This week I’m going to address something that bothers all of us who do write here.
That is silence from our readers.
I know there is no rule that you have to post a comment, but anything, even a ‘read’ which is what I post on those reviewed in bygone days would do for some of us though ‘read and liked’ or ‘read and hated it’ would be better. There are three authors this week, all of whom I considered pick of the week that have had this problem, and considering how good that work was, I was appalled.
All right, I’m done venting.
Coruscant Entertainment Center
A Lost Journal (
http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=196231)
Kyvios
No specific period given: A series of tests proves what our hero is made of.
A minor problem with homonyms, should be faze(affect) instead of phase (change).
As others have commented the work is interesting and flowing well. Very interesting.
Pick of the Week
Returning Home (
http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=196265)
Chevron 7 Locke
Post TSL: Revan and the Exile return, and some old friends meet.
I had to agree with Mr BFA, Chev; It was good. Unlike him I was looking for errors, but saw nothing major. The story is going well, and I hope to see more.
Pick of the Week
The Value of Cheating (
http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=196278)
Adavardes
Clone War Era: A pair of Jedi investigate of all things, a card game
The biggest problem I noticed was while you have a good grasp of description, you tend to make overlong sentences.
For example; ‘Indeed, the environment was so comfortable to those of a less than honorable nature, that few would question or even notice the two cloaked figures drifting slowly out of the rain, moving to an inconspicuous seat near the stage where a pink-skinned Twi’lek woman with a tantalizing figure, and the facial features to match, danced provocatively for the eager males surrounding her, staring up at her with awe and lust’ had me wondering if I should concentrate on curves or suspicious characters.
A minor point; predatory species that would later evolve into sentience would not consider a smile a greeting. As many writers have pointed out, a canine or feline predator would define a show of teeth as a threat. Reptilian ones with teeth would likely also consider a show of teeth as aggressive.
Technical: Transdosian should be Trandoshan
That being said, I liked the master your created, and as much as others commented it was un-Jedi to allow such a crime, I think it would fit in better because the law must have consideration of intent. He reminded me of Sherlock Holmes patiently explaining to Watson how he deduced something from simple clues that had been ignored by others.
Pick of the Week
Initiation (
http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=196283)
Kado Sunrider
No era given: A Jedi mediates, and finds a new Jedi Prospect
Some convoluted sentences As an example this one; ‘Three weeks ago, the Jedi council had recieved word of a dispute between two dens of issues that needed a mediator, the smaller of the dens had requested a Jedi mediator, as a member of one of the other dens may be biased against one group or the other’ would have looked better like this:
‘Three weeks ago the Jedi council had recieved word of a dispute between two dens that needed a mediator. The smaller of the dens had requested a Jedi mediator as some members of one of the other den were biased.’ When editing I trimmed it for esthetics. First, every dispute has more than one reason behind it, and mentioning bias while necessary, the reason for that bias would be found in the course of mediation.
That being said, I wish all of those lurkers would say something. 36 hits without even a comment is average for this site, and it irritates me as much as it does this author.
The style is neat and crisp, the basics are excellent, needing only application of my standard mantra, reread, edit, rewrite, repeat until polished. So maybe I’ll get you off your posteriors;
Pick of the Week
The Rise of Prussia (
http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=196295)
Admiral Thrawn
Historical fiction: Prussia begins it’s rise.
The work needs to be edited to polish it up. As an example, the sentence ‘in which many merchant's sailed to for the fortune of a lifetime‘ would have read better as ‘to which many merchant's sailed for the fortune of a lifetime’.
My primary complaint is regarding the main character who is no more than a distant narrative voice. His rank and position is not given, his promotion not logical considering the times, which is addressed below:
Technical: Up until the very early 19th Century, the only western armies that had direct merit ‘battlefield commissions’ was the US Army and the French under Napoleon. Most officer of European armies still had commissions they bought and sold like stocks, where your lineage was more important than your capability.
The only rank you could not buy was General, which was a direct commission given by the crown. However there was even a catch to this. If you accepted a General’s rank, your colonel’s commission became a possession of the crown rather than yourself, something a junior level bureaucrat could sell. Many officers before the Crimea even resigned rather than give up that money.
By the mid 19th century this was changing, and England went to the strange ends of literally buying all of those commissions from their officers so that by the dawn of the 20th century, they now belonged not to the officers, but to the government.
Badfic: Knuckles (Find the Mistakes!!!) (
http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=196336)
Tysyacha
Set in the wrong time: Darth Vader sends out an assassin.
Tys it was funny, I’ll admit. As for the contest, consider this; When I was working on Family of Choice, you were the first to voice the threat that you would misspell every word, echoed by Endorenna. So I’ll pass.
Light Side Female Exile
kotorfanmedia
Insomnia (
http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/8729)
Bluestar705
TSL Enroute to Korriban: Three weeks after Atton’s revelation, perhaps they can heal the rift.
The only negative I can find were already addressed by Cellotlix and PrincessJaden. The distance forced by the revelation needs closing, and while you hurried it and slightly bent Atton’s character in the process, I did enjoy it.
Light Side Male Revan
On Ice's Edge (
http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/304)
Rawtooth
Post KOTOR: Carth bares his heart to the one he loves.
This is an rare one primarily because of the pairing. It is one of the possibilities I will admit, and a lot of fun because I had yet to see it specifically. I had to agree with others though. We need to see more to be sure it would work.
Pick of the Week
One Last Time (
http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/289)
Sebastian DeLaOsa
35 years after KOTOR: Bastila and Revan say goodbye.
I had to think before writing this review, primarily because it was a bit of a surprise. I decided not to wax lyrical. The angst was well done, the farewell perfect. I enjoyed the last paragraph, it was the perfect counterpoint.
Pick of the week.
The Prodigal Knight: Prologue (
http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/447)
Twilightman
A year after KOTOR on Korriban: Another dark lord rises
The piece flows well, giving us a link between KOTOR and the events happening. The newest bad guy is as bad as you might want
A pity no one commented on it since the initial post back in 2005. If you’re still out there, I hope this makes you feel better.
Pick of the Week
Connections (
http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/498)
JediQB
KOTOR on Kashyyk: Bastila reveals more of her emotions than you might believe; without saying a word.
The piece has been praised so much the only thing I can think to add at this late date is this:
Pick of the Week
Prelude: Fractures (
http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/512)
Aaron Lightblade
Four years after KOTOR: Bastila is gone, but not…
The piece is excellent! But here again is an author who hasn’t got comments about his work. Cut us some slack people!
Pick of the Week