What good is a rebellion if you don't have a political resistance radio station?

I am here and now declaring Radio Free Saturn on the air. Post your most outlandish and nonrelevant declarations here, and the miracle of computer-driven hyperelectric communication will make your sordid thoughts a mere mouseclick away.

I always thought mice squeaked, not clicked. Oh, well...

On with the show. I'll start. Blaze the engines a little longer tonight, lads! We want plenty of velocity when we reach the airport. In this day and age of radar, the element of surprise must be raced for--faster I say! The altitude is just no good for us--not enough oxygen, and the UV rays are making fierce hallucinations of armed clowns burst into the cockpit. Give me the stick and go get me some whiskey; the real men have serious flying to do...

http://www.jediknight.net/mboard/biggrin.gif) Hah? Who's next?

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"The entire universe is simply the fractal chaos boundary between intersecting domains of high and low energy."

Hmmph. You guys are no fun.

Sure We're Fun! http://www.jediknight.net/mboard/smile.gif)


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much luv everyone
-<font color=pink>Kat</font>

"I was swimming in the Caribbean. Animals were hiding behind the rock. Except the little fish. But they told me, he swears. Trying to talk to me to me to me..."

Nine out of ten presidential candidates aren't financed by the Cosa Nostra.

Okay, seven out of ten...

Very interesting.

as i returned to my hundai, i noted several imprisoned elves posing as a jazz trio, although there were six of them or so, but there might as well have been six and a half. suddenly i felt an urge to twitch wildly--half an elf was poking me with a cattle prod! (as you'll soon see, cattle prods are a recurring theme in this anecdote of sorts.) as i lost conciousness, i was lulled to a state of dream by the seven, no, eight revolving heads of the late comic chris farley.

*********************************************

i woke up in a hospital bed surrounded by big neddy, a stunt double for chris farley, and a toothpick, a stunt double for callista flockheart. "are you all right?" asked neddy; "no, but you know what'll make me..." i replied, winking uncontrollably. i felt my soul being massaged by the swaying rythms of war's lowrider, being beaten down, down, into the ground by korn's falling away from me, at which point i promptly fainted on ducky, emitting a deafening quack.

next.

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http://www.starwars.com/snapshot/1999/20/img/merchant_sm.jpg)

[This message has been edited by lightbulba (edited January 14, 2000).]

You call this a castle? Geese everywhere, and not enough outlets! Some day the lord will come back from the crusades, and it'll be a rude awakening for some. No more basketball! Wipe your sabatons on the drawbridge! Somebody fetch me my bow; I have a whole box of pencils, and I want to see how far I can make them go.

http://www.jediknight.net/mboard/biggrin.gif?)

Bad kitty! Look what you've done! By cancelling out the refractive coefficient for pi, you've completely locked all positive sine waves into infinitely regressive logarithms! No tuna tonight...

Next?

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"The entire universe is simply the fractal chaos boundary between intersecting domains of high and low energy."

<font color=orange>...Thus we can take this function of increasing incomprehensibility, reevaluate it on strictly limitless crtiteria based in random chance, and still completely fail to undermine our own personal sense of drastic, non-linear confusion in an early digital/late industrial anthropological context!</font>

Or, in the words of some punk with a shotgun:

<font color=yellow>"When did my personal emphasis on seeking the purity of perfection switch to seeking the perfection of purity?"</font>

http://www.jediknight.net/mboard/biggrin.gif?)

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"The entire universe is simply the fractal chaos boundary between intersecting domains of high and low energy."

[This message has been edited by Zoom Rabbit (edited January 20, 2000).]

<font size=5>Electric Sheep Jokes!</font>

Q: "Why did the electric sheep cross the road?"
A: "Because a negative charge on the other side precipitated electromagnetic attraction."

"Does an electric sheep have a Buddha nature?"

Q: "Knock! Knock!"
A: "Who's there?"
Q: "Electric sheep!"
A: "Electric sheep who?"
Q: "Baaa!" *Fzap! Crackle!*

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"The entire universe is simply the fractal chaos boundary between intersecting domains of high and low energy."

<font size=1>Lightbulba? No sooba baghwashka?</font>

Hyperspherical postfrontal transcendentalism! http://www.jediknight.net/mboard/biggrin.gif)

"...So this electric sheep walks into a bar and sez, 'gimme a shot of whiskey.' The bartender sez, 'We don't serve your kind in here.' So the electric sheep discharges 112,000 kilowatts of static electricity into the bar, instantly frying the bartender and all the patrons. Moral: don't mess with electric sheep."

<font size=1>Now why is everyone being so quiet?</font>

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"The entire universe is simply the fractal chaos boundary between intersecting domains of high and low energy."

Where did you get those from?
Sorry, I haven't really made the connection with those quotes either....

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The trouble with heroine, or so I've heard, is that it's rather moreish

No quotes. No sources.

This space cowboy don't work with a net, buck-o! http://www.jediknight.net/mboard/wink.gif)

"Get away from that pressure hatch! Twelves inches of space are all that are separating us from your butt and being sucked bodily into the frigid airlessness of eternal space! Do you want 'stupid cabin monkey' etched on your tombstone? Oh, wait--there wouldn't be one! Just a quick-frozen meat popsicle, ruptured at the cellular level, forever wearing an expression of complete surprise and floating endlessly in a long solar orbit of its own..."

You get on the bus. You pay your quarter. I take you places. That's all.

Did I mention that Radio Free Saturn has an open mike policy? Tonight just happens to be amateur night! http://www.jediknight.net/mboard/biggrin.gif)

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"The entire universe is simply the fractal chaos boundary between intersecting domains of high and low energy."

[This message has been edited by Zoom Rabbit (edited January 20, 2000).]

With hosts like you, every night is amateur night.

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"The Beasts know much that we do not." -Ancient Jedi proverb

<font color=blue><font size=1>Now that you'e leaned so far forward that your nose feels staticky and squinted just to read this, aren't you sorry you even bothered in the first place?</font></font>

Please accept my apology Mr. Rabbit.

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The trouble with heroine, or so I've heard, is that it's rather moreish

Apologize to an oversexed rodent with silly ears? Whatever for, man?

Zoom Rabbit just bought X-Wing for his PC. Violence is really a lot of fun! http://www.jediknight.net/mboard/biggrin.gif)

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"The entire universe is simply the fractal chaos boundary between intersecting domains of high and low energy."

"Last one alive. Shields down, ship on fire. If I could get the computers online, I could send a distress call--not that any help could possibly arrive in time. This whole beastly star system is full of one-man fighters...they snipped away our shields, then the fun began. I've got the engines jacked into what's left of life support, and we're heading out of the system at full impulse. I can get away from the slower fighters, but now there are capital ships closing in. I'm going to load this log into the emergency beacon and jettison it, in hopes word gets back to Starfleet...don't make fun of the silly little TIE fighters!!!"

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"The entire universe is simply the fractal chaos boundary between intersecting domains of high and low energy."

. . .Unless you can back it up.

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"The Beasts know much that we do not." -Ancient Jedi proverb

<font color=yellow>"Elves are delicious! I wouldn't have thought the fat guy could put up so much of a fight, though..."</font>

And the reindeer?

<font color=yellow>"Too stringy...and I ain't eatin' no animal that glows in the dark!"</font>

I guess I won't be getting coal next year...

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"The entire universe is simply the fractal chaos boundary between intersecting domains of high and low energy."

"Why is the sky blue?"

"What does a whale think a submarine is?"

"Does the wise man on the mountain top have the whole world up his butt?"

So many questions. So few hostages. http://www.jediknight.net/mboard/wink.gif)

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"The entire universe is simply the fractal chaos boundary between intersecting domains of high and low energy."

i was quick to think that the dollar bill shoved down the throat of a goeduck posted on the side of a barb wire fence was a disastrous take on western symbolism. being with myst and riven co-creator rand miller at the time, i tried to act natural; thus, i evaluated and expanded on the idea. only a few facts were clear in my mind:

1. the catastrophe had to be influenced by someone with a vast knowledge of anatomy; i could object to geoducks having throats with quiet but timely ease. the person i have in mind here is big neddy.

2. a few is about one.

the lucid somophore bottle cap was an inspiring piece...i'd have to leave the problems to the wind; the lawn was freshly vacuumed, and the breeze was stale. i picked up a pail and a personally patented packet of papers; it was time to terrify the torrent temporaries.

------------------
thespian thermodynamics think thistle. but what of cockatoo coccyges?
http://www.starwars.com/snapshot/1999/20/img/merchant_sm.jpg)

[This message has been edited by lightbulba (edited January 24, 2000).]

<font color=red>CLAM SAUCE!!!</font> http://www.jediknight.net/mboard/biggrin.gif)

I never did trust those buggers. They go best in a nice fettucine alfredo, if you ask me...

<font color=blue>"...Flaccid rock art of the diseased minds who died centuries ago should never be brought into a twenty-first century architecture symposium. Away with ye! Take the victim's credentials, issue some less suitable clothing and turn him loose on the streets to fend for biscuits. Arr!"</font>

I have a silver dollar. It has one ounce of pure silver in it, which is worth much more than a dollar. What the hell is going on here?

?.........???......?

http://www.jediknight.net/mboard/biggrin.gif?)

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"The entire universe is simply the fractal chaos boundary between intersecting domains of high and low energy."

Bacofoil!? That's my nuclear fallout suit. One day the bombs are gonna drop and I'm gonna be ready.

Hold it! Stop!

Before this radio show goes any further, I want to know, here and now--and without any obfuscation or misdirection--exactly what the hell <font color=yellow>processed cheese food</font> is supposed to be!!!

These are serious issues that need to be resolved.

<font color=orange><font size=1>Quack?</font></font>

Shh. Not now.

Well...I can't seem to remember why I came here, or where this is. But I'm sure it's something I once did not fail to recognize before.

Who are all these people?

Can I have some medicine now?

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"I'm sorry...what was the question?"

<font color=blue>Well wax my hair and call me squeaky! It's President Reagan! Over here, sir--we have you signed up to help make sandwiches in the lobby. If you'll just follow me...</font>

I expect to find this submarine absolutely spotless by the time I get back!

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"The entire universe is simply the fractal chaos boundary between intersecting domains of high and low energy."

Quick, somebody paint spots on the submarine.

Big yellow ones. . .

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"The Beasts know much that we do not." -Ancient Jedi proverb

Well, now!

Radio Free Saturn is back on the air!!! A well-placed terrorist psychokinetic pulse of some kind cause my monitor to go <font color=yellow>FZAP--!</font> <font size=1>*Twinkle*</font>

...But things are going just fine now. I like the spots, so they can stay...but that life-size cardboard cut-out of Captain kirk in a dress willl have to go.

I've noticed something. No matter where I go, the center of the Earth is always straight down.

...and it's really starting to creep me out!

<font size=1><font color=red>"Full speed ahead! We still haven't lost that bastard!"</font></font>

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"The entire universe is simply the fractal chaos boundary between intersecting domains of high and low energy."

Oops, sorry, just stumbled onto this thread by accident!

*slowly backs away*

I won't be back!

Too late!

*(Zoom Rabbit isolates Crater with an angular confinement beam an transports her into a holding cell.)*

You're the guest of honor, now! Haw! Haw! Haw! Have some brandy. Cigar? Tell us about your latest tour of the Indian subcontinent. Where you able to verify that that Ghandi figure is indeed dead and not preparing to come back like some hundred-something year old voodoo thrash vampire?

<font size=1>I'm just scared, that's all...</font>

No, Ghandi won't be back. He's human, not Vodun, and the Vodun aren't interested in using him as a host since his body was too frail to make a good warrior.

You're right to be scared though. http://www.jediknight.net/mboard/wink.gif)

------------------
"The Beasts know much that we do not." -Ancient Jedi proverb

Thank God for entropy! http://www.jediknight.net/mboard/biggrin.gif)

(As the philosophers, scientists and thelogians in the house are chewing on that one, I'll get on with the program.)

<font color=orange>"...Why does it have to be so dark down here? The rats are everywhere, and the constant dripping noises echoing endlessly can drive one insane in less than an hour. Man, these tunnels go on forever! I'll bet that if you follow deep enough, you'll wander into hell itself. Is this a body? No matches left, and I don't want to see it anyway. My only hope is finding a ladder up, or grates, or something...otherwise I'm just waiting for the next s***ter to flush. Crap!"</font>

I wonder if the local pot smokers know that <font color=green>4-20</font> is actually Adolf Hitler's birthday? Yikes!

It has been proven by valid scientific means that when a subject stuffs a dollar bill in a parking meter, time is frozen forever. We are ourselves not aware of the event, since the freezing of time effectively destroys that quantum timeline, but other realities (us) continue on in other timelines.

--So don't try it! Not only will you get a ticket for ruining public property, you will destroy and entire universe by doing so!!! <font size=1>Ooops. I just gave them ideas, didn't I?</font>

Important disclaimer: Zoom Rabbit is actually a very sophisticated artificial intelligence routine, and as such is not held legally responsible for the results of its random string generations. So there.

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"The entire universe is simply the fractal chaos boundary between intersecting domains of high and low energy."

<font color=red>"...Woo-hoo! I just rode into town ahead of them injuns, and boy am I thirsty! Anyone wanna buy an authentic injun chief's peace pipe, still smouldering? Get away from my horse! He's from the future--he doesn't eat oats, but drinks a petroleum distillate. Anyone interested in authentic Sioux medicine bags? Back off my rifle, son! That ain't no Winchester you're toying with! Ever see what a clip of AP fifty-caliber machine gun rounds can do to an injun war party? Buckskins! I've got authentic injun buckskins here--still warm, some blood stains. I'm hanging onto the turquoise jewelry, though...it'll be worth a fortune back in my time!"</font>

"...Hello. This is john Lennon's Ghost. I just wanted to see if any of you were interested in subscribing to Dead Rock Stars Today. This month's edition has a review of this year's handgun models by Jimi Hendrix, and Elvis' secret recipe for beer barbecued pork ribs."

No! Get OUT of here! You should have taken your crazy girlfriend with you...! http://www.jediknight.net/mboard/biggrin.gif)

<font color=yellow>"...Is it true that the ancient Egyptians invented pinball? And what about line dancing? Which inbred Scottish Highland hillbilly came up with that fevered notion?"</font>

We don't need gears! Strip 'em--I don't care! http://www.jediknight.net/mboard/biggrin.gif)

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"The entire universe is simply the fractal chaos boundary between intersecting domains of high and low energy."

[This message has been edited by Zoom Rabbit (edited February 04, 2000).]

<font color=orange>BANZAI TERIYAKI CHICKEN:</font>

<font size=1>In addition to racing jet podracers, piloting Rebel space fighters, hosting an underground radio station and comparing the insights of both western and eastern mysticism, Zoom Rabbit also cooks for a living. The following recipe is his gift to his listeners. Bone appetite! (Yes, I know I misspelled that! C'etait une blague, utulisante les similarities entre le francais et l'anglais...mais probablement ce point soit perdu pour ces cochons.) Anyway.</font>

Step one: the chili rub.

Get some nice, hot serrano or scotch bonnet chili peppers. This recipe is not for wussies. Anyway, peel an onion and cut it into sections...roast them along with your whole peppers on the backyard grill. After they've cooled, remove the chili stems, toss the chilis and onion in the cuisinart, along with: cider vinegar, olive oil, tabasco, a dash of wocestershire, whole garlic cloves, salt and pepper. Puree the stuff, balancing vinegar and oil until you get a thick, slushy consistency.

Step two: the teriyaki sauce.

Make it from scratch. If you can't handle this, you don't deserve to be eating nice food, and you should go to McDonald's for dinner. The key to this recipe is to use orange juice instead of pineapple juice in your sauce. Fresh squeeze some valencia oranges if you can...if not, the bottled juice will have to do (*sigh*). Heat your orange juice along with a healthy dash of soy sauce and a big handful of brown sugar (taste for sweetness) until boiling. Thicken with a corn starch slurry (a little starch mixed with cold water.) Season your teriyaki with a little ginger and cumin, or whatever spices you feel like using--it's your sauce. The sauce should be thick enough to cling to a spoon, then allowed to cool uncovered in a refrigerator.

Step three: cooking the monster.

Prepare your chicken by coating it with your chili rub and allowing it to sit out while you get the backyard grill started. When the coals are glowing, throw your chicken on the grill. Walk over to the tree and find some dry sticks; throw them on the coals, then drop the lid on your grill and let them chicken smoke like bandits. When the chicken is halfway done, brush on your teriyaki sauce (it should have thickened to a nice glaze overnight). You know the chicken is done when you can whack through the thickest part of the drumstick and find no blood in the marrow. Due to this dish's spiciness, I suggest serving it with lots of starchy rice to cool it down.

That's it. Yummy eatings, all. http://www.jediknight.net/mboard/biggrin.gif)


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"The entire universe is simply the fractal chaos boundary between intersecting domains of high and low energy."

and now, an essay on coherency:
no, johnny! no...
hmph. what now? we're lost out here in the middle of the desert, with nothing but a couple barrels of vodka and some danimals! and some growth hormones, so we can see the moon! aye, here's to you, sanders--
an' what about johnny? are we just gonna leave 'im 'ere? what do you fancy we should do otherwise? i'm not hinting at anything, but the cranky tapioca-bottom probably whittled his way to this injured state. aw, what? can't you take an iota o' ye olde sympathy? dammit, man! sorry.i don't see why we need to take the training wheels off... stop yer yappin! no trainin' wheels until we figure out what to do with appleseed here. all right, you heard the man. fetch me neosporin! and some anesthetic! you don't need anesthetic for that, fascist! fascist, i'm not! anesthetic? why not use notting hill as usual? shut up! julia roberts shoulda gotten that golden globe. *sniffle* an' me training wheels? yes, we can take 'em off for ye... off? he wants 'em back on! johnny, snap out of it! what's this? the anesthetic's taking effect! *sniffle*
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jumping jumpers! johnny's got them candy-color glasses! sigh, i be cornered, lose the training wheels! was that a vocalization? dammit, man!
http://www.starwars.com/snapshot/1999/20/img/merchant_sm.jpg)
big moral dilemma:
should he lose the training wheels? will johnny be saved? post opinions to flyaway_fatboy69@yahoo.com .

[This message has been edited by lightbulba (edited February 04, 2000).]

Ladies and gentlement, this is your president, Ronnie. Let's see. Well, I've got my banjo here, and my dog Rusty...and we're gonna...well, we're just gonna...uhh...just what were we--?

<font color=red>"Bark!"

<font color=orange>"Secret Service here. Get the president backstage and administer his medicine. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm afraid that tonight's concert has been cancelled."</font>

That's okay. It probably wasn't worth sitting through anyway.

He wanted to bring his horse up there with him, but I refused. We just aren't equipped to deal with fetid ponycakes of that magnitude.

Maybe I should cancel the Jimmy Carter and Marilyn Manson debates I have scheduled for tomorrow night...

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"The entire universe is simply the fractal chaos boundary between intersecting domains of high and low energy."

Whoa! Careful, Zoom Rabbit, Radio Free Saturn almost went down in (or should I say 'as') history!

Keep posting people!


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"The Beasts know much that we do not." -Ancient Jedi proverb

the results are in!
votes for:
should he lose the training wheels? (y/n):
yes: 0
no: 0
should johnny be saved? (y/n):
yes: 0
no: 0

with any luck, it's intended to be a double negative and the pack will give appleseed some prosthetic training wheels until he hits the rocker.
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http://www.starwars.com/snapshot/1999/20/img/merchant_sm.jpg)

[This message has been edited by lightbulba (edited February 10, 2000).]

Spinach my ass!

And what's he got in that pipe, anyway?

C'etait une blague, utulisante les similarities entre le francais et l'anglais...mais probablement ce point soit perdu pour ces cochons.

Alors, M. Lapin. Le point n'etait pas perdu pour tous ici. Et les petits lettres ne t'aides pas. Peut-etre vous voulez chercher une autre langue pour nous insulter? http://www.jediknight.net/mboard/smile.gif)

porcs? je suis а une perte pour des mots.
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http://www.starwars.com/snapshot/1999/20/img/merchant_sm.jpg)

[This message has been edited by lightbulba (edited February 13, 2000).]

I am too, Lightbulba.

<font color=blue>The Bio-degradable remote control quintuple-bypass integral surgery in Hungary, San Fransisco went well, thank you.
</font>

[This message has been edited by roguetwo (edited February 13, 2000).]

<font color=orange>"...Une autre langue? Pourquoi? Le francais (la langue des cochons francais) est obvieusement le meilleur.</font> http://www.jediknight.net/mboard/smile.gif)

Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, I have kidnapped several key thinkers from history (with the use of my time machine/transporter) and assembled a top-notch think panel. Aristotle is here, along with Einstein, Hawking, Yeshua, Newton, Gautama and others. My purpose? To answer the question: "Do penguins like the water?"

Well? Do they?

*(Key historical figures exchange astonished glances. Much shrugging.)*

<font color=orange>Stephen Hawking: "Well, they seem to."</font>

<font color=red>Siddartha Gautama: "I get it."</font>

<font color=yellow>Yeshua: "Me, too."</font>

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"The entire universe is simply the fractal chaos boundary between intersecting domains of high and low energy."

reader poll:
why do you wish "yxput" was a word? is it...
a - pickup lines (i.e. "give me your input on this yxput")
b - scrabble (i.e. "hey! 'yxput' isn't a word!" "yes it is!" "oh yeah? use it in a sentence." "all right... 'hey! would you look at that yxput?'" "oh, okay."
c - you're looking for a rhyme for "slit foot" (i.e. "aye-eee!)
d - beastmaster's blasted word game (i.e. "eat my dust, crater!")
send your worthless discharge to flyaway_fatboy69@yahoo.com .
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http://www.starwars.com/snapshot/1999/20/img/merchant_sm.jpg)

[This message has been edited by lightbulba (edited February 13, 2000).]

Zoomer--

We tried your recipe for Banzai Teriyaki Chicken (we were out of chicken and substituted unborn goat). It was very good--only two casualties, none fatal.

The Scotch bonnet peppers (or Habaneros, as we call them out here on the Left Coast) reminded me of one of my favorite recipes, which I now share with you:

Jamaican Jerked Gungan

First, prepare a marinade of:

3 tbsp ground allspice
1 tbsp thyme
2 tsp cayenne
1 tsp black pepper
1 tsp nutmeg
1 tsp cinnamon
1 tbsp salt
3 mashed cloves of fresh garlic
3 tbsp brown sugar
1/4 cup vegetable oil
1/4 cup soy sauce
1/2 cup white vinegar (or rice vinegar)
1/4 cup orange juice concentrate
juice of 1 or 2 limes
1 Scotch bonnet pepper (if unavailable, serranos or jalapenos may be substituted, but quadruple amount and be sure to include all the seeds)
1 cup white onion, chopped
3 or 4 green onions, chopped

Add meat to the marinade. Make sure the Gungan is either freshly killed or fresh-flash-frozen (available in the alien foods section at Trader Joe's).

Note: Gungan flesh develops a distinctly fishy flavor if left out long at room temperature; the marinade, however, will keep any off flavor from forming.

Marinate for at least three hours under refrigeration. Grill over hot coals, preferably mesquite or Nabooian kooferi wood. Meat is done when crackling crisp outside, pinkish-gray inside. When stuck with a fork, juices should run clear. If the juice is streaked with green and yellow goo, continue grilling a little longer.

I've heard that this recipe is also good with chicken, pigeon, pork, dog, cat, harbor seal, and kangaroo rat as well.

--wiz

<font color=red>"Fetch me my speargun and snorkel! Dinner's on!"</font>

If anyone had told me, twenty-five years ago, that Fonzie and Howie would be respected movie directors, I would have smacked myself in the head with my own shoe and asked for directions to the train museum.

<font color=orange>*Bing!* "...Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. If any of our passengers happen to be carrying a socket wrench, please inform the nearest stewardess. Thank you."</font>

<font size=5><font color=red>Crunch!</font></font>

<font color=orange>*Bing!* "...Ladies and gentlemen, for your inflight entertainment we will now be simulating combat acceleration maneuvers. Please return your seats to the upright position and buckle your seatbelts..."</font>

Is this gun only for shooting bullets, or can I use it as a kitchen utensil as well? I could make lovely spiral carrots by forcing them through the barrel...

<font size=1>Glad you liked the banzai bird, Wiz...I'll divulge my secret recipe for Jamaican Banana Romanoff this coming Wednesday. Shhh...</font> http://www.jediknight.net/mboard/wink.gif)

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"The entire universe is simply the fractal chaos rubber-duckie between intersecting domains of high and low energy."

[This message has been edited by Zoom Rabbit (edited February 14, 2000).]

One vote for yxput! Then the voting is anonymous! It's officially a word!

(btw, the answer is D) http://www.jediknight.net/mboard/smile.gif)

[This message has been edited by Darth Crater (edited February 14, 2000).]