Ow , well yeah its a bit different ofcourse .You can discuss taste's , but its the same for books and text's . And I think if you consider age and all , which I'm sure you do for the FIC's . With drawings , digital or handmade ... weird seems like something that's is completly ( spelling !!!) visual is hard to give comment.

But I see youre point , giving constructive critisem is hard .
I just wandered if this was already done or could be done in a same sort of thread . Don't now if any body on the forums has some art background , who could do this , if he/she wants it . Then not to many post art-work .

Don't feel bad--you have me beat. I have all the art capacity of a dead amoeba. :D

What level would you assign to someone who looked at Picasso's 'Nude Descending a Staircase' and said it looked like 'an overlay of time lapsed photography, and I think she is really dressed'?



But I see youre point, giving constructive critisem is hard.
I just wandered if this was already done or could be done in a same sort of thread . Don't now if any body on the forums has some art background , who could do this , if he/she wants it . Then not to many post art-work .

What you could do is ask Darth333 to advertize for an art critic. That's how I got this job.

Don't feel bad--you have me beat. I have all the art capacity of a dead amoeba. :D

*Devon points and jeers at Jae* :D

Perhaps I could be a Critic for Art...

Even dead amoebas can create art. If I can create a fossil hyolitha to wear then I am sure Jae has sufficient art capacity.
Seriously art is not difficult to critique if you have what is called the elements, certain points that artist and critics use as a guideline to assess and create art. It also requires thinking criticially though I'm not sure if Jae's nemisis can do that. Anyway if anyone is serious about having art critique, do as mach suggests and appeal to the Super Mod. It doesn't hurt to ask.

It also requires thinking criticially though I'm not sure if Jae's nemisis can do that.

Actually, drawing is my third favorite hobby. I've considered it one since before I could spell my name. Shows what you know of me. :p

Not to say I'm thinking of asking for the position, though. :)

@Potts, if you want to be a critic for art, you should first know that it's not supposed to be capitalized. :xp:

@Potts, if you want to be a critic for art, you should first know that it's not supposed to be capitalized. :xp:

:lol:, I'm not the best expert for criticing art. But yeah, perhaps Darth333 could advertise, like mach said. Also Emperor D, why don't you post some art if you've got some?

Even dead amoebas can create art.

Then my rating is even lower. I have written 3 fairy-in the-real-world books this year and three full sword and sorcery fantasy books, but every time I try to create a cover it isn't worth the pixels I used to create it!

What level would you assign to someone who looked at Picasso's 'Nude Descending a Staircase' and said it looked like 'an overlay of time lapsed photography, and I think she is really dressed'?


If you're talking about someone posting an image like that....
This one's real simple if you're talking about someone posting it in this forum--if it looks nude or pornographic, it'll get nuked--it has to comply with fanart rules and forum rules and I'm not going to play semantics with the regs. :) There is no leeway on that rule. Someone posting such will get at least a warning if not banned.

Now if you're talking about someone making that critique, it would redline my crap detector, and I'd probably ask them where they got the good drugs. But then again, I'm the practical one of the family and tend to look at things for what they are. :D

Well , Picasso is ok and I know the painting , but I'm not talking about the big ART , just what fan's make .
I think their a lot of people on this forum who like to draw stuff about star wars , but are just to shy to show it , I'm sure they could get better at it in time .
But to improve some-one has to show where you go wrong , our what to base youre style on .

And reading throw this thread I can see by MAch reviewing things and giving comments , writers of FAN fics can improve them selves .
I just thought it might work , but then again their need be lots of art/ drawings be made . And it takes time and practise to . ( Easy for me to say , already followed six years of art school and now in games-design ;))

Well , Picasso is ok and I know the painting , but I'm not talking about the big ART , just what fan's make .
I think their a lot of people on this forum who like to draw stuff about star wars , but are just to shy to show it , I'm sure they could get better at it in time .
But to improve some-one has to show where you go wrong , our what to base youre style on .

And reading throw this thread I can see by MAch reviewing things and giving comments , writers of FAN fics can improve them selves .
I just thought it might work , but then again their need be lots of art/ drawings be made . And it takes time and practise to . ( Easy for me to say , already followed six years of art school and now in games-design ;))

Oh, I'm not saying don't have art--I love seeing it here. And a good constructive critique is always helpful no matter what the medium. It's just the only thing I would feel comfortable critiquing are scrapbook pages and stick people. I can draw a mean stick person, complete with 3 hairs sticking straight up out of the top of his head. :D

Three hairs? I used to be able to put four and it looked like a box top. :D

You don't need to be an artist to give critique on art . Most people can see if a picture doesn't has perspective or it's not all in one style , or its just doesn't make sense what pose a character takes .( you can't bend your knee up with a smile on your face ;)) . Same goes for text and books , you don't be writer to tell if the story is messy and confusing .

Ofcourse for certain things like how to make a story reach , exciting. And to be a bit more believable you want some-one with a background in that area . I now some people never want to take comment .
It would be just cool if some could point me the way ... but then again I think there's to little fan art posted here , the guy would fall a sleep or lose interest.

And most of all a DEEP knowledge of the star wars universe , like a jedi :lol:

There is actually quite alot of art here now. I have two pieces I posted and an illustrated fic that has two more in it already and will likely end up with dozens. My stuff is just a small fraction of what is out there though. Just yesterday a new meber posted a bunch of really great art that makes my stuff look like bantha poo-do. Just in the time I have been here (just over half a year) the amount of art has tripled at least. I personally think it would be great if we had an art critic, but it's totally up to you guys; I don't have the credentials to criticise other people's work myself.

Jae, I made that comment when I was nineteen years old at the New York Metropolitan art museum to a girl who asked me what I thought. Of course she didn't talk to me again.

Of course every woman that has known me for a while can tell you that when it comes to women flirting, I'm even more dense.

@ mach- Is it a case of "nice legs! how much?" ;)

@Torthane- There is a heck of a load of art on these boards, and its all amazing. I cant believe i've been so ignorant of this place for the past year :(

Coruscant Entertainment Center (http://www.lucasforums.com/forumdisplay.php?f=640)

War and Love
(http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=167985)
LordRevan123

After KOTOR II: Revan and the Exile return to Telos


The style is a bit hurried. You are forgetting conversation breaks (New paragraph) editing (Word usage) and the work needs polishing. Other than that it isn’t so bad.

Trooper (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=169716)
Ambrose

The start of the Mandalorian wars from the view in the trenches.

The style is a bit on the young side, but most of the authors are, here. The storyline is interesting, since few have considered the common grunts in the stories. The Jedi, and later the Clones get most of it. I agree with most of the others; write more.

One minor problem: Tatooine according to all of the stories was first owned by several corporations over the centuries, (KOTOR I for example) and during the time of the Phantom Menace was owned by the Hutt. As far as I know it was not a member planet.

Star Wars the rise of Darth Plagius (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=170173)
Darth Grivis


Prior to The Phantom Menace: In an alternate universe, another dark lord begins his conquest.

First, you need to break the work into paragraphs. It was a lot more than two. Second, you were rushing the story. Slow it down, smooth it out. It should flow like a river, not hit people like a landslide.

I thought it interesting that your villain thought he could pull off the same trick as Sidious. Without the political wrangling, he would have failed. Second, Yoda said in Phantom Menace ‘Always two and no more’, suggesting that the Academy you have created would not have existed. That is a minor flaw, however.

The Jedi Archives
(http://www.lucasforums.com/forumdisplay.php?f=684)

The Adventures of Jolee Bindo (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=168487)
Jae Onasi

In the interim between KOTOR I and II. An Apprentice gets an unlikely master.

Jae had sent this to me, asking me to proofread it and offer corrections. Sadly the copy I sent to her disappeared, and will have to be redone, but i can say it all in one sentence.

You don’t need advice. Just keep writing.

I think it is interesting that this is the first mention that an apprentice can refuse to accept a teacher as master. Though the idea makes sense. Like a lot of the kids I have read in my year of critiquing, I want to go back and read it all.

Galactic Senate Coruscant Theater (http://www.galacticsenate.com/forumdisplay.php?f=28&page=2&order=desc)

Whisper (http://www.galacticsenate.com/showthread.php?t=13095)
Tyjinn Miirrlanai

As Vader dies: What if the force could talk?

The only two complaints about this work are that the paragraphs tend to run on, and there’s not more of it! Excellent work!

The Truth That You Refuse (http://www.galacticsenate.com/showthread.php?t=13284)
DarthAJ
Luke AU- Between the Thrawn Trilogy and JAT Chapter 1: Luke is held prisoner.

The style is good, the sense of foreboding fitting. It needs polish, but beyond that it works well.

The Corellian Connection (http://www.galacticsenate.com/showthread.php?t=12585)
Fish1941

The sequel to Altered Lives. An Imperial Laison, a dark Jedi, hunts a Jedi on one of the Republic’s planets.

The style is good, and the story flows smoothly. Well worth the read. It would be best to read the first story before reading this one.

kotorfanmedia (http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?cat=15&paged=11)


The Light Side female Revan section I have been mining is still down so I am still in the light side female exile index.

Not that I am complaining...

Echo (http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=263)
Rhiannon

The Exile is torn by the revelations on Dantooine

The style is good, the angst well turned and served. One of the best I’ve read in a long time.

chapter one: kolto (http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=278)
ivory chopstick

At the start of KOTOR II

The style is rather abrupt, but I liked it. All I can really complain about is the length of the chapter. It’s too damn short!

After the Rescue (http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=342)
Witchzenka

A very short fan-fic set directly after the Trayus Academy.

The story is well defined, albeit short. The interplay between the exile and Atton well defined. 24 people gave this a thumbs up, and I agree with them.

Thank you, machievelli. I'm still tinkering with it for the submissions to KFM, and I'm revising chapters 18 and 19 at the moment. There's still a lot for me to learn. :)

I've always thought of the Master-Padawan relationship as somewhat of a 2-way street--they have to at least respect, if not like, each other to have that kind of close relationship. You can't depend on someone with your life if you don't trust them. However, I doubt many apprentices would ever refuse, and in some cases I could see the masters even overriding the very rare refusal because of something they divined in the Force.

And seeing as I celebrated the 11th anniversary of my 29th b-day yesterday, you just made my day calling me a kid. :giggle1:

And seeing as I celebrated the 11th anniversary of my 29th b-day yesterday, you just made my day calling me a kid. :giggle1:


I call anyone younger than me kid.

I call anyone younger than me kid.

"OK, Mach 2 Tachikoma, Codenamed "Machievelli", Chief Daisuke Aramaki ordered you to have a memory wipe." Batou said.

"Wait, what, a memory wipe? I don't think so!" Machievelli protested.

"Then we have no choice. Let's hack into him and give him a memory wipe, ok?" Major Motoko Kusanagi's voice.

"Nooooooo..." Then his opitic camera went blank. When the computer restarted, he saw Batou and Major Motoko, who asked amusedly, "Now can you remember how old are you?"

[Just for Fun, I watched almost all episodes in Ghost In the Shell: Stand Alone Complex I and II]

"OK, Mach 2 Tachikoma, Codenamed "Machievelli", Chief Daisuke Aramaki ordered you to have a memory wipe." Batou said.

"Wait, what, a memory wipe? I don't think so!" Machievelli protested.

"Then we have no choice. Let's hack into him and give him a memory wipe, ok?" Major Motoko Kusanagi's voice.

"Nooooooo..." Then his opitic camera went blank. When the computer restarted, he saw Batou and Major Motoko, who asked amusedly, "Now can you remember how old are you?"

[Just for Fun, I watched almost all episodes in Ghost In the Shell: Stand Alone Complex I and II]


Thanks, for the commentary. The A4 series droids I created for Republic dawn came to me after seeing the 14th episode of Ghost in the Shell Stand Alone first season.

And I'm 53, which is 23 years older than I ever expected to be.

Nothing wrong with that mach. That just means you know something that us young whippersnappers don't. That's why I value your opinion along with Jae's concerning my fic in terms of critique.

Nothing wrong with that mach. That just means you know something that us young whippersnappers don't. That's why I value your opinion along with Jae's concerning my fic in terms of critique.

I tend to agree with Lazarus Long 'It's surprisng how much elderly thinking before replying is really just being tired'.

Hey mach, since we're approaching the Christmas season, you could review a lot more Fics. Say five for each one, just for Christmas? Just kidding, but it would be nice. And I've appreciated your reviews over the year.

What are you trying to do Pottsie? Give the man a heart attack? Give the ole guy a break. What he churns out comes on his own time. :lol:
Just for that I'll dangle my manuscript tantalizingly close to your reach. Then you will be even more tortured about my fic :xp:

Mach: keep up the pace you set. If you feel tired, take a nap. It always works :D

Hey mach, since we're approaching the Christmas season, you could review a lot more Fics. Say five for each one, just for Christmas? Just kidding, but it would be nice. And I've appreciated your reviews over the year.

Maybe I might, Pottsie. But as that would be my Christmas present to all of you, what do I get in return?

What are you trying to do Pottsie? Give the man a heart attack? Give the ole guy a break. What he churns out comes on his own time.
Just for that I'll dangle my manuscript tantalizingly close to your reach. Then you will be even more tortured about my fic

Mach: keep up the pace you set. If you feel tired, take a nap. It always works.

Since I can't get a publisher interested in my work, my wife is screaming that I have to give up writing and get a real job, and no agents have appeared, who needs sleep?

The Momerator just pruned a bunch of off-topic posts and would like to remind everyone to stay on topic. PMs work great for discussion of book purchases as this thread is about reviews. Thanks much, Jae.

:xp:

Some people asked for me to expand this review for Christmas. If you want this, contact me via e-mail or PM, and I'll consider it.

Coruscant Entertainment Center (http://www.lucasforums.com/forumdisplay.php?f=640)

Lone Free Mercenary (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=169346)
Pottsie

Ten Years after The Phantom Menace: A Banished Trandoshan finds friends among the mercenaries of Nar Shadaa

The style is hurried, and you’re having some problems with stilted dialogue, but nothing that editing and polishing won’t cure.

As much as people have lambasted you about not merely executing the main character at his murder trial, There have been such situations before. For those interested in history up until 1970 it was not murder to kill a black man in some Southern States. The penalty was only 15 years in Mississippi while killing a white person would get you the chair.

The Rise of Xanatos (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=170559)
Darth Grivis

In an Alternate Universe, Obi Wan and Qui Gon enroute to Naboo face another threat.

Spelling, grammar, and pacing all need work. First, you are hurrying the story, trying to keep a movie like pace, but leaving gaps that are needing to be filled. As I have told others before, your story does not have to take less than 2 hours to read, so you don‘t have the handicap Hollywood constantly deals with. Slow it down, take your time. Make sure the reader is comfortable.

Just for people like me, you could also mention if your work is Alternate Universe. That way someone doesn’t scream when they see someone die a bit early. No biggie, just a request.

Evidence (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=170197)

Mace MacLeod

Set after the fall of the Empire in an Alternate universe: A surveillance tape is examined.

All right, everything nasty that can be said has really been said by those that commented before me. I agree that the strings of numbers etc. are a bit long, but it lends verisimilitude.

The thing that bothered me was the ‘drone armies’ capturing the Emperor, and his being freed ‘by the Jedi’. Interesting universe you're creating here...


The Jedi Archives
(http://www.lucasforums.com/forumdisplay.php?f=684)

Master's Night Out (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=168947)
JasraLantril

No specific time given: What do master’s do when their students are working hard?

First, JasraLantril is up to the same level as always. I’m waiting for a reason to complain.

I started into this, and immediately began to chuckle. The scenes are well done, and reminiscent of the writing of Terry Pratchett, who used at least part of one scene in ‘Guards Guards’. The interplay between the masters is what you expect from old friends commiserating about their dunderhead students. Well worth a read, but too damn short.

Galactic Senate Coruscant Theater (http://www.galacticsenate.com/forumdisplay.php?f=28&page=2&order=desc)

Last Days on the Tigris (http://www.galacticsenate.com/showthread.php?t=13282)
Konig15

An AU Obi-Wan Kenobi Origin Story

The style is good, and since we’re dealing with juveniles, the language can slide. The scenes are laid out in a workmanlike manners, and it flows relatively well. Just editing and polishing is really needed.

All right, tech complaints. The terms Janissary, Hospitalar and Templar are linked to a specific belief system, and the term ‘Christian Love’ would tell anyone which one. The problem is, like Halloween and Christmas, they are most definitely linked to one specific planet, which is not part of the Mythos of Star Wars by definition.

A Slippery Road of Good Intentions (http://www.galacticsenate.com/showthread.php?t=13215)
nefertiti

Set not long after The Empire Strikes Back: A woman wakes in the hospital and finds that she has been ‘enhanced’.

There are some problems with grammar spelling, and punctuation, but nothing that can’t be corrected by editing and polishing. The style flows smoothly, and the description is crisp and well done.

The Star War universe had always been more laid back about the idea of cyborgs than most of modern science fiction. The shock would be bad if it were you, I admit, and the character’s reactions are perfect.

RotS - Missing scenes *short story* (http://www.galacticsenate.com/showthread.php?t=13257)
92SE-r

A series of missing scenes

The style is good, the area being filled in while it is not necessary, does add to the content of the canon. Well done.

kotorfanmedia (http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?cat=15&paged=11)

From the the light side female exile index.

Beginning of an Exile (http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=308)
skypilot

Commentary on the Exile when she was still a student.

The style is good, though you do have a few minor problems with spelling and grammar. Nothing a little polishing won’t fix.

Technical note: Why is forming force bonds rapidly automatically a Sith technique? Especially if it is something natural to the person? There were comments about it in the Sith Lords, but nothing that suggested that it was automatically evil.

Murder (http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=537)
Luna
Sith Lords: Atton’s death from the Exile’s view.

A little stilted, but all in all excellent! 25 readers gave this a thumbs up. Worth every one of them.

Interludes: Dxun (http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=538)
Wook

A little acrimony and reminiscence on Dxun.

The style is a bit abrupt, but all in all a good piece. Fifteen readers gave it a thumbs up. The extra information of Mandalore’s past is always a good addition, and remembering Mira as a child (Though we only assume it from her actions then) was choice. A note I forgot to make when I posted the review to Wook’s story, the idea that the Mandalorians are polygamous will work, it was just a surprise.

Minor Technical note: S’mores? Does chocolate, graham crackers and marshmallows even exist in that universe? Though I understood the reasoning behind the reference I know that the only other one I can toss off the top of my head (Hot Dogs) would have been just as glaring.

Thanks for the review mach. I do agree that Lone Free Mercenary wasn't my best piece of work, since I do admit it was rushed. Thanks anyway mach.

Murder (http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=537)
Luna
Sith Lords: Atton’s death from the Exile’s view.

A little stilted, but all in all excellent! 25 readers gave this a thumbs up. Worth every one of them.


Good evening! Author here; I just stumbled across your comment in my email, and I wanted to say thank you for your thoughts. And thank you for your bit critique as well; if you had any other thoughts, I'd enjoy seeing them. You've made my day, sir.
(I'm assumimg you are a gentleman because of your chosen name, pardon me if I'm mistaken)

Good evening! Author here; I just stumbled across your comment in my email, and I wanted to say thank you for your thoughts. And thank you for your bit critique as well; if you had any other thoughts, I'd enjoy seeing them. You've made my day, sir.
(I'm assumimg you are a gentleman because of your chosen name, pardon me if I'm mistaken)


Always glad to hear from those I speak of. As for gender, yes I'm a man, though I haven't been called a gentleman in the last decade or so...

Now you can see that chivalry isn't dead yet mach.

Again good reviews. I have read a few that you have reviewed from KFM and I find them to be entertaining. I personally enjoy the attempts at brevity during the seriousness of TSL.

Now you can see that chivalry isn't dead yet mach.


Nope, just badly wounded.

As I said, KFM has a lot of excellent writers, and there are times I can't choose one.

Mach, thanks for all the reviews for my fics. I might update them later so I can fix them.

Anyone willing to help me in my fic? I just need an editor. PM me if you want to help. Sorry if this is the wrong place.

Anyone willing to help me in my fic? I just need an editor. PM me if you want to help. Sorry if this is the wrong place.

Sure, kid. Send it to my email address. If the system still says you can't, PM me and I'll send it to you.

But don't expect me to jump right on it.

Coruscant Entertainment Center (http://www.lucasforums.com/forumdisplay.php?f=640)

Once Friends, Now Enemies (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=169950)
pottsie

After TSL: Revan and an old friend face off.

The style is not too bad, Pottsie, but the thing to remember is that short fiction is supposed to finish, not leave you hanging. Who won the fight?

Apprentices: A Legacy of the Force Fanfic (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=170712)
Tysyacha

Based on two novels in the Legacy of the Force series from LucasBooks

The style needs polishing, but beyond that, I didn’t find a lot to complain about.

Sigh, Another time I wish I could read it all.

Revan's Second, Redeemed (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=170142)
Tysyacha

Unfinished intro into TSL

All I have to say, is why didn’t you finish?


The Jedi Archives
(http://www.lucasforums.com/forumdisplay.php?f=684)

Love and Tranquility (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=168986)
Mr. BFA

In interim between KOTOR and TSL: On Dantooine Revan makes a decision.

A short piece, but poignant. The style needs some smoothing out, but it was good and kept my interest.

Galactic Senate Coruscant Theater (http://www.galacticsenate.com/forumdisplay.php?f=28&page=2&order=desc)

The Hand of Thrawn: Penelope (http://www.galacticsenate.com/showthread.php?t=13476)
Violetlight

During the rise of Admiral Thrawn: The Empress visits a damaged base.

The style is a bit stilted, but that is a polishing problem more than anything else. Keep up the good work.

Technical note. If the aging figures given in several books were accurate, the original clones of the 501st would be in their eighties. There was no mention in the books of further cloning operations that I am aware of except for the small number of clones made in the Admiral Thrawn series which would have been aging at a much faster rate.

Dark Times Serial (http://www.galacticsenate.com/showthread.php?t=13535)
Bendu

After the raid on Coruscant which starts ROTS: A young Jedi is sent on a mission

The style is good, the pacing well thought out, and the interplay excellent.

Possibilities (http://www.galacticsenate.com/showthread.php?t=12645)
nefertiti

About six years before ANH: A lead up to the Rebellion seen from a number of different perspectives.

Except for some editing, spelling, and using the wrong words (such as assignation
instead of assassination) the piece slowly and surely leads you toward the coming war. Excellent work

kotorfanmedia (http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?cat=15&paged=11)

From the light side female exile index.

The Broken Lightsaber (http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=684)
skypilot

As the Exile tries to repair a lightsaber, she gets help from Bao Dur.
The story is an interesting vignette more for the explanation of how a lightsaber is made, and the idea that a crystal supposedly changes to match the wielder. The explanations for the malfunctions are linked to this, and are worth looking at.

Bonds Broken, Bonds Forged (http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=582)
starphire

In the words of the author: Very short, very Bao-Dur-centric

The writing is a bit hesitant, but I think it was subject matter more than anything else. The work is excellent.

I don’t know if the authors of the game had considered a romance between these two characters, but I say go for it.

Always (http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=748)
Jaden Firestar

One year after KOTOR: A forbidden love leads both the Exile and Revan down different paths.

There were problems with word usage, but nothing that a good editing job would not cure. The story is interesting, and the byplay explaining the shared pasts of both Revan and the Exile helps in understanding their characters.

Thanks for the review mach. Perhaps I like to leave you all hanging. Looking foward to more reviews next week on the 1st December 2006.

I read Always. It was an interesting fic considering that you don't see what may have happened before the events of KOTOR and TSL.

I read Always. It was an interesting fic considering that you don't see what may have happened before the events of KOTOR and TSL.


One of the reasons I like doing these reviews is because maybe you might get interested in reading some of the other stuff out there.

I know. I wonder if there are people who realize this? Anyway, you are a valuable resource mach. Your stuff's not that bad either.

Thanks for the another review, Mach! And i also agree with JM12. I've read KOTOR Excerpts and The Beginning and Republic Dawn. And they were an enjoyable read.

Just out of curiosity, do you browse the forums and pick what to review or do you only review what is requested?

Thanks for the reviews, mach! I really appreciate it! :)

Just out of curiosity, do you browse the forums and pick what to review or do you only review what is requested?

I believe mach reviews the oldest Fics in the Forums at the present time. One of his many posts in this Thread explains this is more detail though. I believe your first Fic was reviewed Ambrose.

Just out of curiosity, do you browse the forums and pick what to review or do you only review what is requested?

I started with the bottom on all sites when I began reviewing with the idea that I would get the newer stuff eventually, as I have. As it is by January I expect to be reviewing just two sites because the Galactic Senate only has about a dozen left that I haven't reviewed.

Coruscant Entertainment Center (http://www.lucasforums.com/forumdisplay.php?f=640)

The hunt for the greys.
(http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=170541)
Ali Gelmar

No specific timeline given: A Jedi returns to the Academy for assistance.

There are spelling errors, problems with word usage (Cutting someone in half at the wait instead of waist) and you haven‘t been using quotation marks or punctuation correctly. Also you have to remember that every time a different person speaks, you need paragraph breaks.

So far in the universe, I have not seen Gray Jedi except in fan fiction. Is it possible that you guys are reacting to the fact that you’re either perfect and a light side or not and are considered Dark side?

The Galaxy Is Yours (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=170815)
Master Jimmy

Tony Montana of Scarface meets Star Wars.

Grammar and spelling problems, and you keep jumping tenses from past to present. It makes it confusing. You also make the mistake most kids do when going from RPGs of calling a sword dagger etc a melee weapon. Read my article in the expert forum on weapons.

Jimmy, people use curse words when they can’t think of anything else to say, and don’t care about being polite. Try to be a little more polite.

The Adventures of Jaden Lennon (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=170482)
Pottsie

Interim between KOTOR and TSL: The Exile tries to survive his exile.

Some grammar errors and it needs polishing. The basic story is good, but treating a Republic cruiser as a transport doesn’t really work. The transport driver tapping his horn was a bit much.


The Jedi Archives
(http://www.lucasforums.com/forumdisplay.php?f=684)

The True Teachings II: Forbidden Knowledge (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=169272)
igyman

During the Yuuzhan Vong war: A half human half Yuuzhan Vong boy learns the dark side

The basic story is good, and it primarily needs polishing and rereading.

Galactic Senate Coruscant Theater (http://www.galacticsenate.com/forumdisplay.php?f=28&page=2&order=desc)

AU: Star Wars: Darth Yoda: (http://www.galacticsenate.com/showthread.php?t=13685)
Darth Grivis

In an Alternate Universe, Yoda falls to the dark side.

The language is stilted, and needs some polishing. A few grammar problems, but again, nothing that editing will not cure.

Star Wars: The Rise of Darth Plagues (http://www.galacticsenate.com/showthread.php?t=13697)
Darth Grivis

Alternate Universe: The teacher of Darth Sidious makes his own run at emperor.

Too short to really call, though the writing is good. The fight scene is stilted, but that is an editing problem.

Star Wars: The Rise of Desann (http://www.galacticsenate.com/showthread.php?t=13698)
Darth Grivis

Set during Jedi outcast: In an alternate universe, Desann wins

The scenes are good, but you’re forcing the story along instead of letting it flow.


kotorfanmedia (http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?cat=15&paged=11)

From the light side female exile index.

Parallax (http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=770)
palmetto

Set in TSL: A brief interlude aboard the Ebon Hawk

The story is like a good beer, refreshing going down, a smooth finish, and leaving you wanting another. Very well done! 33 people gave this a thumbs up.

Pazaak Keeps Me Sane (http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=853)
JediExile TK421

An alarming look into Atton’s head.

I was disturbed by this work. It was good, but the interplay inside Atton’s head made me feel uncomfortable.

Then again, it was supposed to, so the author did some good work.

The Tale of Baba Yaga, KOTOR-style (http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=897)

Charys

The tale of the Baba Yaga meets TSL head on.

Having read the tales of the Baba Yaga, and written my own full length KOTOR II novel, I think I know both stories well. With that out of the way, I have to admit, I didn’t think they could be combined like this.

I like it!

Thanks for the review mach. And I agree that the Adventures of Jaden Lennon wasn't the best thing I wrote.

Review number two and again I passed. Woohoooo!!! Thanks for taking the time once again, mach, and I once again look forward to the reviews of the remaining two parts.

How..rediculous? I guess there must be some 'active' rule in order to get a review..

Please see the Why Haven't you reviewed me! sticky (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=164811) for more information on how to get reviewed. --Jae