymore.
Y: Hmmmmm... (Takes out joint)
[Scene 3: Battlefield except on Seperatist side]
Battle Droid 1: My sensors tell me that those clones are fighting each other.
BD2: Mine do to. Those noobs.
BD1: Yes, if I had feelings I would be happy.
BD2: Droids do not have feelings, noob.
BD1: I know, and my program does not indicate that I am a noob.
BD2: You must be using MSDos, very old and outdated. I use Microsoft 98, you noob.
Super Battle Droid 1: Ha ha ha. I have been programed with Microsoft Me, so I am superior to all of you noobs.
BD1, BD2: OK.
Super Battle Droid 2: Don't listen to him. The old Super Battle Droids are equipped with Windown Me. Windows Me is very defective and slow. New battle droids have Windows XP, very fast and efficient. So, you all are noobs.
SBD1: I'm gonna kick your (Beep)ing (beep)
SBD2: Try to.
(Super Battle Droid 1 attempts to strike down 2 but self destructs before he can strike. Must be that Windows Me...)
[Scene 4, Battle on the Dessert Planet]
(After calling in the planet's national guard the Republic forces stopped their internal fighting and, shortly after, the separatists attacked. So the final battle of the Clone Wars begins...)
CT1: Dang, we're screwed.
CT2: Ya. Run away!
(Republic clones all start running away)
(Just then)
Anikan: I, Anikan Skywalker am here to save you all!
CT1; Oh, Anikan's here, we're saved!
Anikan: You, trooper, what is the situation
CT1: Well, we're under attack sir.
Anikan: Noooo. There's the surprise of the century. What is your name soldier?
CT1: Noob.
Anikan: Pardon?
CT1; Noob Franks.
Anikan: OK...
[Scene 5, Jedi Council]
Yoda: (Smoking weed) Ahhhhhhh! Colombian, my favorite (Puffs deeply)
MW: I can't believe you Master Yoda. You're a role model to so many children and you smoke weed...illegally! (Sniffs some cocaine)
Y: Master Windu, much to learn you have. (Another deep puff) Cocaine you sniff, very bad. You snort Tattoine cocaine, very bad. I snort Endor cocaine, very good. Isn't that right fellas?
Other Jedi: Ya.
Adi Gallia: I prefer the Naboo Cocaine, if you ask me. Those Gungans make it mighty fine.
Saesee Tiin: Ahh yes, Gungan Coke. Very very good. But expensive.
Y: Perhaps indeed.
Palpatine: (Running in) Jedi friends, our forces are about to be routed by the Seperatists!
Y: Indeed. Sense it I have.
P: You have?
Y: Indeed. Clouded, the room is.
P: It's because of this bloody smoke. What do you recommend master Yoda?
Y: Sleep my friend, sleep... (Sleeps)
P: Oh, ever since that little Ewok gave you that Mary jane you have done nothing but, eat, sleep and smoke.
Adi Gallia: And Master Yoda and I have cuddled up in bed a little too...
P: I don't want any more details. I am already disturbed enough. Good day! (Walks out of the room)
[Scene 6: Right outside Jedi Council Room]
P: OK, Dooku, you can come out now.
(Dooku, hiding behind a curtain comes out)
P: Our little plan seems to be working. The Jedi are powerless.
D: Yes, our plan has been working... wait, what plan?
P: Destroying the jedi from the inside you fool! Getting them addicted. Their force powers are all but gone. Everything is one big cloud for them now.
D: No wonder, it's so smokey in there.
P: Soon, the Republic will be weak and then, and only then, can our final part of the plan be initiated. prepare my apprentice. Bwahahahahahaha
D: Bwahahahahahahahaha
P, D: BWAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA...
I bet it hasn't been what you would expect it to be so far, aren't I correct? lol
-Written by Boran
EDIT 1: Added XP part to Scene 3
Part 2
[Scene 7: Battle on the Dessert Planet]
(The Republic forces have regroups are now fighting toe to toe with thew Seperatists... litterally}
CT1 (Noob): God blesst, will you stupid droids stop kicking me!?
Droid 1: That is a negative. My program tells me to destroy you.
Anikan: Noob look out! (Slashes Droid)
CT1 (Noob): Hey! Stop calling me a noob!
A: Oh, sorry. Hmmm, I think we need help.
CT1: (Sarcastically) Noooooo! There's a surprise. How long did it take you to come up with that?
A: Not too long, sexy.
CT1: Excuse me?
A: I called you sexy, sexy.
CT1: Wow, let's get down and dirty Anny!
A: Oh ya! (Walks away with Clone Trooper 1)
Obi Wan: Anikan! Where are you going!? Oh, blessit, I forgot clones are gay. Never knew Anikan was though.
Clone Officer: (Running up to Obi Wan) Sir, message from Coracaunt.
OW: I don't have time!
CO: It's from Master Yoda.
OW: OK, Give it to me. (reads it) Yay! Reinforcements are on the way.
CO: (Pointing to large transport ship slowely approaching the ground) There they are! We're saved! OWWWW! (Falls down dead)
OW: Poor clone. Back to killing droids.
(Battle continues)
[Scene 8: Anikan's house]
(Padme walks into the door only to be really disturbed)
Padme: AHHHH!!!! Anny, get off him, and get some clothes on!
Anikan: Oh, sorry sorry. Get out of here Noob!
CT1: Let me get my armor back on first, sir. And stop calling me a noob!
A: Sure thing.
P: Well, you have some explaining to do.
A: It's not what it appears to be, it's just...
P: Just what?
A: Well, ummm, I have something to tell you.
P: No Mr, no need to. I've figured it out.
A: Ughhhhhh.
P: Yes, I have. You were sumo wrestling again weren't you.
A: Ummmm, what?
P: Ya, the nakedness, the laying on his back.
A: Oh...yes...sumo resting...right.
P: Now, get some clothes on mr. You need to change Luke's diaper.
A: OK, where's Leia?
P: Hmmmm, I don't know.
(Long pause)
A: OK.
[Scene 9, Senate]
(Another day of senate heasrings is going on. Many new and innovative bills are on the table. Palpatine addresses the senate)
Palpaine: OK, let's run down the list. Our first bill today is... what the?
Senator Jar Jar: Whatsa Chancellor?
P: Ummm, it says that the first bill is to reform welfare? Hiw proposterous!
(Senators break down laughing)
P: How funny, in a socialist republic someone actually proposes to refporm welfare. Hahahahahahahahaha
(Senators continue laughing)
JJ: Mesa a capitalist.
(Deep gasps of shock)
P: Oh dear. Well, using my emergency powers given to me I sentence Jar Jar to be killed by a way desired by a random person. Bring him out!
[Scene 10: The moment you've all been waiting for in front of an angry mob in Coracaunt]
(Jar Jar in handcuffed and the angry mob is yelling for him to be killed. Palpatine addresses them)
Palpatine: Fair citizens of the Republic! I bring before you Jar Jar Bink from Naboo!
Angry mob: Kill, Kill, Kill, Killm KILL!!!!
P: Yes, he will be killed
(Mass cheering begins. Parades are heald in every major city in every planet. Mos Eisley, Theed, Paris, London, New York... whoops, this is a Star Wars movie right?)
P: How do you wish for him to be killed?
Angry Mob Person One: Burn him!
Angry Mob: Yaaaaa!!!!
Angry Mob Person 2: Throw him off a cliff!
Angry Mob: Yaaaaaaa!!!!
Angry Mob Person 3: Make him watch Fahrenheit 911!
(Crickets)
Angry Mob Person 4: That has to be... the greatest idea I've ever heard!
Angry Mob: Hurrah! Make him watch it!
P: Silence! Very well. Bring me the tape! (Guard brings Palpatine tape of Fahrenheit 911)
JJ: Mesa dead. Better die in dessert rathe rthan die watching that guy.
P: Start the movie! (movie starts playing)
Movie: George W. Bush is eviil! He likes Bin Ladin!
JJ: Oh no. (Dies)
Angry Mob: Hurrah! Hurrah! Now turn it off!
P: Oh yes, please turn it off. (Movie turns off)
[Scene 11: Battle]
Droid 2: Oh no, sensors indicate reinforcements have arrived.
Super Battle Droid 1: Oh crap. We're doomed.
(Transport Ship lands)
Obi Wan: Thank you, we're saved.
(Transport doors open)
CT2: I bet the entire Republic army is in that ship!
(A bunny hops out)
Droid 2: Oh my, a harmless little bunny rabit.
(Droids start laughing)
OW: Is Master Yoda on weed or something? A bunny rabbit?
(Bunny hops over to the frontline)
SBD1: OK, who wants to shoot it?
Droid 3: Uhhhhh. It's so cute!
(Bunny jumps up and bites Droid 3's head off)
Droids 2: Oh my goodness. I calculate that we are doomed.
SBD1: Someone shoot it!
(Bunny jumps around, dosging blasts and continues destroying battle droids)
OW: I can't believe what I'm seeing.
CT3: I can, I saw this once in a movie, ummmm, what movie was it again...
OW: Never mind. Army, forward!
(Clone troopers surge forward, Seperatists are completely routed)
[Scene 12: Jedi Council]
(Palpatine is talking to Jedi)
P: ...so it seems as if we have finally won the Clone War. Congrats.
Mace Windu: Yes, a victory indeed. A very key one to.
Yoda: Victory, yes it is. But begun, this Clone Wars has (Takes puff of joint)
P: Pardon me?
Y: Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate, leads to suffering.
MW: OK, who's playing with the puppet's sound system?
Adi Gallia: Man, I hate it when that happens.
MW: Can someone get this fixed for us please!?
P: Ummm... I'll leave you guys now. Ummm, bye. (Walks out)
[Scene 13: Outside Jedi Council room]
Palpatine: OK, Tyrannous, you can come out now!
(Dooku crawls out from being under the couch)
Dooku: Well master, UI heard the good news.
Palpatine: Yes yes. The Republic has won the Clone War.
Dooku: That is excellent!
P: Yes, it is. And Jar Jar has been eliminated.
D: Thank the lord! He was getting more annoying every day!
P: I know. Time to begin the next phase of our plan. Muhahahahahahaha. Muhahahahahahahaha. Muhahahahahaha!
D: BWAHAHAHAHAHA...
P: Hold on a sec. It's Muhahahahahaha, not bwahahahaha.
D: Ok.
P: Try it again now.
D: Muhahahahahahaha
P: Muhahahahahahaha...
I'll post Part 2 tonight. I appreciate your feedback. A little preview thopugh for Part 2 of Episode III
The decisive battle to end the Clone War has begun. Who will emerge victorious? And will Palpatine's sinister plan of drugging up the Jedi actually work? You can only find out by coming here tonight at around 7pm EST!
-Boran
I think that in your next release of this boran you should have a scene with clone troopers and their visors have a virues. Then it ends up not only being a virues but, it is the smoke from Yoda. Then another trooper who is standing outside of the smoke and is looking at the battlefield which is the other way from the smoke doesn't see it and he doesn't have a virues. Then the troopers in the smoke make a comment about the smoke but, the clone trooper who isn't in says "It must be your internet connection to your radar. I have DSL." :D
[Scene 7: Battle on the Dessert Planet]
(The Republic forces have regroups are now fighting toe to toe with thew Seperatists... litterally}
CT1 (Noob): God blesst, will you stupid droids stop kicking me!?
Droid 1: That is a negative. My program tells me to destroy you.
Anikan: Noob look out! (Slashes Droid)
CT1 (Noob): Hey! Stop calling me a noob!
A: Oh, sorry. Hmmm, I think we need help.
CT1: (Sarcastically) Noooooo! There's a surprise. How long did it take you to come up with that?
A: Not too long, sexy.
CT1: Excuse me?
A: I called you sexy, sexy.
CT1: Wow, let's get down and dirty Anny!
A: Oh ya! (Walks away with Clone Trooper 1)
Obi Wan: Anikan! Where are you going!? Oh, blessit, I forgot clones are gay. Never knew Anikan was though.
Clone Officer: (Running up to Obi Wan) Sir, message from Coracaunt.
OW: I don't have time!
CO: It's from Master Yoda.
OW: OK, Give it to me. (reads it) Yay! Reinforcements are on the way.
CO: (Pointing to large transport ship slowely approaching the ground) There they are! We're saved! OWWWW! (Falls down dead)
OW: Poor clone. Back to killing droids.
(Battle continues)
[Scene 8: Anikan's house]
(Padme walks into the door only to be really disturbed)
Padme: AHHHH!!!! Anny, get off him, and get some clothes on!
Anikan: Oh, sorry sorry. Get out of here Noob!
CT1: Let me get my armor back on first, sir. And stop calling me a noob!
A: Sure thing.
P: Well, you have some explaining to do.
A: It's not what it appears to be, it's just...
P: Just what?
A: Well, ummm, I have something to tell you.
P: No Mr, no need to. I've figured it out.
A: Ughhhhhh.
P: Yes, I have. You were sumo wrestling again weren't you.
A: Ummmm, what?
P: Ya, the nakedness, the laying on his back.
A: Oh...yes...sumo resting...right.
P: Now, get some clothes on mr. You need to change Luke's diaper.
A: OK, where's Leia?
P: Hmmmm, I don't know.
(Long pause)
A: OK.
[Scene 9, Senate]
(Another day of senate heasrings is going on. Many new and innovative bills are on the table. Palpatine addresses the senate)
Palpaine: OK, let's run down the list. Our first bill today is... what the?
Senator Jar Jar: Whatsa Chancellor?
P: Ummm, it says that the first bill is to reform welfare? Hiw proposterous!
(Senators break down laughing)
P: How funny, in a socialist republic someone actually proposes to refporm welfare. Hahahahahahahahaha
(Senators continue laughing)
JJ: Mesa a capitalist.
(Deep gasps of shock)
P: Oh dear. Well, using my emergency powers given to me I sentence Jar Jar to be killed by a way desired by a random person. Bring him out!
[Scene 10: The moment you've all been waiting for in front of an angry mob in Coracaunt]
(Jar Jar in handcuffed and the angry mob is yelling for him to be killed. Palpatine addresses them)
Palpatine: Fair citizens of the Republic! I bring before you Jar Jar Bink from Naboo!
Angry mob: Kill, Kill, Kill, Killm KILL!!!!
P: Yes, he will be killed
(Mass cheering begins. Parades are heald in every major city in every planet. Mos Eisley, Theed, Paris, London, New York... whoops, this is a Star Wars movie right?)
P: How do you wish for him to be killed?
Angry Mob Person One: Burn him!
Angry Mob: Yaaaaa!!!!
Angry Mob Person 2: Throw him off a cliff!
Angry Mob: Yaaaaaaa!!!!
Angry Mob Person 3: Make him watch Fahrenheit 911!
(Crickets)
Angry Mob Person 4: That has to be... the greatest idea I've ever heard!
Angry Mob: Hurrah! Make him watch it!
P: Silence! Very well. Bring me the tape! (Guard brings Palpatine tape of Fahrenheit 911)
JJ: Mesa dead. Better die in dessert rathe rthan die watching that guy.
P: Start the movie! (movie starts playing)
Movie: George W. Bush is eviil! He likes Bin Ladin!
JJ: Oh no. (Dies)
Angry Mob: Hurrah! Hurrah! Now turn it off!
P: Oh yes, please turn it off. (Movie turns off)
[Scene 11: Battle]
Droid 2: Oh no, sensors indicate reinforcements have arrived.
Super Battle Droid 1: Oh crap. We're doomed.
(Transport Ship lands)
Obi Wan: Thank you, we're saved.
(Transport doors open)
CT2: I bet the entire Republic army is in that ship!
(A bunny hops out)
Droid 2: Oh my, a harmless little bunny rabit.
(Droids start laughing)
OW: Is Master Yoda on weed or something? A bunny rabbit?
(Bunny hops over to the frontline)
SBD1: OK, who wants to shoot it?
Droid 3: Uhhhhh. It's so cute!
(Bunny jumps up and bites Droid 3's head off)
Droids 2: Oh my goodness. I calculate that we are doomed.
SBD1: Someone shoot it!
(Bunny jumps around, dosging blasts and continues destroying battle droids)
OW: I can't believe what I'm seeing.
CT3: I can, I saw this once in a movie, ummmm, what movie was it again...
OW: Never mind. Army, forward!
(Clone troopers surge forward, Seperatists are completely routed)
[Scene 12: Jedi Council]
(Palpatine is talking to Jedi)
P: ...so it seems as if we have finally won the Clone War. Congrats.
Mace Windu: Yes, a victory indeed. A very key one to.
Yoda: Victory, yes it is. But begun, this Clone Wars has (Takes puff of joint)
P: Pardon me?
Y: Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate, leads to suffering.
MW: OK, who's playing with the puppet's sound system?
Adi Gallia: Man, I hate it when that happens.
MW: Can someone get this fixed for us please!?
P: Ummm... I'll leave you guys now. Ummm, bye. (Walks out)
[Scene 13: Outside Jedi Council room]
Palpatine: OK, Tyrannous, you can come out now!
(Dooku crawls out from being under the couch)
Dooku: Well master, UI heard the good news.
Palpatine: Yes yes. The Republic has won the Clone War.
Dooku: That is excellent!
P: Yes, it is. And Jar Jar has been eliminated.
D: Thank the lord! He was getting more annoying every day!
P: I know. Time to begin the next phase of our plan. Muhahahahahahaha. Muhahahahahahahaha. Muhahahahahaha!
D: BWAHAHAHAHAHA...
P: Hold on a sec. It's Muhahahahahaha, not bwahahahaha.
D: Ok.
P: Try it again now.
D: Muhahahahahahaha
P: Muhahahahahahaha...
Part 3 Coming soon
Wow, you can write better than George Lucas (it's not that hard, but he got a lot of award nominations) and thank you for using my idea.
Originally posted by Dr Edison 007
Wow, you can write better than George Lucas (it's not that hard, but he got a lot of award nominations) and thank you for using my idea.
Thank you. Did I give you adequate credit for your idea? Part 3 coming someday.
-Boran
Part 3
[Scene 14: Senate Chamber]
(The Senators are fiercely debating a bill which would legalize marijuana)
Senator from Planet 1: This bill is proposterous!
Senators: Here here! (Cheering)
Senator from Planet 2: I disagree!
Senators: Here here! (Cheering)
SP3: You are all fat!
Senaors: Here here! (cheering)
SP4: Heil Jar Jar! (Does Nazi Salute)
(Crickets)
Palpatine: OK...
[Scene 15: A Dark Alley on Coraceant]
(Dooku is meeting with a mysterious person)
Mysterious Person: Ya... I'll do your job, for a price.
Dooku: How much ya want?
MP: 10
Dooku: 10?
MP: Yes, 10.
Dooku: 10?
MP: For God's sake yes! 10!
Dooku: Very well (Hands over 10 dollar bill)
MP: 10 dollars?
Dooku: Yes.
MP: (breaks down laughing)
Dooku: What's so funny?
MP: You bozo! 10 million credits!
Dooku: Oh, ummm... do you take credit cards?
MP: Yes, I take Republican Express.
Dooku: Oh... crud. I only have Mastercard.
MP: Do you have a checkbook?
Dooku: Ummm... kindoff.
MP: What do you mean kindoff?
Dooku: I kindoff, well, threw it away... but I got a picture of it!
MP: Oh brother (Shakes head). Well, I guess I can't help you then.
Dooku: Please, I'll do anything!
MP: Anything?
[Scene 16: Mysterious Person's bedroom]
(Dooku and the mysterious person have finished... ummmm... ya)
MP: That had to have been the best I've ever had.
Dooku: I agree! Now, about that job.
MP: Oh yes, you want me to do what now?
Dooku: Kill all the jedi.
MP: (Breaks down laughing)
Dooku: I'm serious!
MP: Let me tell you something, I can kill maybe one or two jedi, but not 200!
Dooku: Oh, but you can. You see, my master has disabled their force powers, they are hopeless against you.
MP: How did he do that?
Dooku: He gave them some Columbian love!
MP: I see. Very well, I shall comence with killing all the Jedi. Muhahahaha.
Dooku: Muhahahaha!
[Scene 17: Jedi Council]
(A random 50 Cent song is in the background, the Jedi council members are high and dancing)
Yoda: Oh ya! Oh ya! @%#@$#$@$!
MW: #%@#%$@^@!
(Someone crashes through the window)
Yoda: Did you hear something Master Windu?
MW: Yes! The music, feel the music.
Yoda: Oh ya! Oh ya! Oh ya! OWWW! (Yoda has been hit by a blaster)
MW: Yoda dawg, you alright man?
Yoda: Yes.
MW: THen get up and dance!
Yoda: Oh ya, Oh ya!
Palpatine: (Running in) Holy crap! Who's that!?
MP: Yes, who am I you ask? I am... Boba Fett!
Yoda: Oh, I've seen you before, you were in that Viagra infomercial
Bobba Fett: Yes, that was me.
Yoda: Could you hook me up with some please, I'm running low...
BF: Very well.
MW: Oh, and me too please.
BF: OK. Well, I guess I'll be seeing you later then.
Yoda: OK, bye now.
(Fett leaves)
Yoda: What a nice person. Now, where were we? Oh ya! Oh ya!
Will the Jedi fall? Will Dooku ever get a brain? And why was Bobba Fett in a Viagra commercial? Stay tuned...
-Boran