Oh come on... it's like a game to come up with a clever retort for the person with the most idiotic comment.
Why don't you make some more webcomics? They were pretty amusing, if memory serves, like the America's Most Tragic Home Videos one.
(sean: check your PMs, now. metallus calls.)
Internet stuff is a lot of work.
You're not the dude behind the Electric Big Bang Swing Machine are you? I remember being linked to it from one of the older forums and digging it quite a bit. It's been a while since a new issue came out.
How about all members are given mod powers and we go on a week long closing topic binge? You know you want to.
You're probably tempting the (ironic) topic-closing fates as it is.