The new and improved Human!
The new Human model Homo Sapiens Sapiens is a blast! This is a once in a lifetime chance to get hold of our new model at discount price!
We've given the Human a complete overhaul and all this and more will you find incorporated in the newly augmented model:
You can take it everywhere! Biped with an uncanny ability to traverse even watery and mountaineous terrain. It can sprint, swim and jump - now with even better fortitude thanks to new hemoglobine!
It's intelligent! Has singlehandedly discovered the atomic theory, and pondered the great mysteries of life! Comes equipped with an improved logic engine and multi-tasking capacity.
It's social! Can communicate with other Humans and plenty of animal lifeforms to boot. Will have you occupied for years on end with its fantastic display of emotion! It falls in love and is adept at attracting other Humans! Amazingly, the new model Homo Sapiens Sapiens is now able to create entire societies! Watch them wage war and make peace! Watch them colonize new areas and build enormous cities!
Can manipulate the environment in new, unseen ways! The new Homo Sapiens sports two, 5-fingered "hands" - great tools for the inquisitive Humans, or just for the ones who like to get the job done. Combined with the improved logic engine, the new Human is able to transform almost any climate to suit itself!
It's omnivorious! The new Human is able to digest most food sources in the environment due to its highly versatile stomach and mouth. Its brand new multi-purpose chewing teeth are great for grinding vegetables and smaller animals, while the standard sharp teeth are capable of flaying hide and muscle with little difficulty!
It's durable! Most of our new Homo Sapiens come equipped with an average lifespan of 70-80 years - more than enough to satisfy your wishes for enjoyment of the Human nature! Because of the vastly improved immune system, most of our Human models suffer little trouble from otherwise deadly diseases! Its dermal casing will protect it from hazardous environments, ensuring a functional durability, and its tough skeleton will further shield the vital organs! It's built to last.
It's breedable! This is a sight you've got to see - by using the onboard sperm (on male models) and egg (on female models) production facilities, our Humans are able to seed other Humans! They can breed an entire family of Humans in no time! Your model might be the one who creates a lasting legacy by passing on the superior superior genes to worthy offspring!
It includes new organic gadgets! The new Homo Sapiens is a powerhouse of built-in technology! Comes equipped with standard issue stereo vision (colour), finely-tuned ears and an efficient sense of taste!
More, exciting news in this issue: Fully functional dream capability and an extremely advanced sense of balance working on onboard water in the brain! Kidneys with the capacity to neutralize lethal toxins!
Needless to say, this is state of the art! You simply won't find a better alternative on the current market, so enjoy your Human, today!
For more information on ordering our models, questions regarding the Human or a simple refund, call our hotline service - open 24 hours a day.
LOL.
We do rather tend to forget how amazing we [and other animals] are, don't we? Shame...
Nice post, Jais, and amusing to boot :p :D
Did you write it (as I assume), or if not, where did you find it? :D
I wrote it myself. Thanks.
And yes, you did get the message ;)
than why don't you go on a killing spree! :rolleyes:
:p :D j/k jais, we know you mean the best
i spose you are right too...
It is like selling a doll that is life size, alive, reproducable,grows, and has feelings.:D
Posted by C'jais
I wrote it myself. Thanks.Impressive :thumbsup:
And yes, you did get the message ;) I'm so glad :D
I was fairly certain that I had, but I can never be sure with you :D
This actually reminds me somewhat of the film Bicentennial Man now that I think about it...
And Jais, you missed a few nifty things about us :D
The new Human is fully self-repairing for most minor- to medium- damage!
Has built-in high-resolution optical and aural imaging and recognition.
Comes equipped with advanced bioelectrochemical problem-solving and complex pattern recognition capabilities, including the ability to recognise other individual Humans using its advanced sensing techniques!
The new model Human can tolerate, operate in, and ultimately adapt to widely varying environments and situations - including unexpected loss of some original abilities!
Can learn new skills to improve usefulness and productivity! The new improved Human can also apply obtained skills to almost any situation!
With training, it can substantially improve its original built-in abilities, such as increasing strength, stamina, focus, and much more!
The new Human has highly advanced future simulation abilities, and can predict with good levels of accuracy the outcome of events based on prior knowledge and reasoning!
Humans also come equipped with the ability to mentally fabricate situations or even whole worlds in fantastic detail, and with time can translate these constructs to text or images!
Whew. We get more interesting each time I think about it :)
Isn't it just fascinating how we can actually evaluate our own abilities and flaws? Near-total self-awareness is probably one of our most unique traits... That, and tool-making/using/adaptation, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera... Hardly any wonder that we've been able to break free of the confines of this planet's gravity well :)
Jais, why isn't this in the Senate where it might get more provoking comments and debate? :p :D
"Oooh, ooh! I want a human! Mom, can I have one for my birthday? Or Christmas?"
I can picture the rush on the stores. You've created the next "Tickle-Me-Elmo" doll, 'jais. Nice work. :)
And way to sum up the human race, there. I'm sure it will be useful for any aliens who visit the planet and are wondering about us. ;)
:D cool work panda man, very funny you should do an anti human animal one next.
:cool: sig image eldritch