Granted. But now that your computer is so powerful it decides it no longer needs you and manages to get rid of you.

I wish I could sing Paint It Black over and over again

Granted, but now, that is the only thing you can do.

I wish I had a silver-tongue and could convince anyone about anything.

Granted. But unfortunately, you end up with a Bronze tongue, and only convince a few people, of the odd occasional thing.

I wish world conflict could be solved with womens mudwrestling

mtfbwya

Granted, but that is soon obsolete, as men's mudwrestling takes over, and world conflict begins once again...

I wish life was like a cup of Vodka, normal-looking, but packs a punch.

Granted, but the punch is to the groin.

I wish real-life superheroes were more prominent.

Grantedm but they are so prominent, that all of them disappear due to their self-righteousness.....

I wish I were super-hero.

Granted. You're Captain Carnage, who pretends to be a supervillain so he can get beaten up.

I wish I was Dan Dreiberg's Nite Owl.

Granted, you are an owl that belongs to Dan Dreiberg.

I wish that I could rule Hell.

Granted. You now have a crap plastic 30cm ruler, a pencil and a large piece of paper with the word HELL written on it. Rule away!

I wish I could excel in the fields of mathematics and chicanery

mtfbwya

Granted, but now you stink at everything else......

I wish I were a genius beyond reckoning...

Granted. Your genius is so beyond reckoning, your mouth cannot comprehend to speak it and you just end up drooling

I wish I could invent a catapult that harnessed the hidden power of Owls

mtfbwya

Granted, but the power the owls have corrupts you, and you become a strange owl who flys forever...until you hit something, like a jet engine....

I wish I had a WMD that exploded in marshmallows.

Granted. But your poor judgement in using Stealth Recon Clown-Ops means your chances of finding these WMD's are minimal.

I wish I could use the 'ancient magick' of paperclips to communicate with the spirit realm of the horse universe

mtfbwya

Granted, but the horse spirits soon posses your body after discovering them, and you begin to winny and nay...in multiple ways.

I wish I had an ability to move things with my mind.

Granted, but you dont have the ability to control it on your own, causing you to move a car and dropping it on top of you.

I wish I owned the Wall-Mart shopping branch around the world.

Granted, but unfortunately, Wall-Mart is in the shadow of Walmart and you make no money.

I wish that I could transmute objects into gold.

Granted, but you lose control of this ability, and turn yourself into gold when you are touring a volcano, and fall into the hot lava....

I wish I had the power to fling hot lava.

Granted but it burns through your hand.

I wish I owned Walmart

Granted, but you are soon sued for your rights and are 2 billion in debt.

I wish I were the richest man in the world, incapable of being defeated in any possible way.

Granted, but you traded all your money for crack, but you believed you had won therefore it did not break your wish.

EDIT: Alternative ruin: You failed to specify which world, so you are the richest man in the fairy world

With the money gotten from the crack trade, I wish Walmart was once again the supreme market.

Granted, it soon takes over the world, declares itself sovereign, and executes you for war crimes. Happy times....:D

I wish I was the supreme leader of the world.

Granted, but you are Supreme Leader of the Barney World.

I wish I was the Supreme Leader of the Earth.

Granted, but you are tyrannical, and soon rebelled against, and your body is hung in a public canyon of buildings where the crows eat you.

I wish I were elected by popular vote to be Emperor of the Earth for life!!

granted but you are injected with a serum that increases your ageing speed so you turn age of 114 with a week and die of old age

i wish i could go to Ozz Fest until they stop having it

Granted, of course you can, but the Ozz Fest lasts only 3 seconds. Have fun.

I wish I could create a weapon of mass population.

granted but you overuse it the first time you use it, so they take it away/blow it up, and commit suicide.

i wish i had a rpg with 100,000,000,000 rockets

Granted, but it's a role playing game where you're a rocket speeding towards your target, which is dull.

I wish I were at a Queens of the Stone Age concert.

granted but it turns out you got the wrong ticket by mistake and ended up going to a KING of the stone age concert

i wish i had a Rocket Propelled Grenade with a lifetime supply of ammo

Granted, but the fire mechanism is broken.

I wish nobody could wish.

Granted, but then nobody wants ANYTHING (nobody wishes for anything, get it?) and the economy dies completely.

I wish for a pith helmet.

Granted, but it's the wrong side.

I wish for a Clockwork Pistol.

Granted, but it stops ticking and breaks.

I wish for a Walther P38 German Standard Issue Pistol, complete with leather holster.

Granted, but it gets stuck in the holster.

I wish for more opportunities to use the word "Clockwork"

Granted, you decide to go into the dead-end buisness of repairing clocks, and now, heavily in debt, you finally have your reason to use words like 'clockwork.'

I wish I were a King of a small country with the largest military on Earth.

Granted. But the country is actually is small, and your military so large, that overcrowding leads to anarchy and assassination of the King.

I wish I could find a way to stop MAFIA cows stalking women who breast feed, trying to protect their stranglehold on the supply and distribution of milk.

mtfbwya

Granted, but the cow mafia places a hitman on you, and he finishes the job before you can stop the evil cows.

I wish I had an entire army of cows at my disposal.

Granted, but they don't do anything.

I wish I was a superhero named Captain Crowbar.

Granted, but a partially deaf clerk at the superhero registry office mishears you and you are registered as Captain Blowfart

I wish I could invent a time machine that can actually tell the time, rather than just travel it

mtfbwya

Granted, but you go back in time and step on a cricket, causing a massive change to the future that you return to...but at least you know what time you did it.

I wish that I could pickpocket presidents of people with polaroid printing press problems.

Granted, but since polaroids are obsolete, your pickpocketing yields only a banana peel and a deck of nudie cards.

I wish I could organise a team of Leopards to wander the streets, scaring the spots off dalmations, and then distribute these extra spots among the Leopard Kingdom ; SPOTS=POWER!

mtfbwya

Granted, but you twist your tongue in the process of die of indegestion.

I wish I could control all objects with my mind.

Granted. You can indeed do this. But your nerve pathways, muscles, bones and joints always want to join the party.

I wish I could harness the power of a steam engine to propel a cat who is otherwise too lazy to chase the breed of mice that have mastered train engineering.

mtfbwya

Granted, but Mr. Tibble the railway cat runs the lazy cat over for being a disgrace to felinekind.

I wish that Badger could trip John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt.

Granted, but he doesn't like it, and calls upon his Fascist brother's army, George Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt.

I wish that that song was not so annoying.

Granted, but only you find it less annoying, and you frequently sing it.

I wish that the Badger song was more well known.

Granted, but now you're known as the badger suited person who accidentally stumbled and knocked Donald Trump (and his wig) off a building and sent him into a small crowd of pregnant women and splattered 20 of them and their unborn--the wig lands on a cop car driving somewhere close by doing 73mph and spooks the officer into driving on the sidewalk and taking out upwards of about 50-60 people --All of them sustaining serious injuries if not death, and the cop ends up going off of a ramp, crashing and exploding his car killing him, his rookie, the 3 petty criminals in the back and the resultant explosion happened to kill everyone in the vicinity within a 15 ft radius, injure others nearby with fire or shrapnel, carry over into the MAJOR main gas lines of the skyscraper adjacent and now the skyscraper gets demolished and collapses killing many thousands more......but there's more, adjacent buildings were also damaged from the skyscarper's demise but thankfully not destroyed, sitll even more people were injured and or killed and now a major donor bank in one of those buildings has lost some of its supply as a result too.
As if all that wasn't enough, the media catching all the fame for you making the song famous has also caught this across every major network there is--every last little bit of it and will link it to you. Congratulations, you are now known as Death and people flee in fear at the mere thought of you.

I wish to be electrocuted by an arc welder again but this time sent flying soo hard and fast that I splatter on the wall and die...and if a catastrophe arising from it should somehow top the last one, that it goes so far out that Samus Aran in another galaxy notices it in the distance and says: Dammit GTA, how many times have I told you not to circumvent the safety measures when welding--and somehow winds up getting caught up in the destruction in the blink of an eye after finishing her sentence, flung my direction across the galaxies of the univers and the trip ends with her splattering right next to where I just got splattered. Now there are 2 icky gooey splatter spots in the same area.

Granted. Though It seems the electrocution has affected yor brain and made you forget that brevity of responses adds to the fun and pace of this game

I wish to form a committee of Cats to make Cat-like decisions with Cat-like agility

mtfbwya

Granted, but these cats are feral, and soon infect you with rabies.

I wish I could form a committee comprised of the best Samurai in the world.

Granted. But they are overruled by The Committee of Ninjas & Pirates, become humiliated, and commit honorable suicide.

I wish I could muster a herd of horse-faced men to draw facial portraits of several handsome horses

mtfbwya

Granted, but in the process, a crazy man shoots them all, saying that he could not let a man uglier then he live. The Horse-Faced men's last words were 'If we are uglier than you, then we do not want to live.'

I wish I had the powerful wand of power!