So please entertain me with the dumbest, stupidist, most dim-witted stuff you did as a kid. And no, please make no entrys along the l lines of "I ate my **** and it made me sick".
P.S. All non funny entrys shall be smitten.
Well, this is one of my earliest memories, but it's vividly burnt into my head. The story goes: I was 3 years old, and I enjoyed speeding around on my trike, as any normal 3 year old would do. However, on one particular day, I was not wearing any shoes or socks. First phase of scooting started out normal...pedal pedal pedal. UNTIL I had the unfortunate task of having to brake. I usual method; planting both feet down on the concrete that was moving swiftly underfoot. Being barefoot, this resulted in all 10 of my toes being badly scraped, and all were bloody. Luckily there was no permanent physical damage, but that was my first memory of bleeding, and I doubt that I knew what it was at the time. I developed a healthy fear of it up until about age 8. The end.
When I was 2, I had the same lack of common sence that I have today...
Being the little dare-devil baby that I was, one of my favorite pass times was balancing on the brick fireplace with one foot. One day while preforming to a great audiance consiting of both cats and the dog, a sudden upstream of wind forced me off and I fell face first onto the kitchen tile. It was my first black eye, but, being headstrong, I attempted the feat time and time again! One day while I was practicing the triple back olley alley oop, I lost control as a butterfly distracted me at a critical moment in my execution. I once again fell face first into the kitchen tile, only this time blackening my other eye. None-the-less, my dad called me "Rhino-baby" for a year strait.
But I got back at him.... ...*evil baby laughter*
When I was 3 years old...
I had a tiny key. It was the type of key that fit into lockable diaries...in other words, aluminum-thin and small. I remember thinking, "I've seen daddy amd mommy put things like this in a slot and make things go.
Anyway, the closest slot that I could reach was an innocent looking power socket. I guess I thought I could drive the house like a car, because I stuck that key into the socket. ZZZAAAPPP!
I remember jumping around the room for a few seconds. I must have thrown the circut breaker, because everything went dark and my dad asked, "What happened to the lights?"
But it didn't efffect me one bit...did it?
Oooh, I am reminded of another story now. This occured during my adolescent blur, probably 12 or 13 years old. I was playing outfield in a heated game of kickball on the school blacktop. The ball flew my way, I focused in on it and started running towards it. What I failed to realize was that there was a large metal tetherball pole between me and the ball. I ran head-on into it, and gave myself a nice concussion and black/yellow/blue eye. I still have a bit of scar tissue under the skin above my right eye, right where I hit.
When I was like 3 or 4, I was on an important yet dangerous mission to get cheese off the counter for me to eat. I was doing well untill I somehow slipped, fell and bit my tounge pretty deep while climbing up. My mother took me to the emergency room while while my dad (dislikes blood) had to clean up the bloody 'Marks of Revenge' that I left behind.
Needless to say, my mission ended in a complete failure. Untill next time...
I assasinated Jean-Rotruique Bernard.
STUPID CHILDHOOD STORIES! THE BALL'S IN SHEA'S COURT NOW!!!
I have a few actually. This one is as told by my mom, because i can't remember anything under the age of 7. When i was about 4, i had one of those plastic ficher-price cars, you know the ones. Anyway, my granmother was over visisting, and i was riding around inmy dorky little car. My grandmother was standing on the sidewalk in front of our house talking with my dad. I pulled up behind them and said "damnidiot damnidiot". My grandmother turned around apalled and asked "excuse me?" i replied "damnidiot damnidiot, its what mommy says when she wants someone to move". Apparently i had gotten my mother in trouble, because my grandmother had about a half an hour talk with her after that. True story, folks i ain't kidding.
This one isn't actually a story, its more of a list of crazy things. When i was around five, i lived on some ugly-ass suburbian street with a bunch of crazy trouble making children, sounds normal enough, but it was the wierdest place in the world:
- We used to nail ply-wood to skate boards and go 20 mph down our slanted street. Sometimes the object was to get to the finish even if you had to hit the other person off thier vehicle, which i did... alot.
- I was staring at my bike one day, when i realized it was quite boring. So, in an attempt to make it more interesting, i turned it into a moble artillery base. It had two WORKING rocket launchers on either side, which i fired up the street until they hit a house or something, and about 5 roman candles pointing in every direction. The cool part was it was all controlled by a button board on my handle bars that turned on an electric model rocket igniter when pressed, which set off all the stuff. *sniff* to be a kid again...
- Once every year, there would come a day when crickets and grasshoppers would literally flood our streets at night. This of course was one of the best days of the year. we would ride out bikes through the crickets, which was very amusing because there was a trail of dead crickets in the morning. And we'd light firecrackers and toss them at the crickets, this produced what we called "cricket showers". Our parents didn't approve, but they didn't stop us because they hated them anyway.
- Me and my freind used to play the stuppidest game in the world: "The Trampoline Game", sounds harmless enough. But the object was to run full speed at the person standing on the mini-trampoline, and hit them off in different ways. It looked very painful, but was actually quite fun. We'd give names to some of the little moves we used to mutilate eachother, they're not to hard to guess what they looked like: there was the "cannonball", the "superman", the "head-butt", the "stomach-punch", and the "knee-crunch". those were just a few.
looking back on my childhood, i think its safe to say i was a wreckless lunatic. Nothing much has changed:D